死侍

加拿大
Canada!
这可不妙
That’s not good.
韦德 别闹了
Wade, please.
猴子偷桃
Cock shot!
你老婆真不性福
Oh, your poor wife.
你别再闹了
You really should stop.
“所有的恐龙都害怕霸王龙”
All the dinosaurs feared the T. Rex.
我发誓我不会饶了你的 大块头
I promise this gets worse for you, big boy!
好害怕
This is embarrassing.
闹够了 躺着别动吧
Please, stay down.
你有听过踢屁♥股♥比赛有单脚参赛的吗
You ever hear of the one-legged man in the ass-kicking contest?
有能让你消停的开关吗
Do you have off switch?
有啊 就在前列腺旁边
Yeah, it’s right next to the prostate.
说不定是启动的开关[前列腺高♥潮♥]Or is that the on switch?
够了
Enough!
去找教授谈谈吧
Let us go talk to the Professor.
麦卡沃伊演的还是斯图尔特演的
McAvoy or Stewart?
他们的时间线可真够乱的
These timelines are so confusing.
“无论你是死是活 我都要带你走”
“Dead or alive, you’re coming with me!”
你会康复的 韦德
You will recover, Wade.
你一向都可以
You always do.
你们看过《127小时》吗 剧透预警
You ever see 127 Hours? Spoiler alert.
老天爷 真恶心
Oh, my God. Nasty.
颜♥射♥一脸了哟 宝贝
Oh, there’s the money shot, baby.
神啊 我是玛格丽特
Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret.
倒霉透顶
Rock, meet bottom.
当操蛋的生活让你无法喘息时
And when life ends up breathtakingly fucked,
你总会回想起那个糟糕的重大决定
you can generally trace it back to one big, bad decision.
正是那个决定送你上了不归路
The one that sent you down the road to Shitsburgh.
这个 就是我的决定
This? Well, this was mine.
威尔逊先生
Mr. Wilson.
最让我欣慰的莫过于看到一个人回心转意
Nothing warms my heart more than a change of someone else’s.
你终于走到了这步
You finally hit “Fuck it.”
只要答应我别使坏就行了
Just promise you’ll do right by me.
这样我才有机会对另一个人好
So I can do right by someone else.
那当然
Of course.
另外可以别把超级战衣做成绿的吗
And please don’t make the super-suit green.
特效的也不要
Or animated.
继续走 别停下
Move it! Keep moving.
你们这里还真是干净啊
This place seems sanitary.
你们能动作温柔一点吗
My first request is warmer hands.
我去 来张温暖的手术台多好
Oh! And, Jesus, a warmer table.
我们要不想一个安全暗号♥吧 伙计们
We should really come up with a safe word, fellas.
我觉得”猪肉与豌豆”不错
I’m thinking “Pork and beans.”
轻点
Easy.
你一个女士力气也太大了吧
Aren’t you a little strong for a lady?
该不会有小♥弟♥弟♥吧
I’m calling wang.
为什么要叼根火柴
What’s up with the matches?
是不含东西不舒服还是学你偶像史泰龙
Oral fixation or just a big Stallone fan?
耐心点 安吉尔
Patience, Angel.
以后有的是机会
All in good time.
你是来帮我铺床的吗
Are you here for the turndown service, or what?
又来一个话唠
We have another talker.
我只是初来乍到有点小兴奋罢了
I’m just excited about my first day at superhero camp.
给老娘闭嘴
Shut the fuck up.
威尔逊先生 我叫阿贾克斯
Mr. Wilson, my name’s Ajax.
负责这个机构的运营
I manage this workshop.
以前我的欢迎致辞总是那么委婉
My welcome speech used to be full of euphemisms like,
“可能会有点疼”
“This may hurt a little.”
“可能会有点不舒服”
“This may cause you some discomfort.”
现在我喜欢有话直说
But I’ve grown blunt.
这个机构不归政♥府♥管
This workshop is not a government-led program.
这个私人机构
It’s a private institution
专门负责把像你这样的废物
that turns reclamation projects like yourself,
改造成拥有超能力的人
into men of extraordinary abilities.
但如果你觉得获得超能力没有痛苦的话
But if you think super-human powers are acquired painlessly…
那就错了
Wrong.
现在给你注射的血清
I’m injecting you with a serum
能激活你DNA里潜在的突变基因
that activates any mutant genes lurking in your DNA.
为了见效 我们得让你经受一些极端的压力
For it to work we need to subject you to extreme stress.
你应该听过这句话吧
You’ve heard that whole
“吃得苦中苦 方为人上人”
“Make an omelet, break some eggs” Bit, right?
我会好好折磨你的 韦德
I’m about to hurt you, Wade.
想当年我也是这里的一员病号♥
I was a patient here once myself, you know.
治疗的最终效果也因人而异
The treatment affects everyone differently.
比如安吉尔变得异常强壮
It made Angel inhumanly strong.
至于我 则是增强了我的反应能力
In my case, it enhanced my reflexes.
但也烧坏了神经末梢 从此失去痛觉
Also scorched my nerve endings, so I no longer feel pain.
不过事实上 我失去了一切感觉
And, in fact, I no longer feel anything.
谢谢 谢谢 太谢谢了
Thanks! Thank you. Thank you.
你的牙齿上粘了点东西
You have something in your teeth.
就在门牙的正中间
Right in the middle there. Just, I don’t…
也许是菜渣或者别的什么
A little nugget of romaine lettuce or something.
看得我可难受了
It’s been bothering me for a long time.
看了吧
Made you look.
你的真名就叫阿贾克斯吗
Hey, is Ajax your actual name?
这名字听起来未免也太假了
Because it sounds suspiciously made up.
说真的 叫什么
What is it, really?
凯文 布鲁斯 斯科特
Kevin? Bruce? Scott?
米奇 里斯特
Mitch? The Rickster?
难道是贝塞尔·弗尔蒂
Is it Basil Fawlty?
随便开玩笑
Oh, joke away.
反正你也笑不了多久了
One thing that never survives this place is a sense of humor.
走着瞧
We’ll see about that.
我等着
I suppose we will.
他就交给你了
He’s all yours.
不会吧
Oh, come on.
你还真把我一个人扔这里吗
You’re gonna leave me all alone here.
还是和没脾气的罗茜·欧唐内在一起
With less-angry Rosie O’Donnell?
事情就是这样
This is how it’s going to work.
肾上腺素充当了血清的催化剂
Adrenaline acts as a catalyst for the serum,
所以我们会拼尽全力地折磨你
so we’re going to have to make you suffer.
如果你够幸运 突变基因会被激活
If you’re lucky, the mutant genes will activate,
效果令人惊艳
and manifest in a spectacular fashion.
否则的话 我们就得继续
If not, well, we’ll have to keep on hurting you,
用各种不同的方式折磨你
in new and different ways,
让疼痛不断升级
each more painful than the last
直到你成功变异
until you finally mutate.
或者死去
Or die.
你是说遗愿清单吗
You mean a bucket list?
像一张酷事清单
Like a fuck-it list.
我想用奥♥运♥火炬
I’d really like to light a spliff
点一根大♥麻♥
off the Olympic torch.
点完记得传给我
Pass it to me right after.
别忘了还有和WNBA萨克拉门托君主队的队员
Let’s not forget naked tandem base-jumping
一起双人裸体定点跳伞
with the WNBA’s Sacramento Monarchs.
我清单上每一项都和在公共场合裸体有关
Anything on my bucket list would involve public nudity.
最后 给梅勒迪斯·巴克斯特送一个闷屁
Finally, giving Meredith Baxter-Birney a Dutch oven.
不 我想吸她一个闷屁
No. Receiving a Dutch oven from Meredith Baxter-Birney.
给我的孩子们做香蕉薄饼
Making banana pancakes for my kids.
瓦妮莎
Vanessa.
我想见瓦妮莎
I wanna see Vanessa.
你们真可爱
You’re lovely.
我不知道别人怎么想 但我深受感动
I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m touched.
我们只是在开玩笑
We were just joking.
不 没关系的
No, no. It’s okay.
我鼓励消遣
I encourage distractions.
我们不会希望你们放弃的 不是吗
Wouldn’t want you giving up on us, now would we?
别被他唬住 坎宁安
Hey, don’t take any shit from him, Cunningham.
他能有多厉害
How tough can he be,
作为一个叫弗朗西斯的人