死侍2：我爱我家

Russell!
罗素 你在哪里
Russ, where are ya?
罗素 罗素 你没事
Russell. Russell, you’re okay!
谢天谢地 天啊
Oh, thank God. Oh, my God!
红坦克
Juggernaut!
我就知道是你
I thought that was you!
我应该穿白裤子来的
I should’ve worn my white pants.
可能你已经见怪不怪了 但我是你的铁杆粉丝
You probably get this a lot, but I am a huge fan.
《X战警 神秘版》183期 《雷神》411期
Uncanny X-Men183. Thor411.
《X战警 无限》12期
X-Men Unlimited12.
我一直都梦想
You know, it has always been a dream of mine…
看到你冲向我想杀我时…
to see my face reflected in your helmet…
在你的头盔上映出我自己的脸
as you charge at me with murderous intent.
我不是指现在
I don’t mean right now.
我要马上把你撕成两半
I’m gonna rip you in half now.
这话真有红坦克的风格
That is such a Juggernaut thing to say.
天啊 我感受不到自己的腿了
Oh, my God! I can’t feel my legs.
我感受不到…
I can’t feel…
不 腿在这里
Oh, no, they’re right here.
找到了 天啊 罗素
Got ’em. God, Russell.
我有自己的任务
I have a mission.
复仇
To get my revenge.
我要活活烧死那个院长
I’m going to burn that headmaster alive.
你不是复仇的料
You’re not the revenge type.
我一个朋友是这么说的
Take it from a friend.
朋友 你有难的时候我保护了你
Friend? You were sick, and I protected you.
你自己亲口说的
You said it yourself.
“我不是你的朋友 找个更强大的人”
“I’m not your friend. Find someone stronger.”
所以我找了
So I did.
罗素 当时我没能保护你
Russell, I couldn’t protect you back then.
但现在我能了 你想让我说什么
But I can now. What do you want me to say, huh?
“我在乎你”吗 真是的
“I care about you”? ‘Cause goddamn it,
我在乎你 罗素
I care about you, Russell.
红坦克有什么我没有的
What’s Juggernaut got that I don’t have?
别说是腿 我就知道你会说是腿
Don’t you say legs! I know you’re gonna say legs!
-腿 -听你说出来我还是很心痛
– Legs! – Still hurts to hear out loud!
那是什么 那不是真绳子
What is that? That’s not a real rope!
你给我回来 年轻人
You get back here, young man!
多米诺
Doms!
多米诺 带我离开 拜托
Doms, get me out of here, please.
把我的胳膊当成背带
Use my arms as backpack straps.
我们可能找到
I think we may have found
你在此的宇宙原因了
your cosmic reason for being here.
我很确定不是这个
I’m pretty sure this isn’t it.
X特工队
X-Force.
没有没希望的孩子
No child is hopeless.
-别放弃那个男孩 -他怎么能就那样离开
– Don’t give up on the boy. – How could he just walk away?
他眼神中充满冷漠
It was the coldness in his eyes.
你应该听听他怎么说的
You should’ve heard it.
看来家庭真的是脏话
I guess family really is an F-word.
揉揉我的腿 妈妈
Rub my legs, Mama.
为什么要揉你的腿
Why would I rub your legs?
拜托 很疼 我这是生长痛
Please, they hurt. I have growing pains.
这是…
What in the…
你的手为什么又这么小了
Why is your hand so tiny again?
那不是我的手
That’s not my hand.
苍天大地我的娘啊
Oh! Mary, mother of Joseph!
我不介意
That was nice for me.
韦德 我听说车队的事了…
Wade! I heard what happened with the convoy and…
你还是盖起来吧
Why wouldn’t you cover that up?
真正的勇士没有什么可羞耻的
A warrior has nothing to be ashamed of.
但你有 你自己看看
Yeah, but you do. Look at you.
你只用衬衫盖着自己的弟弟
You’re just straight shirt-cocking it,
跟蹒跚学步的小孩一样
toddler-style.
对 完全小熊维尼风
Oh, yeah. Full Winnie the Pooh.
到底怎么了 描述一下
The hell’s happening? Describe it.
换做我我可不会让他那么做
I wouldn’t ask him to do that, if I were you.
-就是… -好吧
– It’s like, um… – Here we go.
就好像他在用屁♥眼♥生孩子
It’s like he was giving birth anally,
但是生到一半停住了
but they quit halfway through.
腿都出来了 然后孩子说
They got the legs out, and they said,
“算了 我不想出来了”
“You know what, I’m done.”
高兴了吗 就好像他腰以下是个木偶
Happy? It’s like he’s a Muppet from the waist down.
但这次 你可以看到
But this time, you can see
木偶的鸡鸡
the Muppet’s dick.
木偶格罗弗有个小树枝一样的老二
Grover’s got a cock the size of a twig.
Mr. Weasel, I can no longer be double-parked.
我已经收到三张罚单了
I’ve had three tickets already.
不不不 死侍 你又来
No, no, no, DP, not again!
以前这样过吗
This has happened before?
天啊 要么吐出来 要么咽下去
Jesus! Either vomit or don’t.
你这犹豫不决快把我搞疯了
The indecision is killing me.
上帝为什么不夺走我的听力
Why couldn’t God take my hearing?
淡定 正在长回来
Cool your pits. They’re growing back.
我说得是你的脸
I’m talking about your face.
我第一次见你不戴面具
I’ve never seen you without your mask before.
-苍天 -像个牛油果
– Jesus Christ! – Looks like an avocado.
不过你的腿很可爱
Your legs, though, they’re cute.
想借条裤子穿吗
You wanna borrow a pair of pants?
很高兴大家都来了
I’m glad everybody dropped by.
你们肯定好奇我什么不叫你们来
You must be wondering why I didn’t call you here.
我来告诉你我来的原因
I’ll tell you why I’m here.
“时间旅行者的妻子”的丈夫
“The Time Traveler’s Wife’s” husband…
差点把我揍死了
beat me within an inch of my life.
他狠狠折磨了我
He was torturing me!
但我就只告诉了他他想知道的所有事
But all I told him was everything he wanted to know.
所以我是来帮忙做准备的
So, I’m here to help us gear up.
我们好不带我去找他算账
So we can go after him without me.
不
No!
我一个人去
I’m doing this alone.
红坦克
The Juggernaut
-会把你们都杀了 -好吧
– will kill you all. – Fair enough.
再给我几个小时 让我把腿
I just need a couple of hours to get some legs
-长回来 -你要怎么做
– under me. – What will you do?
我不管那孩子怎么对我
I don’t care what the kid did to me.
我绝不会让电索抓到他
I ain’t letting Cable get to him,
即使我得用蛋蛋把他闷死
even if I have to teabag him to death.
现在的大小只能拍拍他的脸吧
It’s really just a sip of tea at this point.
闭嘴 黑人黑寡妇 我正文思泉涌
Zip it, black Black Widow! I’m flowing.
现在的第一件事是
The first order of business is
把我带到电索面前
to get me in front of Cable…
让我把他的血都放干
so I can pull all the fucking blood out of his body…
把他的骨头做成节日纪念品
and fashion his bones into holiday jewelry.
然后我会剥了他的皮
Then, I’m gonna take his skin…
用来做鼓面
and stretch it out over a homemade mating drum.
他就站在你们身后 是吗
He’s standing right behind you, isn’t he?
搞什么
What in the ass?
这间公♥寓♥的地址在约炮软件上吗
Is this apartment listed on Tinder? Grindr?
你挑错地方惹事了 未来小子
You picked the wrong shithole to fuck, future boy.
真的有那个必要吗
Ugh. Is that really necessary?
不 那只是他的本能
No. It’s his “Basic Instinct.”
你有什么事
What can we help you with?
我是来找你求欢[建议]的
I’m here to proposition you.
苍天啊
Oh, boy!
他真是够幽默啊
He’s really teeing it up, isn’t he?
谁来开第一个玩笑
Who gets to make the first joke?
我们还是同时来吧
I think we should all do it at the same time.
好主意
Good call.
45刀给你口
For $45, you get sucky-suck.
只能穿着裤子用嘴来
I only do over the pants, mouth stuff.
-操 -《关键协议[求欢]》里盖·皮尔斯有精彩表现
– Fuck! – The Proposition has a wonderful guy Pearce performance.