cultural cornerstone of both society and gravy adverts.
妈妈做了肉汁
Mum made the gravy.
你能告诉我一顿完美的圣诞晚餐需要什么吗
Could you talk me through what makes a perfect Christmas dinner?
当餐桌上人都到齐了的时候
Once you’ve got the right people round the table,
你需要一个开胃小菜
you need a light starter.
如果你给人们太多 – 不是大虾冷盘吗
If you give people too much… – Not prawn cocktails?
不 不是 好吧 我不知道
No, no… Well, I don’t know.
一个好的大虾冷盘当然很棒
A good prawn cocktail is a lovely thing.
我不喜欢虾 – 你不喜欢吗
I don’t like prawns. – Do you not?
不 它们都是食物链的底端生物
No, they’re bottom feeders.
好吧 我更喜欢来几盘熟食 像意大利腊肠和火腿
OK, I tend to do platters of charcuterie, salami and ham,
也许再来些泡菜和人们能用手拿起的食物
and maybe some pickles and things for people to pick up.
我不喜欢那个 – 你不喜欢那个吗
I won’t have that. – You wouldn’t have that?
不 – 好吧
No. – No? OK.
接下来就是最主要的一样
And then you come to the main event,
火鸭鸡 即把鸡塞进鸭肚子里 在塞进火鸡肚子里 然后烤制而成的一道菜色
也许一个火鸭鸡 或者一只烤鸭
so maybe a three-bird roast or a roast goose…
面包酱汁 肉汁 – 但我不理解面包酱汁这玩意
bread sauce, gravy. – But I don’t understand bread sauce.
它是一个很美味的酱汁
It’s a great way of making a really savoury sauce.
面包和酱汁是两种完全不同的东西 不是吗
Bread and sauce are two completely different things, aren’t they?
是的 但你可以把面包磨碎
Well, they are, but you can grind the bread down
放进牛奶里 制♥造♥出一个超棒的酱汁
and then cook it in milk to make a really good sauce.
这听起来像是某种 精♥液♥
It just looks like, sort of…jizz.
感谢所有这些美食狂欢
Thanks to all this food-based indulgence,
科学家们相信80%的打嗝都来自圣诞节
scientists now believe that 80% of all burps occur at Christmas,
很有可能会在大气层了开一个洞
threatening to put a hole in the atmospheric layer
尤其是在天空中满是脆弱驯鹿的那一刻
at precisely the moment the sky is full of vulnerable reindeer.
除了吃之外 圣诞狂欢的另一种形式
Eating aside, the other popular form of Christmas indulgence
是去商店买♥♥礼物
is gift-buying from shops.
批评家声称圣诞节太商业化了
Critics say Christmas is too commercialised
零售品目录已经取代了圣经的位置
and that the Bible has being replaced by the Argos catalogue,
只因为前者有着更多种类的拉发器
just because it’s got a better selection of hair straighteners.
最近 圣诞购物已经越来越不像
Recently, Christmas shopping has started to look less like
一个商场圣诞特惠的大扫购
a Supermarket Sweep Christmas special
而更像是一场手持购物袋的内战
and more like a civil war with carrier bags.
怪不得越来越多的人
No wonder more people than ever
待在室内进行网上购物
stay indoors shopping on the computer.
所以 现在圣诞节的意义就是买♥♥东西了吗
So, is Christmas all just about buying stuff these days?
在圣诞节能赚到多少钱
How much money gets made at Christmas?
一共的话 我相信
Altogether, I’m sure
我们在圣诞节花了几百万英镑
we spend hundreds of millions of pounds at Christmas.
那教堂能获得多少分成
And how big a cut does the Church get?
教堂没有得到任何东西
The Church doesn’t get anything.
没有任何东西 – 没有
They don’t get anything? – No. No.
我家附近的超♥市♥有将近三十个收银台
The supermarket near me has got about 30 tills.
亚马逊有多少个呢
How many tills does Amazon have?
他们一定有很多吧
They must have loads.
他们没有收银台 – 什么
They don’t have any tills. – What?
他们有一台电脑
They have a computer.
一台电脑 – 是的 因为没人直接去那里 不是吗
One computer? – Yeah. Because no-one goes there, do they?
他们只是 – 我懂了
They just… – I know,
但我以为他们还是得去打电♥话♥
but I thought they still had to ring it through.
唔 不 电脑胜任了所有那些事
Mmm. No, the computer does all that.
所以只有一个人在电脑前 在那
So there’s one man at a computer, just going…?
不 我不认为那里有一个人
No, I don’t think there’s a man.
不 都是自动的 你自己结账 你就是收银台
No, no, it just goes automatically. You do that. You’re the till.
为了能在圣诞节大赚特赚 所有商店都全力以赴
Making money is so important at Christmas that shops pull out all the stops
用欢乐的购物图片占满所有屏幕
to fill the screen with jolly images of buying things
他们的广♥告♥样式
and their adverts have evolved
从欢乐的卡♥通♥系列
from cheerful animated catalogues
到数不胜数的名人冲你微笑
full of famous people smiling at you
再到温暖人心 蹦床上全是动物的现代微电影
to heart-warming present-day mini movies about infested trampolines.
广♥告♥并非圣诞节的唯一节目
Adverts aren’t the only programmes on at Christmas –
圣诞节还有很多电视节目
there are also programmes on at Christmas.
几个世纪以来 圣诞电视秀已变成一个迷人之地
For decades, Christmas television has been an enchanting place,
一个人们舍生忘死地跳舞和歌♥唱的魔法之地
a magical land where people danced and sang in a doomed attempt
来传达圣诞节的魔力十足
to convey the sheer magic of Christmas.
这是新闻播报员与喜剧演员一并寻欢作乐的时刻
A time in which newsreaders cavorted with comedians,
真正的雪人从野外聚集而来
and real live snowmen were gathered from the wild
且被鼓励在录播室歌♥唱
and encouraged to sing
他们令人难以忘怀的传统歌♥曲
their haunting traditional songs in the studio.
但也许最使人安心的圣诞节目还是<东区人>
But perhaps the most reassuring Christmas programme is EastEnders,
这部节目多年来提供着重要的公共服务
which for years has provided an important public service
描绘一些比你家更糟糕的家庭
by depicting worse families
有着比你更烂的生活
having an even shitter time than yours.
你在撒谎
You’re lying!
你在干嘛 – Bianca
What are you doing? – Bianca!
你在做什么
What are you doing?!
电影也是圣诞节的重要组成部分
Films are a mainstay at Christmas
其中一个家喻户晓的音乐剧 <音乐之声>
and one familiar film is the searing musical The Sound Of Music,
讲述着一个女人
which is about a woman
对着山歌♥唱 唱诵山的故事 在山中歌♥唱
who sings to hills about hills in the hills.
“阵阵动人的音乐唤醒这沉睡的山峦”
“The hills are alive with the sound of musicuf8f5”
圣诞节总有这个节目
It’s always on at Christmas,
也许是因为里面有修女 能让人联想到耶稣
probably because it’s got nuns in it so you think about Jesus.
里面还有纳粹
And also Nazis,
讲述了二战期间德军的战俘营里美国人希尔和英国♥军♥官罗杰计划秘密挖掘隧♥道♥带领250人一起越狱
所以你会想起<大逃亡>
so you think about The Great Escape,
节礼日是在每年的12月26日 英联邦节假日 商店会当日有超级大促销
说起来<大逃亡>应该是在节礼日
which is probably on on Boxing Day.
但有史以来最具有圣诞气氛的电影
But the most Christmassy film of all time
同样也是最激动人心的
is also the most exciting,
<虎胆龙威>是一部在1988年上映的美国动作片 讲述了警探约翰·麦卡伦在一个圣诞晚会上与匪徒们展开了激烈的斗争
是<虎胆龙威>
Die Hard.
人们只认为<虎胆龙威>是部扣人心弦的动作电影
People think Die Hard is a gripping and exciting action film,
是因为大家都看得出来 确实是动作电影
just because, as you can see, it is,
但它也是一个温暖的圣诞故事
but it’s also a heart-warming Yuletide story
充满着圣诞的魔法
full of the magic of Christmas.
它什么都有
It’s got everything…
有歌♥唱
‘Singing…’
藏在烟囱里的男人
‘..A man up a chimney…’
在熊熊大火前暖和身子
Warming yourself in front of a roaring fire…
该死
Shit!
窗外有雪花飘落
‘..While the snow flutters down outside.’
兄弟之爱
Brotherly love…
嘿 听着 我爱你
‘Hey, look, I love you…
很多人都和我一样
‘So do a lot of the other guys.’
蔓越莓果酱 喝过量的雪莉酒
..Cranberry sauce, excessive sherry drinking…
上帝 那男人真的喝得太多了(pissed也指很生气)
God, that man looks really pissed.
节日的问候
..Season’s greetings…
死吧死吧死吧 混账东西
Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker.
你爹倒在一个椅子上
..Your dad conked out in a chair
头戴圣诞帽 穿着他的圣诞毛衣
wearing a Santa hat in his Christmas jumper,
天使庄严雄伟地在空中高飞
angels majestically soaring through the air and,
当然还有 耶稣Powell
of course, jesus Christ Powell.
我的天啊Powell
Jesus Christ, Powell!
电视就像日晷和犁一样变得过时
TV’s becoming a thing of the olden past, like sundials or ploughs,
因为 现在每个人都有了他们的小屏幕
because, today, everyone has their own little screen,
所以他们可以忽略他们周围的环境
so they can ignore their immediate surroundings
自己玩自己的
on an individual basis
而不是成为集体的一部分
instead of as part of a collective effort.
我们时常被教导
We’re often told to
为那些在圣诞孤身一人者感到惋惜
feel sorry for those who are alone at Christmas,
但现在我们都是孤身一人了 而这妙极了
but these days that’s all of us and it’s brilliant.
最棒的是 这种科技
Best of all, this kind of technology
正变得越来越逼真
is set to become more immersive than ever.
比如说 这个从2018年来的男人
For instance, this man from the year 2018
正与一个由任天堂角色组成的家庭
is enjoying a virtual Christmas with
享受着虚拟圣诞节
a family of charac ters from the Nintendo universe.
同时 这个男人正在
Meanwhile, this man is
体验着圣诞的真正意义
experiencing the true meaning of Christmas by
在一个多边形的马厩里
giving birth to a virtual baby Jesus
