I met a Scotch and a pillow.
我通常都会搭乘
You know, actually, I always pick the flights
转机最多的航♥班♥
that have the most connections so that
这样可以和很多陌生人聊天
I get to chat with as many new people as possible.
所以你是个疯子 -那就是我
Oh, so you’re a lunatic. Good to know. -That’s me!
看来你的邻居收到超级大包裹
Looks like one of your neighbors is getting an oversized parcel.
你好
Hello!
我是唐·惠特克 美国邮♥政♥局♥
Don Whitaker, United States Postal Service!
我已经退休 但还没老到不能帮助同行
Retired, but never too old to lend a hand to a fellow carrier.
布拉德 这宝贝会让你一路顺风
Brad, I gotta tell you, this baby sure gives you a smooth ride.
谢谢 库尔特
Oh, thank you, Kurt.
这款车性能不错
Yeah, it is surprisingly responsive.
他不是
Brad, he’s not…
那他们把你的蛋蛋带到车行
So do they take your balls right there at the dealership,
还是和登记表一起寄过去
or do you send them in with the registration?
事情是如何发生的
How does it work exactly?
他们没有拿走我的蛋蛋 只需付两千美元
No, no, they didn’t take my balls. Just $2,000 down.
这是你的家 达斯蒂
This your place, Dusty?
没有想象中好 -达斯蒂家的确更好
I pictured it nicer. -Yeah, Dusty’s house is nicer.
这是我的家
This is my house.
不妨进来看看孩子们
Just thought you’d like to step in and see the kids.
没有特别的事 我们不想打扰你
Only if it’s okay. Look, we don’t want to infringe on your days.
当然 别傻了 来吧
Of course, don’t be silly. Come on, guys.
你看自己的孩子还得经过别人批准
You got to ask another man’s permission to see your own kids?
不可思议
Unbelievable.
我们回来了 带来更多爸爸
We’re back! With more daddies!
你们两个又长大了
Hey! Look how big you two got!
来吧 给个拥抱
Come on. Don’t I get a hug? Come on!
这个小鼻涕是谁
And who’s this barroom brawler?
他是我们的弟弟 格里夫
He’s our brother, Griffy, silly.
过来小家伙 达斯蒂 没听你提起过
Hey, come here, pardner. Dusty, you never told me.
干嘛长得很像你 -不是我的孩子
Why, he looks just like you. -Yeah, not my kid.
那是我的孩子
Oh, no, no, no. I fathered that one.
那他和我有什么关系
Oh. Ah, then how does he relate to me then?
他是你孙子的弟弟 库尔特
Well, he is the brother of your grandkids, Kurt.
给你 -好的
Oh. Here, here. -Oh. Okay.
看起来不错 宝贝
Hey, looking good, Buttercup.
见到你真好
Good to see you.
看看是谁来了 -爷爷
Look who’s here! -Pop-Pop!
讲个爷爷笑话 -噢
Tell us a Pop-Pop joke! -Ooh, ooh.
好的 为什么鸭子有羽毛
What’s a good one? Why does a duck have feathers?
为什么
Why?
因为要遮住屁♥股♥
To cover up his butt quack.
孩子们 我也有个笑话
Hey, kids, I got a good one for you.
两个死妓♥女♥被冲上岸 -嘿
Two dead hookers wash up on the shore… -Hey, hey!
别说 -不行
Whoa, whoa, shut up. -No way. No way.
萨拉 我的媳妇 -嗨
Sara. How’s my girl? -Hi!
金妮怎么没来
What, Ginny couldn’t make it?
她感到很遗憾
Oh, she feels terrible.
但她送了一批特别的饼干
But she sent a batch of her special cookies!
厨房♥里有牛奶吗 -有
Is there milk in that kitchen? -Yay!
我要先来一块
I want the first one.
我要先来一块
I get the first one!
所以他是爷爷 我只是库尔特祖父
So he gets to be Pop-Pop and I’m just Grandpa Kurt?
不是我负责给爷爷取可爱的名字
What? I’m in charge of the cutesy grandpa names now?
想要可爱的名字 你得多露脸
Look, if you want a better name, maybe try showing up a little more often.
告诉孩子们 我现在是教父
Tell the kids, from now on, it’s El Padre.
别再开妓♥女♥的玩笑
No more hooker jokes.
这个味道不像是奶奶饼干 更像是趣多多
These don’t taste like La-La’s cookies. They taste like Chips Ahoys.
我昨天坐在厨房♥里
No, no. I sat right there in the kitchen
亲眼看见奶奶烤的
and watched Grandma bake them just yesterday.
我喜欢
I like them.
这就是所谓的合作爸爸
So, this co-dads thing, is that what you call it?
我们就这样称呼
Yeah, that’s what we call it.
在他的监管下管教你的孩子
So, on his watch, he disciplines your kids,
给建议 盖被子等等
gives them advice, tucks them in, so forth
你对这个没意见
and that bothers you not a bit?
我没意见
Doesn’t bother me at all.
他完全缺乏男子气概
And his total lack of masculinity…
他虚弱的下巴和柔软的腹部会影响你儿子
I mean, his weak chin and soft underbelly influencing your son,
你这也不介意
you’re good there, too? Yeah?
我觉得也许你们需要一点隐私
You know what? I’m just feeling like maybe you guys want a little privacy.
别激动 布拉德
Stay right there, Brad, all right?
他不过想搞点事
He’s just trying to stir the turd.
随你怎么嘲笑
You can scoff all you want.
我和布拉德的关系稳稳妥妥
Everything is rock solid between me and Brad here.
我们是最好的朋友 -真的
In fact, best friends. -Really?
谢谢你 -别激动
Thank you. -Brad. Stop it. Now.
我很好 -他很情绪化
I’m good. -He gets really emotional.
布拉德 兄弟 -你叫我“兄弟”
Brad. Hey. Brother. -Did you call me “brother”?
老兄 冷静 放松点
B-Dawg. Chill out, man. Relax.
别哭了
All right? Cut it out.
布拉德 别这样 -我知道
Brad, don’t. -I know.
够了 布拉德 别这样
Stop. All right, look. Hey. Brad, stop!
看来你们俩的关系不错
Looks like you two guys have a real solid arrangement.
你们要一起过圣诞节
You’re spending Christmas together and everything.
我们在谁的家过圣诞
Speaking of which, whose place are we doing that at?
我们都很乐意接待
We’re totally happy to host if it makes it easier.
可以在我家 我家空间更大
Yeah, we could do it at my place. I got more room.
礼物放在我家 吃饭在你家
We can do presents at our place, dinner at yours.
不 这样要来回跑
Nah, all that back and forth, who needs that?
这里 那里
This place, that place.
不如我们出去度假
Why don’t I book us a great vacation spot
我们所有人可以一起度过
for all of us, and we can all spend
这一周的假期
the holiday week together?
太棒了 -谢谢你 教父
Yay! Cool! -Thanks, El Padre.
我爱这主意
I love this idea!
更有圣诞气息
It’s something extra Christmasy,
可以观赏雪景也可以进行家庭活动
with lots of snow and family activities for all of us.
我担心找不到地方
Dad, I’m just worried about finding a place,
离假期这么近
you know, this close to the holiday.
好了 爱彼迎 预订完成
Booked it! Airbnb. All done.
好棒 教父
Yay, El Padre!
这很好玩 我们都是好朋友
It’s gonna be so fun, since we’re all such great friends, huh?
圣诞前六天
到山里去 走吧 格里夫
Off to the mountains. Here we go, Griffy.
来吧 -乐趣之旅
Here we go. -Big fun trip!
我来帮你 萨拉
Let me get that for you, Sara.
谢谢 -不客气
Thank you. -You’re welcome.
我觉得你和库尔特
You know, Dusty, I think you and Kurt
在我和我爸爸身边呆一段时间
spending some time around me and my dad
对你们俩都有好处
might do you both some good.
你不明白他在干什么吗
Hey, don’t you see what he’s up to here?
他认为我们对彼此都有不好的感觉
He thinks you and me are harboring bad feelings for one another
关在一间小木屋会暴露我们隐藏的不满
and sticking us together in some cabin is gonna bring out whatever we’re harboring.
但你没有 对吧
But you’re not, are you, Brad?
没有什么 -不满心理
I’m not what? -Harboring!
我没有什么不满
No, I’m not harboring anything.
很好 因为我也没有不满
Good, ’cause I’m not harboring anything either.
我们利用这个机会
Okay, well, let’s use this as an opportunity
向他证明我们都很坦诚
to show him that we’re not harboring.
因为我们没有不满
‘Cause we’re not harboring.
这是一处安全港
You’re looking at one safe harbor right here.
很好
All right, good.
你确定要这样包装 你要这样做
You sure you want to pack it like that? Is that how you’re gonna do it?
我和布拉德是一个团队 一切尽在掌握
Look, me and Brad got everything under control as a team, okay?
对吧 布拉德 -没错
Right, Brad? -That’s right.
我对旅行了解不多
Yeah, what would I know about travel?
我只是去过太空而已
I’ve only been to frickin’ space.
你自己打包航♥天♥飞机
What, did you pack the space shuttle yourself?
打开后备箱 为自己和太空小伙伴整理好行李
You pop the trunk, arrange all the bags for you and your little space friends?