怒犯天条（1999）

声明 1对任何谴责要求相关的否决 2否认
声明 1对任何谴责要求相关的否决 2否认 3一种可保自己不被人扁的言辞
虽然是否花上个十分钟的说这些话对剧情没什么影响
制片公♥司♥还是想声明一下 这部片子 从头到尾 只不过是部搞笑的幻想片而已 不用太当回事
如果有人坚持认为接下来的内容具有煽风点火的性质 就是在漠视我们的本意 给我们强加过分的罪名
而只有上帝才有资格强加罪名的 这也是说给你们那些影评人听的玩笑话而已
所以 拜托 在你因为一部片子这点小事就想伤害某些人之前
要记得 即使是上帝也是有幽默感的
鸭嘴兽就是个很好的例子(因鸭嘴兽为哺乳动物却是卵生) 谢谢你们的观看 希望你们喜欢这部片子
另 我们真诚地向所有珍爱鸭嘴兽
并对刚刚那句关于鸭嘴兽的无心言论有所不满的人致以歉意 本制片公♥司♥是很尊重尊贵的鸭嘴兽的 我们没半点想要轻视这些蠢东西的意思
再次谢谢你们的观看 希望你们会喜欢这部片子
新泽西州 阿斯伯利公园
新泽西州 红岸
先生女士们
Ladies and gentlemen,
让我们欢迎天主教 哇 的发起人
the driving force behind Catholicism WOW!,
格利克主教
Cardinal Glick.
谢谢
Thank you
如今我们都知道大多数人
Now we all know how the majority
和本国的媒体
and the media in this country
是如何看待天主教堂的
view the Catholic church.
他们认为我们是一个古老 过时的机构
They think of us as a passe, archaic institution.
人们觉得圣经很无趣
People find the Bible obtuse
甚至很虚假
even hokey.
现在 为了驳斥这一切
Now, in an effort to disprove all that
教堂决定将今年定为革新的一年
the Church has appointed this year as a time of renewal
既在信念上 也在形式上
both of faith and of style.
比如说 耶稣受难像
For example, the crucifix.
尽管它曾经是我们信念荣耀一时的标志
While it has been a time-honored symbol of our faith
圣母教堂还是决定撤换下
Holy Mother Church has decided to retire
这个深入民心
this highly recognizable
但却令人感到压抑的
yet wholly depressing image
我们的主被钉在十字架上的形象
of our Lord, crucified.
耶稣基♥督♥来到人间 并不是来威吓我们
Christ didn’t come to Earth to give us the willies.
而是给我们信念
He came to help us out.
做为我们的后盾
He was a booster,
好让我们心里时刻常有主的存在
and it’s with that take on our Lord in mind
并一起制定下新的 更激奋人心的契约
that we’ve come up with a new, more inspiring Sigil.
因此 我感到万分愉快地向你们展现
So, it is with great pleasure that I present you with the first
这众多改革中的第一项成果 天主教哇联盟
of many revamps the Catholicism Wow! campaign
将会在来年之前公布 带给你们的
will unveil over the next year, I give you
耶稣伙计
The Buddy Christ.
这并不是我们为这个新标志所定的专有名称
That’s not the sanctioned term we’re using for the symbol.
这只是一个我们时时处处在使用的称谓
Just something we’ve been kicking around the office.
不过看看它
But look at it.
难道不是很有流行的感觉吗
Doesn’t it pop?
耶稣伙计
Buddy Christ.
以上就是相关的报道
Well, there you have it.
那我就开门见山了
Let me get this straight.
你是因为爱丽丝梦游仙境这个故事
You don’t believe in God
才不相信上帝的
because of Alice in Wonderland?
威斯康辛州 密尔沃基市
不 是爱丽丝镜中奇遇
No, Through the Looking Glass.
那首诗 海象与木匠
That poem, The Walrus and the Carpenter
很明显就是对有组织的宗教的控诉
that’s an indictment of organized religion.
海象 身上系著布带 一副好脾气
The Walrus, with his girth and his good nature
显然不是代表的佛教的佛祖
he obviously represents either Buddha
就是长有长牙的印度教的象头神 甘奈沙
or with his tusks, the Hindu elephant god, Lord Ganesha.
这是负责东方宗教的
That takes care of your Eastern religions.
而木匠 很显然就是耶稣基♥督♥的代表
Now, the Carpenter, which is an obvious reference to Jesus Christ
因为耶稣基♥督♥是做为木匠的儿子被抚养长大的
who was raised a carpenter’s son,
洛基
他则代表了西方宗教
he represents the Western religions.
那么这首诗是怎么说他们的呢
Now, in the poem, what do they do?
他们诱骗了所有的那些牡蛎跟随他们
They dupe all these oysters into following them
把它们带到了一个夹子里
and then proceed to shuck
然后就吞掉了这些无助的生物们
and devour the helpless creatures en masse.
我不知道你对此有何感谢 但对我来说这意味著
I don’t know what that says to you, but to me it says
追随这些建立在神秘形象上的信仰
that following these faiths based on mythological figures
确实地摧毁了人们的内心世界
ensures the destruction of one’s inner-being.
巴特比
有组织的宗教令我们失去自我
Organized religion destroys who we are
控制了我们的行为 控制了我们的思想
by inhibiting our actions, by inhibiting our decisions
使我们对某种无形的高高在上的形象产生畏惧
out of fear of some intangible parent figure
他们从千年之前向我们摇动著手指
who shakes a finger at us from thousands of years ago
并说道 这么做啊 这么做我就他妈的打你屁♥股♥
and says, Do it. Do it and I’ll fucking spank you!
主啊
Oh,Jesus!
你的这种说法 我以前根本连想都没想到过
The way you put it, I’ve never really thought about it like that before.
我都对我的人生做了些什么呀
What have I been doing with my life?
-我成了什么 -是的 我了解
-What am I? -Yeah, I know.
听著 我给你的忠告
Listen, my advice to you
你拿著这些你帮你教区所募集的钱
you take this money that you’ve been collecting for your parish
去给自己买♥♥条漂亮的裙子 把自己打扮一下
go get yourself a nice dress, fix yourself up.
找个男人 或是女人
Find some man, find some woman,
可以和你心意相通的 哪怕只有一会儿也好
you can connect with, even for a moment
因为这才是真正的生活啊 修女
’cause that’s really all life is, Sister
一连串的 相通一刻
a series of moments.
为什么不把握住你自己的生活呢
Why don’t you seize yours?
好姑娘
That a girl.
你知道吗 这就是我搞不懂你的地方
You know, here’s what I don’t get about you.
你明明知道上帝是确实存在的
You know for a fact that there is a God.
你曾经站在主的面前 主还跟你私下讲过话
You’ve been in His presence. He’s spoken to you personally.
可我却听到你声称要做个无神论者
Yet I heard you claim to be atheist.
我喜欢跟那些教士们对著干啊 兄弟
I like to fuck with the clergy, man.
我爱干这个 我就是爱搞得他们坐立不安嘛
I just love it. I love to keep those guys on their toes.
这是我搞不懂你的地方
Here’s what I don’t get about you.
你干嘛一直想到这种地方来啊
Why do you feel the need to come to this place all the time?
我的朋友 因为这里有最棒的人性啊
My friend, because this is humanity at its best.
看看他们
Look at them.
所有的怒气 不信任 不愉快
All that anger, all that mistrust, all that unhappiness
在下飞机后的那一瞬间全都被暂时抛到了脑后
forgotten for that one perfect moment when they get off the plane.
看见那两个了吗
See those two?
那个男的不知道那个女的不在的时候骗了他
What that guy doesn’t know is that the girl cheated on him while she was away.
-她骗了他 -两次
-She did? -Twice.
-不错嘛 -不过现在却一点事都没
-Nice. -But it doesn’t matter right now
因为他们和对方在一起时都感到很放心
’cause they’re just both so relieved to be with one another.
我喜欢
I like that.
我希望他们能更常有这种感觉
I wish they all could feel that way more often.
就是为了这个原因 我就得跑到这里来
Is this why I had to come down here
连我最爱的动画片都看不成
and miss my fucking cartoons?
你叫我来的 说是有重要的事
You call me, you tell me it’s important.
干嘛啊 和你一起分享你半吊子的小资情调
What, to share in your half-assed obsession with Hallmark moments?
我们要回家了
We’re going home.
有人给我们寄来了这个
Somebody sent us this in the mail.
拿著 别再斜眼瞪著我了
Take it and quit leering at me.
人们会以为我刚刚跟你闹翻了
People will think I just broke up with you.
-你不是说我们要回家了吗 -念信
-You said we’re going home, didn’t you? -Read.
格利克主教为天主教哇联盟剪彩
Cardinal Glick Cuts Ribbon On Catholicism Wow! Campaign.
然后
And?
继续念下去
You have to keep reading.
圣米迦勒教堂的赦罪礼
The rededication of St. Michael’s Church
是一个新联盟的诞生 此联盟致力于
is the kick off of a new campaign which seeks to bring
将天主教引入主流
Catholicism into the mainstream.
在教皇的批准下
With a papal sanction, the archway entrance
有著百年历史的泽西海滨教堂的拱门入口处
Of the century-old Jersey shore house of worship
将会被用来作为集体宽恕的通道
will serve as a passageway of plenary indulgence
这是一种没什么人知道的天主教信念
a little-known Catholic belief
所有通过此拱门的人
offering all that passes through its arches
都可以在道德上得到净化
a morally clean slate.
周日新闻简要 我是格兰特·希克斯
For Sunday News Brief, I’m Grant Hicks.
所以我只要走过那扇拱门 就可以回家了
All I got to do, I walk through the arch thing, and then I can go back home?
不是 走过那扇拱门
No. By walking through the archway,
你所有的罪过就都可以得到宽恕
all your sins are forgiven.
-然后我们只要去死就行了 -死 我可不想死
-Then all we have to do is die. -Die? I don’t wanna die.
你宁愿就在这里这么混下去
You rather hang around here?
不 我们都不知道我们能不能死
No. We don’t know if we can die.
可如果我们能死 而那个拱门又不起作用怎么办
But what if we can and then the arch thing doesn’t work?
之后呢 下地狱 我♥操♥
What then, Hell? Fuck that.
不可能 如果我们砍掉翅膀