死侍2：我爱我家

某种战士吗
Some kind of soldier?
差不多吧
Yeah, something like that.
我曾是特种部队战士
I was a soldier. Special Forces.
五十年后我们肯定会成为好哥们
I bet 50 years from now, we’re bestest buddies.
五十年后你早死了
50 years from now, you’re very dead.
你们这一代把这个星球搞死了
Your entire generation fucked this planet into a coma.
剧透警告
Spoiler alert.
星球啊
Planets.
下次还是打优步吧
Next time, Uber.
我给你剧透一点
Here’s a spoiler alert.
你不是英雄
You’re not a fucking hero.
你只是个穿成性玩具的烦人小丑
You’re just an annoying clown dressed up as a sex toy.
我有消息告诉你
Well, I got news for you.
我的心放对了地方
My heart is in the right place.
罗素不会杀任何人
Russell’s not gonna kill anyone.
因为我 他会知道真正的爱是什么
Because of me, he’s gonna know what real love looks like.
我们都会死
We’re all going to die.
因为你 我会一直知道
Because of you, I’ll always know
成年人长了婴儿蛋是什么样
what a grown man with baby balls looks like.
我会变大的 又不是大不起来
I’m a grower, not a shower.
天啊 真希望这是公交车
God, I wish this were a bus
那样我就可以按铃下车了
where I could pull the string and get out.
还好开车的不是电索
It’s a good thing Cable’s not driving,
否则你就坐后排了
or you’d be in the back.
-我本来就坐后排 -这里
– I am in the back. – Right here!
我错了
I made mistakes!
我想收回
I wanna take them back!
你信任过我 我将那份信任
You trusted me. I took that trust…
变成了机场卫生间里的一个鸟洞
and turned it into a glory hole in an airport bathroom.
就是明尼阿波利斯那个 你知道的
The one in Minneapolis. You know the one.
但连你都知道我不是个十足的混♥蛋♥
But even you know I’m not a complete piece of shit.
我曾经是X战警
I was once an X-Man.
实习生
Trainee!
你还在用我的尼龙搭扣标签啊
You’re still using my Velcro labels. Aw.
确实比胶带更好用
They do stick better than tape.
你好 韦德
Hi, Wade!
别这样
Please don’t.
你想说什么就说吧 快点
Say whatever it is you’re here to say. Make it quick.
好 快
Right. Quick.
就是那个孩子 就像你 我也让他失望了
It’s the kid. Just like you, I let him down.
就像我
And just like me,
从没有人为他牺牲过
he’s never had anyone sacrifice anything for him…
因为全世界很久以前
because the whole world wrote him off
就把他当成垃圾放弃了
as a piece of shit a long time ago.
他现在跟红坦克组队了
Look, he’s teamed up with the Juggernaut!
红坦克
The Juggernaut!
那是我最喜欢的漫威角色
Who’s, like, my favorite Marvel character ever…
你好 雪绪 谢谢你跟我打招呼
And hi, Yukio! That was really nice of you to say hi…
所以我也跟你打个招呼
so I’m saying hi back.
你们在一起真般配
You guys make a super cute couple.
真的 我说到哪里了
Yeah. Where was I?
想起来了 永远不该见自己的偶像
Oh, yeah. You should never meet your heroes…
因为说真的 他有点混♥蛋♥
because, honestly, he’s a bit of a dick!
跟大多数混♥蛋♥一样 他坚硬无比
And like a lot of dicks, he’s hard as a rock…
而且只会惹麻烦
and causes nothing but problems!
你可以阻止红坦克 我知道你可以
Look, you can stop the Juggernaut. I know you can.
你知道如果我帮你 我会是什么下场吗
Do you know what would happen to me if I helped you?
我会丢脸
I would be disgraced.
你是个犯罪分子 逃犯
You are a criminal, a fugitive.
但最糟糕的是
But worst of all…
你让我心碎了 韦德
you broke my heart, Wade.
那你知道吗
Then you know what?
你的心没放对位置 大块头
Your heart’s in the wrong place, big guy.
做正确的事有时候会很操蛋
Doing the right thing is sometimes messy…
完球 而且不会很方便
and fucked up, and not particularly convenient!
所以你就待在你的处♥女♥城♥堡♥里吧
So stay here in Chateau de Virgin…
我们去嗨了
while we go get our fuck on!
你表现得很好
You’re doing great.
你戴着头盔是因为
So you wear that helmet because
你兄弟想读你的心吗
your brother tries to read your mind?
对 不过他现在坐轮椅了 我们扯平了
Yeah, but he’s in a wheelchair, so even-steven.
有人来了 是罗素 先生
Someone’s coming. It’s Russell, sir.
而且他不是一个人
And he’s not alone.
保证孩子们的安全
Secure the children.
他们不会取代我们的
They will not replace us.
我们去大干一场如何
What do you say we go fuck some shit up?
“我们去大干一场”就是我的中间名
“Let’s fuck some shit up” is my legal middle name.
你给我断后 我对付那个老头子
Watch my back. I’ve got the old man.
阿门 兄弟
Amen, brother.
是时候嗨起来了
Time to make the chimichangas.
30秒
30 seconds.
我终于知道为什么来此了
I finally know why I’m here.
我是在这里被抚养长大的
I was raised in this place.
其实不是抚养 而是折磨
Well, not raised. I was tortured.
震惊 你来此的宇宙原因大白天下了
Wow! It’s your cosmic reason for being here.
-走吧 -肯定会很好玩
– Shall we? – This is gonna be fun.
是啊
Yeah!
我一直想问你
Hey! Been meaning to ask you…
你为什么带着那个脏兮兮的恶心玩具熊
what’s with the dirty, disgusting hobo bear?
那不是弄脏了 是我死去女儿的血
It’s not dirt. It’s the blood of my dead daughter.
你是熊吗[你在吗] 上帝 我是玛格丽特
Are You Bear, God? It’s Me, Margaret.
来顶个拳
Give me some.
俗话说笑声治愈一切
They say laughter heals anything…
当然 除了那个
except, of course, that.
应该打开音乐了
We should just cue the music.
欢迎回家 罗素 我们很想你
Welcome home, Russell. We missed you.
罗素
Russell!
你不用这样 我们谈谈
You don’t need to do this! Let’s talk!
你为什么穿成炸♥弹♥客的样子
Why are you dressed like the Unabomber?
-这就是原因 -我早说过 这个小混♥蛋♥无药可救了
– That’s why! – Told you this little fucker’s too far gone.
闭嘴 灭霸 我们说好了的 你…
Zip it, Thanos! We have a deal and you fuck…
我要把那个出租车司机插♥进♥你的菊花里
I’m gonna shove that cab driver right up your ass.
我的身体和手都很柔软
My body and my hands are so soft.
-你还是回车上吧 -我还是回车上吧
– You should probably head back to the car. – I think I’ll head back to the car.
扣动扳机的时候 枪才最好用
It works best when you pull the trigger.
这把枪太赞了
That gun is amazing!
说出来
Say it!
你是个怪胎
You are an abomination!
现在我要把红色家伙插♥进♥这个老家伙菊花里
Now, I’m gonna shove the red guy up the old guy.
我相信他的话 分散战斗
I believe him! Every man for themselves!
逮住你了
Gotcha!
受死吧 侏儒
Beat it, midget!
大家伙 太阳快下山了
Hey, big guy, the sun’s getting real low!
惨了
Oh, shit fuck!
过来 美人
Come here, beautiful.
说出来
Say it!
你为我而来了
You came for me.
我不会放弃你的
I’m not giving up on you,
你也不要放弃那个男孩
and you are not giving up on that boy.
谁说的规矩不是用来破坏的
Who says that rules aren’t meant to be broken?
是时候用脏的了
It’s time to fight dirty.
是时候用扫堂腿了 强尼
Time to sweep the leg, Johnny.
喂 挑个跟自己个头差不多的人欺负
Hey! Pick on someone your own size!
这话真是你的风格
That’s such a you thing to say!
去干掉他 猛虎
Go get him, tiger!
特效打斗场面登场了
Big CGI fight coming up!
他完全没问题
He’s doing great.
说出来
Say it!
-罗素 -对了
– Russell. – Bingo!
看到那辆巴士了吗
You see that bus?