阿呆与阿瓜2

Dad!
伯纳德 还好你来了
Bernard. Oh, thank God you’re here.
天哪 而且你好了
God, and you’re okay!
不准过来
Stop right there.
什么
What?
谢谢你的关心
I appreciate your concern, Adele,
艾黛儿 可惜有点太迟了
but it’s a little late for that.
我想不通为何每次吃你煮的东西
I couldn’t stop wondering
我的身体就愈来愈差
why every time I ate your cooking, I was getting sicker.
当哈利和罗伊给我看
And then when Harry and Lloyd showed me
佩妮的亲生母亲写的信时
the letter from Penny’s birth mother,
我发现退回寄件人
I recognized that the handwriting
的字迹是你的
sending it back was yours.
这么残忍♥的事让我起了疑心
And the cruelty of this got me to thinking.
于是我设了个小陷阱 结果你就上当了
So l laid a little trap, and lo and behold, you took the bait
你这个舔♥脚♥趾头的贱♥人♥
like the toe-sucking rat that you are.
在你来埃尔帕索之后
After you left for El Paso,
我请联邦调查局探员保护佩妮
I called the FBI to make sure Penny was protected.
我就觉得他们的加拿大腔有点假
I thought those Canadian accents were a little shaky.
是吗 有本事你来装啊
Yeah? You try it.
那你的发明呢
But what about the invention?
只是杯子蛋糕啦
It was just cupcakes.
送给芭芭拉·沃考博士的礼物
A gift for Dr. Barbara Walcott
弥补我临时取消出席会议
for my having canceled at the last moment.
太好了 爸
This is great, Dad!
你可以上台领终身成就酱了
Now you can pick up your Lifetime Achievement reward in person!
是”奖”啦 傻碧池
It’s “award,” you stupid bitch!
不
No!
放开她 走开
Break it up! Get off!
把双手放在背后 把双手放在背后
Hands behind your back. Hands behind your back.
-我是好人耶 -好啦
-I’m the good guy here! -All right.
你还好吗 哈利
Are you okay, Har?
大概吧
I think so.
没事 只是一点擦伤
Oh, yeah, it’s just a little graze.
哈利伤口还是消毒一下吧
You might wanna put a dab of Bactine on that.
埃尔帕索儿童医院
快点 他中弹了
Hurry, he’s been shot!
准备急救
We need a trauma room.
你不会有事的 他怎么受伤的
You’re gonna be okay. What have we got?
枪伤 左肩
Gunshot wound, left shoulder.
罗伊 你的肾
Lloyd, the kidney!
肾
Kidney?
对
Oh, yeah.
你们晚上有没有空
Would you, by any chance, have time this evening
帮忙换肾
to swap out a kidney?
抱歉 这是什么
I’m sorry, sir. What is this?
这是肾 我的肾
It’s a kidney. My kidney.
要给他的
It’s for him,
我最好的朋友
my best pal.
他需要换肾
He needs it.
各位 这不是肾
Gentlemen, this is not a kidney.
不然是什么
What is it?
-该不会是我的心脏吧 -不是
-Better not be my heart. -No.
这应该是猪排
I believe it’s a pork chop.
装在密封袋里
In a baggie.
难怪我的肾会有烤过的痕迹
I wondered why my kidney had grill marks.
还带骨头
And a bone.
等一下
Hey, wait.
这表示我的肾都还在
Does that mean I still have all my kidneys?
我帮你看看
Let’s have a look.
可能真的少了一个
I’m going to say probably not.
够了
That’s it.
我下礼拜二回诊时
I am gonna give that quack an earful
要好好骂一顿那个庸医
at my follow-up appointment next Tuesday.
对不起 哈利
I’m sorry, Harry.
我又让你失望了
I failed you again!
没关系 罗伊
It’s okay, Lloyd.
我原谅你
I forgive you.
有什么好笑的
What’s so funny?
你被骗了
Got ya!
我根本不需要换肾
I never needed a kidney!
什么
What?
你刚才的表情好好笑
Oh, you should have seen the look on your face!
你被我骗惨了
I got you so good!
等一下
Wait a minute.
你是说
You mean,
我在丰田汽车后座
I had my kidney removed
摘了一颗肾
in the backseat of a Toyota Tercel
结果你是假装的
and you were faking?
这个好笑
That is awesome!
超好笑的
That is a good one.
值回票价啦
Totally worth it!
各位 我不想打扰你们讨论大事
Gentlemen, I hate to break up this Mensa summit,
但他肩膀上的伤口要处理一下
but we’ve gotta get this man’s shoulder cleaned out.
还记得你中弹了吗
Do you remember, you’ve been shot?
你这招厉害 哈利
That was a good gag, Harry.
但在我失去维生器官之前
But don’t you think it still would have been funny
就坦白说这是恶作剧 你不觉得还是一样好笑吗
if you had told me you were kidding before I lost my vital organ?
是啦 但没这么好笑
Oh, definitely. But not as!
这倒是真的
That’s true.
急诊室
你们超酷的
You guys are so cool.
我要怎么感谢你们的大恩
How can I ever thank you for what you did for me?
有现金吗
Got any cash?
有啊
Oh, yeah.
好像有个几…
I think I’ve got a couple…
谢了
Thanks.
赚到了
Score.
扫除工具间
我相信清洁工会感谢我们的
I’m sure those janitors will thank us later.
我们把扫除工具整理好了
We were just straightening up their broom closet.
佩妮 我有好消息
Penny, wonderful news!
你♥爸♥邀请我去你们家住一阵子
Your father has invited me to come stay with you for a while,
好让我们多了解彼此
so we can really get to know each other.
太好了
That’s fantastic!
我问你一件事 芙蕾妲
So let me ask you something, Fraida.
如果我和罗伊都不是她爸爸
If I’m not Penny’s father and Lloyd’s not her father,
那她爸爸是谁
then who’s her father?
没想到你会这样问
Funny you should ask.
宝贝
Honey,
你要不要见见两位亲戚
how would you like to meet some relatives?
史坦纳先生
Mr. Stainer?
我早该猜到的
Oh, I should have known.
你这个老色鬼
You horny, old goat!
不是啦 罗伊
No, Lloyd!
史坦纳先生是佩妮的爷爷
Mr. Stainer is Penny’s grandfather.
走吧
Come on.
所以屁屁屎是她爸爸
So, you mean Pee-Stain is the dad?
答对了
Duh!
她好漂亮
She’s beautiful!
天哪 瞧瞧她
Sweet Jesus, look at her.
她有皮特的眼睛
She’s got Peter’s eyes.
开什么玩笑
You’re kidding!
他捐了眼睛
He donated them?
嗨 屁屁屎
Hi, Pee-Stain!
屎蛋
Stainy!
很遗憾你死翘翘了
Hey, sorry you got killed!
不要理这两个人 我们走
Let’s get you away from these guys, huh? Let’s go.
好
Yeah.
我还有一件事不明白
Guys, there’s still one thing I don’t understand.
你们怎么都会以为
How could either of you have possibly thought
自己是佩妮的爸爸
that you were Penny’s father?