疯狂店员3（2022）

for your little YouTube video, then.
妳刚刚说宣传？
Did you say press?
但丁先生请他们过来
Mr. Dante asked them
采访电影拍摄的事情
to come here to cover the shoot.
妳刚刚说小丽莎…
So you’re saying little Lisa is…
是高中生丽莎
Ah! High School Lisa.
别叫她小丽莎
Don’t call her little Lisa
你最好也别叫我大丽莎
and you better not call me big Lisa.
高中生丽沙帮学校的校刊写稿 是吗？
High School Lisa writes for the high school newspaper?
在她父母的陪同监护之下
And her parents are the chaperones.
太好了
Fucking great.
可惜其中一位父母
Even though one parent just came out
刚刚才从脱衣舞酒吧出来
of the strip club tonight
还把我玩宾果赢得的五块钱给花掉了 烂人！
spending all my $5 bills that I got at bingo. Bitch.
嘿！制片来到现场了
Hey! The producer’s on set.
灯光！摄影机！
So lights! Camera!
开始！
Action!
他看起来已经醉了
He looks drunk.
看来他需要醒醒酒
He looks like he needs a piece of butter and bread.
这里好冷
Ooh, it’s cold in here.
我会感冒…嘿！
Cough cold… Hey!
好 听好了
All right, look,
我知道重新回到慕比对你的打击很大
I realize going to Mooby’s might have hit you hard
但你就这样自暴自弃了？
but you just take off?
我们根本没办法拍驴子表演那一段！
We couldn’t even shoot the donkey show!
了不起 是吧
Oh, big deal.
你到底是怎样 兄弟？
What the fuck is wrong with you, man?
能不能顾全大局 不要这么自私？
Try thinking of somebody other than yourself for once.
我自私？ -对
Myself? – Okay.
我们必须排这一场
We’re gonna shoot this scene
因为那个写高中校刊的孩子
because the kid from the high school newspaper
跟她妈妈还在等
and her mom are waiting.
谢谢你理解这项任务
Thanks for understanding the assignment on that one.
但你这样失魂落魄地出现
But since you showed up here shit-faced
在我们有机会开拍之前 就把大家搞得七荤八素
and ruined tonight before we even had a chance to roll,
这一幕只能明天重拍了
we’re gonna re-shoot this tomorrow.
现在给我在冰箱里面 好好把你自私的心情冷静冷静
So get your selfish ass out there on that cooler
这就是
and let’s pretend for a minute
你对我这部电影最大的帮助了
you’ve actually been helpful on my movie,
这就是我
which is, like, the only thing
自从上次心脏病发
I ever asked you to do for me
差点撒手人寰之后
and only after I almost dropped dead
对你唯一的要求
from a fucking heart attack.
你真是不可理喻 老兄
You’re fucking unbelievable, man.
真是够了！
Come on!
什么
What…
《便利之中》
In Convenience.
烂名字
Stupid title.
第137场 第1个镜头
Scene 137. Take one.
他们把这拍成黑白片吗？
Are they shooting this in black and white?
可是我只看到一大堆白的 没看到黑的
I see a lot of white. I don’t see the black.
预备…开始
And action.
♪ Da-dum, da-dum…
♪ Da-dum, da-dum, da-dum
♪ Da-dum, da-dum Da-dum, dadum… ♪
莎莎酱鲨鱼！
Salsa shark!
我们需要艘大点的船
We’re gonna need a bigger boat.
人关在笼子里 笼子浸在莎莎酱里
Man goes into cage, cage goes into salsa.
鲨鱼也在莎莎酱里 我们的鲨鱼
Shark’s in the salsa. Our shark.
什么鬼？你是怎么回事 老哥？
Oh, what? What’s with you, man?
你差不多有20分钟没说过半句话了
You haven’t said anything in, like, 20 minutes.
你到底有什么问题？
What the hell’s your problem?
这辈子
This life.
这辈子？
This life?
我休假日还陷在这个坑里
I’m stuck in this pit on my day off,
跟这个星球上最糟糕的鲁蛇混在一起
dealing with every backward ass fuck on the planet.
身上闻起来像鞋油
I smell like shoe polish,
女朋友跟36个男人有一腿
and my girlfriend sucked 36 dicks.
37个
Thirty-seven. – Oh!
把耳朵呜起来 宝贝女儿
Cover your ears, baby girl.
他们怎么这样满嘴脏话？
Why the fuck are they cursing like that?
你必须振作起来
You need to shit or get off the pot.
你在说什么鬼话？
What the hell are you talking about?
我说的就是你现在这样
I’m talking about this thing you have,
没有能力改变自己生活中的状态
this inability to improve your station in life.
去你的
Fuck you.
我说真的 兄弟
It’s true, man.
你坐在那里抱怨生活有多不容易
You sit there and blame life for dealin’ ya a cruddy hand,
从来没想过
never once accepting responsibility
要为自己的状态负起责任
for the way your situation is.
别管我的闲事 老哥
You better leave me the fuck alone, man.
因为这样的生活很舒服 对吧？
It’s because you’re comfortable, right?
对你来说就是舒适的生活
This is the life of convenience for you
要是想改变
and any attempt to change it would shatter
恐怕你为自己塑造的可怜小世界 就再也维持不下去了
the pathetic microcosm you’ve fashioned for yourself.
什么鬼？
What?
真希望你不是这种可怜的懦夫
Man, if you weren’t such a fucking coward.
你能不能闭嘴！
Oh, would you shut the fuck up?
没有这句台词 兄弟
That’s not the line, man.
你在干嘛？ -我这一辈子
What are you doing? – My whole life
都在听你以每小时一百万英里的速度
you’ve been running your mouth a million miles an hour
在我耳边念些没有意义的鬼话
and saying absolutely nothing!
我被迫听你碎碎念着
I gotta listen to you talk shit
你对所有人所有事情的看法
about everybody and everything you think
似乎全世界都绕着你打转
as if the world’s waiting for you to weigh in!
根本没有人会在乎！
Nobody fuckin’ cares.
真是个好兄弟
Oh, real nice, pal.
你是这样让我振作的吗？
Get me all worked up because it’s not like
在我心脏病发差点…
I had a heart attack and almost…
死了是吗！ “我心脏病发差点就死了
Died! “I almost died from a heart attack!
“我不是都说过几千次了吗？”
“Did I not mention that a couple of thousand times yet?”
去你的 -“大家注意
Fuck you. – “Hey, everybody, look at me.
“我就是那个活下来的孩子！”
“I’m the boy who lived.”
“所以我打算拍部电影
“So I gotta make a movie
“诉说我对我遇见的每个人
“all about what a relentless fucking asshole I am
“有多冷酷无情的故事
“to everybody I ever met,
“尤其是那些我称之为朋友的人”
“especially my so-called fucking friends.”
我们不再是朋友了 老兄
Oh, we’re not friends anymore, man.
这一点你倒可以相信
You can fucking believe that shit.
很好啊！ -对
Oh, good! – Yeah.
因为我们已经不是朋友了
Because if we’re not friends,
我就不用再担心那些冰冷残酷的事实
I don’t have to worry anymore what the cold, hard truth
会对你那弱小的心脏造成什么影响
might do to your poor, wittle heart!
不用担心我 老哥 我会没事的
Oh, don’t worry about me, pal, I’ll be just fine.
那我现在可以
So since I can be completely
对你坦诚了吗？-可以
honest with you? – Oh, please,
尽管坦承吧！
be completely honest.
你以为你够格拍电影吗？
You think you deserve a movie?
对啊！
Yeah.
你的人生中除了冷眼旁观跟嘲笑他人之外
What did you ever do in life but watch it
还做过什么？
and mock it?
那你自己又做过什么？
What have you ever fucking done?
我有过人生
I had a life.
我就差那么一步就能从此过着幸福快乐的生活
I was this close to happily ever after
结果一个酒驾…
and then, one drunk driver later…
我的电影就结束了
my movie’s over.
永远结束了
Forever.
再没有幸福结局
No happy ending,
没有续集
no sequel.
没有什么第三幕的人生
Not even a third fucking act,
就一句 “去你的 然后
just, “Fuck you! And, oh, by the way,
“再度去你的”片尾署名
“fuck you!” Credits.