疯狂愚蠢的爱

卡尔
老天爷
Va-jay-jay.
卡尔
不 不 不 爸爸 爸爸 爸爸
No, no, no. Daddy, Daddy, Daddy.
不 别管他 让他去
No, leave him. Let him go.
他能解决 让他去
He can handle it. Let him go.
宝贝 拿我钱包干什么 别动我钱包
Honey! What are you doing on my purse. Stay out of my purse!
不
No!
不许你拿钥匙 不许拿钥匙
Do not take those keys! Do not take those keys!
-不 -我不能让你把钥匙拿走
– No! – I’m not letting you take those keys.
不许跟着你♥爸♥
You’re not following your father!
停下
Stop it!
-不 不 -让你♥爸♥爸去解决
– No! No! – Let your father handle it.
不许你再去见那个男人
You’re not to see that man again!
他就是个变♥态♥
That man’s a pervert!
-你别管了 -不行
– Stay out of it! – No!
那个变♥态♥给你发色情短♥信♥了吗
Is that pervert sexting you?
宝贝
Hey, baby.
你穿的什么
What are you wearing?
爸爸在 我要遮住你的眼睛
Dad’s here. I have to blindfold you.
-为什么 他在干什么 -过来吧
– Why? What’s he doing? – Just come on.
太讨厌这样了
Hate this bad.
是不是有什么烂摊子要我收拾
Is this something I’m gonna have to clean up, later?
-我可不想 -妈妈 别担心 接着走
– ’cause I dont want to – Mom, no, don’t worry about it. Keep going.
-宝贝 我真的看不见 -妈妈我扶你
– Honey, honey, I really can’t see. – Mom, I got you.
-二 -我们在地上了 再下一阶
– Two. – Right now we’re on the ground. One more step.
-三 -三
– Three. – Three. Yay.
-妈妈 没有台阶了 到平地上了 -好
– Mom, no more steps. We’re on the ground. – Alright.
妈妈放松点 那是你丈夫 不是恐♥怖♥分♥子♥
Mom, relax. It’s your husband, not al Qaeda.
艾米
Hi, Em.
我现在能把这个拿掉了吗
Can I take this off now, please?
-不 还不行 -这是什么
– Nope, not yet. – What’s this?
-我听到你笑了 小花猫 -开始吧
– I hear you, gigglepuss. – Do it.
请大家注意听
May I have your attention?
很多年前 在伍德赛德中学的走廊上
Many years ago, in the hallway of Woodside Middle School…
卡尔·韦弗与艾米莉·博伊尔初次相遇
…Cal Weaver saw Emily Boyle for the first time.
卡尔 你真的要当着孩子的面说这些吗
Cal, are you seriously gonna do this in front of the kids?
如果势头不对劲
If anything goes wrong
我就带着她上楼 把电视声音调大
I’m supposed to take her upstairs and put the TV on loud.
好吧 我们或许该等等你女儿
All right. Well, we may as well wait for your daughter.
-她就在这呢 -不不不 我说的另一个
– She’s right here. – No, no, no. I mean our other daughter.
-你们好 -娜娜
– Hello? – Nanna.
-你们好啊 -宝贝
– Hi, guys. – Hi, sweetheart.
这是在干什么
What’s going on?
我不知道 做游戏吧
I don’t know. Some game.
他不让我把这个破眼罩摘掉
He won’t let me take this dumb blindfold off.
-卡尔 -是他吗
– Cal? – Is that him?
你在这干什么
What are you doing here?
你在这干什么
What are you doing here?
等等 你们认识吗
Wait, do you guys know each other?
这是怎么回事
What’s going on?
你在这干什么
What are you doing here?
-娜娜 -罗比
– Hey, Nanna. – Hi, Robbie.
-娜娜 -小可爱
– Hey, Nanna. – Hi, cutie.
雅各布 很高兴见到你
Jacob, it’s so nice to meet you.
娜娜说了你很多好话
I’ve heard so many wonderful things about you from Nanna.
-抱歉 娜娜是什么 -我是娜娜
– I’m sorry, what’s a Nanna? – I am Nanna.
我小时候不会说汉娜 你是怎么认识我爸爸的
I couldn’t say Hannah when I was little. How do you know my dad?
她完全不会发”汉”的音
She couldn’t say her H’s at all.
我实在理解不了现在这个场面
Okay. I’m having trouble understanding what’s going on right now.
爸爸 这是雅各布 我男朋友
Dad, this is Jacob, my boyfriend.
不 不是
No, it’s not.
我带他来见妈妈
I was bringing him over to meet Mom.
不 不 不 不
No. No. No, no, no.
-我真的想见见她男朋友 -没法呼吸了
– I wanna see the boyfriend. – I can’t breathe.
我能把这个拿掉了吗
Can I take this off now?
卡尔 你怎么有个这么大的女儿
Cal, what are you doing with a daughter that’s grown up?
我那时候17岁 所以我才这么早就结了婚
I was 17. That’s why we had to get married so young.
这种事你应该告诉我
That is something you should have told me.
你从不让我谈论我的孩子
You never wanted me to talk about my children.
我要去看电视了
I’m gonna go watch TV now.
好 你们快去吧
Yeah, that’s fine. Why don’t you go do that?
-对 我能一起吗 -不行
– Yeah. Can I come? – No.
你们俩好像 非常熟
So you guys, like, really know each other, then.
去他的吧 太可笑了
Screw it. This is ridiculous.
-宝贝 他真的挺帅的 -不 才不是
– Honey, he’s really cute. – No, he’s not.
瞧瞧你
Look at you.
你真是她妈妈吗 不敢相信 是姐姐吧
You’re really a mother? I don’t believe it, sister.
好了 好了 我来理清楚
Alright, alright. Let me get this straight.
所以你们俩是一起的
So you guys are a thing.
你们俩是一对 对吗 你们在一起了
You guys are a couple, right? You guys are together?
-对 -不行 立刻分手
– Yeah. – No way. Break up right now.
-爸爸 -求你了别这么叫他
– Daddy? – Please don’t call him that.
-卡尔 绝对不可能 -那我就毁了你
– Cal, that’s not gonna happen. – Then I will mess you up.
-爸爸 -卡尔
– Dad. – Cal.
-卡尔 -杰西卡
– Cal. – Jessica?
伯尼
Bernie?
爸爸 别
Daddy, no.
我还让她给你当保姆 你个狗♥娘♥养♥的
I let her babysit for you, you son of a bitch.
-天呐 -爸爸
– Oh, my god. – Dad.
-她才十七岁 -爸爸
– She’s only 17 years old. – Daddy.
你说什么呢
What are you talking about?
-天呐 -不知道你在说什么
– Oh, God. – No idea what you’re talking about.
-伯尼 -爸爸 别别别 快住手
– Bernie. – Daddy, no. No, no, no. Stop it.
-爸爸 -雅各布 我的天
– Dad. – Jacob! Oh, God.
爸爸 别闹了 他什么都没干
Daddy, Stop it. He didn’t do anything.
-他压根就不知道 -你的后背没事吧
– He doesn’t know. – Is your back okay?
-知道什么 -知道什么
– Know what? – Know what?
你们这是演的哪一出 我完全糊涂了
Is this some kind of a skit? Because I’m lost.
不
No.
别别别 爸爸 爸爸
No, no, no. Daddy, Daddy.
他根本不知道我爱上他了
He didn’t even know that I’m in love with him.
-爱谁 -爱他
– With who? – With him.
-你是在指我吗 -你是在指他吗
– You pointing at me? – You pointing at him?
她指的是他
She’s pointing at him?
等等 我爸爸就是跟你约会的老男人
Wait. My dad is the older guy you’ve been seeing?
-我就知道 你 -他不知道裸照的事
– I knew it. You… – He doesn’t know about the naked photos.
-什么 -杰西卡
– What? – Jessica.
你拍了裸照 真的吗
You made him naked photos? Seriously?
我要把你脑浆打出来
I’m gonna beat you till your brains fall out.
暂停 暂停 等一下 等一下
Timeout, timeout. Hold on. Hold on.
-但是我爱她 -你爱上的女孩就是杰西卡吗
– But I love her. – Jessica’s the one you’re in love with?
抱歉 艾米莉
Excuse me, Emily?
你前几天把毛衫落在我车里了
You left your sweater in my car the other night.
-你是谁 -我是大卫·林哈根
– Who are you? – I’m David Lindhagen.
-大卫·林哈根 -大卫·林哈根
– David Lindhagen. – David Lindhagen.
好吧
Okay.
-来的不是时候吗 -对
– Is this a bad time? – Yeah.
雅各布
Jacob.
你知道你给我朋友带来了多少痛苦吗
Know how much pain and suffering you caused my friend?
离我女儿远点
Stay the hell away from my daughter.
你离我女儿远点
You stay away from my daughter.
-我都不认识你 -住手
– I don’t even know you. – Stop it.
-爸爸 住手 -大卫
– Dad. Stop. – David.
-天呐 那绝对不 -你在抓什么呢
– Oh, my God. That is not… – What are you grabbing?
不是吧 不是吧 住手
Really? Really? Come on.
放开我 放开我 放开我
Let go of me! Let go of me! Let go of me!
-她是我女儿 -住手 住手
– Come on, she’s my daughter. – Stop it. Stop it.
我要杀了你
I’ll kill you.
所以
So…
等等 你们哪位是林嘿根来着
Okay, wait. Which one of you is Lindhagen again?