怒犯天条（1999）

Guys like us just don’t fall out of the fucking sky.
漂亮裸体的大胸女人也不会从天上掉下来
Beautiful, naked, big-titled women just don’t fall out of the sky.
没有心跳
No heartbeat.
想来是有人在他身上写了什么话
Think someone threw him out of a plane
然后从飞机上丢了下来
with a message written on him
像 空中监狱 那样
Iike in Con Air?
-你有看到他动吗 -真♥他♥妈♥的
-Did you ever see that flick? -Oh, did that suck!
-空中监狱 空他妈的头 -杀了他
-Con Air? Con Shit. -Kill it!
-听著耳熟 -天啊 你没事吧
-Sounds familiar. -Jesus, are you okay?
是的 我是鲁夫斯 是的 我没事
Yeah, it’s Rufus. And yeah, I’m fine.
他他妈的是个死不了 把他的脑袋砍下来
He’s the fucking undead! Cut his head off!.
刚刚这么做他妈的让我偏头痛
What I just did gave me a fucking migraine!
所以如果你再不安静点儿的话
So if you don’t pipe down,
我就把你的那话儿像卫生纸一样扯断
I’m gonna yank your sac off like a paper towel.
说谁啊 你自己可是一♥丝♥不♥挂♥的啊
Speaking of which, you’re awfully nude.
-鲁夫斯是吧 -没错 正是鲁夫斯
-Rufus, is it? -Yes, Rufus it is.
通常是说 长者 鲁夫斯
It’s usually Long Rufus,
但这里有点儿冷 你懂我意思吧
but it’s a little cold out here. You understand?
老兄 在我找到自己的衣服前
Big Papa, how about lending a brother your coat
把你的外套借给兄弟穿穿怎么样啊
till I find my own threads?
老大 他是从天上掉下来的
Dude, he fell out of thin air.
老大 他那话儿会在你的衣服里面磨来蹭去的
Dude, his piece is gonna be rubbing inside of your armor.
-老大 -谢了 宝贝
-Dude! -Thanks a lot, baby.
我会尽量把它塞回去的
I’ll do my best to tuck it back.
生理上这会需要一点时间
It’s been a while since physics but I would think
太冲动了对你不好
the impact with which you hit the asphalt would have liquefied you.
活著的人才担心死的事情
Death is a worry of the living.
像我这种死人只担心腐烂和尸臭的问题
The dead, like myself, only worry about decay and necrophiliacs.
-就跟你说了他是个死不了 -不是死不了 是死人
-Told you he was the undead. -Not the undead. The dead.
我已经死了
I died.
基♥督♥只告诉过我一次复活的方法
Christ told me the secret to the resurrection once.
当时我们是在肯诺的一场婚礼上
We were at this wedding in Caanan.
我喝醉了 就给忘了
I got drunk and forgot it.
等等
Wait, wait, wait.
基♥督♥
Christ?
你认识基♥督♥
You knew Christ?
认识 妈的 那个小气鬼还欠著我十二块钱呢
Knew him? Shit, nigga owes me 1 2 bucks.
我来猜一下
Let me guess.
-你也是名天使 -我可不是天使
-You’re another angel? -Oh, I aingt no angel.
我是个人 就像你和他一样 可能跟他不一样
I’m a man, just like you and him. Well, maybe not him.
至少我曾经是人
At least I was a man.
死了差不多有两千年了吧 这里 看看吧
Been dead nearly 2,000 years. Here, check this out.
怪不得他见过耶稣 黑人就是有一套
No wonder he saw Jesus. Homey’s rocking the ganj.
这个没有关系
It’s not a joint.
我读不懂这东西
I can’t read this.
这是亚兰文 上面写著 鲁夫斯
It’s Aramaic. It says, Rufus,
两年后再见 耶稣
See you in two years. Jesus.
他曾经告诉我当属于我的人出现的时候
Freaked me out because He basically told me when my number was up.
就要把余生所有的精力都耗尽
Took all the flavor out of the remaining years. We gotta get moving.
我说我们去弄些点心什么的边吃边谈吧 走吧
Let’s say we continue this discussion over a two-piece and a biscuit. Come on.
我快饿死了 回来!
I’m starving. Back off, Kato.
等一下
Wait a second!
在这堆长著翅膀的家伙 从天上掉下来的家伙
Between guys with wings, guys falling out of the sky
还有一直想跟我做♥爱♥的家伙中
and guys trying like hell to fuck me
我想我至少到现在干的不错
I think I’ve been a pretty good sport about all this so far.
但在我搞清楚你到底是打哪个鬼地方来的之前
But I’m not going anywhere
我哪儿也不会去
until I find out where the hell you came from.
我 我从天堂来的啊
Me? I came from Heaven.
现在我们开始迈步走路吧
Now let’s start walking.
走路 我靠
Walk? Fuck you!
你知道我们离那个什么地方有多远吗
Do you know how far we are from any whereas?
兄弟 过去和耶稣基♥督♥在一起的时候
Hey, man, back in the old days with J.C.,
到任何地方我们都是走著去的
we used to walk everywhere.
你听说过门徒中有胖子吗
Did you ever hear of a fat apostle?
什么见鬼的门徒
What the hell’s an apostle?
也就是说
Let me get this straight.
她已经遇到了先知
She’s already met the prophets
门徒也和他们在一起
and the apostle’s with them?
我想我们的行动最关键的目的
I think that our best course of action
就是确保我们不会被发现
is to ensure that our parcel is not found.
所以哪怕是叫你们去杀个女人我都不放心
And being that I can’t even trust you enough to kill a woman
看来我别无选择
well, I’m left with no choice
只好寻求所谓的外援了
but to seek outside assistance in guarding said package.
我要召唤来魔怪各各森
I’m gonna have to summon the Golgothan.
谢谢你借我衣服穿 兄弟 你会得到回报的
I appreciate the loan, brother. You can have that back.
我记得原来我们的早餐只有鱼和羊奶的
Man, I remember when all we used to have for breakfast was fish and goat’s milk.
-这玩意儿你们叫什么 -鸡蛋牛肉松饼
-What do you call this shit? -Egg Mooby Muffin.
你现在能不能开始解释一下 就当我们什么都不懂
Now, how ’bout you start explaining some things, like for starters
你怎么知道在哪里能找到我们的
how did you know where to find us?
你们知道死人♥大♥多时候都在干嘛吗
Do you know what the dead do with most of their time?
观察活著的人 特别是那些在洗澡的
Watch the living. Especially in the shower.
我等不及要死了
I can’t wait to die.
那你为什么要观察我
And why are you watching me?
因为你可以帮我对一本
Because you’re the one who’s gonna help me get some changes made
你们花了不少钱的书做些改动
in that book you put so much stock in.
-黄色书刊 -是圣经
-Hustler? -The Bible!
圣经又关你什么事儿了
What’s your beef with the Bible?
对那些入门者来说 书里面没有我
For starters, I’m not in it.
也没我们啊
Neither are any of us,
但你也没听到我们有唧唧歪歪地抱怨过什么吧
but you don’t hear us bitching and moaning.
但我应该在上面的 我是第十三门徒
But I’m supposed to be in it. I was the 1 3th Apostle.
我从生下来就开始去教堂直到现在
I’ve gone to church my whole life
但从没听说过什么第十三门徒鲁夫斯
and never heard of Rufus, the 1 3th Apostle.
但你听过其他的十二门徒对吧
But you heard of the other 1 2 Apostles.
他们都是白人 我要说明一下
They were all white boys, I might add.
但是从没提到过我 鲁夫斯
But no mention of me, Rufus.
为什么呢 因为我是黑人
And why is that? ‘Cause I’m a black man.
可你们知道吗 这就是让我不爽的地方
But you know what? That’s just my pet peeve.
我来这儿主要是想修正你们信仰中的一个大错误
I’m mainly here to correct a major error you’ve been basing your faith on.
-什么错误 -耶稣不是白人 耶稣是黑人
-What’s that? -Jesus wasn’t white. Jesus was black.
我不信
I don’t buy it.
如果真是那样的话 为什么书上有他的记载
If that’s true, why did He get written about
却把你给漏了
and you were left out?
主是上帝之子
Well, He is the Son of God.
没他的话就不太可能有新约了
Kind of hard to have a New Testament without him.
你在歪曲事实 你伤了他的自尊心
So you fudge a few facts, you put a spin on his ethnicity.
漏了我也没关系 反正你们还有十二个白人男子可以选
Leaving me out is okay ’cause you still got 1 2 white boys to choose from.
你们要听这种鬼话吗
Are you gonna listen to this shit?
安地奥克的人们也是怎么说的
That’s what people of Antioch said
在他们用石头丢我的屁♥股♥之前
right before they stoned my ass.
你是被迫♥害♥致死的
You were martyred?
这是其中一种说法
That’s one way of putting it.
还有一种是说我被一堆他妈的大石块给砸死的
Another way is to say I was bludgeoned to shit by big fucking rocks.
白皮家伙们只想听好话
White folks only wanna hear the good shit,
永恒的生命啦 上帝的天堂一角啦
Life eternal, a place in God’s Heaven.
可当你一听说这些好处
But as soon as you hear that you’re getting this good shit
都是从一个黑皮肤的耶稣那里得来的 你就抓狂了
from a black Jesus, ya freak.
这个 我的朋友们 就叫做虚伪
And that, my friends, is called hypocrisy.
黑人可以偷你的音响 但他不能是你们的救世主
A black man can steal your stereo, but he can’t be your savior.
你想吃了那些乱七八糟的东西
You gonna eat that hash brown?
所以 你就上了天堂
So, you went to Heaven?
没错我上了天堂 主至少还能做到这一点
Damn right I went to Heaven! That’s the least He could do.
在我做他的跟屁虫的那三年当中
In the three years I followed His ass around Jerusalem,
我有做过一次爱吗
did I ever get laid?
妈的没有 我可正值壮年啊
Hell no. And I was in my prime.
我能在史费的女儿面前作
I could have been knee-deep in shepherds’ daughters
更不用提美臀玛利亚·麦德莲
not to mention fine-ass Mary Magdalene.
玛利亚·麦德莲为三名玛利亚之一 目睹耶稣被钉于十字架上 后从天使那里得知他已升♥天♥ 耶稣复活后曾在她面前显灵
她是属于黑暗的
She had a thing for dark meat, if you follow me.
也许只是我这么说说 如果我是在天堂里
Maybe this is just me talking, but if I were in Heaven
我才不管圣经里说些什么呢
I wouldn’t care what the Bible said