疯狂店员（1994）

He says no one has any pride anymore.
和你放蛋的方式不一样
It’s not like you laid the eggs yourself.
我给他五分钟 之后我就叫警♥察♥了
I give him five more minutes. After that, I’m calling the cops.
我不必这样 我今天本不应该在这里的
I don’t need this. I’m not even supposed to be here today.
两包香烟
Two packs of cigarettes.
－我和你一样迷惑 －我以前见过
-I’m as puzzled as you. -I’ve actually seen it before.
－你认识他? －不 但是我见过这样的
-You know him ? -No, but I know the behavior.
－让我猜猜他在找一箱完美的鸡蛋?
-Let me guess. He’s looking for the perfect carton of eggs ?
－你怎么知道的?
-How’d you know ?
－我跟你赌一百万他是一个导顾
-I’ll bet you a million dollars he’s a guidance counselor.
－你怎么这样说呢?
-Why do you say that ?
我曾在食城见过 好像是去年但是人不同
I saw it happen in Food City, Like, last year. Different guy, though.
坏男孩说他为找一箱蛋花了半个小时
Stock boy said he’d been looking through cartons of eggs for half an hour,
做各种耐力测试和之类的东西
doing all sorts of endurance tests and stuff.
我问他为什么没人去叫经理 结果他说…
I asked him why nobody ever called the manager, and he said it happens…
这种事一周都有两到三次 有时甚至更多
two, three times a week, sometimes more.
－乱说 －谁骗你啊
-Get out of here. -No, I kid you not.
他们称这个叫弹震休克
They call it shell shock. Seems to
只有这些导顾会有的病
only happen with guidance counselors.
他们通常做大买♥♥卖♥♥
They used to make a big deal of it,
但他们现在也不了了之了…
but they just let it go now…
因为他们总是要赔偿他们打坏的
because they always pay for whatever they break,
但他们从来不烦其他人
and they never bother anybody.
为什么是导顾?
Why guidance counselors ?
如果你的工作
If your job was
和他们一样也是毫无意义的话
as meaningless as theirs,
你不照样发疯吗?
wouldn’t you go crazy too ?
－好好想想
-Come to think of it,
如果我的导顾也这么没有价值
my guidance counselor was kinda worthless.
－明白了?
-See ?
干活就地做些紧要的 小伙子
It’s important to have a job that makes a difference, boys.
所以我才会干给家畜手♥淫♥
That’s why I manually masturbate caged animals
让他们人工授精的活儿
for artificial insemination.
走自己的路
你可称之为又一个孤独的日子
你有没有注意到所有的价格 都是以”9″结尾的?
Did you ever notice that all the prices end in “”9″” ?
该死 真奇怪
Damn, that’s eerie.
－你知道
-Do you know how
jiz-mopper平均每小时
much the average jiz-mopper makes
可以做多少次吗?
per hour ?
－什么是jiz-mopper?
-What’s a jiz-mopper ?
指每个家伙打飞机完后清洗他们的裸体房♥
The guy that cleans up the nudie booths after each guy jerks off.
－”裸体房♥? －是的 裸体房♥
-“”Nudie booth”” ? -Yeah, nudie booth.
－你从来没有去过裸体房♥吧? －大概没有
-You ever been in a nudie booth ? -Guess not.
哦 伙计 太好了
Oh, man, it’s great.
你进入这个房♥间后
You go into this booth,
在你和那些鸡♥巴♥间有层玻璃
and there’s this glass between you and these chicks.
－他们会给你的表演大概10元钱
-And they put on a show for you for, like, ten bucks.
－什么表演?
-What kind of a show ?
想想这最怪异 最疯狂的屁事
Think of the weirdest, craziest shit
你会喜欢看这些鸡♥巴♥表演的
you’d like to see chicks do.
这些鸡♥巴♥什么都干♥他♥们
These chicks do it all.
把用东西塞满他们身上所有的孔
They insert things into any opening on their body.
－所有的孔? －现在我们能不能不谈这些?
-Any opening. -Can we not talk about this now ?
jiz-mopper的任务就是
The jiz-mopper’s job is
在每个伙计射了以后 帮那里弄干净
to clean it up after each guy shoots a load.
实际上每个人都是射到窗户上
Practically everybody does it right on the window.
我不知道是否你知道这个
I don’t know if you know this,
但如果你没有弄干净的话
but cum leaves streaks
你就的给他们表演裸体狂奔了
if you don’t clean it right away.
－我以后再也不来这地方了 －怎么了?
-I will never come to this place again. -Excuse me ?
在顾客面前说这些脏话 你们俩都该被开除
Using filthy language in front of the customers. You both should be fired.
哦 对不起 我想我们太不注意了
Oh, l-I’m sorry. I guess we kinda got carried away.
我不知道对不起是否能弥补这些
I don’t know if sorry can make up for it.
但你是严重的冒犯了我
You’ve highly offended me.
哦 如果你认为那是冒犯你的话 看看这个呢
Well, if you think that’s offensive, check this out.
噢!
Oh !
－我想你该看看她的肾 －你怎么这样做啊?
-I think you can see her kidneys. -Why do you do things like that ?
－你知道他会回来告诉老板的 －谁管这些
-You know he’s only going to come back and tell the boss. -Who cares ?
那家伙这是个狗屎东西
That guy’s an asshole.
每个来这里的人都是些穷鬼
Everybody that comes in here is way too uptight.
这工作会好做的多
This job would be great
如果为了他妈的这些顾客
if it wasn’t for the fucking customers.
－上帝! 老板明天肯定会找我的
-Jesus ! I’m gonna hear from the boss tomorrow.
－放松点不行么?
-Would you loosen up ?
如果你把这看成是个例的话 你会好受的多
You’d feel a lot better if you’d just rip into the occasional customer.
为什么? 我不犯人人不犯我
Why ? l-I don’t bother them and they don’t bother me.
瞎说! 别跟我说每天没有顾客来烦过你
Liar ! Tell me there aren’t customers that annoy the piss out of you on a daily basis.
－没有! －你怎么能那样瞎说呢?
-There aren’t ! -How can you lie like that ?
为什么你不发发脾气?
Why don’t you vent ?
为你的挫折发发脾气 有谁烦过你?
Vent your frustrations. Who pisses you off ?
呃 我想那没有哪个顾客会特别烦我
Well, I guess it isn’t customers in particular.
也许只是一帮顾客
Maybe just a group of customers.
－哦 说来听听 －呃 Milk Maids
-Well, let’s hear it. -Well, the Milk Maids.
Milk Maids?
The Milk Maids ?
就是那些翻遍所有牛奶
The women that go through every gallon of milk,
只为找最新那桶的女人
looking for that later date,
好像有在这些牛奶中一桶牛奶…
as if somewhere beyond all the other gallons is a container of milk…
及时放了10年也不会坏一样
that won’t go bad for like a decade.
你知道在音像店里谁的生意我不做吗?
You know who I can do without ? The people in the video store.
－谁的? －所以的
-Which ones ? -All of ’em.
这里有没有给那个六岁
What would you get for a six-year-old boy
长♥期♥尿床的男孩看的?
who chronically wets his bed ?
进了什么新片子吗? “全新片子”
So, do you have any new movies in ?
有部讲去年死掉的那个人和那个人的片子?
Do you have that one with that guy who was in that movie that was out last year ?
他们从不租好片子
They never rent quality flicks.
他们永远都只租架子上那些弱智片
They always pick the most intellectually devoid movie on the racks.
喔! 海军陆战队!
Oooh ! Navy SEALS !
好像是要显示”瞧瞧 我的智商低的不行了”
It’s like in order to join they have to have an I.Q. less than their shoe size.
你认为你只有听到过这些愚蠢的问题么?
You think you get stupid questions ?
你应该听听我听过的
You should hear the barrage that I get.
你是什么意思没有冰? 我只能喝这热咖啡?
What do you mean there’s no ice ? I’ve got to drink this coffee hot ?
这东西到底要多少钱? “99分钱”
你们卖♥♥有尾窗的斑马牌汽车的轮毂罩吗?
Do you sell hubcaps for a ’72 Pinto hatchback ?
喔! 迷你卡车司机杂♥志♥
Ooh ! Mini-Trucker magazine.
－明白了吧? 你终于出出气了
-See? You vented.
感觉好多了吧? －没有
Don’t you feel better? -No.
－为什么没有? －因为我前女友要结婚了
-Why not ? -Because my ex-girlfriend is getting married.
上帝 你脑子怎么是单边的啊 总是Caitlin Caitlin Caitlin
Jesus, you got a one-track mind. It’s always Caitlin, Caitlin, Caitlin.
Veronica!
Veronica !
－在12：00以前发生了什么事? －老板还没有来
-What happened to home by 12:00 ? -Boss hasn’t shown up yet.
－你怎么没有上课? －取消了
-How come you’re not in class ? -Lit. 101 got cancelled.
－所以我回家了并带了午餐回来
-So I stopped home and I brought you some lunch.
－有些什么?
-What is it ?
去了皮的花生酱和果子冻 你想吃什么?
Peanut butter and jelly with the crusts cut off. What do you think it is ?
－烤宽面条 －真的么?
-it’s lasagna. -Really ?
噢 你真是我的皇后
Oh, you’re the queen.
很高兴你冷静了一些 Hi Randal
I’m glad you calmed down a bit. Hi, Randal.
－37次? －闭嘴!
-Thirty-seven ? -Shut up !
是的 我冷静多了 我不高兴 但是我能接受的
Yes, I’ve calmed down. I’m not happy, but I’ll be able to deal.
为什么你不去你的音像店?
-Why don’t you go back to the video store ?
－你告诉他了?
-You had to tell him ?
－我必须告诉一些人他能帮我分♥析♥分♥析♥
-I had to tell someone. He put it into perspective.
－他怎么说? －他说至少他不是第36个
-What did he say ? -He said at least he wasn’t 36.
这就让你好受多了?
And that made you feel better ?
他还说大多数人都是大学生
And he said most of them were college guys
而且大都是我不认识的
I never even seen or met before.
－自欺欺人： 眼不见… －心不烦 对
-The ostrich syndrome: If you don’t see it– -it isn’t there. Yes.
－谢谢你这么理智 －谢谢你的烤宽面条
-Thank you for being rational. -Thank you for the lasagna.
－干嘛不把百叶窗打开? －还不行
-Couldn’t get the shutters open ? -No.
我给锁匠打过电♥话♥了
I called the locksmith.
他说他至少要明天早上才来
He said the earliest he could be here is tomorrow morning.