I love you. Yeah, yeah.
一路顺风！
Have a safe flight.
所有邻居都来道别？
Got the whole neighborhood out to say good-bye, huh?
再见，妈妈！
Bye, Mom!
小淘气们，我的计划成功了
Little vampires, my plan worked.
她走啦，我可以随心所欲调♥教♥你们啦！
She’s gone. Now I can raise you children the way I want to!
来吧，这会很有趣，我是说，你们美梦成真了
Come on. It’s gonna be fun. I mean, your dream has come true.
妈妈走了，软弱老爸在此
Mom’s gone. Weak old Dad is here.
你们可以尽情享受，做你们自己喜欢的事
You can get away with murder. You can do anything you want.
狄伦的派对快到了
Dylan’s birthday party is coming up.
你们可以吃冰淇淋和甜点
You can get all hopped up on ice cream and sugar and cake
吃到饱！
And go crazy.
* I’m just a kid *
我保证你们今天会很棒
You kids are gonna do great today, I promise.
* I’m just a kid
and life is a nightmare *
* I’m just a kid
I know that’s not fair *
* Nobody cares
’cause I’m alone *
* And the world
is having more fun *
* Than me
那是什么玩应？
What is that?
我猜大概是牛群中最有趣的家伙
I guess he’s the funniest guy in the herd.
* Here it goes
I’m just a kid *
* Life is a nightmare
* I’m just a kid
I know that it’s not fair *
想走？
Walk much?
* Nobody cares ’cause
I’m alone and the world *
* Is having more fun
than me *
* I’m just a kid
and life is a nightmare **
嗨！嘿！
Hi! Hey!
看看你，黛安！看不出来你生过12个小孩
Look at you, Diane. Look at you. You did not have 12 kids.
真的，没骗你，我连个男朋友都没有
Yes, I did. Girl, I can’t even manage a boyfriend.
好大的房♥间！，很不错
Well, who can? Look at this room! Oh, it’s great.
这很大，不是吗？听着，出版社有个大计划
Isn’t it great? Listen, we’ve got big plans for the book.
真的？ 我真的…
Really? I’m so Ta-da!
哦，过来！看一下！
Oh, come on! Look at it!
是不是很棒？太Nice了，我爱死了，快看这个
Isn’t it great? It’s fantastic. I love it. Look at this.
我们要在圣诞节出版
The company wants it in stores by Christmas.
圣诞节？是的，所以明天
Christmas? Yes. So, tomorrow
营销人员会让你了解图书巡展的最新情况
The marketing people will bring you up to speed on the book tour.
图书巡展？是啊，脱口秀
A-A book tour? Yes. We’ve got talk shows
个人签名会等等活动
Book signings, personal appearances.
这些活动只要几个星期
And it’s only gonna take a couple of weeks.
几个星期？我不能离开那么久
Couple of weeks? Oh, no. I can’t be away from the kids that long.
好吧，可是如果没有巡展活动，就没有书
Well, if there’s no book tour, then there’s no book.
才两个星期呀？凯特
Two weeks? Kate
你已经负责照顾他们22年了
You’ve been the primary caregiver for, what, 22 years?
汤姆不能暂时照顾孩子吗？
Can’t Tom handle the kids for a while?
他们迟早会被刊在寻人启事上
They’re all going to end up on milk cartons.
戴可和里柯你们状态太松散了
Gil Gil, Decker and Rico are playing too loose at the corners.
我们需要把他们拉进来
We need to pull them in.
莎拉，洗碗机！明天送完孩子上学，我可以过来
Sarah, dishwasher! I’ll-I’ll come by tomorrow after I drop the kids off at school
我们可以讨论一些进攻的变化
And we can talk out some offense variations.
好了，我必须挂电♥话♥了，我得走了
All right. No, I gotta go. I gotta go.
爸爸，尼格用飞镖射琴，我猜他会被处罚
Dad, Nigel hit Kim with a dart, and I assume he will be punished.
杰克去找绷带来，好吗？这里，这里
Uh, Jake, get me a Band-Aid, okay? Here, here.
去搅拌，你喜欢搅拌，这里，让我们来看一看
Go stir. You like to stir. Here, let’s take a look at it.
我看看，不严重
Let’s take a look, see if it’s okay.
哦，不，我只是开玩笑，爸爸？
Oh, no, I’m just kidding. It’s actually not Uh, Dad?
着火了
Yeah? This goo’s on fire.
哦，不，这是爸爸喜欢的方式！喜欢辣的，美味的，辛辣的！
Oh, no, no. That’s the way Daddy likes it! Likes it hot and nice and spicy!
好的，我们走，我们去那边，好了，没事了
Yeah. Here we go. There we go. Got it. All right.
嘿，爸爸，太好了，你能找个绷带吗？
Hey, Dad. Oh, good. Can you get a Band-Aid?
不用打招呼了，附近的小孩都不用做家务活
No need to say hello. Not one other kid in this neighborhood does chores.
我们不像附近的家庭
Well, we’re not like any other family in the neighborhood.
好吧，那我们为什么住这里？
Right. So, why do we live here?
马上去弄洗碗机！
Dishwasher, now!
洁西卡，请把盘子放在桌上，好吗？
Jessica, can you get these plates and put ’em on the table, please?
哦，天哪，麦克的护具在哪？
Oh, God. What the Mike’s athletic cup?
护裆面酱
Oh! Pasta de la Crotch.
那是血吗？ 不，那只是一个
Is that blood? No, it’s just a
12号♥过道需要清扫！
Oh! Clean-up on aisle 12!
有人在吗？
Anybody?
需要帮忙吗，老爸？
You need help cleaning up, Dad?
我摔在呕吐物中！你还好吧？
I’m in puke! Are you all right?
还需要帮忙清洁吗？不，快被你的背部抹干净了
Still need help cleaning up? No, you mopped it up enough with your back.
哦，真恶心！绷带在那里？
Oh, disgusting! Where’s the Band-Aid?
爸爸，伤口还疼呢，让我看看，让我看看
Dad, it still hurts. Oh, here, let me look. Let me look.
诺拉，绷带在那里？
Nora, where’s that Band
杰克在洁西卡头上套了个桶子
Jake put a bucket on Jessica’s head, and it’s stuck.
我过来是告诉我爸妈
And when they have a free moment, let my parents know that…
我今天在广♥告♥公♥司♥找到工作了
I came by to tell ’em I got a job today at an ad agency.
诺拉，诺拉！
Nora Nora!
老爸，来帮个忙！诺拉！
Dad, a little help here! Nora!
诺拉！
Nora!
你还好吧？
Are you all right?
这里失控了，老兄！对不起
You are in over your head, mister! I’m so sorry.
我是说，我太太不在家
I mean, I will I will call It’s just my wife is out of town.
嘿，嘿，嘿，过来这里，过来
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Come here. Come here.
爸爸，我可以立即宰了杰克吗？不行，你先去洗车再说
Dad, can I kill Jake now? No, you finish washing the car first.
你能帮我贴绷带吗？好，过来，过来
Dad, can you get this Band-Aid on me? Yes, yes. Come on. Come on.
我们走，好了，一切都没问题了，杰克？
Let’s go. Okay, come on. Everything will be all right. Oh, Jake?
把绷带给我，这是你最后一次把水桶放在我头上！
Give me the Band-Aid. That’s the last time you put a bucket on my head!
让我看看，痛吗？ 很好
Does that hurt? Okay, good.
伤口没事了，很好
There it is. All right, good. Good.
嘿，尼格，要不要玩飞镖？
Hey, Nigel, wanna play darts?
不行，我说过不能玩飞镖！
No! No playing darts! I told you that!
喂？嗨，情况如何？
Hello? Hi. How’s it goin’?
一切都好，我正在煮晚餐
Oh, everything’s fine. I’m just, uh I’m just here. I’m just, uh, making dinner.
老爸，看我一下！
Yeah. Dad, check me out!
帅不帅？你还好吗？
Isn’t this awesome? How are you?
我猜，很好，对不起，爸爸！
Good, I guess. Sorry, Dad!
我是说，这么闲有些不习惯
I mean, it’s kind of weird having all this free time.
真的一切都没问题吗，亲爱的？
You sure everything’s all right, honey? Oh, honey, everything’s fine.
没问题，我可以的
I can handle it.
听好，有我在，万事OK，平时我们一起对付他们
All right, you know, I’m just used to tag-teaming to manage the mob.
不，他们现在像小猫一样乖
So I thought Oh, no. They’re like kittens.
对不起，爸爸！
Sorry, Dad!
那我们来讨论下
Uh, well, this might be a good time then
我晚几天回去的事
To talk about me staying a few extra days.
什么？晚几天？对，差不多晚14天
What? A few extra days? Uh, 14, give or take.
我说过别扔飞镖了？
What did I say about throwing darts?
这时间够长的，凯特，而且我有重要比赛
That’s a lot of days, Kate, and a couple of key games.
这样吧，能撑一天算一天
All right, but I have a plan. If we just take it one day at a time…
等你搞不定，或是孩子造♥反♥的时候
And if you start to get overwhelmed or the kids stage a coup
你就叫我，我就结束行程
You call me up, I’m home, end of trip.
好吧，这听起来不错
Well, uh, s-s-sounds good. Sounds good.
喷他的脸！
Got him in the face!
好了，亲爱的，谢谢你做的这些，叫其他人听电♥话♥
Okay, honey, thanks for doin’ this. Give me someone.
你知道的，他们都在写作业
Oh. Hey, uh, you know what? They’re doing homework right now
数学，我们都不太会的，三角习题
And it’s that math, uh, trig “trigadronomy” thing that you and I just aren’t very good at.
他们还组成一个研究小组
And it’s the sweetest thing. They formed a little study group…
互相帮忙研究功课，就像个迷你
And they’re helping each other, and, uh, it’s like a little mini, uh
智库一样
Think tank thing.
我不想打扰他们
And I’d just hate to break that up.
那么，晚餐后打电♥话♥给我，好吗？
Well, give everyone my love, and you call me right after dinner, okay?
好，我会的，再见
Okay. Will do. Bye.
再见，老爸，别躲在衣橱里
Bye. Come on, Dad. Don’t hide in the closet.
像个男子汉接受挑战！
Take it like a man!
两星期很快就会过去的，你觉得呢
Two weeks’ll go by in no time, guys. You’ll see.
是啊，没错！
Yeah, right!
是啊，没错
Yeah, right.
是吗？
Yeah?