不要抬头（2021）

I saw something I didn’t recognize.
那是一颗彗星
It was a comet.
很大
A big one.
径直向地球飞来 很有可能会撞上
It’s headed directly at Earth, and it really likely will hit.
听起来非常让人激动
This sounds very, very exciting.
爆♥炸♥恒星 原来星星会爆♥炸♥啊
Exploding stars, like, stars actually explode.
这个天体有多大？
Um, how big is this thing?
会撞毁谁家的房♥子吗？ 有没有这种可能？
Can it destroy someone’s house? Is that possible?
这颗官方名 将是迪比亚斯基彗星的天体…
Well, Comet Dibiasky, which is what it will officially be named–
-以她命名？ -对 她的名字
After her? Yeah, after her.
-祝贺 -真荣幸 是啊 祝贺
Congratulations. What an honor. Congratulations.
直径大约六到九公里
It’s somewhere between six and nine kilometers across.
-所以… -好大
-So It’s big.
它会摧毁整个地球
It would damage the entire planet.
不只是一幢房♥子 明白吗？
Not just a house, you know?
整个星球
The entire planet.
好吧 它极具破坏性 它会直接撞到
Okay, as it’s damaging, will it hit this one house in particular
新泽西海岸的某个房♥子吗？ 那是我前妻的家
that’s right on the coast of New Jersey? It’s my ex-wife’s house.
可以做到吗？
Can we make that happen?
你和雪莉的关系很好的 别闹了
You and Shelly have a great relationship. Stop.
别闹了
You need to stop.
好 但说句公道话 那房♥子是我买♥♥的
I will, but in all fairness, I actually paid for the house.
非常抱歉
I’m so sorry.
不好意思 是我们没说清楚吗？
I’m sorry, are we not being clear?
我们想告诉你们
We’re trying to tell you
整个星球就要毁灭了
that the entire planet is about to be destroyed.
-好的… -这个 就是…
Okay, um… Well, it’s, you know…
我们就是这样的风格 坏消息也要轻松有趣
It’s something we do around here. We just keep the bad news light.
是的 有助观众消化信息
Right. It helps the medicine go down.
说到消化 明天我们会请到…
Speaking of medicine, tomorrow we’ve got–
也许整个星球的毁灭
Well, maybe the destruction of the entire planet
不需要搞笑
isn’t supposed to be fun.
也许它就应该让人恐惧不安
Maybe it’s supposed to be terrifying.
不 拜托不要这样
And unsettling. No, please don’t do that.
-你们应该彻夜难眠… -拜托
-And you should stay up all night… Please.
…每晚哭泣
…every night crying,
我们所有人都死定了！
when we’re all 100% for sure gonna fucking die!
嘿 凯特…
Hey, Kate.
抱歉
I’m sorry.
嘿 伙计
Hey, man.
我弟弟有躁郁症 如果你需要和别人倾诉…
My brother has bipolar disorder. So if you ever need anyone to talk…
好吧
-Uh… Okay.
她一直这样吗？
Is she always like that?
-我… -是我说错话了吗？
-I Something I said?
是吧？
Right?
也许我应该 把多出的那颗赞安诺给她吃的
Maybe I should have given her that extra Xanax that I had.
如果你的赞安诺不够的话 我们都有足够的储备给她吃
Listen, if you don’t have enough, we all have enough around here for her.
一勺赞安诺有助消化 对吧？
A spoonful of Xanax makes the medicine go down, right?
没错 很好
That’s right. That’s good.
-我们一定得让你再来 -我就知道我会喜欢他
-We’re gonna have to get you back. I knew I’d like this guy.
-他是托儿吗？ -我就知道
-Is he a plant? I knew it.
好了
Okay.
帅气的天文学家
Well, the handsome astronomer
随时可以再来 但那位大叫女士就算了
can come back anytime, but the yelling lady, not so much.
她就算了 明天和我们一起迎接
Not so much. Join us tomorrow when our guest will be the man
很多人说会在两年内 挑战奥尔林总统的那位嘉宾
that many say will challenge President Orlean in two years.
也就是参议员杰夫勒纳
Senator Jeff Lerner will be here.
另一位嘉宾 是误判杀人犯米歇尔威姆斯
And wrongly-convicted murderer, Michelle Weems,
她将讲述在《众星斗舞》 饱受争议夺得第三名的经历
talks to us about her controversial third-place finish on Celebrity Dance Off.
-我以为她会夺冠的 -是啊 我依然认为她有罪
-I thought she would’ve won. Yes. I still think she’s guilty.
-这里是《天天揭底》 各位 -祝各位愉快
-That’s The Daily Rip, guys. Have a great day.
-结束！ -节目结束了？
And we’re out! The show’s over?
-我是说 没有… -是的
-I mean, didn’t… Yeah.
-我们想说的内容讲清楚了吗？ -不 结束了
-Did what we wanted to say come across? No, it’s over.
你表现很好 但我觉得那个 鲻鱼头女孩需要接受一些媒体培训
You were great, but I think mullet girl, she probably needs some media training.
-真的吗？ -是 她糟透了
-Really? Yeah, no, terrible, buddy.
谢谢 比利
Oh… Thanks. Thanks, Billy.
我们一般会在五点员工会议后 去安德林喝一杯
Uh, we usually get drinks at Aundrine’s after our five o’clock staff meeting.
挺有意思的 你也来吧
You know, it’s fun. You should come.
我看看吧 谢谢你邀请我 谢谢
Oh, I’ll have to see. Thank you for the invitation. Thank you.
凯特？
Kate? Kate?
-凯特？ -嘿 你表现特别好
-Hey. You were awesome.
谢谢
Oh, thanks.
能给你拍张照片 放进我的资料集吗？
Can I get a photo of you for my portfolio?
-当然 -谢谢
-Yeah, sure. Thanks. Thank you.
可以看到 这个高峰出现在 莱丽比纳要和电音切罗复合的时候
You can see this spike here is when Riley Bina asked to take DJ Chello back
在你们前面那一部分
on the segment before you.
可以看到所有社交媒体上都有讨论
We saw engagement across all social media platforms.
那我们的部分呢？
Hmm. And what about our story?
兰德尔和凯特
Randall and Kate,
你们的电视露面在迪比亚斯基小姐 骂人时获得了不错的流量
your TV appearance got some nice traffic when Miss Dibiasky cursed.
但不幸的是 这马上引起了负面效果
But, unfortunately, there was an immediate backlash
成了表情包
-that quickly became a meme.
天啊
Oh, Jesus.
（疯子-看眼神就知道）
-太可怕了 -他们觉得我疯了
-Oh, that’s terrible. They just think I’m crazy.
看啊 这根本没必要吧
I mean, look at that. That’s so unnecessary.
-继续吧 艾琳 -好
-You can move on, Erin. Yeah.
这太…网上允许这种事情发生吗？
That is just so… Is that even allowed on the Internet or…
图应该是处理过的
I think that’s Photoshop, Kate.
有个小窍门 就是别往心里去 因为…
The trick is to not take it personal…
另一方面 明迪博士获得了很高的喜爱度
Dr. Mindy, on the other hand, had some very high favorables.
“素食*宝贝”说 “喵！我喜欢星星猛♥男♥”
Vegan*Babe wrote, “Meow! Me likey hunky Star Man. ”
有些账号♥称他为 “眼神迷离的末日先知”
Uh, some accounts called him “The Bedroom Eyes Doomsday Prophet”
或AILF 即“我最想睡的天文学家”
or A-I-L-F, which means “astronomer I’d like to fuck. ”
这完全毫无关联 是不是？
Oh… I don’t see what that has to do with anything, do you?
以上就是全部内容
And that’s everything.
（《纽约先驱报》呈现）
没有任何网站推送了我们的文章
We did not feature or push on any sites,
整体点击 低于普通天气和交通相关文章
and clicks overall were below basic weather and traffic stories.
就这样？
So that… That… That’s it?
-我就知道 -就这样
I knew it. That’s it.
-谢谢你 艾琳 -不客气
-Thank you, Erin. Yeah, no problem.
我不明白
I don’t… I don’t understand.
我不明白 没有任何反应
I don’t understand. There’s no response.
一点都没有…人们为什么不害怕？
There’s absolutely no… Why aren’t people terrified?
我们该怎么说？该怎么做？
What do we have to say? What do we have to do?
墨西哥和西班牙 有科学家正在审核数据
There are scientists in Mexico and Spain who are currently going through the data,
韩国表示…
and, uh, South Korea has expressed–
太好了 韩国
-That’s great. South Korea. Hey.
我们不要忽悠彼此了
Let us not bullshit each other.
总之 你们跟我们说 科学证明它100%真实
The bottom line is, you guys told us the science was 100%.
而它不是 现在我们看起来就像傻子
It’s not. Now we look like idiots.
-不 谁说科学不是100%真实？ -你说什么？
-No. Who said the science is not 100%? Excuse me?
我想跟这个人谈谈 你告诉我谁说…
I wanna talk to this person. You tell me who said the science–
乔斯林考尔德博士 美国国家航♥空♥航♥天♥局局长
Dr. Jocelyn Calder, the head of NASA,
称之为“接近歇斯底里的表述”
just came out calling it “more near-miss hysteria. ”
是她让我们不要说出去的
She’s the one who told us not to say anything.
“接近歇斯底里的表述”
“More near-miss hysteria. ”
她是天文学家吗？
Is she even an astronomer?
她是航♥空♥航♥天♥局局长 但也许她不知道自己在说什么
She’s the head of NASA, but maybe she doesn’t know what she’s talking about.
她是航♥空♥航♥天♥局局长 但是
She’s the head of NASA, but look,
她还是“前麻醉师 和奥尔林总统的大额捐助者”
she’s a “former anesthesiologist and a President Orlean super donor. ”
我们别这么激动
Let’s not be dramatic here.
都是腐♥败♥
It’s all corrupt.
是 但问题是阿杜尔说得对 这个事情还有严肃讨论的空间
Yes, but the point is that Adul’s right. There’s still serious debate.
现在《先驱报》成了那个闹笑话的人
And now the Herald has egg on its face.
这个故事我们只能讲到这个地步了
We’ve taken that story as far as it goes.
女士们先生们 祝你们末日愉快
Ladies, gentlemen, I wish you a very pleasant end of times.
这不是故事 好吗？
It’s not a goddamn story, okay?
准确来说我们还有六个月十天
We have precisely six months, ten days,
两个小时11分41秒