人生遥控器（2006）

感谢你!宝贝 我爱你!
Thanks to you, baby! I love you!
不用再吃感冒药了
No more Tylenol!
我不记得周末有赶工
I don’t remember doing any work this weekend.
不过看来我是做好了
But apparently I did.
坏消息 老公 没热水 – 什么? 我得洗个澡才行
Bad news. There’s no hot water. – What? I gotta take a shower.
你的蛋蛋会冻坏的
Well, you’re gonna freeze your bun-buns off.
没问题
It’s all good.
好耶 看看我
Yes! Look at me.
洗好澡又着装完毕
All showered and dressed and looking sexy.
还很性感 我超帅的
I like that. L…
爸 你嗑药啦?
Did you smoke crack, Daddy?
说话注意点 今天好好陪你妈咪
Just watch your toons and have a great day with Mommy today, okay?
吃蛋糕跟你老爸一样 来一下
Eating cupcakes like your old man. Right here, baby.
爸? – 什么事?
Dad? – Yes, sir?
你今晚还要加夜班吗?
Are you gonna have to work late again tonight?
很不幸 是的 – 我们帮得上什么忙吗?
Unfortunately, yes. – Is there anything we can do to help?
我很快就能当上合伙人了 我需要很多新的建筑设计
Well, I’m gonna be partner soon, and I’m gonna need new building designs.
若你们有什么好点子 划给我
So if you guys have any cool ideas, draw them up for me.
好 – 好
Okay. – Rock ‘n’ roll.
我去拿纸 – 我拿蜡笔
I get the paper. – I got the crayons.
拜托你们闭嘴 搞定排水沟吧
Would you stop talking and fix the sewer?
你真行 好耶
You’re on it now, yeah. Yeah.
塞车塞车 别再塞车了
Traffic, traffic, no more traffic.
等一等
Wait a sec!
好耶!妈呀!
Here we go! Mama!
这样就对啦 宝贝
Yeah! That’s what I’m talking about, baby!
你脸色有点苍白 我来修一下
You look a little pale there, pal. Let me fix that.
你看看你 黄的像根香蕉
Oh, look at you now. You’re all yellow from the scurvy.
Captain.
别惹绿巨人浩克生气 让他生气 你就完了
Don’t get the Hulk angry. You won’t like him when he’s angry.
邦尼来了
Oh, there’s Barney.
我爱你 你爱我
I love you, you love me
邦尼有个大屁♥股♥
That jogger had giant boobies
就让你有梦寐以求的阳光夫色吧
Okay. Let’s get you that tan you been searching for.
就是这样
That’s it. That’s it.
拉丁歌♥王胡利欧来也 帅啊
Check out Julio Iglesias… Pretty.
(性骚扰… 那是什么? )
气色真好 纽曼先生 – 真的? 谢谢你 茱蒂
Looking good, Mr. Newman. – Really? Thank you very much, Judy.
完成没? – 我完成没? 我想是完成了
Finish? – Did I finish? I believe I finished.
我看看…你看 – 真令人印象深刻
Let’s see here. Look at that. – Very impressive, Michael.
大厅里有河流 做的很好
Yeah, the river in the lobby. This is actually pretty good, man.
你怎么会有时间做日光浴?
Where did you find the time to get a tan?
我想我可以全都搞定 – 你是可以
I guess I can do it all, sir. – You can do it all.
好了各位 今天要讲性骚扰
All right, all right, everybody. It’s sexual-harassment-speech day.
(性骚扰不分性别)
任何人都可能是性骚扰的受害者
Now, anyone can be a victim of sexual harassment:
蓝领白领女人男人
Blue collar, white collar, a woman, a man.
连办公室荡♥妇♥也一样
Even the office slut.
我可没提任何人的名字
Not that I’m mentioning any names…
小黛
…Stacy.
好了 性骚扰可能是任何形式
Here we go. Sexual harassment can come in many forms.
有些事某些人觉得很好玩 其他人却会觉得很不舒服
You see, what is hilarious to some, could be offensive to others.
让我举个真实的例子 因为我确信我♥干♥过这件事
Let me try to give you a real-life example because I’m sure I’ve done it.
那天我说 “你想升官, 就拿乳液来”
Like the day I said, “You want a promotion, break out the lotion.”
技术上来说 我涉嫌性骚扰
I was technically engaged in sexual harassment.
搞笑型的性骚扰
Hilarious sexual harassment, if you ask me.
也有同性之间的性骚扰
Now, there is also homosexual harassment.
就像男人彼此开黄腔
Now, this is like when one dude comes up to another…
这一定很好笑 在房♥间或洗手间干嘛 我不管
…and says something cheeky. – This will be good.
继续说
Proceed.
我不知道你们美国人怎么想
I don’t know about you Americans…
不过对我而言 毫无疑问的
…but to me there is no doubt…
铃木一朗是最棒的
…Ichiro is the greatest of all time.
对 他是很行
Yeah, he’s incredible.
不过你得承认 松井秀喜最可靠
You gotta admit, you can always count on Matsui.
松井秀喜啊
Oh, Matsui.
要是你们那么爱那两道菜 就两道都点吧
Well, if you guys love Ichiro and Matsui so much, let’s order them both.
我什么都吃
I’ll eat anything.
恕我们失陪一下 没问题 和下先生
Excuse us for a moment. – Absolutely, Mr. Watsuhita.
待会见了
See you guys in a bit.
铃木一朗和松井秀喜是棒球选手 你刚刚羞辱了他们的国家英雄
Ichiro and Matsui are baseball players. You just insulted their national heroes.
我要去洗手间割腕自杀
I’m going to the bathroom to slit my wrists.
我在这里等着
I’ll be here.
这两个白♥痴♥真无聊
These morons are so boring.
他们让我想挥刀自宫
They make me wanna chop my own dick off.
还有旅馆设计 我真想撕了它
That hotel design? I’d like to rip it up.
那猪头一定看了亚洲建筑纪录片
Egghead watched a bad documentary on Asian architecture.
谁要在大厅挖一条蠢河?
Who needs a stupid river in the lobby?
应该建更多房♥间好赚更多钱
Let’s build more rooms and maximize profits.
赶快吃完东西
Eat as fast as you can.
之后我们就离开 去造访…
Then we can get out of here…
美国文化最伟大的成就
…and do Jell-O shots at America’s greatest cultural achievement:
T.G.I.Friday’s
T.G.I. Friday’s.
T.G.I.Friday’s
T.G.I. Friday’s!
迈可 拯救我们吧! – 交给我吧!
All right, Michael, save us. – I’m all over it, baby.
在点菜前 我看过我们的企划 你们知道吗?
Before we order, I was looking at our proposal. You know what?
我越了解你们 就越觉得这不适合你们
After getting to know you a little bit, I realize this is not what you’re about.
事实上 把它扔了 从头开始
In fact, let’s just throw it out, all right? Start from scratch.
大厅里摆条河 真是蠢毙了
The river in the lobby idea, what an egghead move.
将计划保持在最简单的状态 忘了精致的装璜 一切向钱看
Let’s just keep the plans simple, forget all the niceties, maximize our revenue.
那才是最重要的 要赚钱
That’s what it’s all about anyways, the profits.
不过请帮我一个忙 将你的案子和信任交给我们
But do me a favor. Just give us your account and your trust.
好让我们离开这无聊的地方 去T.G.I.Friday’s
That way we can get the hell out of this dump, go to T.G.I. Friday’s…
喝到茫 喝到这家伙抓兔子为止
…do some Jell-O shots till this guy pukes up a lung.
靠好耶
Fuck, yeah.
这才像话
That’s what I’m talking about.
国王回家了
The king is home! Hello, hello!
我有礼物送你们 你们怎么能睡
How can you goons sleep when you know I got you presents?
有礼物? – 是什么?
You did? – What is it?
是什么? 你下楼就会知道啦!
What is it? Well, if you bring your tushies downstairs, we’ll find out.
我来了我来了
I’m coming. I’m coming.
老婆 你也下来 快点
Honey, get your sweet little buns downstairs too. Come on, come on!
快点下来吧
Come and get them.
太赞了!不会吧!
Awesome! No way! – Yeah, yeah.
买♥♥这一定要花上一百万 – 那不过是笔小钱
It must have cost a million dollars! – That’s chump change now.
你们值得拥有最好的
You guys deserve the best…
从今以后你们也会拥有最好的
…and that’s what you’re gonna get from now on, okay?
这是怎么回事?
What’s all this?
看是谁来了 你们要骑车吗?
Look who’s here. You guys wanna ride these bikes?
要 – 去外面骑
Yeah! – Let’s take them outside!
吵醒杜尔家 让他们看看你们的礼物
Wake the O’Doyles, let them see what you got.
这是全镇最炫的脚踏车了
These are the coolest bikes in the whole town.
凯文杜尔会气炸的
Kevin O’Doyle’s gonna shit himself.
别以为我忘了我美丽的老婆 – 我的老天
Don’t think I forgot my beautiful wife. – Oh, my gosh.
不是脚踏车或牛仔帽 希望你会喜欢这个
It’s not a bike or a cowboy hat, but you’re gonna like this, I hope.
迈可 它好美 我听到你跟我妈的谈话
Oh, Michael, it’s beautiful. – I heard you talking to my mother.
我好喜欢 – 你真美 宝贝
I love it! – You look good, baby.
我的则是一支庆祝雪茄
I got myself a celebratory cigar too. Why not?
我们庆祝什么?
What are we celebrating?
庆祝什么? 我们健康家庭圆♥满♥和乐
“What are we celebrating? ” We’re healthy, we got a great family…
我还是安默公♥司♥最新的合伙人
…I’m Ammer’s newest partner…
天 不会吧!老公 恭喜你!
Oh, my God, you’re kidding! Honey, congratulations!
我就知道你会很高兴 我爱你
I knew it! I knew you’d be psyched! I love it! I love you!
我一个人搞定了和下的案子
I single-handedly landed the Watsuhita account.
太棒了 我就知道今天会很顺利
That’s incredible. I knew it was gonna be a great day.
我今早在收音机里听见我们的歌♥ – 我们有歌♥?
I heard our song on the radio. – We have a song?
老公 我们初吻时播的歌♥
Honey. The song that was playing during our first kiss.
你跟我闹着玩的 对吧?
Come on. You’re kidding me, right?
我知道我们的歌♥ 我当然记得我们的歌♥
I know our song. Our song. Of course I know our song. Our song is…
那到底是哪一首歌♥?
What the hell was that song?
我记得这个地方
I remember this place.
还有 我的老天