死侍2：我爱我家

Label everything in the refrigerator!
-不要擅自升序 -规则就是用来破坏的
– Do not escalate! – Rules are meant to be broken!
那跟设定规则的本意恰好背道而驰
That’s the exact opposite of what they’re meant for!
操 好吧
Fuck! Fine!
那我从头开始
I’ll start from the beginning.
我叫死侍 我是一名X战警
My name is Deadpool, and I’m an X-Man.
-实习生 -闭嘴
– Trainee! – Shut it!
听着 我明白
Look, I get it.
你很害怕
All right, you’re scared.
孤单
Alone.
你没有家庭
You got no family.
我也没有家庭
I didn’t have a family, either.
你住在这个垃圾堆 你猜怎么着
You live in this dump. Guess what?
我以前也住在这种狗洞
I used to live in a shithole just like it.
但是你知道吗
But you know something?
一个智慧的女人曾跟我说过
A wise woman once said to me…
“大声点”
“Speak up.”
“你嘴里含着屌♥ 说话听不到”
“I can’t hear you with that pity dick in your mouth.”
太过了吗 我扯太远了
Too much? I went too far.
真兴奋
That was effervescent.
好好读书 孩子
Stay in school, kid.
不读也行 我就没读
Or don’t. I didn’t.
而我现在是一名X战警
And I’m an X-Man.
实习生
Trainee.
操
Fuck it!
超级英雄式落地
Superhero landing coming up!
金刚狼燕麦片
操操操
Ah, fuck, fuck, fuck!
这种落地法真是太不现实了
That is so not practical.
我也许能适应这种X战警的方式
I could get used to this X-Man shit.
实习生
Trainee!
实习生
Trainee!
给他上能力束缚带 快
Get a power restraint on him. Now!
冷静点 小松鼠 结束了 抓到你了
Calm down, squirt. It’s over. We got ya.
那是用来干什么的
What’s that do?
能力衰减项圈
Power-dampening collar.
抑制所有变种人能力
Shuts down all mutant abilities.
摘不下来 除非用手榴弹
You can’t get it off. Unless you’ve got a grenade.
本来一开始就可以用这个
Could’ve used one of those in the first act.
谢谢你
Thank you!
真是太令人激动了
That was absolutely thrilling.
真正的英雄主义
True heroism in action.
我们欠你的
We are in your debt.
接下来就交给我们吧
We can take it from here.
带我去冰盒吧 求你了
Take me to the Ice Box, please!
任何地方都比这里好
Anywhere’s better than here.
相信我 孩子
Believe me, son,
你绝对不想去冰盒的
you do not wanna go to the Ice Box.
跟那儿对比 希♥特♥勒♥的肛♥门♥都能算旅游胜地
That place makes Hitler’s anus look like Waikiki.
先带你进去吧 年轻人
Let’s get you inside, young man.
不 等一下 等一下
No, wait, wait. Wait.
你们待着别动
You guys stay there.
那些人伤害你了吗
Those guys hurt you?
谁
Who?
那个秃头 还是贾罗德·库辛那
Baldilocks? Jared Kushner?
两个都是
Both of ’em?
去他妈的
Oh, fuck it.
四五个瞬间
Four or five moments!
什么
I’m sorry?
四五个瞬间
Four or five moments!
做英雄只需要这点时间
That’s all it takes to be a hero.
人们以为你醒来就是英雄样
People think you wake up a hero…
刷牙就是英雄样
brush your teeth a hero…
手♥淫♥到洗洁精盒里就是英雄样
ejaculate into a soap dispenser a hero.
但是不 做英雄只要几分钟
But, no, being a hero takes only a few moments!
几分钟
A few moments…
做别人不愿意做的脏活
doing the ugly stuff no one else will do.
不
No!
后退 不要开火
Stand down! Hold your fire!
-韦德 你做了什么 -钢力士 不要
– Wade, what did you do? – Colossus, no!
你说得对 韦德 你不是当X战警的料
You were right, Wade. You are not X-Men material.
不是吧 闪亮甘地
No shit, Shiny Gandhi!
你怎么看出来的
What was your first clue?
透过那混♥蛋♥脸上的穿过去的弹孔吗
The hollow point through that fuckhead’s face?
那孩子遭到虐待了
That kid was abused!
-你看得出来 永远看得出来 -我们有规矩
– You can tell, you can always tell! – We have rules!
你不是法官 陪审团或行刑者
You are not judge, jury or executioner!
去你的规则 我为正确的事而战
Fuck your rules! I fight for what’s right!
有时候就得用脏的
And sometimes you gotta fight dirty!
你最后一次让我失望了 韦德
You let me down for the last time, Wade.
把这些人关起来
Okay, get these guys in the pod.
带他们去冰盒
Take them to the Ice Box.
宝贝
Hey, baby!
不知道我会加入什么帮派
I wonder what gang I’ll be in.
有没有分院帽之类的东西
Is there, like, a Sorting Hat?
我一直觉得我自己更适合进东海岸赫奇帕奇学院
I’ve always seen myself as more of an East Coast Hufflepuff.
我在爱彼迎上预定时犯了一个巨大的错误
I’ve made a critical error on my Airbnb reservation.
网站上看起来明明不是这样的
This is not what the website looked like at all.
不过我很喜欢这装♥修♥风格
I love the decor though.
我真没想到绝望真的是一种颜色
I had no idea hopeless was a color.
左转 蠢蛋
Hard left, douchebag.
你先进
Please, after you.
又是个街头烦人的小子
Another disgusting minority off the streets.
今晚能睡个好觉了
We’ll sleep well tonight.
我们去吃个甜甜圈吧
Let’s get a bagel.
晚安 烦人的家伙
Nighty-night, you annoying prick!
你完全没了你的超能力
You’re a long way from your superpowers.
就是个小癌症
Yeah. Just a touch of cancer.
别担心 早就得了
Not to worry, we’re old friends.
我曾经很想做超级英雄
I wanted to be a superhero.
一直想要一套真正的超级英雄战服
Always wanted a real super suit.
然后发生了什么
What happened?
你什么时候见过超胖的超级英雄
When was the last time you saw a plus-sized superhero?
从来没见过
Never.
行业歧视
The industry discriminates.
去他们妈的超级英雄
Fuck superheroes.
最让我生气的是
The thing that pisses me off the most…
我从来没有为自己站出来过
I never stood up for myself in there.
我这一辈子
My whole life.
我一直在等待别人来拯救我
I’ve been waiting for someone to come and save me.
没有人为了我做出什么牺牲
Nobody’s gonna sacrifice anything for me.
我得开始自己照顾自己
I gotta start taking care of myself.
我现在有任务了
I have a mission now.
等我出去 要做的第一件事就是…
The first thing I wanna do when I get out of here…
活活烧死那个校长
burn the headmaster alive…
然后跟他的尸体残骸拍一张自♥拍♥
and then take a selfie with his smoldering corpse.
这是我在《圣经》中最喜欢的部分
That’s, like, my favorite part of the Bible.
我身上没有袜子玩偶
I don’t have a sock puppet on me…
但是他对你做了什么
but what did he do to you?
他尝了尝彩虹吗[鸡♥奸♥]
Did he taste the rainbow?
我应该小声说的 但那样彩虹糖就会告我们
I’d whisper it, but Skittles would sue us.
那混♥蛋♥恨变种人
Fucker hates mutants.
他想通过折磨我们 毁灭我们的基因
He tried to beat the genes out of us.
没有比相信”祈祷能消灭同性恋”更可怕的人了
Nothing worse than a “Pray the gay away” Type guy.
该死的混♥蛋♥
Sick piece of shit.
明天 我们要找到这里块头最大的家伙
Tomorrow, we’ll find the biggest guy in here…
然后让他变成我们的人
and we’ll make him our bitch!
怎么回事
What was that?
那就是这里块头最大的家伙
That is the biggest guy in here.
冰盒有个传说
Fun fact about the Ice Box…
尽管从来没有人亲眼目睹过
though no one’s ever seen it,