死侍

要不试试普通小麦加工成的小麦草
Or how about Triticum aestivum, wheatgrass.
对免疫系统帮助可大了
Excellent for the immune system.
老天爷 你怎么和瓦妮莎一个口气
Jesus Christ. You sound like Vanessa.
来 看看这些
Here, check it out.
这堆花花绿绿的都是她预约好的诊所的小册子
She’s sending away for all these colorful clinic brochures.
应该是通过了药监局审批的
I’m sure they’re all FDA approved.
车♥臣♥共和国 去了不会更容易得癌症吗
Chechnya. Isn’t that where you go to get cancer?
还有中国和墨西哥中部
You got China and Central Mexico.
知道西班牙语里”癌症”怎么说吗
You know how they say “Cancer” In Spanish?
不知道
No.
癌肿
El Cancer.
我就知道
I could have guessed that.
你看你 笑得多开心
Look how happy you look here.
不介意我收下吧 挂起来
Mind if I keep this? Put it up,
我就能记得你活蹦乱跳的样子了
so I can remember when you looked alive.
既然你得了绝症
At least now I’m gonna win the dead pool.
至少我在死池里下的注不会赔本了
Now that you’re gonna die tragically of cancer.
交给我吧 黄鼠狼 谢谢你
I got it, Weas. Thanks.
那边的那个人是来找你的
And, uh, that guy over there came in looking for you.
你还有点死神范儿
Real Grim Reaper type.
不知道 更有神秘感
I don’t know. Might further the plot.
布思
Boothe.
韦德
Wade.
威尔逊先生
Mr. Wilson.
有什么可以帮你的吗
How can I help you?
如果是诱拐小孩到货车里那就算了
Besides luring children into a panel van.
我了解到您最近被诊断为癌症晚期
I understand you’ve recently been diagnosed with terminal cancer.
你个跟踪狂
Stalker alert.
我就是干这一行的 负责招募
It’s my job. Recruitment.
对你艰难的遭遇我深表同情
I’m sorry you’ve had such a tough go.
不过你以前在特种部队里可是个勇士
But you’re a fighter. Special Forces.
杀死了41个人呢
41 confirmed kills.
平均七周送走一个
One every seven weeks.
频率和大多数人理个发差不多
Same rate most folks get a haircut.
喝酒也是为了洗去血腥的味道
It’s to wash the taste out.
想忘掉这出色的战绩还真有点困难
It’s tough to forget being so impressive.
而你现在却在这种底层里
And now you spend your days,
跟这些乌合之众混日子
sticking up for the little people.
是个人都会变 你想要什么
People change. What do you want?
我代表我的组织向你伸出援手
I represent an organization that may be able to help.
如果我说我们能治好你的癌症
What if I told you we can cure your cancer?
同时赋予你别人梦寐以求的超级力量
And what’s more, give you abilities most men only dream of?
你听上去可真像那些电视直销员
I’d say that you sound like an infomercial,
但不像拍拍刀这种东西的
but not a good one, like Slap Chop.
更像卖♥♥摇摆哑铃的
More Shake Weight-y.
世界需要超能战士
The world needs extraordinary soldiers.
我们不仅能让你更强大
We won’t just make you better.
还能让你登峰造极
We will make you better than better.
成为超级英雄
A superhero.
听着 史密斯特工
Look, Agent Smith,
以前为了逞英雄我也吃了不少苦头
I tried the hero business and it left a mark.
等我真那么绝望了 会来找你的
But if I ever hit “Fuck it”, I’ll look you up.
忘了告诉你 方圆五百里内有所学校
Shit. We’re within 500 yards of a school,
你要有什么特殊需求的话…
so you may wanna…
他的酒算他自己头上
His drink’s on him.
他跟你说什么了
What did he say?
你怎么了
Hey, what’s going on?
对不起
Sorry.
我做了个关于连姆·尼森的噩梦
I had a Liam Neeson nightmare.
我梦到我绑♥架♥了他的女儿
I dreamt I kidnapped his daughter
然后他怎么都不放过我
and he just wasn’t having it.
这电影还拍了三部
Hey, uh, they’ve made three of those movies.
让人不禁怀疑他算不算称职的父亲
At some point you have to wonder if he’s just a bad parent.
癌症最大的伤害并不在于你自己
The worst part about cancer isn’t what it does to you,
而在于对你所爱的人
but what it does to the people you love.
谁知道那家伙能不能救我的命
Who knew if this guy could save my life,
我只知道要想让她过得更好
but I knew there was only one way
这是唯一的出路
that I could save hers.
超级英雄不就该做这些吗
Isn’t that what superheroes do?
好了 来列举一下做英雄的利弊吧
Okay. Let’s pro-con this superhero thing.
好处嘛 除了能手撕小混混外
Pro, they pull down a gaggle of ass.
洗衣服能打折 还能靠拍电影小捞一笔
Local dry cleaning discounts, lucrative film deals,
个人英雄片或者英雄联盟大电影都行
both origin stories and larger ensemble team movies.
坏处嘛 他们都是死板老师的乖宝宝
Con, they’re all lame-ass teacher’s pets.
我能听见你说话
You know, I can hear you.
谁跟你说话了 我在跟观众说话
I wasn’t talking to you. I was talking to them.
乖乖待着别动
Stay right here.
早就警告过你了 死侍
You’ve been warned before, Deadpool.
你这鲁莽的行为是对你能力的羞辱
This is a shameful and reckless use of your powers.
你俩都得跟我们走
You will both be coming with us.
听着 钢力士
Look, Colossus,
我现在没时间跟你讲大道理
I don’t have time for the goody two-shoes bullshit right now!
你哪位
And you are?
负音波少年弹头
Negasonic Teenage Warhead.
负音波少年… 什么鬼
Negasonic Teenage… What the shit?
这是我听过的最酷的称号♥了
That’s the coolest name ever!
这么说 你是他的助手吗
So, what, you’re like, uh, his sidekick?
她是我的学徒
No. Trainee.
让我猜猜看
Let me guess.
X战警留你在这里做什么 苦差事吗
X-Men left you behind on what? Shit detail?
那你又来这里干什么
What does that make you?
假装你不在 负音波少年弹头
Pretending you’re not here, Negasonic Teenage Warhead.
我们能交换名字吗
Can we trade names?
我们能走了吗
Can we go?
看啊 我可是个青春期少女
Look! I’m a teenage girl.
待在哪里都比这里好
I’d rather be anywhere than here.
我现在就不想说话
I’m all about long sullen silences,
还有冷言冷语 还有不想说话
followed by mean comments, followed by more silences.
所以你会怎么做呢
So what’s it gonna be, huh?
一言不发生闷气
Long sullen silence,
还是冷言冷语 说吧
or mean comment? Go on.
好吧 我答不上来了
You got me in a box here.
我们决不允许你这样做 死侍
We can’t allow this, Deadpool.
你就安静地跟我们走吧
Please, come quietly.
你♥他♥妈♥就是个铁皮裹着的死脑筋
You big chrome cock-gobbler!
你怎么这么说话
That’s not nice.
你确定要这么搅我的局
You’re really gonna fuck this up for me?
相信我 那个渣滓他就是活该
Trust me, that wheezing bag of dick-tips has it coming.
他就是个大魔头
He’s pure evil.
再说了 也没人受伤嘛
Besides, nobody’s getting hurt.
我来之前那人就挂在那里了
That guy was already up there when I got here.
韦德 其实你可以更好的
Wade, you are better than this.
加入我们 用超能力去行善
Join us. Use your powers for good.
小心
Heads up.
做一个超级英雄
Be a superhero.
听着
Listen!
等哪天我决定成为抓罪犯的好手
The day I decide to become a crime-fighting shit-swizzler,
决定可以跟一班可怜虫
who rooms with a bunch of other little whiners,
同住在一个怪脾气老头的梦幻豪♥宅♥里
at the Neverland mansion of some creepy, old, bald,
那老东西还像极了天堂之门[邪教]的成员
Heaven’s Gate-looking motherfucker.
等到了那一天
On that day,
我会给你这亮闪闪的傻蛋发好友申请的
I’ll send your shiny, happy ass a friend request.
不过在那之前 我得先解决这个正事
But until then, I’mma do what I came here to do.
敢拦我 小心我打得你亲妈都不认识
Either that or slap the bitch outta you!
韦德
Wade…
闭嘴 平头小子
Zip it, Sinead!
看你后面 死蠢
Hey, douche-pool!
你也给我睁着眼睛看好了…
And I hope you’re watching…
还真是可惜了
Quite unfortunate.
我受够了
That does it!