Okay. We, uh We better go. It’s time for your chess lesson.
妈妈，我不用上课啊
I don’t have a chess lesson, Mom.
你还是必须要练习
Well, then, you need to practice for your chess lesson.
欢迎随时来玩
Come over anytime, dude.
我们会打电♥话♥来安排时间玩
Uh, we’ll, uh, we’ll call, schedule a play date.
不需要，欢迎随时过来
No need. Just come by anytime.
不，我们打电♥话♥安排
Oh, no, we’ll call.
欢迎来参加我的生日派对，呵呵，那会很有趣
You’re all invited to my birthday. Oh-ho. That’ll be fun.
查理，过来来帮我一下，好吗？
Hey, Charlie, come on down and help me with this, okay?
小心，亲爱的，到处都是玻璃
Careful, honey. There’s glass everywhere.
我明白了，妈妈，好吧，我会帮你的
I got it, Mom. Okay, well, I’ll help you.
嗨，沙克，什么事？你没事吧？
Hey, Shake, what’s up? You okay?
真的？
Really?
好的，我在那里和你碰头
Okay, well, I’ll see you there.
嘿，嘿，你知道吗？福斯体育台要采访我！
Hey! Hey, guess what? Fox Sports wants to interview me on TV!
好的，我们会处理，老爸必须赚钱养家嘛！
Okay, well, we got this. Dad’s gotta earn a living!
12个小孩，真可怕
Twelve kids. That’s the throwback.
生这么多，不负责任
Irresponsible is what it is.
我们怎么没有多几个小孩？
How come we didn’t have more kids?
因为一个完美的孩子
Because we wanted one perfect child,
就够了
And that’s what we got.
酷！
Cool！
亲爱的，我有一场记者会，会晚点回来
Honey, I’m gonna be home late tonight. I got another press conference.
晚餐常坐我对面的…
Come on. Whatever happened to that stud…
帅哥那去了？
Who sat across from me at dinner every night?
他有份梦想的工作，记得吧？
He got his dream job, remember?
老爸，再见，再见，伙计
Good-bye, Dad. See ya, buddy.
告诉按♥摩♥师我会晚到15分钟
Tell the masseuse I’m running about 15 minutes late.
在外星球的第14天，你要去那里？
Day 14 on the alien planet. Where you goin’?
去足球队报名，你不能跟来
To sign up for football. And, no, you can’t come.
天下没有再比这更无聊的地方了，对吗？
Could this place be any more boring?
在这里，感觉无事可做，我可以帮你做造型
There’s, like, nothing to do around here. I could give you a makeover.
好吧，算我没说
All right, then.
嗨，我是查理贝克
Hi. I’m Charlie Baker.
汤姆贝克的儿子
Oh, yeah, Tom Baker’s boy.
他的老友沙克赏他根骨头啃
Read where his old buddy Shake
threw him a bone.
进攻或防守位置？
Offense or defense?
我是四分卫
I’m a quarterback.
在伊州的乡下或许你是
Yeah, well, maybe in Cowpie, Illinois.
但是这里是4A级，小子，大联盟
This is 4-A, Skippy. The bigs.
让他打防守位置，角卫
Put him on defense. Cornerback.
还有一件事，来练习时别戴那顶帽子
By the way, when you show up for practice, don’t be wearing that hat.
好，我看看，下一个？
Okay, uh, let’s see. Who’s next? Yes?
听说你喜欢在休息室播放，吵杂的音乐，为什么？
It’s been reported that you like to blast music in your locker room. Why?
它能使球员放松…
Uh, well, it loosens up the players…
补充精力
And, uh, gets ’em psyched.
除非我跳舞，他们才会觉得恶心
Unless, of course, I start dancing. Then they just get nauseous.
至少我们能在电视中看到他
At least we get to see him on TV.
你如何管理12口之家…
Coach, how do you manage a family of 12…
还有你的球队？
And a football team?
我有个极佳的队伍
Well, I’ve got a great team here…
和坚实的，家庭支援系统
And a solid support system at home.
孩子，上♥床♥，你们听到教练说的
Go to bed, kids. Okay, you heard the coach.
该睡觉了
Off to bed. Here we go.
在米德兰，我们是一家人，现在我们成了一个支持系统？
In Midland, we were a family. Now we’re a support system?
家就是支援系统，男人婆
A family is a support system, Butch.
你好？谁呀？
Hello? Who’s this?
某处打来的某某人，好吧，嘘
Somebody from something something. Okay. Shh.
喂？嗨，黛安
Hello? Yeah, hi, Diane.
这是公务，主妇才穿粉橘色
This is business. Salmons and pinks are so homemaker.
好吧，应该选深蓝色和灰色
All right, focus on your navies and your grays.
深蓝是能力，灰是精明
Navy is muscle, gray is smarts.
穿任何一种你可以控制全场
Choose either, and you’ll rule the boardroom.
发生什么事了？你们猜怎么了？
What’s going on? Guess what?
黛安打电♥话♥来告诉我，我的书要出版了
Diane Phillips called. My book’s getting published.
我没说过我们会成功吗？
Did I tell you we’re gonna have it all?
你从没说过，我现在说啦！
You’ve never said that. I’m tellin’ you now, baby! Whoo!
天哪！你们非得那么猴急吗？
Oh, my God! Can you guys just please wait till I leave the room?
你能不能快点闪开？
Can you hurry?
有个问题，什么？
All right, there’s one thing. What?
出版社要我去纽约几天
They asked me to go to New York for a few days.
我的意思是“噢，没问题”
That was a good “oh,” as in “okay.”
是的，这会时机不太好
Yes, it’s not the best timing in the world.
但你放心去纽约，这里交给我，你行吗？
But you’re going to New York. I can handle this. You’ll manage.
没问题
Yeah.
可是我们搬过来以后，你几乎都不在家
Well, you haven’t been home much, Tom, since we moved here.
你准备好了吗，你必须去买♥♥学校用的东西
And you’re gonna have to, you know, shop for school supplies
帮他们穿衣服、洗澡
Get ’em dressed and-and bathed so they’re clean,
让他们上♥床♥休息，带甘纳散步，这些我都做过
And put ’em to bed at night, walk Gunner Been there. Done all that.
你真的考虑要照顾孩子？不能考虑
You’re considering this? I’m not considering it.
你要出差，诺拉会帮我照顾家里的
You’re going. Nora can help me out around the house.
纽约，哇
New York. Wow.
是的
Yeah. Wow.
* Every once in a while
* I carve a pumpkin
* With a knife made
of lollipop sticks *
真是烂透了！我也想你
It totally sucks. I miss you too,
但我必须找工作
But, I mean, I gotta get a job.
嗨，罗琳
Hi, Lorraine.
我会抽空回去的，亲爱的
Okay, I’ll try and be there, honey.
嗨，小琴，是啊，我知道我最近不太友善
Hi, Kimmy. Yeah, I-I know I haven’t been very friendly recently.
他们又逼我了！
They are pulling me in again!
告诉他们你不想当保姆，别挂断好吗？
Just tell ’em you can’t do it. Can you guys hold on a second?
你说得容易，你是独子
That’s easy for you to say. You’re an only child.
我们可以一起当保姆
It might be fun to babysit together.
不要！不！
No! Whoa, no!
不，你知道上次我们拜访时发生了什么事
No. You know what happened last time we visited.
他们只是欢迎你而已，那些小鬼头放火烧我！
They were welcoming you into the family. They set me on fire!
只是裤子着火而已
Just your pants.
亲爱的，我是个演员，不是吗？没错，上次是我的裤子着火
Honey, I am an actor, okay? And, sure, last time it was just my pants.
如果下次烧了我的脸呢？
But what if next time it’s my face?
这是我的生财工具，我演技不是很好
This is the moneymaker. I’m not that good of an actor.
我靠脸孔赚钱，我知道
This is how I get the jobs. I know that.
我知道，我敢承认
I’m man enough to admit it.
求你了？
Please?
别用那种眼光看我！别用那种眼光看我！求求你了，好吗？
Don’t look at me like that. Don’t look at me like that! Please, please, please, please?
你总是用这招好吧！好吧，好吧，但是你知道吗？
You always do that to me. Fine, fine. You know what? We’ll go.
但是我得告诉你，一旦发生任何怪事，我就走人
But I’ll tell you what. One thing happens, and I’m gone.
不准放火，我们得一起睡
And no fires. And we sleep in the same room.
小琴，请老爸听电♥话♥
Kimmy, put Dad on.
让他们同♥房♥♥，她愿意帮忙
She says she’ll help us out if they can stay in the same room.
绝不可以
No. No way.
不，她知道规矩，她住这里时要有自己的房♥间
No, she knows the rules. She wants to have her own room when she’s here.
这不是很甜蜜吗？不
Isn’t that sweet? No.
你可以周日过来一趟，然后我们研究细节
Okay, look, why don’t you just come over on Sunday, and we’ll talk logistics.
好吧，再见，别说那个蠢蛋也要来当保姆
All right. Bye. Tell me Doorknob Man isn’t babysitting too.
是的，他很可能来，小姑娘
Yes, he very well might be, young lady.
别再烧他的裤子
And do not set his pants on fire again.
是的，那是经典杰作
Yes. Classic.
只是条裤子而已
It was just his pants.
我们“更快乐更坚强”的生活
Is anybody besides me thinking our happier and stronger life…
事实上是否更糟更恐怖了？
Was actually code for “nastier and suckier”?
首先老爸强迫我们搬家
First, Dad forces us to move.
然后，妈妈找到工作要去环游世界
Then Mom decides to become a career person and, like, travel the globe.
现在我们得听，这个模特还是演员汉克的命令吗？
Now we have to take orders from Hank, the model/actor?
他讨厌小孩
And he hates kids too.
诺拉看不清这个坏蛋，我们得介入
Nora’s blind to his evil. We have no choice but to intervene.
还有48小时，开始计划
We’ve got 48 hours. Let’s work a plan.
好了，苹果泥季节正式开始！
All right, Appleschmear season is officially open!
未来的美国总统，莎拉贝克
The president of the United States, Sarah Baker
将投出第一颗苹果！
Will throw out the first apple.