疯狂愚蠢的爱

回家共度一夜春宵
that was a total tomcat in the sack.
但我没法保证你现在不会不后悔
But I can’t guarantee that you won’t not regret it.
-你用的是双重否定 -你就是一个双重否定
– That was a double negative. – You’re a double negative.
好了 汉娜 我能请你喝一杯吗
Okay. Hannah, can I buy you a drink?
好吧 我该回家了
Okay. You know what? It’s time to go home.
真的吗
Really?
你回家真早 但没事 我可以接受
That’s forward of you, but okay. I’ll do it.
我录了《电锯惊魂三》
I TiVoed Saw III.
开你的车还是开我的
So should I get my car or yours?
我要把车开过来吗
Should I pull the car around?
你喝酒了吧 我来开车
You been drinking? I’ll drive.
-丽兹 -来了
– Liz? – Coming.
我得打个电♥话♥给娜娜
I’ll have to call Nanna.
没什么
Oh. Noth…
你要上斯坦福了吧
So Stanford, huh?
挺好的 很棒 我知道你老爸很骄傲
Good for you. That’s great. I know your dad’s really proud.
是啊 没错 他…
Yeah. Yeah, he’s…
-你确定你没事吗 -大卫·林哈根 天呐
– Are you sure you’re okay? – David Lindhagen, God.
好吧
Okay.
抱歉 抱歉我刚才那个样子
I’m sorry. Sorry about that.
没事
It’s okay.
韦弗先生
Mr. Weaver?
你是我当过保姆的所有家庭里…
You’re the nicest dad that I babysit…
最好的爸爸…
Of all the…
你人真的很好
You’re really nice.
-多谢你这么说 -还有…
– That’s very nice. – And…
我喜欢韦弗太太 很喜欢 好吗
I like Ms. Weaver, I like her a lot. Okay?
但如果她想和你离婚…
But if she wants to divorce you…
那我想她一定是疯了
then I think she’s batshit crazy.
-抱歉 -没事 没事
– Sorry. – Okay. Okay.
我希望这话不会让你不舒服
I hope this doesn’t make you uncomfortable.
我好像…好像有点迷上…
I’ve developed, like, a little crush…
你能帮我个忙吗
Could you do me a favor?
你能不能别跟你♥爸♥妈说
Would you not mention to your parents that
韦弗太太和我…你知道的
Mrs.Weaver and I are, you know…
我们想亲自告诉他们这事 好吗
It’s something we wanna tell them on our own, okay?
好
Yeah.
谢谢你 我不胜感激
Thank you, I appreciate that.
晚安
Have a good night.
再见
See you soon
再来一杯蔓越莓伏特加吗
Another vodka cranberry?
抱歉 你说什么
I’m sorry. What?
-还要再来一杯蔓越莓伏特加吗 -要的 谢谢
– Another vodka cranberry? – Oh, yeah. Yes, thanks.
我路过了这地方无数次 却从没进来过
I’ve been by this place a million times, never come in.
还挺不错的 美女挺多
It’s nice, lot of pretty girls.
-你猜怎么着 -怎么了
– Hey, guess what. – What?
我老婆跟别的男人发生了性关系
My wife is having intercourse with someone who is not me.
我很遗憾
I’m sorry to hear that.
谢谢你 你能说这话真好
Thank you. That is very nice of you to say.
真的 真的很好
Very, very nice.
她才说 我才发现 所以我还有点心痛
She just told me. I just found out, so I’m a little raw. It’s…
好吧 你没在听
Okay. Well, you’re not listening.
行吧
Okay.
如果我是大卫·林哈根 你就不会无视我了
You wouldn’t ignore me if I were David Lindhagen.
我老婆就没有无视大卫·林哈根
My wife doesn’t ignore David Lindhagen.
她上了他
She screws him.
上了他
Screws him.
他们就发出了咯咯的声音
They make this, like, gurgling sound, it’s like:
基佬
Gay.
卡尔
Hey, Cal
我刚刚拿到了年终财务报告
Oh, I just… I got the report on the end-of-year financials.
-不错不错不错 很不错 -那就好
– Good. Good, good. Really great. – Oh, good.
这季度你简直秒杀全场
You killed this quarter.
好吧
Okay.
-卡尔 你真的棒 -好的
– Cal, seriously. – All right.
-好的 -我说真的
– Okay. – Seriously.
谁告诉你艾米莉要和我离婚的
Who told you that Emily and I are getting divorced?
-你要离婚了 -没错
– You’re getting a divorce? – Yeah.
艾米听到你在厕所哭
Amy heard you crying in the bathroom.
我们还以为你得癌症了
We all thought it was cancer.
谢天谢地 兄弟
Thank God, man.
是啊 只是要离婚而已
Yeah, just my relationship.
谢天谢地
Thank God.
离婚而已
Divorce.
-我真走运 -那可不
– I’m so lucky. – You are.
我得去挑家具了
I have to go pick out furniture now.
行行行 你去吧
Okay, okay. You go for it.
没得癌症已经很走运了 伙计
It could have been cancer, buddy.
各位 他只是要离婚而已
Hey, everyone, it’s just a divorce.
好嘛 伙计
All right, buddy.
多谢各位 我感觉好多了
Thanks. Feels good.
卡尔 我只是想说
Cal? I just wanted to say…
该死
Shit.
我用不用帮你把车倒出车道
Can I back that thing out of the driveway for you?
-不用了 我可以的 -你不太会倒车
– Oh, no. I’ll be fine. – You have trouble in reverse, is all.
等我安顿下来
When I get settled,
孩子们可以过来看看我的新家
the kids can come and take a look at my new place.
我觉得我可能是中年危机
I think I’m having a midlife crisis, maybe.
女人也会有中年危机吗
Can women have midlife crises?
电影里都是男人才有中年危机
In the movies it’s always men having them
会买♥♥那种很夸张的黄色保时捷
and buying ridiculous yellow Porsches…
但我不是男人
…but, you know, I’m not a man.
一定要给植物施肥
Be sure to fertilize all this.
我们那么年轻就结婚了 卡尔
We got married so young, Cal.
现在我四十四岁了
And now I’m 44.
比我想象中老多了
And it’s so much older than I thought I’d be.
那边有一个关闭洒水器的阀门
There’s a turnoff valve for the sprinklers over there.
上周 我告诉你我要加班
Last week, when I told you that I had to work late…
其实我是自己去看了《暮光之城》
…I went to see the new Twilight movie by myself.
我不知道自己为什么要这么做
I don’t know why I did that.
我知道这样做很不对 卡尔
And it was so bad, Cal.
如果它像这样一直浇水
It keeps raining like this,
你得关掉自动设置
you might wanna turn off the automatic setting.
我们已经不是原来的我们了 已经很久了
And we haven’t been us. Not for a long time.
我不知道我们从何时开始失去了感觉
And I don’t know when you and I stopped being us.
你知道吗
I mean, do you?
也许是在你和大卫·林哈根上♥床♥之后
Maybe it’s when you screwed David Lindhagen.
《You Can Be the One》 – Late Night Alumni
*没人愿意形影单只*
*Nobody wants to be alone*
*心有所属才会快乐*
*The heart beats happy when it has a place*
*若你心无归处*
*And if it doesn’t have a home*
*可以来我这里*
*It can come into my space*
*这样我可以爱着你*
*So you can be the one I love*
*我可以成为你心之所想*
*I can be the one you long for*
*你可以成为我心之所想*
*You can be the one I want*
抱歉 我迟到了 我得去梅西百货取东西
Sorry I’m late, I had to pick something up at Macy’s.
-没关系 -一杯夏敦埃酒
– Don’t even worry about it. – A chardonnay.
我很高兴你来了
I’m just glad you’re here.
我不知道 我不知道发生什么了
I don’t know. I don’t know what happened.
最近这几天很难熬
Tough couple of days.
当你根本没想到会发生这样的事…
You know when you don’t see something coming…
克莱尔说我不能和你做朋友了
Claire said I can’t be friends with you anymore.
什么
What?
她说我们得在你和艾米莉之间做出选择
She said we had to choose between you and Emily.
我选了你
I chose you.
但她说不行
But she said no.
这是古龙水
It’s cologne.
伯尼
Bernie?
你要和我绝交吗 伯尼
Are you breaking up with me,Bernie?
小票也在里面
There’s a gift receipt in there also.
伯尼