疯狂店员3（2022）

You and I once promised that if we ever needed help,
无论如何我们都会为彼此伸出援手
we’d always be there for each other, no matter what.
那是你在驴子秀当天
That was before you cheated on me
劈腿之前的事
at a fucking donkey show.
再见 但丁
Goodbye, Dante!
不要 等等
No, no. Wait, wait, wait.
拜托 艾玛
Please, Emma.
我已经没有其他办法了
I’m desperate here.
你有什么抵押品吗？
Do you even have any collateral?
必要的话…
If I have to…
我可以把我半间小歇杂货店的所有权当作抵押
I can sign over my half of the QuickStop as collateral.
那间破店？
That shithole? Ugh.
是在干嘛？ -我们在拍电影
What’s all this about? – We’re making a movie.
不是吧 是爱情动作片吗？
No shit. A pornography movie?
要拍多久？ -21个晚上
How long does that take? – Twenty-one nights.
我的电影导演朋友要花21个晚上
It’s gonna take my auteur friend here 21 nights
在电影里表演拿石头砸自己的屌♥
for him to cinematically suck his own dick.
连续的吗？
In a row?
《便利之中》？什么鬼
“In Convenience.” I don’t get it.
第10场 第1个镜头
Scene ten, take one!
牧猫人！
Cat Wrangler!
好 开始吧
All right, let’s go.
预备…
And…
开始
action.
天啊
Holy shit.
便便了
We got poop.
开始
And action.
妈的
Fuck.
你们在等什么？快跳舞啊！
What are you waitin’ for? Dance!
这么多人在看我跳不起来
I ain’t doing this with all these fuckin’ people watching.
噢 天啊！
Oh, my God.
卡！
Cut!
演员有点难搞
The talent’s being a little bitch.
你们能不能在电影出租店里等一下？
Can you guys wait in the video store?
我来操作摄影机
I’ll run the camera.
不是吧 来真的？
Unbelievable. Really?
好了 高兴了吧？都清场了
There, ya happy? I cleared the set.
开始跳啊 老兄
So fucking dance, man.
你自己不会跳
You fucking dance.
贱♥人♥ -预备…
Bitch. – And…
开始！
action.
又怎么了 乔乔西瓦？
What the fuck, JoJo Siwa?
那边有个路人在看我们！
Look at this fucking guy looking at us!
他根本就没有注意到我们
He’s not even paying attention. Gee whiz.
你也进去等 猪头
You have to go inside, too, cuck.
谁来操作摄影机？
Who the fuck’s gonna run the camera?
按下录影键之后然后走开就好
Push the button and walk away.
我的天啊！
Oh, my God.
好吧
All right.
开始
Action.
可以了吧
I guess.
♪ You know, it’s been A long, long road
♪ Since I packed up and left On my own…
好 现在扶稳柜台
All right, now, hold on to the counter.
我要开始拉了 可以吗？开始了
I’m going to pull, okay? Here we go.
啊…
Ah…
♪ Just trying To get back to her heart
开始
Action.
RST影视公♥司♥
来点火♥辣♥一点的！耶！
We need some tits and ass, yeah!
♪ I sure ain’t got no home…
卡！
And cut.
哈哈
Ha-ha.
很好 非常好
Nice job, nice work.
嗯…
Um…
我们从门这边
All right, we’re doing the same shot
再拍一次
just over to this door.
声音在这里 我们把棍子移到那边
…sound here. Let’s get the sticks over there.
艾利亚斯 听到没有？
Elias, you with us?
好 同样的再做一次
Okay, we’re doing the same thing.
只不过 换到这里来
We’re just, kind of, coming over here.
维持同样的…
We’re gonna stay on the same…
♪ Find your way back… ♪
预备…开始！
And… action.
知道吗 世界上有百万张罚单 老哥
You know, there are a million fines in the world, dude.
“百万张罚单”？什么鬼？
“Millions of fines”? What the hell, man?
剧本上的台词不是这么说的
That’s not the line.
是“世界上有
“There’s a million fine-looking women
“百万个正妹 老哥！”
“in the world, dude.”
世界上有十亿个翘臀 老哥
There are a billion behinds in this world, dude!
不是“十亿个翘臀”
Whoo! Not “billions of behinds.”
是“百万个正妹”
“A million fine-looking women.”
知道吗 世界上有人正在杀猪 老哥
You know, they’re killing swines in the world, dude.
他妈的老天爷 你会不会演啊！
Jesus fucking Christ, you non-acting fuck!
我自己来！
I will do it myself.
啊哼！
Ahem!
知道吗 世界上有
You know, there’s a million fine-looking women
百万个正妹 老哥
in the world, dude,
但没有一个会在你上班的时候 送千层面过来
but they don’t all bring you lasagna at work.
她们只会让你戴绿帽
Most of them just cheat on you.
你这个《彗美星人》宅 -什么？
You All About Eve -ining fuck. Well?
大家系好安全带 今晚将有些乱流
Fasten your seatbelts. It’s gonna be a bumpy night.
就是这样 他已经不爱妳了
So that’s it. He doesn’t love you anymore.
他爱的是凯特琳
He loves Caitlin.
是他跟你说的吗？ -差不多
And he told you all this? – Pretty much.
除了潜在的同性恋倾向之外…
All except the latent homosexuality but…
什么鬼 兄弟？
What the fuck, man?
我们在拍电影
We’re making a movie here. Ew!
我表弟华特的死法真是够经典的
It’s nothing compared to how my cousin Walter died.
他是怎么死的？ -摔断脖子死的
How’d he die? – He broke his neck.
那很丢脸吗？
That’s embarrassing?
他会摔断脖子是因为想尝试帮自己口♥交♥
He broke his neck trying to suck his own dick.
我的天啊
Holy shit, man.
这是真的吗？ -你有病吗？
Is that shit true? – Are you nuts?
给我闭嘴
Shut the fuck up.
我们正在拍片！
We’re shooting a scene here.
♪ I know it’s too late now
请把钱留在柜台上 如需找钱请自取 麻烦摸着良心
♪ But I wish I could Go back in time
♪ And start all over somehow
♪ And get it right From the start
♪ Find your way back
♪ Find your way back To her heart
♪ Find your way back ♪
这什么东西？
Uh, what the hell is this?
情节里面需要加段打斗
The story needs a little action
所以我在最后加了一段
so I added a scene where Cohee
寇伊进来抢劫的戏码
comes in to rob the place at the end.
在这段剧情里你会中枪
And in the process, you get shot.
不行 你不能让我在第三幕就领便当！
No way. I’m not letting you kill me off in the third act.
要是后面还有续集呢？
What if there’s a sequel?
续集？你以为我这么平庸吗？
A sequel? What am I? A hack?
寇伊 制片说话了 要我把你的戏码给剪掉
Cohee, producer says I gotta cut your scene, man.
演出酬劳照领 对吧？
Yo, I’m still pay or play, right?
宣传？现在说这个是不是太早了？
Publicity? Isn’t it a little early for that?
我这一辈子都在看报纸
I’ve been reading the paper my whole life
唯一一次在上面见到自己的名字的时候
and the only time I’ve seen my name in it
上面的标题写着
was under the headline,
“地方便利商店业者心脏病发”
“Local grocer has massive heart attack.”
所以我想以你身为制♥作♥人的官方身分
So I thought in your official capacity as producer,
或许可以找个小记者写一篇
maybe you can get a cub reporter over here
你的导演正在拍片的报导
to do a story about your director in action.
“我向你保证 我们还在营业中”
“I assure you we’re open.”
我没看懂
I don’t get it.
有些屁孩老是用口香糖把钥匙孔黏住
Some savages are always sticking gum in the locks,
所以我把这个写进剧本
so I wrote it into the script to be the reason
当作是我们铁门整天关着的理由
the shutters are closed all day.
这样一来我们就可以