人生遥控器（2006）

And… Oh, my God.
金刚狼的逊表弟
Wolverine’s goofy cousin.
看看你 他真配不上你
But look at you. Wow. You are out of his league, aren’t you?
(初吻时刻? )
是啊纸条
Oh, yeah, the notes.
真会献殷勤
Smooth, buddy.
(明天你是否依然爱我? )
看看她写的
Oh, look at her.
接下来呢? 你有答案吗?
What’s gonna happen? You got an answer to that?
搞定她吧
Okay. Seal the deal, pal.
(直到永远 宝贝)
她心里想的是 “我不要亲那口胡子”
All she’s thinking about is, “I am not kissing that beard.
绝对不要 那会痛
Absolutely not, that’s gonna hurt me.”
等一等
Wait a minute.
好耶 帅哥 亲吧
Yeah, Newman. Get it.
好啊
Yeah.
唐娜!
Donna!
唐娜 我的老天
Donna. Oh, my God.
我色急攻心了
I’m so horny now.
老天 我可不要 快离开这里
Oh, God, I’m not. Get me out of here.
《Cranberries》唱的《Linger》 那是我们初吻时播的歌♥
“Linger” by The Cranberries was playing during our first juicy kiss.
你穿那件粉红毛衣真的好美
And, my God, you looked beautiful in that pink sweater you were wearing.
你记得我当时穿的衣服?
Honey, you remember what I was wearing?
当然 我还记得珍宁穿什么
Of course. I remember what Janine was wearing.
她当时真是吓坏我了
She scared the shit out of me then.
我爱你
I love you.
我也爱你 亲爱的
I love you too, honey.
纽曼先生
Hi, Mr. Newman.
我的新明星 恭喜 坐 大红人
Hey, my new star. Congratulations. Sit down, big guy.
好
All right.
我有点累
I am a little tired.
我们全家昨晚庆祝的很晚
The family was up late last night celebrating.
你昨晚表现真的很棒 对吧?
You really knocked one out of the park last night, didn’t you?
彼此彼此
Hey, you were great too.
现在你只要把平面图划出来
All you gotta do is draw up the construction plans.
要是和下决定付款
If Watsuhita commits to the bulk of the funds…
我就升你为合伙人
…I’m looking at my new partner.
我以为我已经是合伙人了
I thought I was already your partner.
我说搞定和下的案子 你就升官
I said, “Land the Watsuhita account you’ll get promoted.”
我不是说现在就升 – 但是我已经告诉我老婆了
I didn’t mean right this second. – But I already told my wife, sir.
我还花了很多钱
I spent money I don’t have.
我做这些文件要好几个月
To do these documents is gonna take me months.
那还不快开始
Then you better get started.
我突然头很痛
Wow, I just got a big headache!
很像被火车撞到一样 – 我什么都没看到
Was I hit by a train or something? – I didn’t see anything.
我忘了告诉你 我跟你朋友珍宁共度了周末
I forgot to tell you. I hung out with your friend Janine this weekend.
希望她搞上你兄弟 大头呆
I hope she’s doing your brother right now, you big-headed buffoon.
不不…你还有
No, no, no. You got more.
好耶
Yeah.
总之 你越快开始工作
Anyway, the sooner you get back to work…
就能越快当上合伙人
…the sooner you’ll be partnerized.
我嘴里有屎的味道 – 是吗?
I taste shit. – You do?
小黛! – 你是不是在我午餐里掺屎?
Stacy! Did you put shit in my lunch?
我要走了
I’m gonna get going now, sir.
小黛!
Stacy!
(卫浴寝具批发商城)
你想过那样做…
Have you considered the consequences…
的后果吗?
…of the thing you’re thinking about doing?
你的意思是 我不该这么做?
Yeah. What are you saying, I shouldn’t do it?
这是你的人生 你要怎么遥控是你的决定
It’s your life. What you do with the remote is your decision, Michael.
我知道 不过这是几个月的时间
I know, so, I mean, we’re talking a couple of months here.
我要是快转会错过什么?
I fast-forward through it, what am I gonna miss?
30次吵架和一次理发?
Thirty arguments and a haircut?
记得小精灵吗?
Remember the leprechaun?
麦片广♥告♥的那个
The one from the cereal ad.
说”真是超级好吃”的那个?
“They’re magically delicious.” That guy?
他一直在寻找彩虹那端的金罐
He’s always chasing the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
不过当他终于抵达那里时
But when he gets there at the end of the day…
结果却是一场空
…it’s just corn flakes.
迈可
Michael. – Yes.
你不明白那个比喻? – 我不会快转 好吧!
You don’t understand the metaphor? – I won’t do it, all right.
爸?
Dad? – Yeah.
我们有一些设计要给你 – 现在不是好时机
We have some designs for you. – It’s not a good time, man.
也许这些能帮你更快完成工作
Maybe they’ll help you finish quicker.
好 你们要我看? 拿给我看吧
All right. You want me to look at it? Let me see.
天花板太高走廊太窄
The ceiling’s too high, the hallway’s too narrow…
楼梯的位置完全不对
…stairway placement makes no sense at all.
这个房♥间是用什么做的? – 披萨
What the hell’s this room made of? – Pizza.
蠢呆了 下一个 你的是用什么做的?
Well, it’s stupid. Next. What is yours made of?
腌黄瓜 – 别像个长不大的小孩
Pickles. – Oh, don’t be a baby.
迈可 你疯啦? 他才七岁
Michael, have you lost your mind? He’s 7 years old.
他想用披萨做游戏间有何不可?
If he wants a playroom made of pizza, then why not?
也许他得长大 离开幻想岛
Maybe he’s gotta grow up sometime and get the hell off Fantasy Island.
披萨小子 人生不是有创意就好
Hey, pizza boy. Life ain’t about being creative.
而是要阿谀奉承保守怕事 帮你老板赚大钱
It’s about kissing ass, playing it safe, making your boss a lot of money…
期待有一天他会分你点好处
…in hopes one day he might throw you a stinking bone. All right?
是的
Yes, sir.
安默没升你当合伙人 对吧?
Ammer didn’t make you partner, did he?
老公 我很抱歉
Oh, honey, I’m so sorry.
不过一切都会过去的 我保证
But we’ll get through this, okay? I promise.
天呐 我们只能等一切过去
Jeez! Man, that’s all we ever do is get through it.
这一切何时才能结束?
When is it gonna end?
很棒吧?
Pretty sweet, eh?
两张大床全功能厨房♥淋浴间
Two queen beds, full kitchen, steam shower…
环绕音效的卫♥星♥电♥视♥
…and satellite TV with surround sound.
你为什么老想伤害我? 总有一天我会还击的
Why are you always trying to hurt me? One day I’m gonna hurt you back.
迈可纽曼 我不知道你也抽雪茄
Michael Newman, I didn’t know you smoked cigars.
现在时候到了
And now’s the time.
不 凯希 这不是我的
No, Kathy, this isn’t mine.
我从你儿子手里没收的 他刚刚抽的可凶了
I took it out of Kevin’s hands. Yeah, he was smoking like a chimney.
我没有
No, I wasn’t!
我好像闻到里面有大♥麻♥
I think I smell marijuana in it.
凯文杜尔 你给我马上进来!
Kevin O’Doyle, you get your ass in this house right now!
我恨你
I hate you.
你耳朵聋啦? 快点!我不想再请你一次了
Are you deaf? Move it! I don’t wanna have to ask you again!
笨蛋才嗑药 小子
Dope is for dopes, buddy!
给我立刻进屋里来!
Get your ass in this house!
我们别无选择
We don’t have any other choice, guys.
不公平 我不想把车子还回去 我们一定要还
No fair! I don’t wanna return my bike! – We have to, honey.
可是爸爸送给我们了
But Daddy gave them to us! – Because he loves you.
是啊可是爸爸的工作有状况
Unfortunately, there was a mix-up at Daddy’s work.
我们现在得把车还回去
We need to bring the bikes back for now.
可是我已经告诉凯文我有新车了
But I already told Kevin O’Doyle I got a new bike.
我们可以把旧车漆成新的
Well, we can paint my old bike and make it look new.
那是女生的车 其他人会笑我
That’s a girl’s bike. All the kids will make fun of me.
不!
No!
我要我的车
I wanna keep my bike!
我再也受不了了
I can’t take this anymore.
快转到我升官那天
Fast-forward me to my promotion.
(快转)
让我们恭喜迈可纽曼
So here’s to Michael Newman…
我梦寐以求的最佳合伙人
…the greatest partner I could ever dream of.
说的好
Hear, hear!
谢谢 我的家人也感谢你们
Thank you. Thank you, guys. My family thanks you.
我会全力以赴 不让各位失望
I’m gonna do the best I can and I won’t let you down, I promise.
恭喜 – 太棒了 谢谢
Congratulations, Mr. Newman. – This is great. Thank you.
感觉如何 大杀手?
How’s it feel, killer?
不可思议 – 这是你赚来的
Feels incredible, sir. – Well, you earned it. I’m telling you.
不只是和下的案子
Not just because of that Watsuhita project either.
还帮我搞定一切杂事 让我有时间陪我最特别的女人
For helping me pick up the slack now I’m spending time with my lady.
帅哥
Hey, Dinkie.
不会吧? 你们在一起几个月了?
Are you kidding me? You guys have been dating a couple months now?
看来这次很认真
That’s pretty huge for this one.