嘿，什么事？
Hey. What’s up?
请进
Okay? Come in.
听着，你们妈妈需要晚几天回来
Look, your mom’s not coming home for a couple of weeks.
什么？
What?
到目前为止我还能接受你和妈妈
Okay. Up till now,I’ve been, like, mellow
想要的这种两头兼顾的生活方式
About this whole having-it-all lifestyle that you and Mom are currently into
第一，我不抗♥议♥因为都是莎拉在抱怨
“A,” because Sarah has the drama queen role totally covered
第二，我因你的收入增加而受益
And “B,” because I’ve benefited from your salary spike…
虽然肤浅，但还算愉快
In various shallow but nonetheless pleasing ways.
但是老爸，今天下午麦克在屋顶练习自♥由♥落体
But, Dad, check it out. This afternoon, Mike was repelling from the roof
尼格把琴当人肉标靶
Nigel was using Kim as a human dartboard
而你把儿子当做抹布擦呕吐物
And you employed your son as a vomit mop.
家里实在乱得吓死人了，我感觉快疯了
Call me crazy, Pops, but things are getting pretty twisted around here.
我得请个帮手
I need to hire some help.
找保姆？不可能的
As in a babysitter? Okay, that is so not happening.
爸爸，打电♥话♥叫妈妈回家吧
Dad, just call Mom and tell her we need her back home.
不行，她这么努力，现在工作快完成了
I just can’t do that right now, not with all the work she’s done.
这对她不公平
It just wouldn’t be fair.
你为什么不为家里多花点时间？
Well, then why don’t you spend more time at home?
亲爱的，这不是现在该做的选择
Honey, that’s just not an option right now.
我有个很喜欢，很重要工作
I’ve got a big job, a job that I love.
我必须打电♥话♥叫家政
I’m gonna have to call in some backup.
* Help
I need somebody *
* Help
Not just anybody *
* Help
You know, I need someone *
* Help
我叫汤姆贝克，我需要请一个居家帮手
Uh, my name is Tom Baker, and I’m interested in hiring a domestic helper.
我有12个小孩
Um, I have 12 children.
是真的，我是认真的
Actually, I’m serious.
只有12个，12个
Just 12. Twelve.
2个，对，再加10个
There’s only two. Oh, plus 10.
一共多少个小孩？过来你可以自己算
How many kids? Well, uh, when you get here we can just count ’em up.
一共12个，但一个不住家里
Well, there’s 12. But one doesn’t live with me
还有一个疯得见不着人
And one you never see ’cause he’s so mad.
一打？
Uh, a dozen?
* And I do appreciate
your being around *
* Help me get my feet
back on the ground *
* Won’t you please, please
help me *
哈喽，我自己先挂电♥话♥
Hello. I’ll just hang up on myself.
* Help me, help me *
嘿，麦克，怎么啦？
Hey, Dad. Hey, Mike. What’s up?
我是马克，好吧，马克，什么事？
It’s Mark. Right. Mark. What’s up?
我不会写数学作业
I don’t get this math homework.
嘿，你猜怎么着？我有一场球赛到现在还没准备
Hey, you know what? I’ve got a game I’m not nearly prepared for.
可以找姐姐帮你吗？
Could you go ask one of your sisters to help you?
可以
Yeah. Okay.
算了吧
Forget it.
你好，能不能请你帮我送…
Hello. Yeah, could you do me a favor…
12个枕头到504号♥房♥？
And send up 12 pillows to 504?
好的
Yes.
谢谢
Thank you.
这样应该有效
That’ll be good.
“嘿，孩子们，我必须先去上班”
“Hey, kids, I had to get to work. ”
“罗琳和琴负责早餐”
“Lorraine and Kim, you’re in charge of breakfast. ”
“亨利和杰克负责午餐，查理负责接送”
“Henry and Jake, lunches. Charlie, handle drop-offs.”
快点，查理，我们要迟到了
Come on, Charlie. We’re gonna be late.
好可爱的椅子，贝克
Cute car seats, Baker.
我们得送弟弟们去幼儿园
You know, we had to take our little brothers to nursery school
如果你们不介意的话
If that’s okay with you.
为什么？爸妈回农场了？
What happened? Did-Did Mommy and Daddy go back to the farm?
你知道吗？这种乡巴佬的笑话已经老掉牙了
You know what? This whole “harass the hick” thing’s getting pretty old.
事实上，好戏才刚开始呢
Actually, I’m just gettin’ started.
是吗？你还有什么宝？
Yeah? What else you got? Yeah.
你还是不知道好，不，我想知道
You don’t wanna know, man. Oh, I wanna know.
查理！查理！查理！住手
Charlie! Charlie, Charlie, stop.
住手，别理他，拜托
Stop. Just let it go, okay? Please.
是啊，查理，别理我
Yeah, Charlie. Let it go, and go…
滚回乡下吧
All the way back to Podunk.
查理，走吧，走吧
Charlie, go. Go.
我找到夺冠的方法了
Hey, Gil, I got a real shot with this team.
球队2胜0败，他们的排名正在上升
They’re 2-0. They’re rising in the national standings
他们脚踏实地
And they’re taking nothing for granted.
嘿，教练，嘿，年轻人，什么事？
Hey, Coach. Hey, teenager, what’s up?
我们需要聊聊，没问题
We need to talk. Sure.
听我说，老爸，嘿，小伙子，住手！
Look, Dad, um Hey, guys, knock it off!
好吧，教练
All right, Coach!
我知道你对新工作很兴奋
I know you’re all lit up about this new job
但我的新学校，记者在等你！
But my new school The press is waiting, Bake!
现在？没错，换衣服吧
They’re out there now? Yeah. Come on. Get dressed.
我们能否晚点再谈？
Hey, can we do this later?
嘿，孩子们，你们今天在学校如何？
Hey, kids. How was your day at school?
今天最精采的是你，只迟到45分钟来接我们
I’d say the high point was that you’re only 45 minutes late picking us up.
嘿，你们知道吗？今天学校举♥行♥热身赛
Hey, you know what? There was a pep rally at school today.
有2万人参加，我不能随时离开
There were 20,000 people in the stands, and I just couldn’t leave.
你看，你画的画
Here. Hey, you did a drawing.
“我最喜欢的地方”
“My favorite place in the world ”
这是我们在中部的家？
Is that the Midland house?
校长和我已经等了半小时
President Gerhard and I have been waiting for a half an hour.
抱歉，抱歉，我得…
I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I had to
我知道你得照顾家里的孩子，贝克，但是这里更重要
I know you have responsibilities at home, Bake, but this is it.
这是你成功的机会，不是他们的
This is your shot, your moment, not theirs.
你怎么回事？你在干什么？
What’s the matter with you? What are you doing?
从我认识你开始，你就想要这份工作
You’ve wanted this for as long as I’ve known you.
我不希望你砸锅
I just don’t want to see you blow it.
我会设法解决的
I’ll work something out.
实在难以相信这么漂亮的女士
It’s hard to believe someone as staggeringly beautiful as you…
生过12个小孩还这么有魅力
Could deliver 12 children and still look as yummy as you do.
哦，这样好
Oh, that’s so sweet.
因为摄影机拍不到我的臀部吧
I guess the camera can’t see my hips.
都是自然生产吗？
Tell us, did you have them conventionally?
是啊，大多是直接蹦出来的
Well, uh, after the sixth one, they just kind of walked out.
可以念几段书中的内容给大家听吗？
Why don’t you read us a little something from your book?
不，观众可以自己去买♥♥
Oh, I don’t know. No. People can just buy it and then read it.
拜托啦，你们要不要听
Oh, come on. The audience wants it.
好吧，好吧
Oh, all right. Okay.
“有人叫我妈妈”
“Some, uh, call me a mom. ”
有人叫我护工
“Others call me a primary caregiver. ”
但是两者意义是相同的，都是他们的司机
“But they both mean the same thing: chauffeur.”
你知道，听起来你和你丈夫家里的事情都在掌控之中
You know, it sounds like you and your husband have things under control at home.
哦，确实嫁给汤姆我很幸运，我们都这么想
Oh, well, I’m lucky to have him. We sure do.
孩子们，过来报告！马上！
Kids, on the carpet! Now!
爸爸！
Dad!
大学球员？
College guys?
怎么啦？查理呢？
What’s goin’ on here? Where’s Charlie?
他回中部去了，今天要上学呀
He went to Midland for the day. Midland? It’s a school day.
他讨厌学校，你要是在家，就会知道的
He hates school. ‘Course you couldn’t know that ’cause you’re never home.
情况快改善了，莎拉
Well, that is about to change, Sarah Baker.
我没有一天，可以安心去上班
Because since I can’t go to work without you guys getting in trouble
在家，沙克没有一天不烦我
And since I can’t stay home without Shake bugging me
所以我把工作带回家
I have brought my work home with me.
伙伴们，这是我的家人，这是我的球队
Guys, meet the family. Family, meet the team.
各位好吗？你们好吗？
Sup, boys? What’s up?
我们在客厅工作，我们有很多事要做
Okay, we will be in the living room. We got a lot of work to do.
除非紧急事故，别打扰我们，知道吗？
I don’t want any interruptions unless it’s an emergency. Clear?
好吧，现在去写作业，走吧，伙计们
Okay. Now go do your homework. Let’s go, guys.
第一队，列阵！
All right, first team, line up!
* The faster we’re falling
* We’re stopping
and stalling *
很好，很好
Good. Good. Good.
* We’re running
in circles again *
阻挡位置太高，低一点
But you hit ’em too high. You wanna hit ’em low.
Twenty-four.