扯蛋圣诞史（2016）

那岂不是更有趣吗
if he’d been built, like R2-D2?
那样确实会更有趣
It would have been more interesting,
但重要的是 耶稣诞生能让他认同我们
but the important thing is that he can identify with us
因为他跟我们一样也是人类了
and he was a real human being.
这样让他看起来更可靠
It makes him more sort of relatable,
我想是的吧 – 是的 非常正确
I suppose. – Yes, very much so.
不过 如果他只是想成为一个普通人
But then, if he’s meant to be like an ordinary bloke
他应该给人们留下他只是一个普通人的印象
and he wanted to come across as an ordinary bloke,
那为什么他出生的时候
how come he had all, like,
有那么多天使和国王都出现在了那个马厩里
angels and kings at his stable on his birthday?
是的 那是有点怪
Well, that was a bit weird, wasn’t it?
嗯 – 不过 怎么说呢
Mmm. – Although, of course,
我愿意相信天使就在我们身边
I would want to say that angels are around all the time.
你不用非得看得见他们
You don’t necessarily see them, there and then,
不过有时候 你在视线之外能瞥见一眼什么东西
but sometimes you catch a glimpse of something out of the corner of your eye,
或者你闻到一缕香气
or maybe you smell a nice fragrance…
香草味的吗 – 大概吧
Vanilla? – Maybe.
三圣贤到底有几位
How many three wise men were there?
谁知道呢 – 噢
Who knows? – Oh.
而且我觉得好像只有一本福音书里讲到是三位
And I think only one of the Gospels refers to there being three.
可能只是三是个好数字吧 对不
It’s just three is a good number, isn’t it?
这看起来不错
It looks good.
不过事实上有可能有十五个三贤者对吧
But there could have actually been 15 three wise men?
也有可能
Quite possibly, yes.
想起来也羞耻 耶稣一开始什么也没有
It’s humbling to think that Jesus started out with nothing,
连出生都在一个马厩而不是在皇宫里
born not in a palace, but in a stable,
耶稣只是一个普通男人和一个普通女人还有全能的上帝的
just the ordinary son of an ordinary woman and an ordinary man,
普通小孩
and God Almighty.
不可思议的是 他出生的这一天
Incredibly, the day he was born
只是耶稣的生活的一个开始
was only the beginning of Jesus’s life.
作为一个年轻人 他在木头工厂里保持低调的生活
As a young man, he kept a low profile in the wood industry.
在他三十岁的时候 他的职业生涯真正开始了
But, when he was about 30, his career took off.
他开始出现在大量的
He went on to appear in a number of
刺♥激♥的有争议的画作 窗户和电影里
thrilling and controversial paintings, windows and films.
如今 耶稣活在成千上百万信教者的心中
Today, Christ lives in the hearts of millions of believers,
但他仍然会在他爸爸的房♥子里 度过星期天
but still spends Sundays here, in his dad’s house,
让我们进去看看他在吗
so let’s go and see if he’s in.
跟往常一样 没有人在
No-one was in, as usual,
估计是因为教堂里的无线网信♥号♥♥没有星巴克的好
probably because the Church Wi-Fi isn’t as good as Starbucks’.
不过站在这个古老破旧的建筑里
But standing in this old, creaky building
你能感受到真正历史的沉淀
gives you a real sense of history.
多亏了耶稣的人气
Thanks to Jesus’s popularity,
圣诞节已经被人们庆祝了几百年
Christmas was celebrated for hundreds of years,
庆祝节日的那些人都已经死了很久了
celebrated by people who were buried long ago
但仍然在他们的肖像画中栩栩如生
but are still alive in the form of drawings of themselves,
有些画可以追溯到中世纪时期
some dating back as far as the Middle Ages.
在中世纪时 人们知道自己是在中世纪吗
In the Middle Ages, did they know it was the Middle Ages,
还是他们就觉得 “这就是现在”
or did they just think, “This is now”?
他们怎么知道他们其实是在历史的一半处
You know, how did they know that they were halfway through time?
他们就认为”这就是现在”
They thought “This is now”
而且他们自认为是非常先进的
and they thought they were incredibly advanced,
当时就是社会可以达到的最棒时期
this is the greatest moment that society would reach to.
这样很好 不是吗 如果我们能让某人
It’d be amazing, wouldn’t it, to get someone,
比方说让一个都铎时期的人复活过来 – 是的
get a Tudor back that we could resuscitate… – Yes.
用低温保存法或者啥的 – 对的
..Cryogenically or something… – Yes.
然后我们告诉他 他死后都发生了什么
..And then show him what had happened since he died?
他一定会吓傻过去 对不
It would blow his mind, wouldn’t it?
会的呀 比如因特网
It would. The internet…
因特网 – 因特网
The internet. – The internet.
谷歌♥ – 汽车 飞机 – 智能手环
Google. – Cars, aeroplanes… – Fitbit watches.
智能手环
Fitbits.
只有一件事 哪怕我们是时间旅行者都能分辨出来的事
One thing our time traveller would recognise is
那就是在圣诞节喝醉后发酒疯的传统
the tradition of getting drunk and acting up at Christmas,
这个传统在当时叫做痛饮
which, back then, was known as wassailing.
那么 要怎么理解痛饮
So, what was wassailing?
就像是一种现在的装逼吗
Is that like a, sort of…A bit like bantz now?
那是什么意思 – 装逼
What’s bantz? – Bantz,
就像有人装得像个混账一样
it’s like when someone’s acting like a prick.
噢 真的吗 痛饮其实指的是一群人
Oh, really? What it is is basically a group of people,
通常是年轻人 挨家挨户地去拜访
usually a group of men, go around from house to house
手拿一个装有酒的大碗
with a big bowl of drink
然后就敲门
and they knock on your door
给房♥子里的人唱歌♥
and they sing songs
希望人听完歌♥后能用一个礼物来换一杯酒
and the idea is that you’re going to swap a drink from their bowl for a gift.
这样有一点像不给糖就捣蛋 对吧
So it was a bit like trick or treating then, was it?
非常像不给糖就捣蛋
It was very like trick or treating.
那他们会穿什么服装去
And what sort of costumes would they do?
因为他们平时穿的就跟屎一样
Because there were already covered in shit,
对不对
weren’t they,
他们就一身破破烂烂 还穿的脏兮兮的
with, like, slugs on them and mud and everything?
他们通常不会穿什么特别的服装
They didn’t usually wear costumes.
不过做这事也为了促进社区和谐嘛
It was also a way of creating community cohesion,
挨家挨户串门这事
going from house to house,
对他们来说也是一种乐趣
it was something that was supposed to be fun as well.
那应该就是挨家挨户串门唱圣诞歌♥的
So that’s really the very early beginnings of
最早最早的起源了
going from house to house singing carols.
既然提到唱圣诞颂歌♥ 我们正好好可以把镜头切到
Because the history lady said that, we’ve now cut to this –
男孩们在教堂里唱着圣诞颂歌♥ 在地球上的画面
some boys singing carols in a church…on earth.
演唱的是”叮当 来自天上的喜悦 Ding dong merrily on high”
好了 好了 我明白了 谢谢
OK, OK, I get it, yeah, thanks.
你们是如何把音乐带进歌♥词里的啊
How do you get the music into the words?
你们怎么才能把音乐用喉咙里的唱词唱出来
Like, how do you attach the music to the words in your throat?
我们其实是想把歌♥词带进音乐里
We tend to attach the words to the music instead.
你们把歌♥词带进音乐里
You attach the words to the music?
是的 – 随着它从你的喉咙里出来
Yeah. – As it’s coming up through your throat?
那这是什么感觉 这音乐是从哪来的
So does it feel like…? Where does the music come from?
是不是感觉它好像是从胃部涌上来的
Does it feel like it’s coming from your stomach,
就像你要吐了
like you’re going to be sick?
但是口里吐出来的东西是好的
But it’s, like, nice sick?
有点儿吧 我觉得
Kind of, I guess.
并非所有的圣诞颂歌♥都如此宗教
Not all Christmas songs are quite so religious.
在20世纪70年代 史莱德乐队把圣诞颂歌♥给改编了
In the 1970s, groups like Slade reinvented the carol,
他们出现在电视荧幕上
appearing on our TV screens,
并展示了一种唱歌♥的新形式 称为嘶吼
showcasing a new form of singing called shouting.
吉米·萨维尔 英国第一代DJ及英国广播公♥司♥资深节目主持 有性侵丑闻
这个音乐太刺耳了 可能是为了不让吉米·萨维尔靠近
This music was loud, probably to keep Jimmy Savile away.
多年来 获得圣诞音乐排行榜第一
For years, having a Christmas number one
是音乐产业的究极荣誉奖章
was the ultimate music industry badge of honour,
可与你快要窒息于自己呕吐物时候的快♥感♥相媲美
right up there with choking to death on your own sick.
最近 像那种华丽音乐节目如X音素出来的歌♥
More recently, songs released from glossy TV shows like X Factor
占据了圣诞音乐排行榜第一的位置
took over the Christmas number one slot.
最厉害的地方在于这些歌♥曲里
What’s clever is that these songs
完全都找不到圣诞元素存在的痕迹
have got absolutely no Christmas in them whatsoever,
西蒙·考威尔 X音素评委 以毒舌出名
也许是因为如果西蒙·考威尔染指任何与基♥督♥有关的东西
probably because if Simon Cowell touches anything to do with Christ,
他就会被烧死吧
he catches fire.
与此同时 回望过去
Meanwhile, back in the past,
到了都铎王朝的时候
by the time the Tudor era arrived
当时的歌♥曲听起来就跟现在没两样
and the music all sounded like what you’re hearing now,
圣诞节开始变成一个拿来暴饮暴食的借口
Christmas had become an excuse for gastronomic indulgence.
都铎王朝时期的宴席十分盛大
Tudor feasts were huge
往往包括了烤鹅 烤天鹅和烤孔雀
and often included roast goose or swan or peacock,
基本上就是一个大型烤鸟宴
basically a big bird roasted whole.
这听起来似乎有些残忍♥ 但是在电视出现之前的那些日子
That might sound traumatic, but, in the days before television,
大鸟先生(Big Bird) 动画<芝麻街>里的角色 一只直立行走的黄色大型鸟
他们并不知道大鸟先生里面是有人的
they didn’t know big birds have a person inside.
为了寻找更多关于都铎人的饮食习惯
To find out more about Tudor eating habits,
我与食品专家Jay Rayner进行了交谈
I spoke to food expert Jay Rayner.
那么 都铎人在圣诞节吃什么样的东西呢
So, what sort of things did Tudor people eat at Christmas?
他们吃孔雀之类的东西 对吗
They ate things like peacock, didn’t they?
那孔雀该怎么搭配呢
What goes with peacock?
用得哪一类肉汁呢
What kind of gravy?