疯狂愚蠢的爱

我一生的挚爱
The love of my life.
我特意为你在身上画了个鲜红的J 杰西卡
I have marked myself with a scarlet J for you, Jessica.
罗比 你快下来
Robbie, get down from there.
-纳撒尼尔·霍桑 -罗比·韦弗
– Nathaniel Hawthorne… – Robbie Weaver,
-在《红字》中写道… -我是你的保姆
– wrote in the Scarlet Letter… – I am your babysitter.
-你生气了吗 -我说了下来
– Are you mad? – I’m telling you get down.
我的天啊
Oh, my God.
-你到底在想什么呢 -你喜欢那个绞刑台吗
– What the hell are you thinking? – You like the scaffold?
我花了四周时间才做好 还安了轮子呢
Took me like four weeks to make it. It has wheels.
你不能再这样胡闹下去了 罗比
This has got to stop, Robbie.
-你会慢慢爱上我的 我保证 -我不会
– You’ll learn to love me, I promise. – No, I won’t.
就因为我比你小了四岁吗
Just because I’m four years younger than you?
因为我喜欢上别人了
Because I love somebody else.
他是谁
Who is he?
他比你大
He’s older.
我不想让我爸妈发现
And I didn’t want my parents to find out.
他要是敢伤害你 我会杀了他
You know I’ll kill him if he hurts you.
我知道
Yeah, I know.
好了 罗比 你不能再这么做了
Okay, Robbie, this has to stop.
好吗 别再这样了
Okay? No more.
成熟点吧
Grow up.
回见
I’ll see you around.
我爱你
杰西卡·赖利
好了
Okay.
进来了
Okay.
明天的家长会活动我妈也会去
So you’re seeing Mom tomorrow at my parent-teacher thing.
没问题
Yeah, no biggie.
怎么愁眉苦脸的
What’s with all the moping?
没什么 就是…
Uh, nothing. It’s just…
有个女孩
There’s a girl.
女孩啊
A girl, huh?
你喜欢她吗
You like her?
我喜欢品客薯片
I like Pringles.
我是说 她…
I mean, this girl…
她无与伦比
…she’s incredible.
她就是我的灵魂伴侣
She’s my soul mate, you know?
但她却满不在乎
She doesn’t even care.
但她是你的灵魂伴侣 不是吗
But she’s your soul mate, right?
是啊
Yeah.
那你就不要放弃追求她
Well, you just don’t give up on her, right?
为什么 你不就放弃了吗
Why not? You did.
我没有
I didn’t give up.
我的情况更复杂
Okay, it’s more complicated than that.
我现在不一样了
I’m a different guy now.
你才没变 你只不过是换了身行头
You’re not a different guy. You just have different clothes.
事情没那么简单 孩子
It’s not that simple, kiddo.
-你说的是什么狗屁 -说话注意点
– What kind of crap is that? – Watch it.
你要么爱她要么不爱 我知道你爱她
Either you love her or you don’t. I know you do.
我是说真的 爸
I’m serious, Dad.
我只是现在需要一些鼓励 好吗
I just need some inspiration right now. All right?
去把她抢回来
Go get her back.
你几岁来着
Wow, how old are you?
格雷戈里高地中学
欢迎参加家长会活动
你看上去挺精神的 卡尔
You look great, Cal.
原来过去的二十年里
Well, it turns out I’ve been buying
我的西服都买♥♥错了尺码
the wrong size suit for like 20 years, so…
行吧 你看上去挺不错的
Oh, well, whatever. You, um… You look great.
谢谢 你一直都是那么美
Thanks. You always look great.
谢谢你
Oh, thanks.
我昨天和娜娜聊了一会
So I spoke to Nanna yesterday.
我也是 她怎么样
Yeah, me too. How’d she sound to you?
跟平常没差 她担心我们俩
Um… Like Nanna. She worries about us.
我们这是要见哪位老师
What teacher is this?
泰弗蒂老师
Ms. Tafferty.
他的《红字》混♥蛋♥论就是在她课上说的
She’s the one he pulled the Scarlet Letter asshole routine on.
天呐 这孩子真奇怪
God, he’s such a weird kid.
但我还是挺喜欢他的
I kind of like him, though.
我也是 幸亏我们在医院里把孩子调包了
Yeah, me too. Glad we switched babies at the hospital.
是啊 另一个估计正蹲监狱呢
Me too. That other one’s in jail, probably.
你和大卫怎么样了
So how’s it going with David?
你知道的…
Oh, you know, it, um…
那不是…
It wasn’t, um…
我跟他之间没什么
That didn’t mean anything.
-我是说 如果… -我明白
– I mean, you know, if… – No. No, I know.
你有约会什么的吗
You seeing anybody?
我
Me?
人多嘴杂 总会听到点什么…
Oh, you know. We hear things, you know, so…
-没有 -没有吗
– No. – No.
没有认真的 你了解我
Not real… You know me.
是啊
Yeah, well…
没有
No.
我想你了 小艾
I miss you, Em.
年轻那会儿我追你还是费了功夫的 不是吗
I made an effort when we were younger, didn’t I?
迷你高尔夫还有跳舞
I mean, miniature golf and dancing.
你跳舞跳得那么好
You were such a great dancer.
那必须的 你迷你高尔夫球技术也不赖
I had to be. You were such a good miniature golfer.
我也不知道为什么 可能是我变懒了吧
I just… I don’t know. I guess I got lazy. I got…
是我变得无趣了
I got boring, is what I got.
没有
No.
我确实很生你的气
And I’m so mad at you.
我无法原谅你的所作所为
I’m really mad at you for what you did.
但我也怨我自己
But I’m mad at myself too.
因为我不该跳下那辆车
Because I should not have jumped out of that car.
我应该竭力去争取你
I should’ve fought for you.
因为你会为你的灵魂伴侣而战
Because you fight for your soul mates.
至少我十三岁的儿子是这么告诉我的
Least, that’s what my 13-year-old son tells me.
他真是个奇怪的孩子
He’s a really strange kid.
他说的话把我吓傻了
He scares the shit out of me.
我也想你
I miss you too.
韦弗先生和太太
Mr. And Mrs. Weaver?
不是这么巧吧
No way in hell.
-卡尔 你来这里干什么 -你们俩认识吗
– Cal, what are you doing here? – Oh, you two know each other?
是的 我们之前见过面
Yes. Yeah, right. We’ve met before, yes.
只是”见过面” 你认真的吗
“We have met before”? Seriously?
我来介绍一下 这是我妻子 艾米莉
So I’d like to introduce you to my wife, Emily.
你好 我是罗比的妈妈
Hi, I’m Robbie’s mom.
她又成你妻子了 真方便啊
She’s your wife again. How convenient.
我们可以进去了吗
So shall we enter?
-好的 -那当然
– Okay. – Why don’t we?
那我们进去吧
Yeah, let’s do that.
抱歉 我有点没弄懂
I’m sorry. I’m playing catch-up.
你们两个具体是怎么认识的
How do you two know each other, exactly?
让你老公跟你说吧
Maybe your husband should tell you.
我们应该是在去年的
We… I think we met at last year’s
家长会认识的 不是吗
parent-teacher conference, wasn’t it?
我没去吗
Did I miss it?
我是没参加去年的家长会吗
Did I miss the parent-teacher conference thing last year?
我不记得了
Yeah. I don’t remember.
我们还是来谈谈罗比的事吧
Why don’t we just, uh, focus on Robbie?
是的
Yes.
好 我们说回正事
Yes, let’s do that. Let’s…
谈谈罗比
Let’s focus on Robbie.
你们都知道 罗比今年的光辉时刻
As you know, Robbie’s shining moment this year…
就是他成为了我们学校第一位
…was when he set a school record
在八年级语文课上说脏话的同学
for cursing in an eighth-grade English class.
混♥蛋♥
混♥蛋♥
Asshole.
你应该很熟悉这个词吧 韦弗太太
You’re familiar with this word, Mrs. Weaver.
是的 我已经和校长谈过了…
Yes, I am. And I’ve spoken to Principal…
混♥蛋♥ 混♥蛋♥才会
Asshole. As in someone who
跟一个女人说再联♥系♥但从此杳无音讯