疯狂店员3（2022）

所以要请你们帮忙制♥造♥个机会
so I want you guys to create a very subtle distraction.
我在加护病房♥拉了一坨便便！
I took a poo in the ICU!
我在…糟了！
I took a… Oh, shit!
嘿！嘿！
Hey! Hey!
♪ Give up everything to leave
♪ Anything’s better Than New Jersey
♪ I’d give anything To go home
♪ Living along the turnpike ♪
但丁？
Dante?
嘿 哥们
Hey, man.
我看出来了 你只是躺在这里…
I figure, since you’re just laying around here…
你是偷学我心脏病发的吧
you little heart attack copycat.
有时间能看看我们的第一部电影了！
You got time to watch our first movie.
嗯？
Huh?
你会看到我现在
You’re gonna see I was way off
对我在店里说的那些鬼话很不以为然
with that stupid shit I said at the store.
没有你… 我绝不可能完成这部电影
I never… never would have made this movie without you.
没有你我什么都做不了
I never could do anything without you.
我在这里 兄弟 我在这里
I’m here, man. I’m here.
我们看电影吧！
Let’s watch the movie.
我眼中的你就是这样
This is the way I see you.
你是我《星际大战》里的主角
You’re the main character in my Star Wars.
你不是达克
You’re not the Dak.
你一直都是路客
You’ve always been the Luke.
你也是我电影里的英雄
You’re the hero of my movie, too.
你一直都是我的英雄 但丁
You’ve always been my hero, Dante.
♪ The water is wide
♪ I can’t get over
♪ Neither have I
♪ The wings to fly
♪ So go and get
♪ Me to a boat
♪ To carry both
♪ My love and I
♪ There is a ship
♪ Out on the sea
♪ And loaded deep
♪ As it can be
♪ But not as deep
♪ As love am I
我们走吧！
Let’s go.
♪ Don’t care if I
走了吗？ -走了
Yeah? – Yeah.
♪ Should live or die…
那是我看过最棒的电影了
That was the best movie I ever saw.
但电影还没结束
But it’s not over.
你不想看结局是什么吗？
Don’t you wanna see how it ends?
我相信那个导演
I trust the director.
他不仅是我最喜欢的电影人
He wasn’t just my favorite filmmaker…
♪ The wings to fly
也是我最好的朋友
He was my best friend.
♪ Me to a boat
♪ To carry both
♪ My love and I
♪ To carry both
♪ My love and I
怎么回事？
What’s goin’ on?
你还好吗？嘿！
You okay? Hey.
嘿！
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey!
不要离开我 兄弟！
Don’t fucking leave me, man.
不要离开我！
Don’t leave me!
不要！救命啊！
Oh, shit. Help!
这时候好小偷说
And that’s when the good thief said,
“耶稣没有错 我们无非为贼”
“Jesus did no wrong, whereas we are but thieves.”
“危贼”是什么鬼？
What the fuck are butt thieves?
我不确定你们知不知道
I don’t know if any of you know this
我现在是撒旦的追随者
but I’m a Satanist now.
虽然我身为恶魔的爪牙
And while I may be the devil’s concubine,
但我仍然相信天堂
I still believe in heaven.
因为但丁先生
And because Mr. Dante
是我认识的最美好的人
was the best person that I ever knew,
我相信此刻他已身在天堂
I believe he’s in heaven right now,
就如同好小偷一样
just like the good thief.
但丁地狱！
Dante’s Inferno.
不对
No.
但丁天堂
Dante’s Paradiso!
没错！
Si.
谢谢你 艾利亚斯
Grazie, Elias.
我…
I, uh…
我想了很多 不知道今天该说些什么
I thought a lot about what to say here today.
我本来打算借用《星舰迷航记II：星战大怒吼》 里面
I was gonna pull from the eulogy
寇克给史巴克的祷词
that Kirk gave Spock in The Wrath of Khan,
但我一直比较喜欢《星际大战》
but I’ve always been more of a Star Wars fan
所以我应该说些类似
so I should say something like,
“愿原力与你同在”或“此乃正道”这些话
“May the Force be with you” or “This is the Way.”
但我想与其引用电影
But I think instead of quoting a movie,
我更想诠释已逝之人
I’d like to paraphrase the departed.
这里的已逝之人 我指的是但丁希克斯
And by the departed, I mean Dante Hicks,
不是最后那个鼠辈镜头里
not the Scorsese picture that was pretty perfect
那张完美的斯科塞斯风格照片
right up until that stupid shot of the rat at the end.
用这位我所认识…
So in the words…
最美好的人的话说
…of the best guy I ever knew…
“你今天本来不用来这里”
“You’re not even supposed to be here today.”
♪ Nothing you would take
♪ Everything you gave
♪ Hold me ’til I die
♪ Meet you on the other side
我向你保证 我们在哀悼
过来吧 你这小屁孩
Come on in here, you little butt thief,
过来站好你的位置
and assume your new position.
但这应该是但丁的位置才对
But this was Mr. Dante’s spot.
是 但你当我唯一的粉丝
Yeah, well, after all this time
都已经那么久了
of being my biggest and only fanboy,
这个位子非你莫属
I’d say you earned it.
再说了 早在我们还在慕比工作的时候 我就跟你说过
Besides, I told you way back when we worked at Mooby’s
要是哪天但丁不在
when Dante is gone,
你就是我最好的朋友了
you’re gonna be my new best friend.
不 我才不是
No, I’m not.
不然我还能跟谁一起混？
Who the fuck else am I gonna hang out with?
就你跟我啦 兄弟
It’s you and me, buddy.
靠
Oh, fuck.
看看是谁呀 大烂人先生
Well, look who it is, Mr. Big Shit.
看看是谁啊 大阴蒂太太
Well, look who it is, Mrs. Big Clit.
经典 果然是你
Classy. How am I not surprised?
在丧礼上看到妳我倒是很诧异
I was surprised to see you at the cemetery.
妳为了但丁特地飞过来？
You flew up for Dante?
我差点就嫁给他了 要是当初嫁了的话
Well, I did almost marry the man, and if I had… P.S.
他就不会在50岁之前
He wouldn’t have died of a heart attack
死于心脏病了
before he was 50.
是没错 但恐怕跟妳在一起一年之后
Yeah, because after a year with you,
他就先自杀了
he’d have killed himself.
我没听错的话 你之前也心脏病发了？
I think I heard you had a heart attack.
是这样吗？
Am I right?
你一定觉得很难受吧
That must really fuck with you.
但丁死了 但你还活着
Dante’s dead but you’re still here.
我想他们说得没错 蓝道
I guess it’s true what they say, Randal.
好人不长命
Only the good die young.
我哪里来的荣幸
To what do I owe the pleasure
让妳这样不请自来？
of your entirely unwelcome visit?
但丁欠我三万美元
I loaned Dante 30 grand
他拿他拥有的半间店当作抵押
and he put his half of the store up as collateral.
现在他不在了
Now he’s gone.
如果你还不出钱 那这半间店就属于我了
And if you can’t pay me back, I own half this shithole.
刚刚说我的阴蒂有多大 混帐东西？
How big’s my clit now, motherfucker?
噢 我亲爱的撒旦
Oh, my sweet Satan,
请让温顺之人借重你的力量
lend your might to the meek and deliver us
拯救我们于这个恶魔之手！
from this succubus.
什么鬼…
What the…
风筝飞起来了！
The kites are flying! Ah!
我再说一次 风筝…
I repeat! The kites are…
飞起来了！ -他会说话？
flying! – He talks?
对 -我的天啊！
Yes. – Oh, my God.
我的天啊！
Oh, my God!
我的天啊！ -怎么了？
Oh, my God! – What?
风筝卖♥♥完了
The kites are sold out.
那些该死的风筝 天啊！那些风筝