一周不死，全额退款（2018）

如果你需要，我可以推你一把
I could push you, if you want.
天哪，干！
Jesus Fuck!
当心你会摔死自己
You should be careful.
You could kill yourself.
我能看吗？
Can I watch?
别想阻止我
You can’t stop me.
我不会的
No I wouldn’t try.
能问一下你干嘛要这样吗？
Can I ask why you’re doing this?
– 我是说跳下去 – 听我说
I mean jumping off a bridge?
我不想无礼，但你能不能…
Look, I don’t mean to be rude,
but could you, you know…
当然，当然，好！
Oh, sure, sure.
Yes, yes.
你要很久吗？
Are you going to be long?
干，你害我没心情了
Duh!
我是来帮你的
You’ve ruined the mood.
你走开就是帮我了
I’m here to help you.
You can help me by leaving me alone.
我能让你更容易些
Sure?
I could make this much easier.
不要吗？
No?
反正是你要死
Well, it’s your death.
来，这是我名片
Here, I’ve got a card.
给你
There you are.
如果你需要帮忙
If you need any help.
听我说
Look, I appreciate what you’re trying to do,
谢谢你想帮我
听我说
Look, I appreciate what you’re trying to do,
but
谢谢你想帮我
but
但我不需要帮忙
I’m past help.
好吧
Yes, well,
祝你好运
good luck.
(dramatic orchestral music rising
去死！
Hell.
《一周毙命：不死退费》
你没往下看？
And you didn’t look down?
我眼睛闭着
I had my eyes shut.
某方面来说，你真的很倒霉
In a way you’re very unlucky.
这回是被什么刺♥激♥？
And what prompted this time?
一定有事，你可以告诉我
Must be something.
You can tell me.
我们的生命是一场
Our lives are a futile struggle
想对无意义做出意义的无聊奋斗
to make sense of the senseless.
威廉
Oh William.
你看看我有多惨
You can see my predicament.
我的一位救生员想自杀
One of my lifeguards is suicidal.
让我极度不安
That’s hardly reassuring.
我真的很想了解，威廉
I’m really trying to understand William-
不是只有你有困扰
you’re not the only one with problems you know.
没错，这世界是狗屎
Yeah, the world is shit.
如果你整天看着那些屎
But if you stare all day at the shit
你当然只能看见屎
then there’s no wonder you can only see shit.
秘诀是找些事情，让它看起来可以忍♥受
The trick is to find something
that makes it appear bearable.
你枪抵着嘴，手指按扳机
You’ve got the gun in your mouth,
一想：我还没吃过特趣巧克力
your finger on the trigger but you think,
“I’ve never eaten a Twix.”
– 什么？ – 就是找事情
What?
分散你对糟糕现实的注意
It’s about finding something
to distract you from the terrible reality.
例如这份工作
Like this job.
我在休闲中心工作
I work in a leisure center.
你是救生员
You’re a lifeguard!
有什么比救人性命更重要？
What could be more important than saving people’s lives?
我哪时候救过人？
But when did I last save someone?
去年啊，理查德太太
Last year.
– 她在浅水区 – 她很苦恼
Mrs Richards.
She was in the shallow end.
她脚放下就好了
She was in distress.
但她没有
She could put her feet down.
她很惊慌，是你救了她
But she didn’t.
She was panicking and you saved her.
问题就在此，威廉
That’s the problem, William.
你除了质疑一切
Besides your questionable attitude,
也不够专心
you need to be here!
我想你不适合这份工作
I don’t think you’re suited to this profession.
我们必须解雇你
We have to let you go.
把这当做好消息吧
Think of this as a good thing.
你可以专心写作了
Now you can concentrate on your writing.
（没人理解，有些人穷尽一切）
（只想变平凡一卡缪）
（存活率…高速火车…）
（人躺在火车轨道上）
（我不喜欢你）
Running just as fast we can
（你的故事…难读…）
Holding onto one another’s hand
（仍然感谢…随信奉还…）
Trying to get away into the night
And then you put your arms around me
And we tumble to the ground and then we say
I think we’re alone now
There doesn’t seem to be anyone around
I think we’re alone now
The beating of our hearts is the only sound
Look at the way
We gotta hide what we’re doing
What would they say
If they ever knew
And so we’re running just as fast as we can
Holding onto one another’s hand
Trying to get away into the night
And then you put your arms around me
And we tumble to the ground
And then we say
感谢致电NRG瓦斯及电力公♥司♥
Thank you for calling
NRG gas and electrical supplies.
因账单未缴
If you’ve been disconnected due to an unpaid bill,
导致无法供应能源，请按一
因账单未缴
If you’ve been disconnected due to an unpaid bill,
please press one.
导致无法供应能源，请按一
please press one.
对，我不在
Yes, I was away.
不，我希望是永久的
No I was hoping it would be permanent.
不，我没有…
No I wasn’t trying…
You’re cold and you’re old
You’re older and you’re down
（吸烟能致命）
You’re older and you’re down
You’re older and you’re down
Friends you have chosen
And ties you have woven
No longer for you
（雷斯利欧尼尔，杀手）
I’m behind
欧尼尔先生？
Mr O’Neil?
欧尼尔先生？
Mr O’Neil?
我们约11点
I said 11 o’clock.
现在过了七分了
It is now seven minutes past.
是，对不起
Yes.
Sorry.
你说可以讨论一下选择性
You said we could discuss some options…
我说我们约11点
I said we should meet at 11.
我猜是你这种散漫的态度
I dare say it’s that casual attitude
导致你目前的惨况吧？
to arrangements that has led to your current predicament.
喝茶吗？
Tea?
抱歉，好，谢谢
Sorry.
Yes, thank you.
抱歉，你不像我想象的
Sorry, you’re not what I imagined.
你见过很多杀手？
Meet many assassins do you?
没想到杀手会穿圆领衫
It’s just I never pictured a polo neck.
圆领衫不好吗？我老婆买♥♥给我的
What’s wrong with a polo neck?
My wife got it for me.
– 我该穿什么？ – 不知道
What should I be wearing?
– 背心？ – 不，杀手不♥穿♥背心的
I don’t know.
A cardigan?
No!
Hitmen don’t wear cardigans!
抱歉我不像你所预期的
Well I’m so sorry I’m not living up to your expectations.
你真的是干这行的？
Are you sure you’re up to this?
我跟你说一件事
Let me tell you something.
我杀过的人比你洗过的热水澡还多
I’ve killed more people than you’ve had hot baths.
我是死亡天使，我是毁灭者
I’m the angel of death.
I’m Abbadon the destroyer.
我是安乐死诊所所长
I’m a one man euthanasia clinic.
只是你不必跑去瑞士了
Only with me you don’t have to go to Switzerland.
去过瑞士吗？
Ever been to Switzerland?
没
No.
你不必去了，如果你是认真的
And now you never will.
– 我是认真的 – 有多认真？