后会有期

这可能是我出过的最糟糕的主意了
This may be the worst idea I’ve ever had.
莫 当我叫你停的时候
Mo, when I tell you to stop,
你就一定要停下来 好吗
I really need you to stop, okay?
当我他妈告诉你我开不了车的时候
When I fucking tell you, I can’t drive a fucking van,
我也是真♥他♥妈♥不能开
I can’t drive a fucking van!
好了 哥们儿 我们冷静一下吧
Okay, guys, let’s just chill out.
我们要进监狱了
We’re gonna go to jail.
我们不会进监狱的 冷静点
We’re not going to jail. Just chill out.
好了 听着 向右拐 上高速
All right, listen. Hang a right, pull onto the highway.
我们得找个其他地方撞车
We gotta find somewhere else to crash.
-莫 莫 -你♥妈♥的♥ 上个狗屁高速
– Mo. Mo. – The fucking highway!
房♥间清扫 开下门
Management! Open up!
不 他们不在这里
No, they’re not here.
他们所有的东西都不见了
All their stuff is gone.
什么
What?
不 不 只是邻居而已
No, no. That’s just the neighbors.
你怎么
How do you…
看起来他们这儿有很多少♥儿♥不♥宜♥的东西
Looks like they got the unlimited adult content package.
我会给你回电♥话♥的
I’ll have to call you back.
好多频道
So many channels.
你们谁能帮我打开车顶灯吗
Can someone flip on my light?
我这儿有点忙啊 伙计
Kind of busy here, dude.
如果我看不见 就不能继续导航了
I can’t navigate if I can’t see.
好 莫 还记得我告诉你的十和二定律吗
All right, Mo, remember ten and two, what I told you?
-记得 -就这样 稳住
– Yeah. – Just like that, just hold it steady.
你不用把它握得那么紧
You don’t have to hold it so tight.
只要稳一点 走直线 好吗
Just keep it steady, keep it straight, okay?
深呼吸 你没事的
Just breathe. You’re okay.
-怎么样 小地图 -还小地图呢
– How’s that, MapQuest? – MapQuest.
我觉得我能摸通一点儿了
I think I’m starting to get the hang of this.
莫 莫 快刹车
Mo, Mo, go home!
莫 莫 刹车 莫 踩刹车啊
Mo, Mo, the brake! Mo, the brake!
操
Fuck!
大家都没事吧
Is everyone okay?
天呐 天呐 我腿动不了
Oh, my God. Oh, my God, you guys. I can’t move my legs!
-莫 你还好么 -我眼镜丢了
– Mo, you okay? – I lost my glasses.
-在这里 在这里 -我他妈的眼镜掉了
– It’s right here, it’s right here. – I lost my fucking glasses.
它在这里 它在你脖子上 在你脖子上呢
It’s right here. It’s around your neck, it’s around your neck.
抓住它 你拿到了
Grab it. You have it.
你受伤了吗 你有哪里受伤了吗
You hurt? Are you hurt anywhere?
我觉得我还行 我们在哪里
I think I’m okay. Where are we?
我不知道 我们不再开车了
I don’t know. We’re not driving anymore.
你可以把手从方向盘上拿开
You can take your hands off the wheel.
我他妈的不想开车
I didn’t wanna fucking drive!
我告诉你我他妈的不想开车
I told you I didn’t wanna fucking drive!
-莫应该多开车 -刚刚是个意外
– Mo should always drive. – It was an accident.
谁都没做错什么 莫开不了车 我记住了
It was nobody’s fault. Mo can’t drive. Got it.
-旅行到现在的亮点 -斯科蒂 你别 别
– Highlight of the trip so far. – Scotty, don’t, don’t, just…
那是我的老二
That was my dick.
停下 停下 你们两个都停下
Stop. Stop. Both of you.
安静
Quiet.
我去看看能不能拦到谁来帮我们
I’m gonna try to flag someone down.
看来不能
Or not.
斯科蒂
Scotty,
还记得你说过我们不会被困在野外里吗
remember when you said we’re not stranded in the wilderness?
别他妈再乌鸦嘴了
Don’t say shit like that ever again.
我们在哪里 我们在野外吗
Where are we? We’re in the wilderness?
表现得自然点 冷静点
Act really cool. Just act cool.
你看到了吗
Whoa. You see that?
他还有别的地方要去
He’s got somewhere else to go.
我们很好
We’re good.
他妈的
Oh, shit.
-怎么了 -他妈的 他妈的
– What? – Oh, shit, oh, shit.
让我来处理 好吗
Let me handle it, okay?
就让我来处理吧
Just let me handle it.
你好 警官
Hello, officer.
他妈的
Oh, shit.
-你的车在后面吗 货车吗 -是的 是的
– Is your vehicle back there, the van? – Yeah, it is.
-你们当中谁开的车 -有点团队协作精神
– Which one of you is driving? – Sort of a team effort.
-我踩的油门 -他们 他们在开玩笑
– Yeah, I did the pedals. – They- They are kidding.
我们的司机出来寻求帮助
Our driver bailed to get help.
所以我们才来这里
That’s why we’re out here.
对的
Yeah.
大家都好吗
Everybody okay?
是的 是的 我们转向为了避开一只鹿
Yeah, yeah, we swerved to avoid a deer,
所以我们就这样掉进了沟里
so that’s how we ended up in a ditch.
那是头鹿
It was a deer.
227 我这儿有两个残废
227, I’ve got two handicapped gentlemen.
对不起 请说残疾人
Sorry. Person with disabilities, please.
两个残疾人和一个盲人
Two persons with disabilities and a blind guy.
打扰一下 那是视力障碍
Um, excuse me, it’s visually impaired.
有视力障碍的人
Visually impaired gentleman.
我们现在需要一辆拖车
Um, gonna need a tow truck
和一辆为残废人士
and a van equipped for the disabled-
我是说 为残疾人士准备的货车
the, um, persons with disabilities.
收到
Copy that.
我表哥的姐夫有唐氏综合症 所以 我懂
My cousin’s brother- in- law has Down Syndrome, so… I know.
-你好吗 -是的 我们很好 谢谢你
– You good? – Yeah, we’re good, thank you.
-才不好 -她听上去很开心
– Not good. – She sounds happy.
她才没有
She’s not.
有没有人想跟我解释一下
Does somebody wanna explain to me
我的货车他妈的
what in the entire fuck my van
为什么会在高速路边的沟里
was doing in a ditch on the side of the highway?
天 你们这俩混♥蛋♥ 这不是个集体决定吗
Oh, my God. You fuckers. This was a group decision.
我们的父母出现在汽车旅馆
Our parents showed up at the motel.
我们不得不离开
We had to bolt.
你们到底对我隐瞒了什么
What are y’all keeping from me?
我们刚告诉你了
We just told you.
我们的父母打算毁了我们的这次旅行
Our parents were gonna squash the trip,
这就是为什么 没错
and that’s why- yeah.
放狗屁吧 这已经不是加钱就能解决的了
Bullshit, okay? This is not adding up.
我要你们现在全部摊牌
I want all the cards on the table right now
不然谁都别想走
or we won’t go anywhere.
我就呆在这儿
I’ll stay right here.
-他妈的 -莫 莫
– Shit. – Mo, Mo.
什么 不行 马特 你去和她谈谈
What? No, Matt, you go talk to her.
你去和她谈谈
You talk to her.
-莫比较讨她喜欢 -她太吓人了
– She likes Mo. – She’s very scary.
莫 和她一起去走走吧
Mo, just go make out with her.
我才不管她喜不喜欢
I don’t care if she liked
对了 对了 别提到妓院
Hey, hey, hey, do not mention the brothel.
不要提妓院 讲真的
Just don’t mention the brothel. Seriously.
-那算是答应了吗 -靠
– Was that a yes? – Shit.
-他会说的 -过45秒后他绝对会提妓院的
– He’s gonna – I give him 45 seconds before he brings it up.
-很抱歉这个椅子 我动过 -你开的车吗
– Sorry about the seat. I had to move it. – You drove?
这是一个漫长的
Well, it’s a long st-
我们真的很担心你
we were really worried about you.
如果你们真的担心我
Look, it’s not gonna happen again,
就不会又发生这种破事儿
if that’s what you’re worried about.
不 萨姆 我们真的很担心你
No, Sam, we were worried about you.
我很高兴你没事
I’m just glad you’re okay.
这很吓人 你知道吗
It was scary, you know?
听着 这
Look, it’s, um.
这说起来真的很尴尬
It’s really awkward to talk about.
但是你懂的
But you know,
你体会不到 像我们这样的男人
you don’t get it. Guys like us, we-
我们和女人相处得很难
we have a tough time with women.
但这不代表我们不在乎什么道德问题
It’s not like we’re insensitive to the moral complications.
顺便说一下
By the way,
我永远永远都不会做咸猪手去玷污别人
I would never, ever- I would never take advantage of anyone.