疯狂店员（1994）

－我知道得 －是的
-So I’m told. -Yeah.
我原来有个朋友在马戏团 表演嚼玻璃为生
I had a friend that chewed glass for a living. in the circus.
－他因为嚼荧光灯玻璃得了癌症? －不
-And he got cancer from chewing fluorescent bulb glass ? -Nah.
－被公共汽车撞死了 －哦 我能帮你什么吗?
-Got hit by a bus. -Oh. Can I help you ?
哦 呃 取决于 你这里也许有厕所吧?
Well, uh, that depends. You got maybe a toilet in here ?
－是的 但是只让员工使用 －我知道
-Yeah, but it’s for employees only. -I understand.
但是我 呃 想也许你会让我用
But l, uh, thought maybe you’d let me use it anyway.
我人老了 并且我 真么说呢 有点不能控制
I’m not so young anymore and I’m, how do you say, a little incontinent.
－当然 在后面 从冰箱过去 －谢谢 小家伙
-Sure. in the back, through the cooler. -Thank you, sonny boy.
瞧 呃 你们这里有什么样的厕所纸?
Say, uh, what kind of toilet paper you got back there ?
－白色的 －我不是说颜色
-The white kind. -I didn’t ask about the color.
我是指 是粗糙还是柔软的?
I mean, is it rough or is it cottony ?
－实际上 是粗糙的那种 －哦 好孩子!
-Actually, it’s kinda rough. -Oh, boy !
那会弄破我的痔疮的
It’s gonna knock the hell out of my hemorrhoids.
我想你也许能给我点柔软点的
I thought maybe you could Let me have a roll of the soft stuff.
我看你们在后面买♥♥些柔软的
I see you sell the soft stuff back there.
－是的 但是…
-Yeah, but–
－不要这么小气嘛! 有什么不同呢?
-Come on, boitshik ! What’s the difference ?
你自己说在后面有粗糙的
You said yourself you have the rough stuff in the back.
－是的 当然 你自己拿吧 －谢谢 小伙子
-Yeah, sure. Go ahead. -Thank you, sonny boy.
你真是歌♥救命恩人啊
You’re a lifesaver.
瞧 年轻人 我不会在打搅你了
Say, young fella, I hate to bother you again,
但是 呃 也许我应该在后面有点可以读的吧?
but, uh, maybe I could have something in the back there to read ?
报纸或什么的?
A paper or something ?
一些可以让我过一会的东西
Sometimes it takes me a while,
我希望那时可以读点什么
and I like to have something to read while it’s going on.
是的 当然 随便
Yeah, sure, go ahead.
在那后面柜台上你自己选种吧
One of the magazines you got in the back behind the counter.
－色情杂♥志♥? －是的!
-The porno mags ? -Yeah !
我喜欢卡♥通♥ 那能让我发笑
I like the cartoons. They make me laugh.
他们画了些我见过的最大的奶头
They draw some of the biggest titties you ever saw.
不是这个也许是你下面那个
Not this one. Maybe the one you got underneath this one.
－他们是最大的奶头 －这里
-They got bigger titties in there. -Here.
－不要再来烦我了 －哦 谢谢 好孩子
-Now leave me alone. -Oh, thank you, sonny boy.
我很感激
I appreciate it.
什么比赛啊
Hell of a game.
一个球? 我把关了店了
One ball ? I close the store,
而他们来这里就带了一个球?
they come all the way here, for one ball ?
曲棍球就是曲棍球 至少我们还玩了
Hockey is hockey. At least we got to play.
12分钟不算玩 上帝 还没怎么热身
Twelve minutes is not a game. Jesus, it’s hardly even a warm-up.
－婊♥子♥ 婊♥子♥ 婊♥子♥ 你要喝点什么嘛?
-Bitch, bitch, bitch. You want something to drink ?
－是的一瓶Gatorade
-Yeah, a Gatorade.
－嘿 所有Gatorade到哪里去了? －对了 他们喝完了
-Hey, what happened to all the Gatorade? -Exactly. They drank it all.
－知道Sanford跟我说了什么吗?
-Know what Sanford told me ?
－我相信Caitlin将要结婚了
-I can’t believe Caitlin’s getting married.
－Julie Doyer死了 －是的 对
-Julie Doyer died. -Yeah, right.
－不 我认真的 －哦 我的上帝!
-No, I’m serious. -Oh, my God !
Sanford的兄弟在泡他表妹 他今早发现的
Sanford’s brother dates her cousin. He found out this morning.
－怎么死的? 什么时候? －她脑子有问题昨天
-How ? When ? -Embolism in her brain. Yesterday.
－上帝! －当时她正在YMCA的游泳池里游泳
-Jesus ! -She was swimming in the pool in the YMCA when it happened.
－她当时正在仰泳
-She died mid-backstroke.
－我有两年没有见过她了
-l haven’t seen her in, like, two years.
我没猜错的画
Correct me if I’m wrong,
她应该是你梦中12情人中的一个吧?
but wasn’t she one of the illustrious 12 ?
－是的 排第六 －你和死人做过爱
-Yeah, number six. -You’ve had sex with a dead person.
－我应该去给她守丧
-I’m gonna go to her wake.
－不 你不会去的今天才死的
-No, you’re not. it’s today.
－什么? －Posten的殡仪馆客厅要4：00才开
-What ? -Posten’s Funeral Parlor. Next show’s at 4:00.
－他妈的! 明天怎么样?
-Shit ! What about tomorrow ?
－只有一个晚上 明早她就埋了
-One night only. She’s buried in the morning.
－你帮我看看店 －我必须去 －等等
-You gotta watch the store. I gotta go to this. -Wait, wait, wait, wait.
－搞得好像我也失去了她似的?
-Has it occurred to you that I might be bereaved as well ?
－你根本不认识她
-You hardly knew her.
对了但是你知道多少人要去吗?
True. But do you know how many people are gonna be there ?
－至少她以前所有的老同学回去的
-All her old classmates, to say the least.
－还包括你
-This is beneath even you.
对于这季度的社交活动 我是不会错过的
I’m not gonna miss what’s probably gonna be the social event of the season.
－你讨厌人们!
-You hate people !
－但是你喜欢集♥会♥这不很矛盾吗?
-But I love gatherings. isn’t it ironic?
别傻了 得有人看店
Stop being an asshole. Someone’s gotta watch the store.
－如果你去 我也去
-lf you go, I go.
－她对你来说没什么重要的
-She meant nothing to you !
她对你来说也没什么意义
She meant nothing to you neither
在我告诉她去世之前
’til I told you she died.
－我不会带你去这次葬礼的
-I’m not taking you to this funeral.
－我要和你一起去
-I’m going with you.
－我不能关店门
-I can’t close the store.
－你刚才不是也把店门关了
-You just closed the store
在楼上打曲棍球吗
to play hockey on the roof.
是啊! 这也说明我不能因我们都要去守丧而
Exactly ! Which means I can’t close it
再把它给关一个小时了
for another hour just so we can both go to a wake.
你说什么?
You were saying ?
谢谢你把我带到这种艰苦的地步
Thanks for putting me in such a tough spot.
你是我的好朋友
You’re a good friend.
－她很年轻 是吧? －22 和我们一样
-She was pretty young, huh ? -Twenty-two. Just like us.
－淹死在游泳池里 －死的多么龌龊啊
-Embolism in a pool. -What an embarrassing way to die.
－那可不能和我表弟的死相比 －怎么死的?
-That’s nothing compared to how my cousin Walter died. -How did he die ?
－他折断了他的脖子 －那不也很龌龊吗?
-He broke his neck. -That’s embarrassing ?
我为了去洗他的鸡♥巴♥ 折断了脖子的
He broke his neck trying to suck his own dick.
－他妈的乱说 －我发誓
-Shut the hell up. -I swear.
－别说了 －对天发誓
-Stop it. -Bible truth.
－哦 我的上帝!
-Oh, my God !
－少来了 难道你没有尝试洗过你的弟弟?
-Come on. Haven’t you ever tried to suck your own dick ?
－没有 －是啊 你是如此压抑
-No. -Yeah, right. You’re so repressed.
－因为我从来都没试过洗我的弟弟?
-Because I never tried to suck my own dick ?
－不 因为你不敢承认
-No, because you won’t admit to it.
好像有点怪异 因为他尝试自己给自己口♥交♥
As if a guy’s a fucking pervert ’cause he tries to go down on himself.
你肯定对我们的也很感兴趣吧 伙计
You’re as curious as the rest of us, pal.
你肯定想过
You’ve tried it.
－谁发现的? －我表弟? 妈妈发现他的
-Who found him ? -My cousin ? Mom found him.
那是一团遭他躺在床上 他的脚对折在一起
It was a mess. He was on his bed, his legs doubled over himself.
妈妈当时吓晕了
Mom freaked out.
你知道你是颗流星
－成功了吗 呃? 鸡♥巴♥在他嘴里吗? －是的
-Made it, huh ? Dick in his mouth ? -Yeah.
卵含在他唇上
Balls resting on his lips.
－喔 你真成功了 －是的 但代价太高了
-Wow. He really made it. -Yeah, but at what a price.
－我可够不着 －够不着什么?
-I can never reach. -Reach what ?
－你知道 －什么 你的鸡♥巴♥?
-You know. -What, your dick ?
是的就像你说的 我想每个人都有点好奇
Yeah. Like you said, I guess everybody gets curious
都想尝试些东西
and tries it sometime.
我从来没试过
I never tried it.
真♥他♥妈♥变♥态♥
Fucking pervert.
突然大家都喜欢听他演奏的歌♥曲
看着世界坠落 惊异过的如此之快
Johnny看看了他四周说 嘿 我最终完成了大事
－我知道把店门关了是个坏主意 －听你的
-I knew this was a bad idea to close the store. -Listen to you.
我也没办法至少在楼顶上时
I can’t help it. At least on the roof,
我看到大家都想进去
I could see if anybody wanted to go in.
那儿没人 现在是星期六下午4：00
Nobody’s there. It’s 4:00 on a Saturday.
有多少人星期六下午4：00会去那个店?
How many people ever come to the store at 4:00 on a Saturday ?
让我们进去!
Let me in !
你认识你的地方吗
在一个大的猜词游戏里
你是否已经死亡
领导者和追随者 领导者和追随者
我真♥他♥妈♥不敢相信
-I can’t fucking believe you.
我告诉过你的 不是我的错
I’m telling you, it wasn’t my fault.
－你把棺材打翻了 上帝饶恕!
-You knocked the casket over, for Christ’s sake !
－我只是靠在上面
-I was just leanin’ on it.
－那是次事故
-it was an accident.
－有点像某人故意打翻棺材的!
-Like someone knocks a casket over on purpose !
－把棺材打翻有怎么了 有什么大不了
-So the casket fell over. Big deal.
－他妈的她尸体滚出来了
-Her fucking body fell out !
我把她放回去了
I put her back in it.