怒犯天条（1999）

-那东西是打哪儿来的 -听说过各各他吧
-Where did that thing come from? -Ever heard of Golgotha?
基♥督♥被钉于十字架上的那座小山
The hill where Christ was crucified.
不只是基♥督♥ 罗马人钉死任何人都是在那儿
It wasn’t just Christ. The Romans crucified everyone there.
除了基♥督♥之外
Christ excluded,
都是些罪人 杀人犯 强盗 小偷 强♥奸♥犯
They were criminals, killers, brigands, thieves, rapists.
每次当十字架刑结束时
Whenever the crucified expired,
他们的身体就会失去对肌肉的控制
their bodies lost muscle control
肠子和膀胱里的东西就都流出来了
spilling bowel and bladder in the process
结果就造就了那个会走路的大粪堆
the result of which is that walking pile of crap,
各各森粪便恶魔 地狱的头号♥杀手
the Golgothan shit demon, Hell’s chief assassin.
它是来找你的 丫头
It’s here for you, girlie.
-鲍伯 蹲下 -火柴 火柴
-Bob, get down! -Matches! Matches!
-兄弟 -怎么做的
-Hey, man. -How?
驱除强臭
Knocks strong odors out.
-干得好 肥仔 -你为什么带著这种东西
-Way to go, biggie. -Why would you ever carry this?
怎么了
What?
派它来的人可能还会派更多的来
Whoever sent this might send more.
我建议你们带著公主离开 走得越远越好
I suggest you take the princess and get as far away as possible.
我留在这里 尽量从这家伙嘴里套出点消息来
I’ll try to get something out of poopy boy here.
如果他说了任何消息 我会通知你们的
If he tells me something, I’ll let you know.
你好 请给我们两张去新泽西的票
Hello. We’d like two tickets to New Jersey, please.
去泽西的卖♥♥完了 先生
Jersey’s sold out, sir.
-什么 -明天同一时间有车
-What? -There’s one at the same time tomorrow.
不要低估了 花♥园♥地区 的惊人魅力
Don’t underestimate the staggering drawing power of the Garden State.
请提早两个小时到场
Show up two hours in advance.
好嘛
Nice.
你阻止了我们完成
Your hard-on for smiting has prevented us from negotiating
如果说什么事情是简单的话 那就是赶公车或呆在上面
what ought to be the relatively simple matter of catching or staying on a bus.
公车
Bus, schuss.
既然我们可以轻松地上天去
Why should we fall victim to gravity
干嘛还要受制于地心引力啊
when we can just as easily rise above?
-你是说飞行 -我们有翅膀 不是吗
-You mean fly? -We got wings, right?
靠 我们用翅膀吧
Fuck, let’s use them!
我可不建议这么做
I wouldn’t suggest that.
你们瞧 孩子们
You see, kids
你们两个现在可不想自己像仙女一样吧 不是吗
you wouldn’t want to look like a couple of fairies, now, would you?
你怎么从地狱里跑出来的
How’d you get out of Hell?
我跟他们说我来做例行的附身
I told them I was coming up on a routine possession.
我的时间不多
I don’t have much time.
如果被他们发现了我的计谋 他们会追过来的
If they figure out my ruse, they’ll come after me.
你带我们来这里干嘛
What’s with bringing us in here?
你们这两个笨蛋差一点儿就被逮到了
You two are inches from getting caught.
到处去杀人 打算卸下你们的翅膀
Going around killing people, about to uncase your wings.
你们有没有搞清楚状况啊
Don’t you know what’s going on?
我们在回家的路上啊
Well, we’re going home.
是嘛 你们是不是真这么笨的
Really. Are you so clueless
以为就能这么潇洒地回天堂去了
as to think you can just waltz back into Heaven?
-不行吗 -每个人都在找你们
-Why not? -Everybody is looking for you.
意即天堂与地狱两边
两边都是 上面和下面
Both sides. Above and below.
命令是见到你们就格杀勿论
Orders are to terminate you on sight.
-真的 -为什么
-Really? -Why?
因为你们在到处杀人 这就是原因
Because you’re pissing people off, that’s why.
说是上帝对你们的这种推断感到不爽
Word is that God’s pissed off at your presumption
而我知道路西华不爽是因为你们两个混♥蛋♥会显得他很笨
and I know Lucifer’s pissed because you assholes might make him look bad
路西华为地狱的君主 也是一名堕天使
因为你们要成功回去了 而他却失败了这么多次
by succeeding where he’s failed so many times.
-所以他们就要杀了我们 -他们会做此尝试的
-So they’re just gonna kill us? -They’re gonna try.
所以你们要秘密行进
That’s why you have to travel incognito.
在你们的行为上保持低调 避开他们各自的监测网
Tone down your behavior. Stay off their respective radars.
别再杀人了 这太醒目了
Quit killing people. That’s high profile.
放松
Oh, lighten up.
我不敢相信他们打算杀了我们
I can’t believe they wanna kill us.
是真的 小子们
Oh, believe it, boys.
他们甚至还找来了最后的后裔来找你们
They’ve even got the last scion looking for you.
-真的 -你开玩笑的
-Really? -You’re kidding.
这件事很大条的 兄弟
This is huge.
你们的重返让很多方面感到不爽
Your reentry is a thorn in a lot of sides.
他们会尽全力去阻止你们
They’ll stop at nothing to prevent it.
另外 我建议你们再去找另一种交通工具
In the meantime, I suggest you find an alternate mode of transportation.
如果又有什么事了 我会再跟你们联络的
If anything else comes up, I’ll contact you.
谢谢你 死神 你真够朋友
Thank you, Azrael. You’re a true friend.
在他们起疑心之前 我得赶紧回地狱去了
I have to get back to the pit before they get suspicious.
记著 秘密行进
And remember, incognito.
你感觉怎么样啊 小鬼
How you coping, kid?
诡异
It’s weird.
就在我想著要处理些事的时候
Just when I think I have a handle on things
一些绝对难以置信的东西就冒了出来
something wholly unbelievable presents itself.
有时我真希望我还是呆在家里
Sometimes I wish I’d just stayed home.
你听起来跟主很像
You sound like the Man.
主是个怎样的人
What’s he like?
主喜欢听人们讲话
He likes to listen to people talk.
基♥督♥喜欢围坐在火堆旁边 听我还有其他的人讲话
Christ loved to sit around the fire, listen to me and the other guys.
即使我们是在说一堆无关紧要的废话
Whenever we were going on about unimportant shit
主的脸上也总是带著微笑
he always had a smile on his face.
他唯一对人类感到不满的
His only real beef with mankind
就是那些以主的名义进行的烂事
is the shit that gets carried out in His name.
战争啦 固执啦 电视布道啦
Wars, bigotry, televangelism.
不过最烦人的还是各宗教派别之间的竞争
The big one, though, is the factioning of all the religions.
主说人类不应该这样
He said mankind got it all wrong
依据某一种好的想法便建立起一个信仰架构
By taking a good idea and building a belief structure on it.
你是说有信仰反而是件坏事吗
You’re saying having beliefs is a bad thing?
我觉得有想法更好
I just think it’s better to have ideas.
你可以改变想法 要改变信仰就麻烦点儿
You can change an idea. Changing a belief is trickier.
人们为此而丧命 人们为此而杀戮
People die for it. People kill for it.
一切的存在现在都陷入危机之中
The whole of existence is in jeopardy right now
全因为天主教的信仰架构中这个集体宽恕的玩意儿
because of the Catholic belief structure regarding this plenary indulgence shit.
巴特比和洛基 不管他们自己是否明白
Bartleby and Loki, whether they know it or not
他们都是在利用这种信仰
are exploiting that belief
如果他们成功了
and if they’re successful
你 我 所有的这一切都会在瞬息之间完结
you, me, all of this ends in a heartbeat.
全是因为信仰
All over a belief.
我有一阵子没看到那两个呆子了 你呢
I haven’t seen the moron twins in a while. How about you?
有一次我们在大厅里 把杜比绑在天花板上
One time we were at the mall, we tied Tubby to the ceiling
然后他就从空中飞过 他妈的撞到了墙上
and he went flying through the air, fucking crashed through the wall.
真♥他♥妈♥的
It was fucked up.
你们两个没遇到任何麻烦 是吧
You two aren’t getting into any trouble, are you?
我们正要和这两个优雅的混♥蛋♥一起抽通烟
We’re just about to smoke a fatty with these two suave motherfuckers
他们在前一站刚上的车 洛瑞和巴瑞
who just got on at the last stop, Larry and Barry.
杰跟我们说你要跟他上♥床♥
So, Jay tells us you’re gonna sleep with him.
试试这个 兄弟 好东西来的
Hit this shit, man. It’s good stuff.
靠
Oh, fuck.
真是个烂东西 老大
That’s some bad shit, dude.
你试过了
You hit that?
是啊 你这个坏家伙 老大
Yeah, you’re bad, dude.
烂东西
Bad shit.
你为什么要去新泽西
Why are you heading to New Jersey?
这是我不得不做的事情
It’s just this thing I have to do.
我们是在回家
We’re going home.
你们两个一起住吗
Oh. Do you two live together?
很不幸 是的
Unfortunately, yes.
所以 你们两个在一起多久了
So, how long have you two been together?
有一阵子吧
A while.
他有时候不太可靠 不过我们两个有很多共通点
He can be pretty flaky sometimes, but we have a lot in common.
你们是怎么相遇的
How’d you meet?
我们被分到了一起
We were stationed together.
瞧 这样蛮妙的
See, that’s beautiful.
大家总对这件非关军事的问题有意见
Everybody’s always up in arms about this out in the military issue.
什么
Pardon?
你知道的 这种都是男人的军队里阳气实在是太重了
You know, there’s all the macho bullshit about it being this man’s army.
你们两个在那儿相遇 走到了一起
You two meet there, hook up,