疯狂愚蠢的爱

Ladies, when you’re on stage…
妈妈 看 是罗比的名字
Mommy, look. Robbie’s name.
不好意思 这里有人吗
Excuse me. Is this open?
好样的 你们成功了
要多近
How close?
好 这样可以
Yeah, that’s fine.
下午好
Good afternoon.
欢迎各位父母 家人和朋友
Welcome, parents, family and friends.
我们十分欣慰能与你们一起
We’re so pleased to have you here
庆祝这个毕业班级
to celebrate this graduating class.
现在 介绍我们的第一位学生演讲人
And now, to introduce our first student speaker…
有请我们独一无二的凯特·塔弗提
our very own Kate Tafferty.
她很漂亮
She’s pretty.
我们的第一位演讲人不只是毕业生致辞代表
Our first speaker is not only the class salutatorian…
同时还是…
but is also one of…
在我有荣幸教授过的学生当中
the most spirited young men…
最朝气蓬勃的年轻人之一
I’ve ever had the pleasure of teaching.
女士们先生们 欢迎罗比·韦弗
Ladies and gentlemen, Robbie Weaver.
罗比
Robbie!
欢迎你们 2011届毕业生
Welcome, class of 2011.
我们的初中生涯已经走到终点
Our time as middle schoolers has come to an end.
我们再也无法与之抗争 我们正在变老
We can’t fight it anymore. We’re getting old.
我这一生都期盼着长大
All my life I wanted to grow up.
我期盼着长大 这样人们就会认真对待我
I wanted to grow older so people would take me seriously.
对我来说 一切都听起来非常美好
It all sounded so good to me.
长大成人 找到工作 走入婚姻
Growing up, getting a job, getting married.
但是…
But…
这一切都是骗局
it’s all a scam.
而爱情
And love?
是其中最大的骗局
That’s the biggest scam of all.
我曾经陷入爱情
I was in love.
我知道你们有些人会觉得这很好笑
And I know that makes some of you laugh
因为我才十三岁 但是…
because I’m only 13, but…
管它呢 我曾经陷入爱情
whatever. I was.
我以前认为 并且真心相信
And I used to think, and really believe that…
每个人都拥有唯一的真爱
there was one true love for everyone…
如果你…
and if you…
为那个人足够努力去争取
fought hard enough for that person…
你那份唯一的真爱就总会成功
your one true love would always work out.
我小时候 这一切听起来都很美好
It sounded good to me when I was younger,
但事实并非如此
but it just doesn’t work that way.
世上根本没有
There is no such thing
-唯一的真爱这回事… -别说了
– as one true love… – Stop.
该死
Shit.
-天呐 -好吧
– Oh, Boy. – Okay.
好吧 不好意思
All right. Excuse me.
天呐 天呐 天呐
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
-你在干什么 -你在干什么
– What are you doing? – What are you doing?
我之前错了 爸爸 世上根本没有…
I was wrong, Dad. There’s no such thing as…
我…
I…
是这样的
Well, here’s the thing:
我儿子的毕业演讲糟透了
My son’s graduation speech sucks.
这不是个笑话
That’s not a joke.
平心而论
In fairness,
我并不知道他会接下来会说些什么
I didn’t know where he was going with that.
但我想我们都同意
But I think we can all agree…
这则发言的走向有点令人
it was headed in a kind of depressing…
沮丧
way.
我儿子… 不是他 我真的儿子
My son… Not him, my actual son.
相信盛大的浪漫之举
Believes in grand romantic gestures.
他相信世上存在
He believes in the existence…
灵魂伴侣
of one’s soul mate.
面对一个十三岁的孩子 可以很容易说出
And it’s easy to just look at a 13-year-old and say:
“你不知道你在说什么 你错了”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about. You are wrong.”
但我并没有那么肯定
But I’m not so sure.
我十五岁时遇见了我的灵魂伴侣
I met my soul mate when I was 15 years old.
当时我们一起去买♥♥冰淇淋
We went out for ice cream.
后来我爸开始打趣我的第一次约会
After, my dad started teasing me about my first date,
当爹的经常这样
the way dads do.
我告诉他 “爸爸 这没什么大不了的
And I told him, “Dad, it’s no big deal.
我以后会和很多不同的女孩出去
I’m gonna be going out with a lot of different girls
赴很多不同的约会”
on a lot of different dates.”
那是我人生中第一次向我父亲撒谎
And that is the first time that I ever lied to my father.
我十五岁时遇见了我的灵魂伴侣
I met my soul mate when I was 15 years old…
从我第一次给她
and I have loved her
买♥♥了那个薄荷巧克力碎甜筒开始
every minute of every day…
我每一天每一刻都在不停地爱着她
since I first bought her that mint chocolate chip cone.
我一直爱着她
I have loved her
其间伴随着我三个完美的孩子降生
through the birth of my three perfect children.
我一直爱着她 甚至在我恨她时
I have loved her even when I’ve hated her.
只有已婚夫妇明白这句话的意思
Only married couples will understand that one.
我不知道这是否会成功
And I don’t know if it’s gonna work out.
我不知道将会发生什么
I don’t know what’s gonna happen.
抱歉 罗比 这个我无法保证
I’m sorry, Robbie, I can’t give you that.
但我可以向你保证的是
But I can promise you this:
我绝不会放弃尝试
I will never stop trying.
因为当你找到那个人时
Because when you find the one…
你就绝不会放弃
you never give up.
你有什么想说的吗
Do you have anything you’d like to say?
我依然爱着你 杰西卡
I still love you, Jessica.
我也爱你 艾米莉
And I love you, Emily.
从你第一次
I loved you ever since
给我妹妹换尿布时 我就爱上了你
you first changed my sister’s diaper.
我爱你 即使那次你没打招呼进了我房♥间
I loved you even when you came into my bedroom unannounced
当时我在被子里…
and I was under the covers…
-让他停下 -不不不
– Stop him. – No, no, no.
-他在说什么 -我仍然不为此感到羞耻
– What’s he talking about? – I’m still not ashamed of it.
好的 可以了 可以了
Okay, we’re good, we’re good.
你妈妈来了 我们去打个招呼
There’s your mom. Let’s go say hi.
我真为你感到骄傲
I’m so proud of you.
在这呢 我的好姑娘
There she is. My perfect girl.
好吧
Okay.
我在一个非法网站上
So I bought a firearm…
买♥♥了一把枪
from a shady Internet site…
我准备要用它朝你的脸开枪
and I am prepared to shoot you in the face with it.
过来
Come here.
好好照顾她
Take care of her.
这下有意思了
This is gonna be fun.
这下有意思了
This is gonna be fun.
我要去和我的朋友聊聊
I’m gonna talk to my friends.
好 去和其他高中生玩吧
Yeah, go hang with the other high schoolers.
去吧 看看我会不会在乎 我不在乎
Go ahead, see if I care. I don’t care.
Blood – The Middle East
*Older brother restless soul lie down*
*Lie for a while with your ear against the earth*
*你会听到妹妹的梦话*
*And you’ll hear your sister sleep talking*
*说 “你的头发很长*
*Say, “Your hair is long*
*但没还是碰不到家中的我*
*but not long enough to reach home to me*
*但你的胡子*
*But your beard*
*总有一天会的”*
*Someday might be”*
你能来我真的很高兴
I’m really glad you came.
我也很高兴
So am I.
你是一个非常好的保姆 杰西卡
You were a really good babysitter, Jessica.
如果我让你不自在了 我很抱歉
I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.
-我以为你不会放弃 -我没有
– I thought you weren’t giving up. – I’m not.
但我想明白了…
But I just figure…
你喜欢我爸爸
you like my dad…
再过几年我就会长成他的模样
and in a few years I’ll look like him.
到那时我再来追你
I’ll come for you then.
这个计划真不赖
That’s not a bad plan.
但是…
But…
在那之前
Well, until then…
送你一个