不要抬头（2021）

We’re 20 out. Always running late.
确认一下视线
Let’s make sure that our eye lines,
不要朝向杰克和布里 可以吗？
that we’re not looking at Jack and Brie, please, all right?
提示就位
And cue the package. Two glasses. Here we go again.
-胸部没问题吧？ -是的 要直播了
-Ladies okay? Yes. And we’re live.
布里 今天我有消息要告诉你 听好
Brie, I’ve got something for you today. Listen to this.
奥尔林总统的最高法♥院♥提名人
President Orlean’s Supreme Court nominee, Sheriff Conlon,
康隆警长被认出曾出演90年代早期
has now been identified as appearing in a softcore porn cable show
-隐晦色情电视节目… -真荒唐
-from the early ’90s… Ridiculous.
…名叫《缎面床单之夜》
-…called Satin Sheet Nights.
-此事不断发酵… -哦 我的天
-This story just keeps going and going… Oh, my gosh.
那是莱丽比纳吗？
Is that Riley Bina?
-是的 那是… -真的？
Yes, well, it’s a… Really?
她本人要娇小很多 是不是？
She looks a lot smaller in person, doesn’t she?
上马吧 牛仔
Ride ’em, cowboy.
很好
Good. Hee-haw!
嘿 各位好 我是节目工作人员肖恩
Hey, everyone. I’m Sean from the show.
我们会…杰克和布里 会聊十分钟高院提名人
Uh, we’re gonna do… Jack and Brie are gonna do ten on the SCOTUS nominee.
-然后莱丽比纳上场… -我可以聊我的单曲 对吧？
-Riley Bina, you’ll come on and I get to talk about my single, right?
部分盈利会捐给海牛保护区
A portion of the profits goes to the manatee sanctuaries.
是的 但要先聊分手
Yes, but the, uh, breakup first.
然后是明迪教授和迪比亚斯基小姐
And then Dr. Mindy and Miss Dibiasky,
你们上去讲你们发现的行星
you’ll come on and talk about that planet you discovered.
彗星 我们发现的是彗星
Uh… Comet. We found a comet.
他们知道我们是来聊什么的 对吧？
They know what we’re here to talk about, right?
当然 杰克和布里可喜欢聊科学了
Of course. Jack and Brie love doing science segments.
记住 要轻松有趣
Just remember, keep it light, fun.
杰克和布里喜欢愉快的氛围
-Jack and Brie love having a good time.
这感觉不太妙
That’s not promising.
你们发现了一颗彗星？真棒
You guys discovered a comet? That’s so dope.
我背上纹了一颗流星
I have a tattoo of a shooting star on my back.
真好
-Oh. That’s terrific.
我们也听说了你分手的事 我们想说…
We heard about your breakup too, so we just wanna say…
我们感到很遗憾 对吗？
We’re very sorry, right?
真遗憾 你看起来是个…很棒的人
We’re real sorry. You seem like a… great person.
管好你自己吧 老东西
Why don’t you mind your own business, you old fuck?
好的
Okay.
不骗你 我的朋友们
Not gonna lie, but, um, my friends
还有嗡嗡军团都超棒
and my Vroom Vroom Army have been so amazing.
我非常感激 但说实话 这很艰难
So, I’m really grateful for that. But, yeah, I can’t lie. It’s been hard.
-你是榜样 非常出色 -是很多人的榜样
-You’re an inspiration. It’s incredible. To so many.
你在认真面对这份痛苦
You’re really owning that pain.
杰克 我觉得此刻在这里
You know, Jack, I feel like there’s some kind of conversation
我们应该进行一些对话
that we need to be having here. Is there any message
你有什么想对前任电音切罗说的吗？
that you would like to send to your, uh, ex, DJ Chello?
这个…
You know, um…
如果有什么想说的 我们来…
If there’s something–
-是的 -对着这边的镜头
-Yeah. Right here in this camera.
跟他说 把镜头当成他 把你的想法都告诉他
Tell him. As if that was him. You tell him exactly what you’re thinking.
好
Okay, um…
小切
Chell.
我还爱你 在这么多个不眠之夜后
I still love you, and, um, after many sleepless nights,
三个
three,
我希望你回来
I wanna take you back.
不好意思
I’m sorry. Whoa, uh…
-可以吗？ -是
-Is that okay? Yeah.
-他出轨了 -哦 我的天 你们…
He cheated on you. Oh, my God. You guys…
是的
Yeah. I do.
消息在嘀嘀平台都炸开了 嗡嗡上也是
-Diddly just exploded. So did Vroom Vroom.
巴什新闻刚给我发了八条推送
BASH News just sent me eight push notifications.
-关于这事？ -是的 看
-About this? Yeah, look.
我的手♥机♥刚刚购买♥♥了 电音切罗的最新单曲
My phone just purchased DJ Chello’s latest single.
什么…都没征求我的同意
What the… It just did that without asking.
我得知电音切罗 此刻正和我们视频连线
I’m being told that we have DJ Chello live on a Mugg link.
-他有什么要为自己说的？ -我爱这里的制♥作♥人
-What’s he got to say for himself? I love the producers here.
嘿 宝宝 嘿
Hey, baby doll. Hey.
-嗨 亲爱的 -他流泪了
-Hi. Hi, baby. He’s in tears.
-你的宝贝犯错了 -我知道
-Your kid messed up bad. I know.
巴洛克女士那晚在俱乐部没穿内♥裤♥
Lady Baroque wasn’t wearing any panties in the club that night.
-没关系 -我脑子坏了
-It’s fine. I just got all crazy.
没办法思考 我犯了错
I wasn’t thinking straight. I made a mistake.
但我爱的一直是你
But, look, it’s always been you.
我明白 没关系
Oh! I get it. It’s okay.
我也和她睡过 就在去年的全球音乐节
I hooked up with her too, last year at the Music Globes
在我和掘金队的大前锋私奔之前
right before I ran off with that power forward from the Nuggets,
这些都不重要了
and none of that matters.
“分手炮已过时 试试分手恋爱” 怎么样？
What about “Forget breakup sex. Try breakup relationship”?
-很好 -拜托
-That’s good. Come on.
“十大著名劈腿复合案例” 各位
“Ten famous second chances for two-timers, ” guys.
这不现成的么
It’s on a plate.
我一直很害怕 但说实话 现在我不怕了
I’ve been scared, but, honestly, I’m not scared anymore.
好 谢谢
Okay.
我的小宝贝 你愿意嫁给我吗？
My little bumblebee, will you marry me?
哦 我的天 当然
Oh, my God. Of course. Oh, wow.
-小切 当然 -太好了！
-Chell, of course. Yes!
-好！ -太好了
-Yes! That’s sick.
-哦 我的天 -好！
Yes!
好了 电音切罗
All right, DJ Chello.
怎么回事？ 这…
What is happening?
又买♥♥了一张
Just bought another.
-他们是谁来着？ -他们是最有名的…
-Who are these people again? They’re like the biggest names…
今天真是值得放烟花庆祝的日子
Well, the fireworks have certainly gone off today.
-是的 -多棒啊！
-They have. What a zinger!
是的
Yes, they have.
我们从求婚转向一些科学实验
From a wedding proposal to a little science experiment.
等会儿我需要做头皮按♥摩♥ 再来杯马提尼
I’ll need a temple rub and a martini later on.
我们今天最后一组嘉宾 有重大的天文发现
Our last guests today have made a pretty big discovery in space.
天文学家兰德尔明迪博士
Astronomer Dr. Randall Mindy
和博士候选人凯特迪比亚斯基小姐
and PhD candidate Miss Kate Dibiasky are here.
欢迎来到我们的节目
Welcome to the show.
在继续谈话前 我可以问个问题吗？我一定要问
Can I ask you one thing before we go any further? I have to know this.
太空中存在生命吗？
Is there life out there?
能告诉我们吗？有还是没有 请回答
-Can you tell us? Yes or no, final answer.
我们没有数据
We don’t have the data.
但在广袤的太空中 有什么不可能的呢？
But sure, in the vastness of space, why not?
对 外星人是真实存在的
Yes, aliens are real.
我就知道我会喜欢这个人 我说的吧？你欠我50块
I knew I’d like this guy. Didn’t I tell? You owe me 50 bucks.
我并不认同飞碟之类物体的存在
I’m not saying there’s little green men in flying saucers–
-别配合他 明迪博士 -他就是这么说的
-Please don’t encourage him, Dr. Mindy. That’s what he’s saying.
这对话没完了
We’ll never get out of here.
杰克刚才是开玩笑的
Now, Jack was having some fun here.
-爸爸看起来很棒 -他们怎么…
-Dad looks great. What did…
-挺帅的吧？ -他们给他修了胡子
-Doesn’t he look good? They did something with his beard.
关于外星人 但…
With the aliens…
他真的…确实帅了
Really… He really does.
-太多了 -兰德尔博士…
So much. Dr. Randall…
-你会后悔的 -你从来都不喜欢他的
You’ll regret it. Now, look, Jack’s just having some fun here
杰克刚刚是在拿外星人之类的开玩笑
with the aliens or whatever,
但《纽约先驱报》 刚刚发布了文章 讲述…
but there’s a New York Herald story that’s just come out that talks about…
继续保持 你很棒
Keep it right there. You’re doing good.
-…你们二位的发现 -是的 布里
-…the two of you have made. That’s right, Brie.
凯特在用斯巴鲁光学望远镜 观测超新星时…
Kate was, um, observing supernovas…
那是你女朋友？
Yo, that’s your girl?
-是的 -不赖啊
-Yeah. Not bad.
…一个令人震惊、十分重大的发现
…an absolutely shocking and once-in-a-lifetime discovery.
我都不知道斯巴鲁还造望远镜
I had no idea that Subaru made telescopes.
一定很激动人心 告诉我们 你发现了什么 迪比亚斯基小姐
This has to be exciting. Tell us what you found, Miss Diabasky.
我当时在监测爆♥炸♥恒星
Um, I was monitoring exploding stars
以辅助测算宇宙扩张并…
to help measure the expansion of the universe and–
-为了你的博士学位 对吗？ -是的
-For your PhD, right? Yeah.
我看到了不认识的天体