死侍

在后面太寂寞了
Kinda lonesome back here.
来 帮个忙
Yeah, little help.
好 可是我得把着方向盘
Okay, just, I have to keep my hands on the wheel.
让一下
Excuse me.
我是都朋德
Dopinder.
死侍
Pool. Dead.
不错嘛
Nice.
味道好闻吧
Smells good, no?
不是水仙白日梦香片 我说那姑娘
Not the Daffodil Daydream. The girl.
对 她是吉塔
Ah, yes. Gita.
她可漂亮了
She is quite lovely.
本来她可以嫁给我当个好媳妇儿的
She would have made me a very agreeable wife.
可是
But…
吉塔却迷上了我表哥班度
Gita’s heart has been stolen by my cousin Bandhu.
他无♥耻♥的程度跟撩妹的手段相当
He is as dishonorable as he is attractive.
都朋德 我突然觉得
Dopinder, I’m starting to think
冥冥之中安排好了我坐你的车
there’s a reason I’m in this cab today.
是你叫的车 先生 记得吗
Yeah, sir, you called for it, remember?
不 我的棕色瘦猴朋友
No, my slender brown friend.
爱情美妙至极
Love is a beautiful thing.
当你找到爱情时
When you find it, the whole world
全世界都充满了水仙白日梦的味道
tastes like Daffodil Daydream.
所以你一定要将爱紧紧地
So you gotta hold onto love…
抓住
Tight!
绝不放手
And never let go.
不要犯跟我一样的错误
Don’t make the same mistakes I did.
-明白 -懂了
– Got it? – Yeah.
否则整个世界都是肥婆做完高温瑜伽的味
Or else the whole world tastes like Mama June after hot yoga.
先生 你说肥婆有什么味
Sir, what does Miss Mama June taste like?
就像俩流浪汉在灌满尿的鞋里互干
Like two hobos fucking in a shoe filled with piss.
行了 够了
Okay, enough.
我能给你形容一天 重点是 很臭
I can go all day, Dopinder. The point is, it’s bad!
是臭
It’s bad.
为什么爱穿红色套装 死先生
Why the fancy red suit, Mr. Pool?
因为到圣诞节了呀 都朋德
Oh, that’s because it’s Christmas Day, Dopinder.
我在找一个坏孩子
And I’m after someone on my naughty list.
已经等了一年零三周
I’ve been waiting one year, three weeks…
加六天
six days and, oh…
14分钟
14 minutes
让他弥补对我犯下的错误
to make him fix what he did to me.
他把你怎么了 死先生
And what did he do to you, Mr. Pool?
这样
This shit…
他们不会让你失望的
They won’t disappoint.
最好是
They’d better not.
下个月的货呢
And what about next month’s shipment?
不会有了
There won’t be one.
又不是只有你一家在打仗
You’re not the only one with a war to win.
那可不行
That won’t do.
是这样 我们的供给链
See, we’ve had this small disruption
出现了一点小问题
to our supply chain…
希望您能够耐心等待
We’d appreciate your patience.
好的
Okay.
下个月我们将全额交货
We’ll deliver in full the following month.
跟你合作非常愉快
Pleasure doing business with you.
死变种人
Fucking mutant.
操
Oh, shit!
我忘带弹♥药♥包了
I forgot my ammo bag.
要调头吗
Shall we turn back?
不 没时间了
No, no time.
去他妈的 就这样吧
Fuck it. I got this.
9 10 11 12颗子弹 或者被♥干♥
9, 10, 11, 12 bullets, or bust.
到了
Right here!
一共是27.5美元
That’s, uh, $27.50.
我♥干♥活的时候从来不带钱包
I… I never carry a wallet when I’m working.
会破坏我造型的线条感
Ruins the lines of my suit.
要不
But…
爽快地击个掌
how about a crisp high five?
行吧
Okay.
圣诞快乐
Merry Christmas.
祝你四月周二酒宴节也快乐 死先生
And a convivial Tuesday in April to you too, Pool!
你好啊 我知道你们很困惑对不对
Oh, hello. I know, right?
我到底给谁揉蛋
Whose balls did I have to fondle
才换来一部我自己做主角的电影
to get my very own movie?
我不能告诉你
I can’t tell you,
但是谐音很像”精钢狼”
but it does rhyme with “Polverine.”
我跟你们说
And let me tell you,
他下面那对澳洲小坏蛋可是相当有手感
he’s got a nice pair of smooth criminals down under.
总之我有几个地方要去 还有张脸要修
Anyway, I got places to be, a face to fix and, oh…
还有坏人要杀
Bad guys to kill.
全力以赴
Maximum effort.
猴子偷桃
Cock shot.
科林斯皮革的豪车啊
Rich Corinthian leather.
我在找弗朗西斯
I’m looking for Francis!
你见到这人了吗
Have you seen this man?
废物 废物
Yanky, yanky!
这句我从来不说 不过别咽下去
I’ve never said this, but don’t swallow.
糟糕
Shit.
我是不是没关炉子就出来了
Did I leave the stove on?
突发新闻播报
Now, breaking news.
今早跨城高速公路上
A multi-car collision turned shots fired
一起多车连环车祸后引发枪战
on the crosstown expressway this morning.
警♥察♥被交通堵塞阻拦无法到达案发现场
Gridlock has kept police from the scene.
建议民众待在家中
Residents are advised to remain in their homes.
攻击者涉嫌携带武器 十分危险
The assailant appears to be armed, dangerous,
并穿着…
and wearing…
-红色套装 -红色套装
– a red suit. – A red suit.
死侍
Deadpool.
弹头少女 走 来活了
Negasonic! Come, we have mission.
钢力士 等等
Colossus, wait up.
我已经给足机会让死侍加入我们
I’ve given Deadpool every chance to join us…
可他总跟个熊孩子似的
but he’d rather act like a child.
全副武装的熊孩子
A heavily-armed child.
他什么时候能长大 了解当X战警的好处
When will he grow up and see benefits of becoming X-Man?
什么好处 配套的紧身衣
Which benefits? The matching unitards?
还是每几年就被炸飞一次的房♥子
The house that blows up every few years?
拜托
Please.
炸飞房♥子有助于怡情养性
House blowing up builds character.
吃过早餐了吧
You ate breakfast, yes?
早餐是一天中最重要的一餐
Breakfast is most important meal of day.
给 蛋白棒 对骨头好
Here, protein bar. Good for bones.
当心死侍把你打骨折
Deadpool may try to break yours.
别挡路
Get out of the way!
等等
Wait!
你们可能会好奇 “为什么穿红色套装”
You may be wondering, “Why the red suit?”
这样坏人就看不到我流血啦
Well, that’s so bad guys can’t see me bleed.
这哥们就懂
This guy’s got the right idea.
他穿了屎黄色的裤子
He wore the brown pants.
好吧 我只有12颗子弹
Fine! I only have 12 bullets,
你们只能分享了
so you’re gonna have to share!
开始倒数
Let’s count them down.
靠
Shit.
小兔崽子
Motherfucker!
十 操
10! Shit!
九 你♥娘♥的♥
Nine. Fuck.
八
Eight.
干♥你♥娘♥的
Shit-fuck!
死侍笨笨
Bad Deadpool.
七 死侍棒棒
Seven. Good Deadpool.
某宝宝没数数 六
Someone’s not counting. Six.
四
Four…