阿呆与阿瓜2

这样才能多几天
That way we have a few extra days to ourselves,
享受他留的遗产
to enjoy our inheritance.
到时候多得是时间
Oh, there’s gonna be plenty of time for that.
五百万美元可以买♥♥很多香槟
Five million dollars buys a lot of champagne.
我要
Give it to me.
你喜欢这样 对吧
You like that, don’t you?
是还不错啦
Yeah. It’s all right.
说真的 这不是我的最爱
I’ll be honest. It’s not my favorite thing.
哪个白目啊
Who the hell is that?
这间破房♥子还真大啊
Boy, this is quite a shack, huh, Har?
对 拔掉墙壁上的杂草
Yeah, but I bet if you pulled the weeds off the walls
加装铝制壁板应该就不错了
and slapped up some aluminum siding, it wouldn’t be half bad.
对 那些杂草是给猫爬的
Yeah. Those things are rat ladders.
别再按了
Please stop that.
我们家可是有病人在休息
There’s a very sick man in here who’s trying to rest.
对不起 我们要找芬妮费尔契
I’m sorry, lady! We’re looking for Fanny Felcher!
有肾脏的那个
The one with the kidneys.
她在吗
Is she there?
这里没有人叫那个难听的名字
There is no one here by that horrible name.
你们走吧
Now go away.
这里是罗德岛克伦斯顿
Is this 6765 Elmwood Avenue,
榆木大道6765号♥吗
Cranston, Rhode Island?
这里是马里兰州
You’re in Maryland.
有邮戳的那一面啦
The side with the stamp!
我是说山麓路1111号♥
I mean, uh, is this 1111 Foothill Road?
没错
That’s right.
但没有人姓费尔契
But there are no Felchers here.
这里是品契洛公♥馆♥
This is the Pinchelow residence.
等一下 我朋友哈利二十年前
Wait a second. My friend Harry here
把他女儿送给别人领养了
gave his daughter up for adoption 20-something years ago
我们听说她就住在这里
and we were told this is where she lives.
事关紧急
It’s kind of a medical
医疗救护
emergency that we find her.
只要她没得艾滋就好了
As long as she doesn’t have AIDS.
艾黛儿 不管他们是谁
Adele, darling, whoever they are,
他们要找的是佩妮
they must be talking about Penny!
她是领养的
She was adopted.
我要见他们 让他们进来
I’ll see them. Let them in.
这是怎么回事
What the hell was that?
我们不需要半路杀出的程皎金
That’s exactly the kind of random crap we don’t need!
放心啦
Relax.
要不要喝个下午茶加柠檬
Would you like some hot tea with lemon?
不用了 我知道你在想什么
Oh, no. I can see why you might think that.
两个男人一起旅行
Two gentlemen traveling together.
但我们是直男
But we’re straight.
告诉你 哈利
I must tell you, Harry,
我真的又惊又喜
this is an unexpected treat.
对 我也是
Yeah! Me, too.
我早就想认识佩妮的亲生父亲了
You know, I always wondered what Penny’s natural father was like.
当我和亡妻领养她的时候
When my late wife and I adopted her,
不知道太多她亲生父母的事
we weren’t given much information about her birth parents.
只知道她母亲未婚 而且她…
We were only told that her mother was single and that she was…
你就直说吧
You can say it, dear.
谣传她是泰坦尼克号♥级的荡♥妇♥
She was rumored to be a titanic whore.
乱讲芙蕾妲才没坐过泰坦尼克号♥
That’s a lie! Fraida never stepped foot on the Titanic!
他们说的应该是她在
They must be talking about the time she did the night crew
布洛克岛渡轮值夜班的事
on the Block Island Ferry.
这个好笑
That’s good!
那佩妮在家吗
So, is Penny here?
可惜她不在
Unfortunately, no.
她今天早上坐飞机去埃尔帕索
She flew out this morning to El Paso.
她要去参加KEN会议
She’s going to the KEN Conference.
什么 那个叫KEN的是谁
What? Who’s this Ken guy?
不是啦
No. No.
KEN是个会议名称
The KEN Conference is a symposium
专门介绍和讨论年度最新科技
where the year’s newest technologies,
创意概念
creative concepts and ideas
和构想的座谈会
are introduced and discussed.
这是我听过最无聊的一句话
That’s the single most boring sentence I ever heard.
艾黛儿 我们打电♥话♥给佩妮
Adele, what do you say we call Penny right now
跟她说她的亲生父亲来找她吧
with the news that her biological father is looking for her?
她一定会很兴奋
She’ll be so excited.
她可能没有你想的那么兴奋
She might not be as excited as you think, Doc.
她母亲想和她联络
When her mother tried to get in touch with her,
结果信被她退回来了
she sent this letter right back.
退回寄件人 请别再联络我
这倒有意思
That’s interesting.
什么有意思
What’s that, dear?
没事
Uh, nothing.
只是她从来没提过
She just, uh, never mentioned it.
但那是几年前的事了
But that was a couple of years ago.
我相信她会明白你们找她的苦心
I’m sure she’ll appreciate all the trouble you’ve gone to
打电♥话♥给她吧
to find her. Let’s call her.
接通了
It’s ringing!
不管你是谁
Whoever this is,
我们在谈重要的事
we’re in the middle of something really important.
你能晚一点再打吗
Can you call back later?
不行 我不能晚一点再打
No, I can’t call back later.
我要告诉你的事可能会吓你一跳
I have something to tell you that might freak you out a little bit,
我是你♥爸♥爸
but this is your dad.
什么等一下
What? Hold on.
我知道时机不对 但我得接个电♥话♥
Hey, guys, I know this is weird timing, but I gotta take this.
是我死掉的阿爸打电♥话♥来
It’s my dead dad.
她叫我等一下
She’s got me on hold.
爸 那些阁楼杂♥志♥呢
Dad, what did you do with all those Penthouses?
你都丢掉了吗
Did you throw them out?
没有 在我床垫底下 怎么了
No, they’re under my mattress. Why?
你们这些白♥痴♥ 那是佩妮的手♥机♥
You idiot, that is Penny’s phone!
不会吧
Oh, no. No.
真是糟糕
No! This is awful!
她忘了带这个包裹
She forgot the package!
你在干嘛 你不能起来啊
What are you doing? You shouldn’t be up!
别激动 寄快递给她明天就到了
Just relax. We can overnight it to her.
这样不行
No! No. We can’t.
我毕生研究心血都在这个盒子里
The culmination of my life’s work is in this box.
这么宝贵的东西不能用快递寄
It’s much too valuable to ship.
你不是说这只是礼物吗
I thought you said it was just a gift.
这是礼物
Oh, it is.
给全人类的礼物
A gift to all humanity.
我本来要当成惊喜 艾黛儿
I wanted it to be a surprise, Adele.
所以要在KEN会议上公布
That’s why I was unveiling it at the KEN Conference.
这种东西价值好几百万美元吧
Something like that’s gotta be worth millions, huh?
是好几十亿美元一几十亿
Try billions. Billions?
对 但我一毛钱也不会拿
Oh, yes. But I won’t get a dime.
从中获利是不合道德的事
It would be morally wrong to profit from this.
这里面是人类史上
This box contains one of the most important
最重大的发现
discoveries in human history
全人类都应该免费取得
and all mankind deserves free access to it
所以我放弃了
and that is why I have relinquished
所有专利权
all proprietary rights.
等一下 这是几时的事
Wait, when did you do that?
都写在我给佩妮
It’s all in the speech
在颁奖典礼念的演讲稿里
that Penny’s going to read at the award ceremony.
天哪 你心肠真好
Oh, my God, that’s so nice!
这是怎么回事
What in God’s name?
你们好像很忙 所以我们就用沙发做了堡垒
You guys sounded busy, so we built a couch-fort.
博士 你要不要进来
You wanna come in, Dr. P?
抱歉 禁止女生进入
Sorry, no girls allowed.
男生可以 女生不行
Boys rule, girls drool.
等一下
Wait a minute.
我想到一个办法