亲亲老爸 Dan in Real Life（2007）

毛巾 – 停，好的，不好意思
Towel. – Stop. OK. I’m sorry.
谢了
Thank you.
还有，嗯，别再看我的书了 好吧，别再看了
And, you know, stop reading my book. OK, just stop.
为什么啊？ – 还有那些萨尔萨舞…
Why? – And that salsa thing you do…
你说什么呢？ – 萨尔萨舞
What are you talking about? – The salsa dance.
这个…这个事情 如果你能不做那个的话
This… This thing. If you could just not do that.
抱歉 – 如果你不经常做那个的话
I’m sorry. – If you stop doing that as a rule,
那我会感激涕零的
it would be very helpful to me.
你还能做其它的事情，比如说消失啊
There are other things you can do, such as not exist.
哦，谢谢你了 – 那个…不是…嗯！
Oh. Thank you. – That… not… Yeah!
我是说了，我是说了 我不想那样，但我还是说了
I said it. I said it. I didn’t mean it, but I said it.
你知道我还要做什么吗？ – 什么？
And you know what else I’m gonna do? – What?
我会让自己别那么有魅力
I am going to make myself less attractive,
这样就不会让某些人有非分之想了
so as to not encourage any inappropriate feelings.
好吧，是很搞笑 但是你知道吗？我…不
OK, that’s hilarious. But you know what? I… No.
我会停止想你的 – 很好
I’m gonna stop thinking about you. – Good.
我会的
I will.
如果我开始想你了
And if I start thinking about you,
当然那是当我… – 无助
which may happen in a moment of… – Weakness.
无助的时候 我就会专注的去想你的缺点
…weakness, I’m going to focus all of my thoughts on your flaws.
我的缺点 – 你的缺点
My flaws. – Your flaws.
有什么缺点呢？ – 不知道
And they are? – I have no idea,
但是你尽管放心 我会找到的
but you can rest assured that I am going to find…
去问奶奶嘛，哦！
Just ask Nana. Oh!
真对不起 你是要洗澡吗？
I’m so sorry. Are you taking a shower?
嗯，是的
Yes. I’m taking a shower.
哦，喔，提个小建议 老房♥子，管道也老了
Oh, well, a little advice. Old houses, old pipes.
谢谢你了，谢谢 – 先加热着吧
Thank you. Thanks. – Takes forever to heat up.
呃，我能和你聊聊吗？
Um, can I talk to you about something?
当然了，没问题 – 保密哦！
Sure. Absolutely. – And can we just keep it between us?
是…是…呃…
It’s just… It was… Um…
嗯，昨晚我…
See, last night what I was…
你昨晚在说你的生活
You were talking about your life last night.
说旅行是多么的重要，呃 去尝试新的东西，你知道的
The importance of travel and of, um, trying new things, you know,
我就开始想…太棒了！呃…
and I just started thinking about… Amazing! Um…
所有的那些事情，你知道的…
All of that, you know, how much…
看起来已经加热好了 – 嗯
That looks like it’s ready. – Right.
嗯…不过…
Um… But just…
哦，你…你还没脱衣服呢
Oh, you’re… You’re still dressed.
哦，我忘了
Oh, I forgot.
我看别的地方 我看那边
I’ll look away. I’ll look over here.
不管怎么说，我意识到… 你知道，真的，嗯…
Anyway, so, I just realized, you know, really, um…
你知道，我一直在反复的想我想做什么
You know, I’ve been thinking a lot about what I wanna do, um,
你知道，关于未来 不仅仅是说上学什么的，但是…
you know, in the future, like not just for school, but…
只是很难弄清楚我真正想干什么
It’s just hard to figure out exactly what I wanna do with my life.
我是说，我知道我想去一些 没去过的地方，你知道
I mean, I know I wanna go somewhere new and, you know,
尝试新鲜的事物，呃…
try new things, um…
只是很难知道，你知道的
I mean it’s just hard to figure out, you know,
你的位置，你应该在哪 – 嗯
your place, like where you should be. – Right.
仅仅是想获得那种阅历 你知道，去弄明白…
And just to have that experience, you know, and to…
你知道，这些到底有什么意义 你明白的吧？
Which is, you know, what it’s all about. You know?
嗯 – 但是还是，我是说
Right. – But it’s also, I mean,
那也很…我是说 当意识到你想要的就是
it’s also… I mean, it’s also terrifying realizing
你想要的的时候真是让人吃惊呢 知道我是什么意思吧？
what you want is what you want. You know what I mean?
你知道，我觉得那将会很有趣如果…
You know, I think it’s so interesting not…
你是在别的地方终老一生
Interesting the way that, um, you end up somewhere
而非在你，呃…
other than where you, um…
哦！
Oh!
吃午饭了！
Lunch!
干酪通心面，没比这个更好吃的了 （煮好后拌入干酪的通心面）
Mac and cheese. Nothing better.
大人去餐室里吃
Adults are in the dining room.
你知道，我想把它们拌两下 和我的朋友们一起吃
You know, I think I’m going to mix it up and sit with my peeps.
丹，亲爱的… – 妈，就让我在这吃吧
Dan. Honey… – Mom, please. Just let me be.
嘿，伙计们 – 嗨，丹叔叔
Hey, guys. – Hi, Uncle Dan.
嘿 – 嗨，丹叔叔
Hey. – Hi, Uncle Dan.
有人吗？
Hello?
嗨 – 嗨
Hi. – Hi.
干什么呢？ – 玛丽在帮我忙呢
What’s going on? – Marie’s helping me with something.
一点意思都没有 – 嗯，看出来了
We’re having no fun at all. – Yeah, I can see that.
她怎么样？ – 相当可爱啊
How’s she doing? – She’s amazing.
再见，老爸 – 再见
Bye, Dad. – Bye.
再见 – 再见
Bye. – Bye.
你刚才说… – 哦，对
So you were saying… – Oh, yeah.
我本来是准备，呃 做一颗，像，你知道…
And I was trying to, um, make, like, you know…
我准备把做一颗真正的心的
I was trying to make like a really heart.
但是，你知道，我甚至不知道怎么画 一颗心，所以我是剪的
But, you know, I didn’t even know how to even draw a heart. So I cut it.
啊哈 – 结果，像是
Uh-huh. – And it came out, like,
真是…结果就像是…一颗星星
it was so… it came out like a… like a star.
丹？嗨 – 嗯，嘿
Dan? Hi. – Hmm. Hey.
呃，亲爱的，你知道我们都担心你呢
Uh. Honey, you know we’re worried about you. You know that.
鉴于你昨晚和今早的表现
And with your behavior last night and this morning,
我们现在真开始担心了
we are now officially worried.
喔，谢谢了，我很感动 但我真没事，你不用…
Well, thanks, I’m touched. But I’m fine. You don’t…
我们在说悄悄话呢 – 进来吧
We’re having a private conversation. – Come on in.
不，进来吧，没事的
No, come on in. This is good.
妈，接着说吧，我洗耳恭听
Mom, go ahead, I’m all ears.
听着，你为了 你女儿们也算是含辛茹苦
Look, you know, you do so much for your girls.
你也为我们做了那么多 你是不是应该想想你自己呢？
And you do so much for all of us. What are you doing for yourself?
现在不行
Not now.
进来吧 – 想想…
Come on in. – Think about…
我们在谈事情呢 – 没事的
We’re trying to have a talk. – It’s fine.
我们想私下和你说 – 坐下
We’d like to speak to you privately. – Stay.
继续吧，妈 – 好，亲爱的
Go ahead, Mom. – Yes, honey.
是因为丹叔叔行为诡异？ – 嗯，是的
Is it ’cause Uncle Dan’s acting weird? – Yes, it is.
这有一种解释
There’s an explanation for it.
说说看 – 我刚想和你说呢
Please tell us. – I just wanted to talk to you.
伙计，你实在是“憋”的太久了
Dude, you got to be way backed up.
我每次都希望你能多爱自己一点
So I just hope from time to time you are treating yourself to a little self-love.
哦，得了吧 – 我和我的泌尿科医生说过这个了
Oh, come on. – I talked to my urologist about this.
行了行了，打住 – 抱歉
That’s enough. Come on. – Sorry.
你说什么呢，伙计？
What are you talking about, man?
真正的问题——也是没有人会问的
The real question, the one no one will ask,
就是丹还能找到爱吗？ 不，他不会了
is will Dan ever find love again? – No, he won’t.
霍华德 – 抱歉，他找不到了
Howard. – I’m sorry, he won’t.
我和你说，
I’m saying, one of the things,
如果你把心门为爱而开 爱就会如约而至的
if you’re open to it, love will find you.
哦 – 我是这么想的
Oh. – I suppose.
嘿，各位 – 还有…好极了
Hey, people. – And… perfect.
我刚才可能没说清楚
I don’t think I was being clear before
但你得“疏通阴沟”了 – 啊哈
but you got to unclog that drain. – Uh-huh.
你得把“瓶塞”打开了 我说的比较隐晦哈
You gotta unplug that bottle. If I mixed a metaphor there.
嗯，的确 – 你们错过的是
Yes, you did. – So far what you’ve missed
呃，“担心”，“爱会来找” “疏通阴沟”
is, uh, “worried,” “love will find, ” “unclog the drain.”
喔，谢谢了，就这样吧
Well, thanks. That is it.
不，还有呢 – 我们结束了
No. That’s not it. – We are done.
你可以…哦，拜托，老妈
You can all… Oh, come on, Ma.
我们在农贸市场上 遇到了玛戈·德雷帕的女儿
We met Margot Draper’s daughter at the farmers’ market.
谁？ – 她一直问你的情况呢
Who? – And she asked all about you.
看见没，丹，你得，嗯 你知道的，去找点乐子了
You see, Danny, you gotta, you know, have a little fun.
也就是说，露茜·德雷帕会在六点来接你的
Which means that Ruthie Draper is gonna pick you up at 6:00,
然后你们一起去喝喝茶！ – 我都不记得什么露茜…
and you’re gonna have drinks! – I don’t even remember Ruthie…
你要去约会了 – 不，不行
You’re gonna go on a date! – No, no.
不，我不去约会，妈
No, I’m not going on a date, Mom.
要去的，亲爱的，是时候了
Yes, honey, it’s time.
露茜·“猪脸”·德雷帕， 爸，妈，你们，开什么玩笑呢？
Ruthie “Pigface” Draper. Mom, Dad, what, are you kidding?
不是“猪脸”·德雷帕 抱歉，这么说真是太无理了
Not “Pigface” Draper. I’m sorry, that is downright cruel.
没什么无理的
There’s nothing cruel about it.
妈，我都不记得什么 露茜·“猪脸”·德雷帕
Mom, I don’t even remember Ruthie “Pigfaced” Draper.
我不想去！ 我不想和猪脸约会
I don’t wanna go! I don’t want to go with the pig face.
他得去，这是终审决议 – 不，不去
He’s going. It’s been decided! – No, I’m not.