人生遥控器（2006）

冲啊迈可 – 密西西比 我最强
Go, Michael, go! – One Mississippi. Two Mississippi.
瞧瞧这里如何? – 二 三
What have I got here? – Two, three.
我又喝太多咳嗽糖浆了
Cough syrup’s kicking in again.
我们有儿子了 – 那玩意能用吗?
We have a boy! – Is it gonna work?
这是什么?
What is this?
我爱你 迈可 – 你的人生选单
All right, I love you, Michael. – Your life menu.
我的人生有旁白评述?
My life has a commentary?
里面的料可多了
It’s chock-full of goodies.
按下去 – 按下去
Click it. – Click it.
这是上周二的事了
This is last Tuesday.
迈可正热切地等待他的午餐
Michael was eagerly awaiting the arrival of his lunch order.
谁在配音? 李四端吗?
Who’s that, James Earl Jones?
他的旁白作品可多了
James Earl does a lot of voice-over work.
不过他的期待旋即落空
But his anticipation quickly turned to dismay…
他发现艾莉丝帮他买♥♥的是吉士堡
…as he realized Alice had brought him a cheeseburger…
而不是他要的汉堡
…instead of a hamburger as he requested.
吉士堡? 我说过我要汉堡
A cheeseburger? I said a hamburger.
她老是这样
She always does this to me.
迈可考虑叫艾莉丝刮掉起司
Michael considered demanding that Alice scrape the cheese off…
不过却决定算了
…but decided not to…
他怕艾莉丝会吐口水上去
…fearing that Alice may spit in…
或者… 想办法把汉堡弄脏
…or otherwise defile the burger in some manner.
这是个聪明的决定
A wise decision…
那正落入艾莉丝的圈套
…for that was exactly what Alice was planning to do.
不会吧? – 真卑鄙
Are you kidding me? – Sneaky.
我的老天
My God.
这玩意还能干嘛?
What else we got here?
(特别收录制♥作♥花絮)
制♥作♥花絮? – 按下去就是了
“Making of”? – Just click.
感觉真迷幻 这是哪里?
Hey, hey, psychedelic. Where are we?
这是A片吗?
Is this a porno or something?
泰德 老公!
Oh, Ted. Oh, Teddy!
那是我爸妈?
Is that my parents?
他们在制♥造♥你 跟兔子一样
They’re making you. Like bunny rabbits.
就是那里! – 打我屁♥股♥!
That’s the spot. – Smack my heinie!
换频道!要怎么换频道?
Change the channel! How do you do this?
我看不到
I can’t see.
怎么回事?
What happened? – What…?
地板又湿又滑 脚底感觉很舒服
The floor is so mushy and slippery. Feels good on my feet.
你看 你按了快转键
Check it out. You hit the fast-forward button.
我相信这是在你受胎之后的某刻
I believe we’re sometime after your conception.
很好 纽曼太太
Okay, very good, Mrs. Newman.
不会吧!我们在我妈阴♥道♥里?
No! We’re in my mother’s vagina?
再来 用力推
Again. And push.
是个女孩 – 是个女孩
It’s a girl. – It’s a girl!
是个女孩 太好了
Oh, It’s a girl. Thank you so much. – Thank you for that.
等等 很抱歉 可能是个男孩
Wait a minute. I’m sorry, it might be a boy.
什么叫可能? 那是什么意思?
What do you mean, “might be”? What is that?
也许那是小♥弟♥弟♥
Maybe that’s a penis.
也许? 那就是 那是我的小♥弟♥弟♥
Maybe that’s a pe…? That’s a penis. That’s my penis.
给我看好吗? 抱近一点
Can I see that? Can you bring that a little closer?
看到没?
See?
那是个小小的小♥弟♥弟♥
That’s a tiny schmeckel. – Yeah?
我们有儿子了 – 我们有儿子了
We have a boy! – We have a boy!
你母亲的眼力一定超好
Your mother must have some superpower eyesight…
因为我啥都没看到
…because I didn’t see anything.
真爱说笑 我们离开这里吧
Let’s get out of here.
照这样来看
So if you think about it…
我可以随意体验任何一部分人生
…I can reexperience any part of my life I want to.
真神奇
It’s amazing.
怎么回事? 老天 我做了什么?
What happened? Oh, God, what did I do?
喂? 我要怎么让你回来?
Hello? How do I get you back here, pal?
骗倒你了
Gotcha.
你吓我还吓的不够啊?
I’m not freaked out enough?
很简单 想个时间地点
It’s simple. Think of a time and a place…
按下倒♥退♥键 你就到那里了
…hit rewind, and you’re there.
时间地点
Time and a place. Time and a place.
(温尼沛萨基湖)
我的老天 温尼沛萨基湖
Oh, my God. Lake Winnipesaukee.
穿喷射机T恤的就是我
That’s me in the Jets shirt.
冲啊小一号♥的我
Go, little me, go!
接的好 好身手
Good hands! Nice hands.
迈可
Michael!
迈可 晚餐快准备好了 你可以邀请朋友来吃
Michael, dinner’s almost ready. Invite your friends if you want to.
你们想到我的帐篷吃晚餐吗?
So any of you wanna come by my tent for some supper?
到我家露营车旁吃饭 看《Three’sCompany》吧!
Or we could eat at my Winnebago and watch Three’s Company.
《Three’sCompany》!
Three’s Company.
那真是超丢脸的
That’s humiliating.
妈 我们为何不像别人家一样 开露营车?
Mom, why can’t we camp in an RV like every other family?
拜托 那也叫露营吗?
Oh, come on. You call that camping?
躲在金属壳里怎么亲近大自然?
How can you get close to nature in a tin can like that?
而且晚上抱在一起取暖也更有趣
Plus, it’s more fun to have to keep each other warm at night.
你最清楚了
Don’t you know it.
还不能吃杯子蛋糕 – 可是我好饿
No cupcakes yet. – But I’m starving.
我同意 你知道我有多饿吗?
I agree with you, Michael. You know how hungry I am?
我饿的可以吃下这个
I am so hungry, I could eat this.
吃硬币把戏就是从这里开始的
Oh, this is where the quarter trick started.
他是怎么弄的?
How the heck did he do that?
那是魔术道具店卖♥♥的道具硬币
Oh, it’s a trick coin you buy at a magic shop.
我没让他知道我知道这把戏
I just couldn’t let him know I knew that.
你真窝心
That’s sweet.
我要回去工作了 按播放键
Now, I gotta get back to work, so hit play.
这装置威力惊人 小心使用
It’s a very powerful device. Use it with caution.
好
Okay.
你是谁?
Who are you?
你知道我是谁
You know who I am.
颜王?
Morty?
要是你有任何问题
If you have any questions…
打电♥话♥给我
…call me.
不 琳达 我想是小黛赢得美♥腿♥大赏
No, Linda, I think Stacy gets the most-beautiful-feet award.
你想见我?
You wanted to see me?
迈可 听着 我要去汉普敦避暑
Michael. Look, I’m heading out to the Hamptons in a couple of minutes.
全靠你了
I’m counting on you.
这饭店的案子可是条大鱼
This hotel project? It’s a big fish.
搞定后你就会是未来合伙人
You reel it in for me and it’s “Howdy, partner.”
好 谢谢你
Okay. Thank you.
要是搞砸 就滚回收发室
Screw it up, though, and it’s “Back to the mailroom, atrium boy.”
安默先生 狄妮丝刚打来
Mr. Ammer, Denise just called.
她又要去治疗了 所以不能同行
She’s gotta go to rehab again, so she can’t make it to the Hamptons.
国♥庆♥假日我一个人过?
I’m gonna be alone on the Fourth of July?
老板 若你周末需要女伴
Mr. Ammer, if you need female companionship this weekend…
我老婆的朋友珍宁…
…my wife’s friend Janine, wow.
真的? 她是什么样的人?
Really? What’s she like?
她会把你给吞了
Let’s just say she will eat you up, sir.
抱歉打断你们谈话
Excuse me. I’m sorry to interrupt…
不过我有重要的事
…but this is kind of important. – Okay.
(我可以去上厕所吗? )
去上吧
Go to the bathroom. – Okay.
你好烂哦
Dude! You suck so bad.
才不会呢 爸
Do not. Hey, Dad.
你好啊在玩接球?
How you doing, buddy? Playing some catch?
我们是在玩丢球 因为班还没接到球过
Actually, we’re playing some drop, because Ben hasn’t caught one yet.
讨厌
Darn it.
你还真会接球啊
You’re a regular Derek Jeter yourself, O’Doyle.
我爱你 儿子 – 我也爱你 爸
Love you, kid. – Love you too, Dad.
妈咪!
Mommy!
我知道 我以为她被淘汰了
No, I know. Well, I thought she should’ve gotten voted off.
你看到她的名牌包了? 真漂亮
But did you see her Kate Spade handbag? It was gorgeous.
等 我要跟你儿子打招呼
Wait, hold on a second, Trudy. I gotta say hi to your son.
我请你父母过来共进晚餐 – 真的? 很好啊
I told your parents to come for dinner. – Really? That sounds good.
我以为他们来过一夜也不错
It’d be fun for them to be here for the sleepover.
很好