阿呆与阿瓜2

With grown kidneys.
可是我们没地址电♥话♥
But, Lloyd, we don’t have a phone number or address,
什么资料都没有要怎么联络
or nothing. And who we fooling?
就算找到小孩 他根本没见过我
Even if I find him, my kid’s never met me.
海芬兄弟餐馆
凭什么要他捐肾给我
Why would he wanna give me a kidney?
开什么玩笑
Are you serious?
你为他做了这么多
After all you’ve done for him?
这是他最起码的回报
It’s the least he can do.
我为他做了什么
What have I ever done for him?
你给他空间 小孩都喜欢自♥由♥
You gave him his space. Kids love that.
我不想当空降家长啦
I didn’t wanna be a helicopter parent.
你让他的人生充满想像
And you filled him with wonder.
-想像 -对
-Wonder? -Yeah.
想像每个人都可能是他老爸
Like, “I wonder who my deadbeat dad is?”
没关系啦
Oh, it’s okay, Lloyd.
我这一生过得多采多姿
I’ve had a full life.
我当了一个礼拜的送报生
I was a paperboy for a week.
还有一个小孩
I fathered a child.
《欢乐满屋》我每集都看
I’ve seen every episode of Full House.
每集都看
Every episode?
好吧
Okay, Okay.
现在要怎么办
So how are we gonna do this?
找到芙蕾妲就找得到你的小孩
If we find Fraida, we find your kid.
找到你的小孩就捐肾有望了
If we find your kid, we find your kidney.
很简单
Simple.
我根本不知道芙蕾妲住哪儿
Yeah, but I never even knew where Fraida lived.
我没车 每次都是她开车来接我
I didn’t have a car. She always had to pick me up in her van.
是皮特·史坦纳介绍你们认识吧
Didn’t you meet her through Pete Stainer?
-谁 -屁屁屎
-Who? -Pee-Stain!
他一定知道她的联络方式
He’ll know how to reach her.
但我好几百年没和屁屁屎联络了
Yeah, but I haven’t talked to Pee-Stain in a hundred years!
不能三更半夜跑去他家
I can’t drop by his house in the middle of the night
问他某个美眉的电♥话♥号♥码
and ask him for some chick’s number.
当然可以
Sure you can!
好 但讲话要”威武”
Oh, okay. But we gotta be sub-tull about it.
是”委婉”才对
The word is pronounced “subtle,” Harry.
别乱用词语
It’s a silent “B.”
干嘛打我
What was that for?
你脸上有一只蚊子
You had a gah-nat on you.
不如我们坐公车去找屁屁屎吧
Maybe we should catch a bus to Pee-Stain’s house.
不行 我们有脚踏车
We can’t. We got the bike.
没关系 公车前面有脚踏车架
Oh, that’s okay. They got bike racks on the front of buses now.
真酷
Cool.
太好了
Perfect.
还真方便
That’s very convenient.
等一下
Hey, guys!
你们忘了脚踏车
You forgot your bike!
那不是我们的
Oh, it’s not ours. Somebody abandoned it in front of our place.
是有人丢在我们家门口
Yeah. Just left it there double-chained to a tree.
对 还用两个锁和树干锁在一起
Hey, Har.
哈利 你想听世界上第二恼人的声音吗
You wanna hear the second most annoying sound in the world?
好啊
Sure.
还真的蛮吵的
Yeah, that’s pretty annoying.
才不是这个
No, not that.
你们该死的
What the hell are you doing
三更半夜按他妈的门铃
ringing our doorbell like that in the middle of the night?
是这个
That!
伯父伯母好 很高兴见到两位
Mr. Stainer. Mrs. Stainer. Nice to see you.
哈利 罗伊
Harry, Lloyd.
是什么风大半夜把你们吹来
To what do we owe the honor at this late hour, gentlemen?
我们想找屁屁屎
We were just wondering if Pee-Stain
去喝啤酒
wanted to come out for some suds.
顺便玩几场
And maybe have his ass handed to him
“打空气”游戏
in a couple of games of Dig Dug.
罗伊
Lloyd.
皮特死了
Peter is dead.
最好是 什么时候
Yeah, right. Since when?
1991年 记得吗
Since 1991. Remember?
马奇摩托车出车祸那次
The motorcycle accident?
我以为他活下来了
But I thought he pulled through.
讣闻上写着”未亡人”父母
The obituary said he was survived by his parents.
他没活下来
Uh, no. He did not pull through.
你确定
Are you sure?
确定
Yes.
是真的
Oh, yeah.
皮特 我们爱你
你们没骗我
You guys are right.
好吧 我们很抱歉
Anyway. Sorry about that whole thing.
我和屁屁屎是很要好的朋友
Pee-Stain and I were very close friends.
对 我们知道
Yeah, we know.
那部摩托车就是你卖♥♥给他的
You’re the one who sold him the motorcycle.
如果我记得没错
And if I recall,
我是廉让给他
I made him a sweet deal.
用我的摩托车换他的安全帽
My bike for his helmet, straight up.
那部车超会跑的
That thing was a rocket.
过弯会有点不太稳
A little squirrelly on the corners,
但是走直路就…
but when you got it on a straightaway…
晚安 罗伊 晚安 哈利
Good night, Lloyd. Good night, Harry.
好尴尬
That was awkward.
真的
You’re not kidding.
半夜三点有人登门造访
When somebody comes to your door at 3:00 a.m..
还不记得穿上裤子
put some pants on!
等一下
Hey, wait a second.
我就是在那里认识芙蕾妲·费尔契
That’s where I met Fraida Felcher.
她在帮屁屁屎办后事的葬仪社
She worked at the funeral parlor where they buried Pee-Stain.
你想想看
Think about it.
要不是我卖♥♥那部超跑机车给他
If I hadn’t sold that crotch rocket to Pee-Stain,
你也不会有个私生子
you wouldn’t have a bastard child
来救你一命
who’s gonna save your life.
上帝的幽默感还真诡异
God’s got a pretty warped sense of humor, huh?
对啊 他应该有抽大♥麻♥
Yeah. I bet he smokes weed.
否则怎么让我们的蛋蛋垂在体外
Otherwise, why would he put our testicles outside our bodies
给别人月下偷桃的机会
where someone could do this?
费尔契葬仪社
树丛趴
Bush club!
罗伊 你在干嘛
What are you doing, Lloyd?
我要去见我的小孩耶
I’m about to meet my kid!
对不起 哈利
Sorry, Har.
这种树丛不是每天都遇得到
Bushes like that don’t come along every day.
请问芙蕾妲今天有上班吗
Excuse me, sir. ls Fraida working today?
我就是芙蕾妲
I’m Fraida.
抱歉搞错了
Sorry for the confusion.
我们是指你的辣妹女儿小芙蕾妲
We meant your smoking-hot daughter, Fraida Junior.
没有什么小芙蕾妲
There is no Fraida Junior.
我们家只有我叫芙蕾妲
I’m the only Fraida in the family.
一定是那个小辣妹谎报了名字
That little hottie must have given us a fake name.
听着 是我
Look, guys, it’s me,
芙蕾妲·费尔契
Fraida Felcher.
最好是啦
Yeah, right.
我们怎么会去抢一个恐龙妹
Like we’d be fighting over those blowfish jowls.
我这样讲没恶意
No offense.
哈利
Harry.
罗伊
Lloyd.
我再说一次
I’m gonna say this one more time.
我就是芙蕾妲
I’m Fraida.
刺青
Tattoo.
对
Oh, Yeah?
给我们看你的刺青
Then show us your tattoo.
芙蕾妲背上有个可爱的笑脸刺青
Because Fraida had a cute little smiley face on her back
就在她的比基尼线上
right above her bikini line.
怎样
Well?