And… I must have said good-bye
to everybody.
整个家庭都站在那里。我爸站在那里。
The whole family was out there.
My dad was out there.
我想我的兄弟姐妹也站在那里。
I think my brother and sister
were out there.
我不知道是否我妈也在那里。
I don’t know if my mom was there.
她可能刚刚进屋了。
She might’ve been just inside the house.
史密斯一家全出来了。
And the Smiths were all out.
我们就那样站在那里。
We were just out there.
史密斯先生走出来。
And Mr. Smith came out.
然后…
And…
我讲不出这个故事。
I can’t tell the story.
我只是…我从未和史密斯先生说过话…
I just… I never talk to Mr. Smith…
几乎从来不说…
hardly ever…
但，孩子…
but, boy…
于是我们就去了弗吉尼亚，
Then we went to Virginia,
在我开学那天，
and the day I started school,
刮了一场超强的飓风。
there was a huge hurricane.
雨落了下来。你几乎无法看清学校，
And the rain was coming down.
You couldn’t hardly see the school.
就像，大黑天。那场风暴，真的猛烈。
It was, like, dark almost.
It was so thick, this storm.
有两个人上学来了…
There were two other guys
starting school…
那两个人成了我朋友，
and those two guys became my friends,
但…
but…
他们不是我该交的朋友。
they were not the friends I should’ve had.
瞧，爱达荷的博伊西…
See, Boise, Idaho…
就像是阳光…
seemed like sunshine…
绿草，打麦坪…
green grass, mowed lawns.
那样让人心情舒畅的地方。
Such a cheerful place.
那么好的一个地方。
Such a great place.
弗吉尼亚就像永远在黑夜里。
Virginia seemed like always night.
而且…
And…
我得了肠痉挛症。
I developed spasms of the intestines.
我…整个人就乱了。
I was… It was total turmoil.
我抽上了香烟…
I was smoking cigarettes…
呃，去跳舞俱乐部喝酒…
uh, going into DC and drinking…
在晚上偷偷溜出屋子。
and sneaking out of the house at night.
那就，呣…
It was, um…
就像…差不多就像…我不能…
It was like… It was almost like…
I couldn’t…
控制自己，你懂吗？
control it, you know?
那就是…那就是发生在我身上的情况。
It just… It just
was what was happening.
我妈
My mother’s
对我说的最多的话
main saying to me a lot
就是，“我对你非常失望”。
was, “I’m very disappointed in you.”
我真的非常忙…
I was real busy…
没法做她想要的，
not doing what she wanted,
特别是到了九年级的时候。
especially when I was in the ninth grade.
我结识了一伙人，惹了一堆麻烦，
I got in with a bad bunch
and got into a lot of trouble,
但我…我真的是生活在地狱里。
but I… I was really
living in hell.
我不得不活在两个不同的世界里，
I had to live two different lives,
我总是感到
and I always felt
她觉得…
that she thought…
我不知道为什么她这样想，
And I don’t know why she thought this,
我也不知道我该怎么做到，
and I don’t know where this thing came in,
但我有种感觉
but I had the feeling
她觉得
she thought
我身上有某种非常好的东西，就像一种深藏的潜能。
I had something really good in me,
you know, like a high potential.
正是由于这个原因她才会说我对你很失望，
So the reason that she would say
she was disappointed in me
在她不曾看到这种东西的时候。
is when she didn’t see that thing.
不是成为艺术家，而是与之类似的某种东西。
Not as an artist,
but like just some kind of thing.
我不知道她是怎么认识到这一点的，
I don’t know where she latched onto that,
但我一直让她有些失望。
but I kept kind of letting her down.
我从不学习。
I never studied.
我不做任何事。
I never did anything.
我是那么讨厌它。
I hated it so much.
我讨厌它，如同有深仇大恨。
I hated it, like, with powerful hate.
只有一件事是重要的，那发生在校外，
The only thing that was important
is what happened outside of school,
那对我造成了巨大影响。
and that had huge impact on me.
人群和男女关系，
People and relationships,
慢舞派对，
slow-dancing parties,
满满的爱欲
big, big love
和梦。
and dreams.
黑暗、奇幻的梦。
Dark, fantastic dreams.
不可思议的时光。
Incredible time.
我有一个女朋友叫琳达·斯泰尔斯。
I had a girlfriend named Linda Styles.
某个晚上…
And one night…
大概9点半或10点。
And it was about 9:30 or 10:00.
某次我在琳达家…门前的草坪上
Somehow I was on the front lawn
of Linda Styles’ house
遇到了这小子，托比·基勒，
and I’m meeting this kid, Toby Keeler,
他没上哈蒙德高级中学。
who didn’t go to Hammond High School.
他上了私立学校。
He went to private school.
托比告诉我他爸爸是个画家，
And Toby told me his father was a painter,
然后，你知道，像是某种领悟
and that, you know, kind of realization
就是你也能成为一个画家
that you could be a painter
砰的一声…知道吗…豁然贯通。
popped… You know…
blew all the wiring.
那就是我想要的，从那一刻起。
And that’s what I wanted to do
from that second.
所以我央求他带我去他爸爸的工作室。
So I begged him to take me
to his father’s studio.
那个时候，布♥什♥内尔·基勒在乔治城有一间工作室。
And at that time, Bushnell Keeler
had a studio in Georgetown.
而我实际上只去看过一次，就是接下来的周末。
And I only actually saw it once,
that next weekend.
我去了…托比带着我，把我介绍给他爸爸。
I went… Toby took me,
introduced me to his father.
我看了他的工作室。
And I saw his studio.
那是一个很古典的工作室。
And it was the classic studio.
我的意思是，它那么漂亮。
I mean, it was so beautiful.
布♥什♥内尔真会布置一间工作室。
Bushnell could really set up a studio.
呣，布置了很多区，比如，素描和油画
Um, many areas set up
for, like, drawing and for painting
还有不同的其他门类。
and for different kind of experiments.
呃，就是
And, uh, it was just
你会称为之，那就是，艺术生活，
what you would call, you know,
the art life,
知道么，就在你眼前。
you know, right before your eyes.
我不知道什么时候我开始使用“艺术生活”这个说法，
I don’t know when I started
using the term ‘The art life’,
但这正是布♥什♥内尔所做的，而且，呃，成为一名画家
but one of the things Bushnell did
besides, uh, just being a painter
生活在其中…象个画家一样生活。
and living it…
Living life as a painter.
他给了我罗伯特·亨利的书《艺术的精神》。
He gave me the Robert Henri book,
The Art Spirit.
我喜欢那本书。
And I loved that book.
我现在不记得太多了，
I can’t remember much of it now,
但我…我们过去经常随身带着它
but I… we used to carry it around
艺术的精神某种意义上变成了艺术生活
and The Art Spirit
sort of became the art life
我带着这种想法，无论是喝咖啡，
and I had this idea that you drink coffee,
抽香烟还是画画的时候。
you smoke cigarettes and you paint.
就是那样。
And that’s it.
也许女人能带来那么一点点
Maybe girls come into a little bit
但基本上来说，
but basically,
那才是不可思议的幸福感
it’s the incredible happiness
在其中工作，和过那样的生活。
of working and living that life.
我们移居到弗吉尼亚，首要原因是
The reason we moved to Virginia
in the first place
我爸得到了，呃，升迁，
is my dad got, uh, promoted,
呣，基本上算是个办公室职位，在华盛顿特区。
um, basically to a desk job
in Washington, DC.
所以我么住到弗吉尼亚的亚历山德里亚，
So we lived in Alexandria, Virginia,
我爸爸…
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