恰恰丝滑（2022）

我其实没问你那个
So I actually didn’t ask that.
但我感谢你的诚实
But I appreciate the honesty.
在我妹妹的成人礼上我被你吸引了
I was attracted to you at my sister’s bat mitzvah.
现在你不了？
And now you’re not?
现在我在想代数 -和明德尔博士教的生物课
Now I’m thinking about algebra. -And bio with Dr. Mindle.
你觉得我已经过了人生巅峰吗？
Do you think I peaked already?
没有
No.
当然没有
Of course not.
我只是很讨厌我的工作
I just really hate my job.
如果我能辞职当一名派对发起人就好了
If only I could quit my job and be a party starter.
还有肉♥棒♥快餐店员
And a Meat Sticks worker.
不过我刚刚申请了一份工作
But I actually just applied for this job.
是…纽瓦克主管官员区
It was a– It’s a Newark chief officer zone
机会分♥析♥师实习生
opportunity analyst intern.
酷 -我没申请到 我被拒绝了
Cool. -I didn’t get it. I got rejected.
我应该放弃派对发起人这个工作吗？
Do you think I should quit party starting?
一方面 这工作是挺可笑的
Well, on one hand, it is silly.
真的很可笑
It’s really silly.
可是另一方面 每份工作都可笑
But on the other hand, so is every job.
出♥卖♥♥♥你的时间根本就不合逻辑
Like, selling your time is insane.
这真让人郁闷
That’s really depressing.
我认为你跳舞很性感
I do think you’re a sexy dancer.
不会吧
No.
少来
Come on.
你还想做♥爱♥吗？ -一点也不想
Do you wanna have sex again? -Not at all.
没有 伙计 我们没有酒 我倒是希望有
No, man. We don’t have alcohol. I wish we did.
不过没有 我们没有在购物中心卖♥♥酒的许可证
But no, we don’t have our liquor license here in the mall.
嘿 玛格丽特怎么样了？
Hey. How’s Margaret?
你们说话吗？
Are you guys talking yet?
并没有 我们只是发短♥信♥ 还有在成人礼派对上跳舞
Not really. We just text and dance at bar mitzvahs.
是啊
Yeah, you do.
你们俩在舞池里很来电
Your chemistry with her on the dance floor is pretty insane.
你说的是真的吗？
Are you just saying that?
我这么说是因为我有眼睛 你们俩在一起啪啪放电
I’m saying that ’cause I have two eyes. You guys are electric together.
你第一次接吻是什么时候？
When did you have your first kiss?
你为什么问这个？
Why do you ask?
玛格丽特的朋友告诉我她想接吻
Margaret’s friend told me that she wants to kiss.
这样啊
Uh-oh.
你对此是什么感觉？
And how do we feel about that?
把你酷酷的眼镜摘下来回答
Answer with your badass shades off.
我不知道怎样让这件事发生
I don’t know how to make it happen.
好吧 第一课
All right. Lesson one.
百分之四十是直觉
Forty percent of it is instinct.
如果感觉是对的 那大概就对了
Like, if it feels right, it probably is right.
跟着感觉走
Go with your gut.
然后百分之十是你的脑子 诸如此类
And then 10% is your brain and all that stuff.
比如作战计划、策略
Like game plan, strategy.
然后百分之五十是玛格丽特
And then 50% is Margaret.
你对她一无所知
You don’t know anything about her.
你不知道她想要什么 或者她喜欢什么
You don’t know what she wants or what she likes,
所以你必须跟她聊天
so you have to talk to her.
非常努力地了解她
Try super hard to know.
还有其他课吗？
Are there any more lessons?
是的 有的
Yes, there are.
关于如何获得最好的初吻 有五…四节课
There are five– four lessons on how to have the best first smooch.
（找工作）
（找工作 就业 Indeed.com）
嘿 你在学校经常见到萝拉吗？
Hey, do you see a lot of Lola at school?
是啊 今年我们上同一门英语课 怎么了？
Yeah. I have English with her this year. Why?
我不知道 我觉得你们应该对她好点 霸凌者很烂
I don’t know. I just think you guys should be really nice to her. Bullies suck.
我觉得帅男孩对她好的话 会很有帮助
And I feel like it’d do a lot if cute boys were really nice to her.
那个家伙对我们也很恶劣 他和他的两个朋友欺负所有人
That guy is a dick to us too. He and his two friends bully everybody.
谁？加文？
Who? Gavin?
是的 -也许你们应该揍他一顿
Yeah. -Well, maybe you guys should beat him up.
我有一天肯定会揍加文一顿
I’m definitely gonna beat Gavin’s ass one day.
是培根和鸡蛋味的
That’s bacon and eggs.
你在跟他约会 哈
You’re dating him.
想让我慢慢接受？
Trying to ease me into it?
说实话 谢谢你
Honestly, thank you.
你是在为参加二头肌比赛训练吗？
You, like, training for a big bicep contest?
我不想做了
I don’t want to do that anymore.
你可以做更多
You can do more.
你可以做更多
You can do more.
不 我不能 我不能做更多了 我不是那个家伙
Oh, no, I can’t. I can’t do more. I’m not that guy.
你不是那个家伙 伙计
You’re not that guy, pal.
该死
Fuck!
天啊
Oh, God.
我不擅长做俯卧撑
I’m not a push-up guy.
我也不擅长做仰卧起坐
I’m not a sit-up guy either.
你为什么想要这份工作？
Why do you want this job?
有朋友更有希望
Well, hope loves a friend.
“有朋友更有希望” 是我们非营利组织的名称
Hope Loves a Friend is the name of our nonprofit, yeah.
可是你为什么想要作为 沟通助理加入我们的团队呢？
But why do you wanna join the team as a communications associate?
对 抱歉
Yeah, sorry.
我在杜兰大学读的是市场营销
I studied marketing at Tulane.
我有很多社交媒体设计的经验
And I have a lot of experience with social media design.
并且非常熟悉客户关系管理工具 比如Buffer和MailChimp
And a lot of experience with CRM tools like Buffer and MailChimp.
在那方面有很多经验
A lot of experience there.
还有…
And…
我不知道 我只想帮助做出改变
I don’t know. I just wanna help make a difference
帮助那些父母受ASL影响的孩子和年轻人
with kids and young adults whose parents are affected with ASL.
你是说ALS吧
You mean ALS.
相当肯定是ASL
Pretty sure it’s ASL.
不 我在开玩笑 显然你是对的
No, I’m kidding. Obviously, you’re right.
我爸爸有ALS
My dad has ALS.
不是真的 我不知道我为什么要这么说
That’s not true. I don’t know why I just said that.
嘿 -嘿
Hey. -Hey.
你的面试怎么样？
How’d the interview go?
我要回到肉♥棒♥快餐和 派对发起人的老工作了
I’m going to lean back into the Meat-Sticks, party-starting grind.
你能告诉我第二课吗？
Can you tell me the second lesson?
第二课是…
The second lesson is…
全心全意地关注她 因为人人都希望这样
give her all of your attention because that’s all people want.
这很容易
That’s pretty easy.
这好看吗？是的？这…
Does that look good? Yes? That–
国王 你是国王 -孩子这边呢？
King. You’re a king. -For the kids’ side?
那就是 然后我再带领成人
That’s for the kids’ side, then I’ll lead the adults.
也许我们再做一个 呼叫和应答的动作 这样…
Maybe we do a call and response type of thing. So it’s–
如果我这样…
What if I was like…
该你了 或者类似的动作？
Your turn. Or something like that?
对 拍手 对 然后也许你可以邀请…
Yes. Clap, clap. Yes! And then maybe you can invite, like–
比如 邀请你的一个朋友上来 跳个舞什么的
Like, invite one of your friends up to do a dance or something like that.
比如卡特
Like Carter.
我马上回来 你们继续练习
I’m gonna be right back. You guys keep practicing.
紧张会让你忘记 继续练习
Nerves make you forget. Keep practicing.
国王 大球手品牌
King. Big Baller Brand.
嗨
Hey.
嗨
Hi.
我很抱歉 我丢了有你电♥话♥号♥码的纸条
I’m sorry. I lost the slip of paper that had your number on it.
是真的 我在想给你妈妈丽莎打电♥话♥
I did. And I was thinking of calling Lisa, your mom.
我在看班级通讯录 然后我想
I was, like, looking at the class list. And then I was like,
“我不会去问‘嘿 你能不能告诉你儿子 我把他的电♥话♥号♥码弄丢了？’”
“I’m not gonna be like, ‘Hey, can you tell your son I lost his number?'”
所以… -萝拉呢？
So… -Where’s Lola?
她马上就要和约瑟夫走进来了
She’s actually about to walk in with Joseph.
他们在停车 我说我很想上厕所
They are parking, and I said I had to pee really bad.
可是你想警告我？
But you wanted to warn me?
不 我没想警告你
No, I didn’t wanna warn you.
不过 是的 我是想警告你
But, yeah, I did. I wanted to warn you.
他不知道任何会让他生气的事
He doesn’t know anything that would upset him.
是啊 主题是“山姆在抖音上火了”
Well, yeah, the theme is “Sam goes viral. TikTok.”
是的 嗨 两位 -嗨 安德鲁
Yeah. Hi, guys. -Hi, Andrew.
嗨 萝拉 真高兴看到你
Hey, Lola. It is so nice to see you.