阿呆与阿瓜2

Spontaneous combustion, however, totally real.
干嘛 你马上过来
What? You gotta get back here right now.
其中一个白♥痴♥在会场
One of those idiots is in the building
假扮我老公
and he’s pretending to be my husband!
你怎么不直接说他不是你老公
Why don’t you tell them he’s not your husband?
因为我不知道他们想干嘛
Because I don’t even know what they’re up to.
他一定是想卖♥♥掉那个包裹
He must be trying to sell the box.
你快过来
Just get back here!
这个奈米机器人
This microscopic robot, or nanobot
可以植入人体
can be injected into the human body
侦测和治疗癌症
to detect and cure cancer.
有意思
Interesting.
它会唱歌♥吗
Can it sing?
什么
What?
现在有一种大嘴鱼可以挂在墙上
They got a large-mouth bass now that you hang it on the wall.
有人走过去就唱《带我去河边》
When you walk past it, it sings Take Me to the River.
-你的意思是… -我的意思是
-Are you saying… -What I’m saying is,
你差点就入选了
you’re this close,
但你应该再重新思考一遍
but there’s a drawing board you should be getting back to.
下一位
Next!
可是它能治疗癌症
But it cures cancer.
华恩与老王的金龙酒吧
你好
Ni hao.
我念给你听
Listen to this.
“你要做对世人很重要的事”
“You will do important things in the world.”
好奇怪
That’s so weird
我真的想做对世人重要的事
because I actually want to do important things in the world.
这个好
Wow. That’s neat.
我以后也想做重要的事
Someday, I wanna do important things, too.
真的吗 比如什么
Oh, yeah? Like what?
我想买♥♥新的喇叭
I’m thinking about getting new speakers.
我一直想去印度当志愿者
I’ve always wanted to go to India
照顾小精灵[应为麻疯病患]
and volunteer at one of those leprechaun colonies.
小精灵是在爱尔兰吧
I think you mean Ireland.
你的幸运签上面写什么
So what does your cookie say?
“你会和坐在你
“You will have an amazing romance
“对面的人谈恋爱
“with the person sitted across from you.”
还好我不是你叔叔
It’s a good thing I’m not your uncle.
“不必顾虑年龄的差距
“And don’t be concerned about the age difference.
“闭上你的嘴亲热就对了
“Just shut up and make out.
“船到桥头自然直 你等着瞧”
“It will all sort itself out later. You’ll see!”
讲得真具体 借我看看
That’s ridiculously specific. Let me see that.
如果你不吃掉就不会实现了
If you don’t eat it, it doesn’t come true.
我爸呢
Hey, where’s my dad?
你知不知道艾黛儿也陪他来了
Do you know if Adele came with him?
可能是她害我爸迟到的
She’s probably the one slowing him down.
艾黛儿
Adele?
他老婆
His wife.
哈利又没老婆
Harry doesn’t have a wife.
谁是哈利
Who’s Harry?
你♥爸♥爸
Your father.
我爸不叫哈利
My father’s name’s not Harry.
他叫伯纳德
It’s Bernard.
我指的是你的亲生爸爸
Oh, yeah, but I’m talking about your real dad.
哈利·唐恩
Harry Dunne!
从你一出生就抛弃你的人
The guy who abandoned you when you were a little, tiny baby.
你一定会很爱他的
You’re gonna love him!
等一下
Wait a second.
你是说我们在等
So you’re saying we’re supposed to be meeting
我的亲生爸爸
my biographical father?
对
Yes.
你看
Here.
这是你亲生妈妈芙蕾妲写的信 你退回去给她了
This is a letter from your real mother, Fraida, that you sent back to her.
不错嘛
Nice.
“别再联络我”
“Do not contact again.”
这不是我的字迹
This isn’t my handwriting.
我不会草写
I don’t even know cursive.
“亲爱的女儿 我十♥八♥年♥前把你送人领养
“Dear daughter, I gave you up for adoption 18 years ago
“因为我觉得这样做才是对的
“because I thought it was the right thing to do.
“祈望我的决定是正确的
“I hope and pray I made the correct decision.
“你是在一个微寒的秋天晚上
“You were conceived in Rhode Island on a chilly autumn night
“在罗德岛吞鲍湾的停车场受孕的
“in the parking lot at Oyster Swallow Cove.
“我们当时年轻又愚笨 尤其是他”
“We were young and stupid, especially him.”
吞鲍湾
Oyster Swallow Cove?
日落后禁止车震
吞鲍湾
宝贝 准备好了吗
Are you ready, baby?
先别急
Slow down.
我们要有责任感
Let’s be responsible here.
我带了防护措施
I brought some protection.
来吧
Let’s do this.
“如果你要联络我 我很想见见你
“So, if you ever wanna get in touch, I would love to meet you.
“爱你的妈妈 芙蕾妲·费尔契”
“All my love, Fraida Felcher, your mom.”
这表示我是你的…
That means I’m your…
那我们还差点…
And we almost…
罗伊 你还好吧
Lloyd? Are you okay?
对不起 我要赶回会议现场了
I’m sorry, Lloyd, but I gotta get back to the convention.
我随时要上台代替我爸演说
I’m supposed to be giving a big speech for my dad any minute.
等一下 我们还有好多话要聊
But, wait. We have so much to talk about.
事出紧急
It’s an emergency!
这个误会大了 我要先走了
It’s all a big misunderstanding! I’ve gotta go!
不准你穿那样去
Not dressed like that, you’re not!
你被禁足了
You’re grounded!
等一下
Wait a minute.
如果她是我女儿
If she’s my kid,
那她就不是哈利的女儿
then she’s not Harry’s kid,
她也不能捐肾给他了
and he can’t take her kidneys.
我到底做了什么
What have I done?
嗨 我要进去
Hi, I need to get in.
请出示证明
Credentials, please?
我要上台演说
Oh, I’m giving a speech.
请出示证明
Credentials, please.
什么证明
What is that?
是他们给我让我进去的东西吗
Is it that thingy that they gave me to get in here?
我好像放在包包里
I think I’ve got it here, somewhere.
先生 看在上帝和你家人的份上
Mister, l am appealing to your sense of God and family.
听说我
I got a message that my daughter,
失散22年的女儿
who I have not seen in 22 years,
在里面
is in there.
会议快要结束了
The event will be letting out soon.
都等了22年何必在乎几小时
After 22 years, what’s another couple of hours, right?
好吧
Okay, buddy.
这里一定有
There’s got to be a, uh,
扫除工具间
broom closet around here somewhere, huh?
你可以帮我疏通一下
I’m sure we could work something out.
我等了34年才出柜
I didn’t take 34 years to come out of the closet
不是为了和你
just to go back into one
回到柜中
with you.
这个装置能让我们看到你的思考
This device will give us a visual rendering of your cognitive processes.
你可以再问一次吗
Could you repeat the question?
这个装置能让我们在荧幕上
This device will show us what he’s thinking
看到他在想什么
right on this screen.
最好是啦
Yeah, really.
请吧 品契洛博士
Go ahead, Dr. Pinchelow.
想想你儿时的美好回忆
Think of a pleasant memory from your childhood.
好
Okay.
普罗维登斯大学
饼干 过来
Here, Biscuit!
饼干 快过来
Biscuit, come here, boy.
先把门关好
The door, buddy. Get the door.
好吧
Oh, okay.
不是这样 这个装置搞错了
No! This gadget is way off!
首先 我的床单是橘色的