疯狂店员（1994）

Shark’s in the salsa. Our shark.
噢 什么? 你怎么了 伙计?
Oh, what ? What’s with you, man ?
你大概有20分钟什么都没说了
You haven’t said anything for, like, 20 minutes.
你到底出什么问题了?
What the hell’s your problem ?
－这样的生活 －”这样的生活”?
-This life. -“This life” ?
为什么我会有这样的生活?
Why do I have this life ?
来点土豆片 你会感觉好多的
Have some chips. You’ll feel better.
我陷入了这一深渊 工资还不如奴隶高
I’m stuck in this pit, working for less than slave wages,
工作消磨我的日子
working on my day off.
他妈的铁百叶窗被关起来了
The goddamn steel shutters are closed.
我要应付这星球上无聊的家伙
I deal with every backward-assed fuck on the planet.
我闻起来还有鞋油味
I smell like shoe polish.
我的前女友 成了紧张性精神症患者
My ex-girlfriend is catatonic
在操了一个死人后
after fucking a dead guy,
我现在的女友已经吸了36个鸡♥巴♥了
and my present girlfriend has sucked 36 dicks.
－37个 －我的生活现在处在深渊中
-Thirty-seven. -My life’s in the shitter right now,
如果你不介意的话 让我焦急烦恼一下
and if you don’t mind, I’d like to stew a bit.
－开门吗? －是的
-You open ? -Yeah.
哦 全他妈废话 伙计
Aw, that’s all bullshit, man.
－你知道这儿真正的问题是什么吗?
-You know what the real problem here is ?
－我生来干嘛的?
-I was born ?
－你应该不要再躺在上面了
-You should shit or get off the pot.
－我不该躺在上面
-I should shit or get off the pot.
－是啊 不要躺在上面 －你在说什么?
-Yeah, shit or get off the pot. -What are you talking about ?
我说的是你的现状 你无法提高你生活现状
I’m talking about this thing you have, this inability to improve your station in life.
－操! －说真的 伙计
-Fuck you ! -it’s true, man.
你坐在那儿 对你的生活指手画脚的埋怨
You sit there and blame life for dealin’ you a cruddy hand,
从来没有接受你应该负起的责任
never once accepting responsibility for the way your situation is.
－什么责任?
-What responsibility ?
－好吧 如果你讨厌这份工作和这里的人…
-All right, if you hate this job and the people…
以及你不得不每天来这里浪费你的时间
and the fact that you have to come in on your day off,
那你怎么不把职辞了呢?
why don’t you quit ?
－说着容易 －是啊 只要站起来 辞职就行了
-Like it’s that easy. -it is. You just up and quit.
那还有其他工作 他们付更多的薪水
There’s other jobs. They pay better money.
你怎么也能找到一个的
You’re bound to be qualified for at least one of ’em.
到底是什么碍着你了?
So what’s stoppin’ you ?
－别烦我了 －噢 你很安逸 对吗?
-Leave me alone. -Oh, you’re comfortable, right ?
这种生活对你来说是有意的
This is a life of convenience for you,
任何试图改变它的…
and any attempt to change it…
对会打碎你你那可怜的小天地
would shatter the pathetic microcosm you’ve fashioned for yourself.
哦! 好像你的生活更好似的
Oh ! Like your life’s any better.
我很满意我现在的生活状况
I’m satisfied with my situation for now.
你没有听到我的抱怨吧
You don’t hear me complaining.
从另方面来说 你却成天像母狗样乱吠
You, on the other hand, have been bitching all day.
谢谢为什么你不滚回你的音像店呢?
Thank you. Why don’t you go back to the video store ?
－就像Veronica一样 －别把她牵扯进来!
-it’s the same thing with Veronica. -Leave her out of this !
你泡Veronica是因为方便 而且她消费也低
You date Veronica because it’s convenient and she’s low maintenance.
但是同时 你平时所说的都是关于Caitlin的
But meanwhile, all you ever do is talk about Caitlin.
你还在单恋这你高中时候泡的一个女生
You carry a torch for a girl you dated in high school.
－高中啊 上帝 你都22岁了 －别烦我了!
-in high school, for God’s sakes. You’re 22. -Leave me alone !
如果你想要Caitlin 那就跟Veronica说你想和Caitlin在一起
If you want Caitlin, then talk to Veronica and be with Caitlin.
如果你想要 Veronica 那就和Veronica在一起吧
If you want Veronica, then be with Veronica.
但是不要想着一个 又在操另一个
But don’t pine for one and fuck the other.
伙计 如果你不是这么懦夫的话…
Man, if you weren’t such a fucking coward–
如果我不是这么懦夫
If I wasn’t such a fucking coward.
如果我能有你这种简化生活的能力
It must be great to
那就好了
have this ability to simplify things the way you do.
－我说的没错吧? －你错了!
-Am I right or what ? -You’re wrong !
今天发生的这些事 可能会毁了我和Caitlin的未来
Things happened today. Things that probably ruined my chances with Caitlin.
哦 什么 那个死人? 她会好过来的
Oh, what, the dead guy ? She’ll get over fuckin’ a dead guy.
放屁 我妈妈已经操了
Shit, my mom’s been fuckin’ a dead guy for 30 years.
那个我称之为”爸爸”的死人30年了
I call him “”Dad.””
Caitlin和我不可能在一起 不可能
Caitlin and I can’t be together. It’s impossible.
从你嘴里说出的话剧怎么这么容易
Melodrama comin’ from you seems about as natural as an oral bowel movement.
那你要我说些什么?
What do you want me to say ?
“是的 你说的有些事是对的”?
“”Yes, some of the things you’re saying are true”” ?
事情就是那样的 他们是不会变的
That’s the way things are. They’re not gonna change.
－那就改变他们吧 －我不能 好了吧?
-Make ’em change. -I can’t, all right ?
上帝 你能不能不烦我啊?
Jesus, will you leave me alone ?
我的生活不能变成那样了 如果行 我早改了
I can’t make changes in my life Like that. lf I could, I would.
但我没有那种能力 我
But I don’t have the ability to
不敢把我安逸的状况…
risk the comfortable situations…
押在这么高的代价上面
on the big money and the fabulous prizes !
－在跟谁开玩笑呢? 你可以的 －上帝! 我不能!
-Who are you kidding ? You can so. -Jesus H. Christ ! I can’t !
那你就痛苦了
So you’re gonna be miserable
就因为你没有那么大的勇气来面对改变?
’cause you don’t have the guts to face change ?
我妈妈在我三岁的时候曾告诉我
My mother told me once that when I was three years old,
我的尿壶盖关上了
my potty lid was closed,
我懒得打开它 结果我就尿到裤子里了
and instead of me lifting it, I shit my pants.
有趣的故事
Lovely story.
关键是 我不是那一类型的人…
The point is, I’m not the type of person…
那种愿意以破坏当前生活为代价
who’ll disrupt things
来打破成规的人
just so I can shit comfortably.
噪音 噪音 噪音 香烟 香烟
喝可乐 饮啤酒 来包香烟 伙计
Pack o’ “”rass,”” my good man.
反击的时候到了 喝点啤酒 洗点香烟!
Time to kick back, drink some beers and smoke some weed !
对你们年轻的身体是有害的 哈?
Done poisoning the youth for today, huh ?
该死 是的 管他的
Hell, yes, whatever that means.
是越过大西洋的时候了 喝点啤酒
Now it’s time to head over to Atlantic, drink some beers,
麻醉麻醉 希望好好享受享受
get ripped and, hopefully, get laid.
－79美分一个 －付钱给这个好人
-One seventy-nine. -Pay the good man.
－呃 你马上要关门了吗? －半个小时后
-Yeah, you close soon ? -in half an hour.
呃 我们每天都那个时间下班
Yeah, we get off the same time every day.
－我们应该尽情欢乐一下 你爽过吗?
-We should hang out. You get high ?
－我应该试试
-I should start.
想来今晚的聚会吗? 会有B操的
Wanna come to this party tonight ? There’s gonna be some pussy there.
和你们? 我不想去
With you ? I don’t think so.
哦 瞧你 “我不和贩毒者去寻欢”
Oh, look at you. “”l don’t hang out with drug dealers.””
－不是针对个人的 －那个老家伙怎么了?
-Nothing personal. -What happened with that old guy ?
－他死在盥洗室了
-He died in the bathroom.
－我听说他当时在打飞机
-I heard he was jerkin’ off or something.
我不知道 我没有看见
I don’t know. I wasn’t watching.
他可能看到了Caitlin的BB
He probably saw that Caitlin chick.
我看到她时我会兴奋异常的
I know I felt like beatin’ it when I saw her.
哦 来 婊♥子♥ 你喜欢这个吗? 哈?
Oh, come here, bitch. You like this ? Huh ?
－这是你想要的吗?
-This what you want ?
－不要这样了 她过去是我女朋友 好了吧?
-Knock it off. That used to be my girlfriend, all right ?
哦 你过去和拍拖过?
Oh, you used to go out with her ?
是的 呃 我想我们现在从新开始了
Yeah, well, I thought we might be starting again.
－你不是有个女朋友了吗? －是的 Veronica
-Don’t you already have a girlfriend ? -Yeah, Veronica.
－怎么 因为Caitlin的B你要把她给甩了? －也许把
-And what, you’re gonna dump her for that Caitlin chick ? -Maybe.
我不知道 家伙那个Caitlin的B不错 但是 我见Veronica那妞…
I don’t know, dude. That Caitlin chick’s nice, but I see that Veronica girl…
不是经常和你在一起吗
doin’ shit for you all the time.
我看见她老跟你后面
I saw her rubbin’ your back,
还他妈的来给你送吃的
fuckin’ comes and brings your food.
－我不是看到有一次她帮你梳头吗?
-Didn’t I see her change your tire once?
－嘿 我当时正在顶千斤挺
-Hey, I jacked up the car.
她所做的只是松开手中的东西
All she did was unloosen the nuts
帮我把头整理了一下
and put the tire on.
－呃 我知道她为你做了很多
-Well, I know she does a lot for you.
－她是我女朋友嘛
-She’s my girlfriend.
我也有些女朋友
I had some girlfriends too,
但她们 想得到的只是想和我做♥爱♥
but all they wanted from me was weed and shit.
该死 我奶奶过去常说 “有什么好的?
Shit, my grandmother used to say, “”What’s better ?
他妈的盘子里什么都没有? ”
Fuckin’ a good plate with nothin’ on it ?””
不 等等 我搞混了
No, wait. I fucked up.
“如果盘子里什么都没有 拿盘子来干什么呢? ”
“”What’s a good plate with nothin’ on it ?””
什么意思?
Meaning ?
我不知道她老了 他妈的常常失禁
I don’t know. She was senile. She used to fuckin’ piss herself all the time…
还嘲笑自己
and shit herself.
走吧 Silent Bob我们离开他妈的 这个敲竹杠地方吧…
Come on, Silent Bob. Let’s get the fuck outta this fuckin’ gyp joint…