查理和布茨（2009）

– No, mate, I… – Yeah, come on.
我从没按♥摩♥过
I’ve… I’ve never had a massage.
我不去
Mate, no!
把这个穿上
If you could just put these on.
穿在哪
On what?
好的 谢谢
Yeah, sure. Thanks.
哪个是前哪个是后
Which is the front and which is the back?
我估计这取决于
I think it kind of depends on
你要去干嘛
What kind of look you ‘re going for.
准备好了吗
Are you ready, boys?
亲爱的 我觉得
Love, while I don’t doubt
你徒手都可以
That you could change a tractor tyre
换轮胎了
With your bare hands…
-是吗 -是的
– You reckon? – Yeah.
只是我觉得
Just bear in mind
你现在修理的是一辆老爷车
That you ‘re working on a vintage rolls-royce here.
好吧
Okey-dokey.
亲爱的 不要太往上按
Whoops! Not too high, love.
不要弄坏 变速器
Don’t wanna damage the gearbox.
-爸爸 -怎么了
– Dad, dad. – Yeah.
我打赌你连爽一下都不敢
I dare you to ask for the ‘executive finish’.
去你的
Fuck off!
感觉怎么样
How are you feeling?
有点酸疼 你呢
Bit sore, mate. How about you?
也有点酸疼
Sore.
如果我摔得更狠点
If I’d had come down off that bull any harder
我就会肿三个包了
I’d have three Adam’s apples.
朋友 晚上好
Buenas noches, amigos.
不好意思
Sorry?
墨西哥语 朋友晚上好 的意思
Oh, it means, “good evening, friends,” in Mexico.
我爸爸让我说的
My dad makes me say it.
他说这样就会显得这里更正宗
He says it makes the place more authentic.
正宗
Authentic.
当然 胡子是真的 是吗
Of course, the moustache is real, right?
不 这也是他让我戴的
No. He makes me wear that too.
-哦 -不可能
– Oh. – Get out!
朋友 我们吃饱了
Well, uh, amigo, we are mucho hungry.
好的 跟我来
Righto, then.
朋友 谢谢光临
Well, mucho gracias and adios, amigos.
朋友 再见
Oh, hooroo, amigo.
再见
See ya, mate.
非常正宗 我服了
Very authentic. Yeah, got me convinced.
你觉得墨西哥料理是用什么做的
Ooh. What do you reckon’s in a burrito?
不知道 反正都下肚了
I don’t know, but it’s in us now.
妈的 这是特里斯坦的车
Well, bugger me. It’s that Tristan’s car.
开什么玩笑
You ‘re kidding.
真的是他的
No.
你想干什么
What are you doing?
-把它藏起来 -真幼稚
– Gonna hide it. – That is so immature.
小孩子的把戏
Not to mention childish.
-来帮一下忙 -好吧
– Gonna help? – Yeah.
好了 稳住
Ok, steady.
-确保刹车是松开的 -好的
-Just make sure the handbrake’s on. – Yeah, yeah.
你永远长不大 对吧
You’ve never grown up, have ya?
现在是有点迟了
Bit late now.
-小声点 -把它藏在卡车后面
– Shh, shh, shh! -Gonna hide it behind that truck.
-往哪儿推 -那边
– Where you going? – Over there.
不好 坏了坏了坏了
Oh, not good. Not good, not good, not good.
确实有些不妙
That can’t be good.
哦 不
Uh, no.
他的车顶不是有四盏射灯吗
Didn’t his car have four spotlights on it?
是啊
Uh, yeah.
话说有天上帝在天堂没什么事
So one day God was sitting around in heaven
坐在他的懒人宝躺椅上休息
on his La-Z-Boy recliner.
他想怎样都可以对吧 他是上帝
Well, he can if he wants to… He’s God.
这时耶稣进来了 上帝说 耶稣吾儿 到这来
And he saw his son come in and he said, “Jesus, lad, over here.”
他说 我一直在观察人间
He said, “I’ve been looking down at earth
那里真是糟透了
“And it’s a terrible mess.
我要派你下界去拯救他们
“I’m gonna have to send you down there to straighten them out.”
耶稣回答 遵命 父亲
And jesus said, “My pleasure, Dad.”
上帝说 不过有点小问题
“There’s a bit of a drawback, though,” he said.
就是你必须化作凡人下去
“I’m gonna have to send you as a human being.
所以你也会有老死
“You’ll be mortal
而且恐怕还会为人类的罪孽殉难
“And I’m afraid you ‘re gonna have to die for their sins.”
耶稣说 您的旨意我绝对遵从 如此等等
Jesus says, “Ohhh, you know, OK, your wish is my command,” etc.
上帝说 儿啊 不过我所能尽力做到的
He said, “Look, son, the best thing I can do, though,
就是能让你选择如何死
“is I can give you a choice in how you ‘re gonna die.
你可以选择在十字架上被钉死
“You can either be crucified
或是被一群杀人蜂叮死
“or you can be stung to death by killer bees.”
这就是为什么后来全世界的基♥督♥徒
And that’s the reason that all over the world today,
祷告时都手划十字
Christians make the sign of the cross.
而不是这样
And not…
再讲个段子
Alright, another one.
-有两个修女坐在车上 -不会吧
– There’s two nuns, they’re in a car. – Oh, no!
她们正在车上 突然飞来一只硕大的蝙蝠
Yeah, they’re in a car and this massive bat comes in
样子就像恶魔
And it’s kind of like Satan.
它落在车的引擎盖上 嘴里还喷着血沫
And it lands on the bonnet, foaming blood and fierce,
可怕极了 就像这样
Kind of going, “Arggh!”
它就在引擎盖上这样嗷嗷叫着
On the bonnet… “Rarr!” on the bonnet, right?
一个修女说 玛多 快亮出十字架镇它
And one of the nuns says, “Quick, Maud, show him your cross.”
另一个修女说 好主意
And she goes, “Oh, good idea,”
于是她把车窗摇下来 大喝道
And she winds the window down and goes,
快从引擎盖上滚下来 你这个
“Get off the bonnet, you…”
有个小伙子来自麦克雷
“There was a young man from McLeod
搂着小妞不顾众目睽睽
“Who was caressing a girl in the crowd”
有人见了就对他说
“When someone down front said…”
-不不不 -不什么
– No, no, no, no. – No what?
打油诗不是这样的 儿子 你弄混了
That’s the wrong limerick, son. You’ve got two mixed up.
应该是这样的
It goes like this.
有个小姑娘来自布德
“There was a young girl from Bude”
上了电车身子却光着
“who got on a tram in the nude”
牧师看到了就
“when the vicar down front…”
牧师 狗屁 还牧师 这才不是打油诗
A vicar? Rubbish, vicar! That’s not a limerick.
得和麦克雷押韵才行
It has to rhyme with ‘McLeod’,
因为诗的最后一句是
‘Cause the last line of the limerick
那声音响得震耳欲聋
Is “just like that, out loud.”
这哪算打油诗
No. How can that be a limerick?
打油诗得有一定的韵律 要有节奏感
A limerick has to have a certain rhythm, a count to it.
就像这样 一二三四五 上山打老虎
It goes, “da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da…”
什么一二三四五 胡扯 那才不算打油诗
Da-da-da! Bullshit! That’s not a limerick.
我的才是打油诗 你那不是
Mine’s a limerick. Yours is not a limerick.
你的才不是 打油诗的内容要有趣
It’s not. A limerick’s supposed to be funny.
我的很搞笑 你那个没意思
Mine’s hilarious. yours isn’t.
五行打油诗是爱尔兰的一种古老艺术形式
Limericks are an art form, an ancient art form from ireland, OK?
我早给你讲过
And I taught ya!
二位要点些什么吗
Can I help you, boys?
是的 亲爱的 说实话
Yes, you can, love, as a matter of fact.
在我眼里你可真是个美女
You look to me like a woman of the world.
有个姑娘来自布德
“There was a young lady from Bude…”
-算了吧 -上了电车身子却光着
– Oh let it go! – “Who got on a tram in the nude…”
不对 有个小伙儿来自麦克雷
No, “There was a young man from McLeod
搂着小妞不顾众目睽睽
“Who was caressing a girl in the crowd…”
不对 那只是个笑话 不算打油诗
No, that’s a joke, not a limerick.
-这就是打油诗 爸爸 -不 姑娘光着的那个才是
– It is a limerick, Dad. – No. It’s the “girl in the nude.”
-而且不该有什么牧师 -从来都是牧师
– And it’s not a vicar. – It’s always a vicar.
-怎么都不会是牧师 -牧师都很滑稽
– It’s never a vicar. – Vicars are funny.
-他们骑着自行车到处跑 -喂
– They ride round on bikes… – Look…
-骑自行车 你疯了吧 -听着
– On bikes? You are off your trolley. – Look!
-关自行车什么事 -听着 我可不想听你们瞎扯
– What’s it got to do with a bike? – Look, I’m not interested.
听起来很下流
It sounds disgusting.
你俩都年纪一把了 该知道好歹 尤其是你