死侍2：我爱我家

我来这里是有原因的 我知道的时候自然会知道
There’s a reason why I’m here, and I’ll know when I know.
通常我的一切都会顺其自然发生
Everything usually just kind of works out for me.
比如2008年的瑞安·雷诺兹
Like 2008 Ryan Reynolds.
我不知道那是谁
I don’t know who that is.
你应聘成功了
You’re hired.
我真走运
Lucky me.
我喜欢她
I like her!
最后一个
And last, but not least…
皮特
Peter.
你在逗我吗还是…
Am I getting catfished here or…?
你有什么能力吗
Any powers you wanna tell us about?
没有
No.
我没有能力
I don’t have one.
我只是看到了广♥告♥
Um, I just saw the ad.
没有任何超能力吗
No superpowers at all?
我有1型和2型糖尿病
Uh, I have both Type 1 and 2 Diabetes.
糖尿病就这两种
That’s all the diabetes.
是啊 你都占了
Right? Yeah, you got ’em all.
如果你发现3型 记得告诉我们
If you find a Type 3, let us know.
对
Yeah.
你应聘成功了
You’re in.
-对 -操
– Yeah. – Fuck!
很让人有成就感
It’s fulfilling work.
快走
Let’s go!
17车队正离开冰盒
This is Convoy 17 departing the Ice Box.
正在路上
We are en route.
和平时期让人软弱
Peacetime makes people soft.
我生于战争
I was born into war.
长于战争
Bred into it.
知道了
Okay.
你感受过的最痛苦的事是什么
What’s the most pain you’ve ever felt?
这些束带挺…
These restraints are pretty…
大家以为理解痛苦
People think they understand pain.
其实他们对痛苦根本没有概念
They have no concept of it
他们只知道自己最糟糕的经历
beyond their own worst experience.
对五岁的人来说
5 years old. That’s what?
是被蜜蜂蛰
A bee sting.
对
Oh, yeah.
对20岁的人来说 弹片刮擦
20 years old, shrapnel.
对40岁的人来说 疾病
40 years old, disease.
或许那种经历会让你变得机械部分多于肉体部分
Maybe the kind that leaves you more machine than man.
怂货不会变老
Yeah, getting old’s not for sissies.
所以我奶奶以前经常…
That’s what my Grandma Ginny used to…
我排了顺序
I’ve got a list.
我们要按照上面的顺序来
We’re gonna work down it.
一起
Together.
首先我要掰弯点东西
Number one, I’m gonna bend something.
有些原本不该弯的东西
Something that was not meant to bend.
你还是就此打住吧
I’m gonna stop you right there
我肯定坚持不到第二条
because I’m not gonna make it to two.
我连第一条都坚持不到
I won’t even make it to one.
我受不了痛苦
I don’t do well with pain, you know.
如果撞到脚趾头 那我一天就毁了
If I stub my toe, I’m done for the day.
我喜欢的《费丽丝蒂》被取消时我都哭了
I cried when they canceled Felicity.
我真正害怕时 会因为紧张而勃起
When I get really scared, I get nervous erections.
现在我就勃起了
I have one right now.
你别看 越看我越勃起
Don’t look. It’ll only make it worse.
我不想让你伤害我
I don’t want you to hurt me,
你想知道的事我都会告诉你
and I’ll tell you anything you wanna know.
除了他们在哪里
Except for where they are.
罗素在一个车队里 在杰瑞大根大道
Russell’s in a convoy heading southbound
往南行使
on Gerry Duggan Parkway.
那怪物跟他们在一起
The monster’s with them.
-我可不想招惹他 -你们都知道计划
-I wouldn’t fuck with him. – You all know the plan.
拦截车队
Intercept the convoy,
救出男孩 但方式要对
grab the boy. But not inappropriately!
知道吗 我也不想招惹死侍
You know what, i wouldn’t fuck with Deadpool either.
因为他组建了一个队伍 他所向无敌
Because he’s built a team. He’s unstoppable.
他屁♥股♥里有支笔 他会用那个捅你
He has an ass pen. He’ll stab you with it.
小心这个家伙 电索
Watch out for this guy, Cable!
他很矮 一米八 不跟漫画里一样
He’s very short, 5’11”. Not like in the comics.
如果我们成功 我们就早回家
And if we succeed, we all go home early.
所以如果你去对付他们 电索 我警告你
So if you go after them, Cable, I warn you…
注意大风
there’s a wind advisory in effect.
上面风有点大
A little turbulent up here.
我不是很了解这个叫电索的伙计
I don’t know much about this Cable fella…
不过我保证 他杀的人
but I guarantee he hasn’t killed
肯定不如黑素瘤害死的人多
as many people as melanoma has.
就快到了
We’re getting close!
作为前X战警…
As a former X-Man…
-是实习生 -谢谢 喧嚣
– Trainee. – Thank you, Bedlam.
我一直都震惊于那伙人名字中
I was always appalled by the blatant sexism
如此赤♥裸♥裸的性别歧视
in the group’s name.
X战警[男人] 非得男人吗
X-Men! Men!
重点是 我们要有前瞻性思维
The point is, our group will be forward thinking.
性别中立
Gender neutral.
此后我们就叫…
From now on, we’ll be known as…
X特工队
X-Force.
是不是有点山寨啊
Isn’t that a little derivative?
我没问你的意见 皮特
I don’t recall asking your opinion, Peter!
不是我说的
That wasn’t me.
降到1300英尺开始跳
Hang the laundry out at 1,300 feet…
拦截车队 救出男孩
intercept the convoy, and grab the boy.
来场大屠♥杀♥吧 宝贝儿
Let’s bring on the carnage, baby!
把我放到地面 瞧好吧
Get me on the ground, watch me go!
太想去杀人了
I can’t wait to kill!
我想说我真的为这支队伍骄傲
I just wanna say how proud I am of this team.
你们看起来棒极了
You know, you guys look amazing!
消隐者 毫无疑问你看起来也很棒
Vanisher, I have no doubt you look amazing too.
这是我一直
This is the family
梦想拥有的大家庭 我…
that I’ve always dreamed of having and I…
见鬼
Ah, shit.
我有时候会突然就说不下去了
I just get a little choked up sometimes.
我不想打断 不过有人
I hate to interrupt, but is anybody nervous
对大风紧张吗
about the high winds?
-盖瑞 -我叫皮特
– Gary. – My name’s Peter.
我知道你第一次干这种事 不过尽管放松
I realize that you’re new to this, but relax.
你是被至高权力选中的人
You’ve been chosen by a higher power.
-他刚才说自己是上帝吗 -好像是
– Did he just call himself God? – I think he did.
-我想回家 -我还想
– I’d like to go home. – And I’d like…
麦当劳烤汁猪排堡全年供应呢
the McRib to be available year round,
但有时候梦想不会成真
but sometimes dreams don’t come true.
我在特种部队待了十年
I spent 10 years in Special Forces.
你以为我们会因为一点小风
You think we didn’t jump out of the plane
就不从飞机里跳下去吗
because of a light breeze?
你别无可去了 小胡子
You’re in this shit now, Mustache!
我大喊只是为了给其他人看
I’m only yelling to impress the other guys.
我绝不会让你出事的 小甜心
I’d never let anything happen to you, Sugarbear.
莱纳德 来吧
Leonard, hit it!
跳 跳 跳
Go! Go! Go!
来爽一把
Let’s get some!
车队在12点钟方向 听我口令
Convoy, 12 o’clock! On my command!
部署 搞什么
Deploy! Oh, hey now!
有点偏离轨道
Little off course here.
我勒个大操
Holy mommy fucking shit!
他们在那里
Ah, there they are.
看这些华丽的混♥蛋♥
Look at these gorgeous sons of bitches.
好样的 喧嚣
Oh, yeah! That’s right, Bedlam!
不 真他娘操蛋
No! Tripping motherfucking billies!
里碎星 你可以的
Shatterstar. Okay, you got this.