死侍

凯莉 凯莉 凯莉
Kelly, Kelly, Kelly…
把这个给巴克端去
Take that over to Buck please,
告诉他是布思送的 小前戏
and tell him it’s from Boothe. Little foreplay.
来说说这样做后果会怎样
Remind me what good will come of this?
反正承担后果的也不是我 我只管搅局
I don’t take the shits. I just disturb them.
布思
Boothe!
放松 哥们 冷静 冷静
Easy, man. Hold up! Hold up!
你想怎样
What you want?
-为你的健康干杯 -去你的
– Cheers. To your health. – Fuck you.
来啊 你个肥佬
Come here, you fat fuck!
那可是新凳子
That’s a new stool.
给我老实趴着吧
Stay the fuck down.
打趴下了
Took his ass out!
好了 让开 让开 让开
All right, move. Move, move, move.
巴克 去休息吧
Buck, go rest.
布思被打倒了
Boothe got hit then went down.
没事 他还在喘气
Yeah, he’s still breathing.
今天没有赢家
Nobody wins today.
想得美 韦德
Nice try, Wade.
被你猜中了 我在死池中选了布思
You got me. I picked Boothe in the dead pool.
你选了谁
Who did you pick?
韦德 关于这件事
Yeah, Wade, about that…
不是吧
No.
你不是赌我会死吧
You did not bet on me to die.
你真赌我会死
You bet on me to die.
去你丫的 你真是最差劲的朋友
Motherfucker, you’re the world’s worst friend.
到头来还是你出洋相 因为我会活到102岁
Well, joke’s on you. I’m living to 102.
然后才会死去 就像底特律一样
And then dying. Like the city of Detroit.
抱歉 我只是想赢钱而已
I’m sorry. I just… I wanted to win money.
我从没赢过
I never win anything.
管你呢
Whatever.
雇佣兵们 喝酒我请
Soldiers of fortune, drinks on me!
仅限国产酒 没有进口的
Domestic, nothing imported.
宝贝 你真要一掷千”精”吗
Baby, are you sure you wanna shoot your whole wad?
嗯[硬了]
Tight.
-瓦妮莎 -韦德
– Vanessa. – Wade.
你这么漂亮的地方在这种姑娘干什么
What’s a nice place like you doing in a girl like this?
直接点
I’d hit that.
巴克 你还是赶紧道歉免得…
Buck, you best apologize before…
就是那样
Yeah, that.
念咒语吧 胖甘道夫[《魔戒》中的巫师]Say the magic words, Fat Gandalf.
-抱歉 -用鼻子呼吸
– I’m sorry. – Breathe through the nose.
都怪我一时精虫上脑
I don’t have a filter between my brain and my…
松手 好了
Let go. Okay.
没事了没事了[狮子王梗] 他都道歉了
Hakuna his tatas. He’s sorry.
快走吧 快 去施咒语吧
Get out of here. Go. Go cast a spell.
非买♥♥勿动
Hands off the merchandise.
买♥♥
Merchandise?
这么说你是
So you…
卖♥♥春换钱
bump fuzzies for money?
-对 -小时候过得很苦
– Yep. – Rough childhood?
比你小时候苦
Rougher than yours.
我出生之前 爸爸就走了
Daddy left before I was born.
妈妈怀上我之前 爸爸就走了
Daddy left before I was conceived.
有人把烟头按在你身上过吗
Ever had a cigarette put out on your skin?
要不然该怎么灭烟头
Where else do you put one out?
我被性侵过
I was molested.
我也是 叔叔干的
Me too. Uncle.
叔叔们 轮♥奸♥
Uncles. They took turns.
我被锁在柜子里
I watched my own birthday party
从钥匙孔中看我自己的生日派对
through the keyhole of a locked closet,
那里碰巧也是我的…
which also happens to be my…
卧室吗 真幸运 我在洗碗机里睡觉
Your bedroom. Lucky. I slept in a dishwasher box.
你竟然有洗碗机
You had a dishwasher.
我都不怎么睡觉
I didn’t even know sleep.
几乎全天候塞着口球 被爆菊 扮成小丑
It was pretty much 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn.
谁会做那种事
Who would do such a thing?
希望是你 晚上有时间吗
Hopefully you, later tonight?
我用275美元 还有
Hey, what can I get for, uh, $275 and a…
一张酸奶乐园卡能买♥♥到什么
a Yogurtland rewards card?
宝贝 能让你48分钟内想干什么都行
Baby, about 48 minutes of whatever the fuck you want.
还有一份低脂甜品
And a low-fat dessert.
她是往你嘴里塞了张礼品卡吗
Did she just put a gift card in your mouth?
该把球放进洞里了
It’s time to put balls in holes.
你说过我♥干♥什么都行
You said whatever I want.
我懂
I get it.
你爱木滚球
You love skee ball.
显然胜过爱玉♥穴♥
Apparently more than you love vagina.
这可很难选
That’s a tough call.
我只想认识真正的你
I just wanna get to know the real you, you know.
而不是好莱坞兜售的那种
Not the short-shorted, two-dimensional
穿着热辣短裤却缺乏深度的性感尤物
sex object peddled by Hollywood.
瞄准洞扔球
Balls in holes.
瞄准洞扔球
Balls in holes.
准备好输得落花流水吧
Prepare to lose tragically.
放马过来 大个子
Bring it, big man.
好吧
Okay.
我要换
The limited edition
限♥量♥版宇宙守护者戒指 谢谢
Defender of the Universe ring, por favor.
好了
Okay. Here we go.
我早就想要这玩意儿了
Had my eye on this sucker for a while.
我要橡皮
And I will take the pencil eraser.
好
Okay.
你现在是阿鲁斯星球的守护者了
You are now the proud protector of the planet Arus.
而你可以擦掉
And you can erase stuff…
用铅笔写的东西
written in pencil.
小姐
M’lady?
我不想跟你直说
Well, I hate to break it to you,
但你的48分钟用完了
but your 48 minutes are up.
我用它能再换来多少分钟
Hey, how many more minutes can I get for this?
顺便一提 这五头小机器狮子合体后
FYI, five mini lion-bots come together
就会变身成战神金刚
to form one super-bot, so…
五头机器狮子吗 三分钟
Five mini lion-bots? Three minutes.
成交
Deal.
剩下的2分37秒 我们要做什么
What do we do with the remaining two minutes, 37 seconds?
抱抱
Cuddle?
你这样能坚持多久
How long can you keep this up?
一整年
All year?
情人节快乐
Happy Valentine’s Day.
春节快乐
Happy Chinese New Year.
是狗年[后入式]Year of the Dog.
放松点
Relax.
国际妇女节快乐
And Happy International Women’s Day.
不 不 不
No. No. No.
大斋节快乐
Happy Lent.
-韦德 -抱歉
– Wade? – Sorry.
万圣节快乐
Happy Halloween.
万圣节快乐
Happy Halloween.
感恩节快乐
Happy Thanksgiving.
我爱你
I love you.
如果你左腿是感恩节
If your left leg is Thanksgiving,
右腿是圣诞节的话
and your right leg is Christmas,
我能不能在假期中间拜访一下你
can I visit you between the holidays?
那毛衣太难看了
That sweater is terrible.
但你穿红色很好看
But red looks good on you.
红色适合你
Red’s your color.
让你眼睛里的红血丝更明显了
Brings out the bloodshot in your eyes.
我一直在想
Listen, I’ve been thinking…
是吗
Really?
为什么我们在一起这么幸福
about why we’re so good together.
为什么
Why’s that?