死侍2：我爱我家

骨盆对骨盆
Pelvis to pelvis.
我们头挨着头
Let’s go tip to tip.
来吧 孩子们称之为”对接”
There we go. The kids call this docking.
有刀插在我小♥弟♥弟♥上吗
Is there a knife in my dick?
-有刀插在你小♥弟♥弟♥上 -我得退后了
– There’s a knife in your dick. – I’m just gonna back up now.
-没错 -没必要这样火力全开
– Yeah, yeah. – No need to go full Yentl.
假装从来没有发生过
Gonna pretend like that never happened.
我们回家吧 罗素
Let’s go home, Russell.
你们这些恶心的变种人
All you dirty mutants
将跟这个男孩一起在地狱腐烂
are gonna rot in hell with the boy!
你们的灵魂无法救赎了
Your souls are beyond redemption!
让我们看看你的灵魂 变♥态♥
Let’s see your soul, perv!
不不不 不要这样 我们没那么糟糕
No, no! No! No more! We’re better than that!
我们比他好多了
We’re better than him!
不再有无意义的暴♥力♥了 不再有流血了
No more senseless violence! No more bloodshed!
我们让他等报应吧
We’ll let karma take care of him.
审判的时候到了
The day of reckoning is here!
我会想他的 他人好像很不错
I’m gonna miss him. He seemed great.
勇气 混♥蛋♥们
Courage, motherfuckers!
还有报应 混♥蛋♥
And karma, motherfucker.
最后30秒的时候 我听到你来了
I could hear you coming the last 30 seconds.
我差点没忍♥住笑出来
I could barely keep a straight face.
我还要
I want some more.
那是肯定的 棕豹
I bet you do, Brown Panther.
我们应该在红混♥蛋♥醒来前离开
We should leave before Fuckernaut wakes up.
好主意 你们跟我们一起吗
Good call. You guys coming with us?
不了 我们要把孩子们送回宅子
No, we’ll get the kids back to the mansion.
另外 我们是X战警
Besides, we’re X-Men.
不 你是X人
No, you’re X-People.
你真让人心累
You’re exhausting.
我知道你是说俏皮话
I see what you did there. Puns.
我们的大门永远为你敞开
Our door’s always open.
太好了 但我还没准备好再约会
That’s kind, but I’m not ready to date again.
更不用说跟两个女人了
Let alone two women.
天啊 你真是个混♥蛋♥
God, you’re a douche.
-再见 韦德 -再见 雪绪
– Bye, Wade! – Bye, Yukio!
最后能有什么呢
What do you get
在你的队伍里有八英尺的铬…
when you take eight feet of chrome…
一点勇气…
one pinch of courage…
一点好运气…
a cup of good luck…
一点种族歧视…
a dab of racism…
一点糖尿病…
a splash of diabetes…
还有一个四期癌症病人时
and a wheelbarrow full of stage four cancer?
答案是一家人
Answer: a family.
看到没 我对于电影类型没有撒谎
See? I didn’t lie what kind of film this was.
如果说今天你学到了什么…
If there’s anything you take away today…
除了要去谷歌♥”回响贝斯是什么”
other than the need to Google, “What the fuck is dubstep?”…
那就是我们都需要归属于某个人
it’s that we all need to belong to someone.
如此小的东西如何产生
How something so small generates
足够的能量让时间倒流…
enough energy to reverse time is…
修好它就行了 十一
Oh, just fix it, Eleven,
不然我要把它拿去天才吧
or I’ll take it to the Genius Bar.
电索知道的话会杀了你的
Cable’s gonna kill you when he finds out.
从来没听说过他
Never heard of him.
我为什么要帮他呢
Why do you think I’m helping him?
上帝的行事方式很神秘
The Lord works in mysterious ways,
不是吗 再见了
don’t I? A good day.
再见 韦德
Bye, Wade!
再见 雪绪
Bye, Yukio!
这可能不是个好主意
That was probably a bad idea.
我们做了什么
What have we done?
希望我们磨快了奶油干酪涂抹刀
I hope we sharpened the cream cheese spreader.
我马上回来
I’ll be right back!
我们一定要给我们的孩子取名雪儿
We’re definitely naming our kid Cher!
皮特
Peter!
X特工队
X-Force!
走开 快走开
Walk away! Just walk away!
-但我们是X特工队 -不 我们不是
– But we’re X-Force! – Nope! We’re not.
X特工队只是一个营销工具
X-Force is just a marketing tool
是福斯高管设计出来
designed by Fox executives…
让乔什·布洛林不失业的
to keep Josh Brolin employed.
其实根本不存在
It doesn’t exist.
好吧 那还真是吓人
All right, well, this has been pretty scary!
而且我得去喂我的猫了
And I need to feed my cat!
回家吧 小甜心 回家吧
Go home, Sugarbear. Go home.
好 你把我的邮箱地址给多米诺好吗
Okay. Will you give Domino my email?
韦德 是你吗
Wade, is that you?
看来史崔克终于
I guess Stryker finally
想办法让你闭嘴了
figured out how to shut you up.
是我 不要惊慌
Hey! It’s me! Don’t scratch!
只是在整理时间线
Just cleaning up the timelines!
听着 终有一天你会收起爪子
Look, eventually you’re going to hang up the claws…
而那会让很多人很伤心
and it’s gonna make a lot of people very sad.
但有一天你的老伙计韦德会让你
But one day, your old pal Wade’s gonna ask you…
再重回马背冲锋陷阵
to get back in the saddle again.
到那时候 记得答应
And when he does, say yes.
知道了
Oh, right.
爱你
Love you!
我天 真棒
Goddamn, that’s beautiful.
不客气 加拿大
You’re welcome, Canada.
我去
Boy howdy.
你好 这是个小坏蛋
Hi. This is a toughie.
哎呦
Yeesh.
很好 你已经开始练习敬礼了啊
Oh, yes. You’re already practicing your salute, huh?
没错 我们会处理的 是不是
Yes, you are. Well, we’ll take care of that, won’t we?
天啊 这比我想象中难多了
Jesus Christ! This is so much harder than I thought.
我真受不了了
Oh, I’m going to hell.
我们两个都是
That makes two of us.
你可以的
You can do this.
太疯狂了 太疯狂了
This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy.
好了
All right.
1889年4月20日
尽力而为
Maximum effort.
没事了 乖
That’s okay. Let me see here.
天啊
Oh, God.
所以才说你是个小坏蛋
That’s why you’re such a little bastard.
没人给你换过尿布
No one’s ever changed you.
屁屁都被屎尿粘住了 是不是
Yeah, you got a big, old stinky in there, don’t you?
天啊 闻起来像希♥特♥勒♥的屁♥股♥
God, it smells like Hitler’s anus…
这么说很对 是吧 好了
which would makes sense, wouldn’t it? Yeah.
我们都知道
I think we both know
我没那么狠心下手
I don’t have what it takes to do this…
所以我会快速给你换个尿布
so I’m just gonna change your diaper real quick…
然后回去找我的朋友电索一起来
and then I’m gonna come back with my friend, Cable.
他特别喜欢杀小孩子
He loves killing kids.