恰恰丝滑（2022）

until, like, junior year of college.
大学三年级会发生什么？
What happens junior year?
很多事情 -安德鲁
Lots of things. -Andrew.
嗨 -嘿 我以为你们走了
Hi. -Hey. I thought you guys left.
我们不会不辞而别
We wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye.
萝拉 你认识大卫吗？
Lola, do you know David?
认识 -嗨 萝拉
Yes. -Hi, Lola.
嗨 大卫
Hi, David.
去年我们在同一门科学课上
We had science class together last year.
天啊 你们真可爱
God, you guys are cute.
安德鲁 萝拉和我想说 谢谢你跟我们跳舞
Andrew, Lola and I wanted to say thank you for dancing with us.
大卫 我知道我大概会 在很多这样的派对上见到你
And, David, I know I’ll probably see a lot of you at these parties.
不过 安德鲁 我需要你的Venmo账号♥
But, Andrew, I need your Venmo
因为我可能再也见不到你了 -对
because I might never see you again. -Right.
我觉得我们必须再见到安德鲁
Well, I think we have to see Andrew again.
女士们 发生什么事了？
Ladies, what is happening here?
我会在新泽西待一段时间
I’m staying in New Jersey for a while,
所以我肯定会带大卫去参加别的成人礼
so I will definitely bring David to another bar mitzvah.
我真高兴你这么说
Well, I am happy to hear that,
因为现在的情况是你被犹太妈妈们包围了
because what’s happening right now is you’re being swarmed by Jewish mothers
我们想雇你当激励舞者
who are recruiting you to be their motivational dancer.
你的意思是那种派对发起人？
You mean like the party starters?
是的 -不行
Yes. -Nuh-uh.
她们说他确保每个人过了一个完美的晚上
They said he made sure everyone had a perfect night.
她们需要一个指定的派对总指挥
And they need a designated party orchestrator.
安德鲁 这太好玩了
Andrew, this is so fun.
你这么想？ -是的
You think? -Yes!
我不确定 我想先听听格雷格怎么想
I don’t know. I wanna hear what Greg thinks about it first.
别这么贫嘴 住嘴
Don’t be mean. Stop.
这个机会很好 你可以创建一家公♥司♥
This is so good. You can start a company.
是啊 我讨厌在肉♥棒♥快餐工作
Yeah. I mean, I hate working at Meat Sticks,
我今晚过得很愉快 所以…
and I really enjoyed my night. So…
你最好别彻底辞去肉♥棒♥快餐的工作
Well, you wouldn’t quit Meat Sticks altogether.
你可以减少工作时间
You’d just cut down on your hours.
她们有没有说你能挣多少钱？
Did they mention how much you’d make?
我好奇派对发起人的薪酬是多少？
How much does a party starter get paid, I wonder.
我想她们说就比一个不快乐的 制药公♥司♥主管少一点
I think they said just under what an unhappy pharmaceutical exec makes.
你说这话是什么意思？
What the hell does that mean?
亲爱的 这不好笑
Honey, that’s not funny.
你在想安德鲁吗？
Are you thinking about Andrew?
没有
No.
我在想明天给杰瑞喂椰菜花和黄瓜
I’m thinking about feeding Jerry cauliflower and cucumber tomorrow.
杰瑞 明天可是你的重要日子
Well, big day for you tomorrow, Jerry.
安德鲁对你说了什么才让你去跳舞的？
What did Andrew say to get you dancing?
安德鲁说他会给我买♥♥一个魔域13阶魔方
Andrew said he would buy me a MoYu 13-by-13 Magic Cube
用你给他的300美元
with the $300 you were going to give him.
你觉得他会是一个好临时保姆吗？
Do you think he would be a good sitter for you?
我不习惯临时保姆
Well, I do not do well with sitters,
不过我想安德鲁可能会有些不一样
but I think it might be a bit different with Andrew.
为什么？
Why?
我喜欢他 我想他会喜欢杰瑞
I like him. And I think he would like Jerry.
另外 我觉得他不会把我当小宝宝对待
Also, I do not think he would treat me like a baby.
你别理会他就是了
You have to just brush him off.
我真的不能住在这里了 -你能不能别这样说话 拜托？
I really can’t live here. -Can you not talk like that, please?
格雷格是个混♥蛋♥ 他就是
Greg’s a dick. He is.
你能不要用这样的语言吗？ -所以我要走
Can you not use that language? -That’s why I’m out of here
一有钱马上搬走
as soon as I have some money.
住嘴 我刚才要说的是 格雷格是个混♥蛋♥
Stop. What I was gonna say is, Greg’s a dick,
但我忍♥受他 因为他和妈妈对彼此有好处
but I put up with it because he and Mom are good for each other.
亲爱的 谢谢你
Thanks, honey.
怎么有好处了？
Literally how?
你快乐吗？他让你快乐吗？
Are you happy? Does he make you happy?
我在这里很快乐 好吗？
I’m happy here, okay?
因为格雷格 我不用为很多事操心
I don’t have to worry about so many things because of Greg.
我现在并不期待你能理解
And I don’t expect you to understand that yet.
好吧 我不想谈格雷格了
Okay, I’m done talking about Greg.
你的公♥司♥叫什么名字？
What’s your business going to be called?
嘿
Hey.
告诉我
Tell me.
你会很喜欢的 是大卫想出来的
You’re really gonna love it. David came up with it.
是什么？
What?
吉格舞指挥
Jig Conductor.
（吉格舞指挥的弟弟）
If anybody knows how to start a party, it’s my brother, Andrew.
如果有人知道如何发起一场派对 那一定是我哥哥 安德鲁
或者应该叫他吉格舞指挥？
Or should I say, the Jig Conductor?
（吉格舞指挥）
停了
It stopped.
这一定是坏了 因为它停了
It broke ’cause it stopped.
只有这些
That’s all there is.
这…你得完成它
When– You have to finish it.
不 妈妈 如果有人看到这个 我就会上监控名单
Fuck no, Mom. If anybody sees that I’m gonna get put on a watch list.
很可爱 大卫很可爱
It’s cute. David is so cute.
你在说什么呀？ 你看到的是我所看到的吗？
What are you talking about? Did you just watch what I watched?
他太不上镜了 僵硬得像块木板
The camera hates him. He’s stiff as a board.
他有点僵硬有什么大不了的？
So what he’s a little stiff?
挺好的 很可爱 非常好
It’s fine. It’s so cute. It’s so good.
妈妈 我不需要拍视频 这件事不是…不是那样的
Mom, I don’t need to do a video. This thing isn’t– It’s not like that.
什么样？是一份工作？
Like what? Like a job?
是的 别人会给我付钱 可我不必把它当成一份工作
Yeah, I get paid, but I don’t have to think of it as a job.
好吧 如果你想要一份工作 你就得把它当成一份工作
Okay. Well, you do have to think of it as a job if you want a job.
我不想把它当成一份工作
I don’t want to think of it as a job.
我只想赚够钱去巴塞罗那
I just want to get enough money to go to Barcelona.
因为玛雅在那里做福布赖特学者？
Because that’s where Maya is doing her Fulbright?
不是 有一点 是的
No. A little, yes.
也是因为那是我想去的地方
But also ’cause that’s where I want to go.
好吧 宝贝 你只是…
Okay, sweetie. You just–
你没告诉我那是你想做的
You didn’t tell me that that’s what you wanted to do.
因为我不想让你伤心
‘Cause I didn’t wanna make you sad.
只要你在做你想做的事 我就很开心了
As long as you’re doing what you want to do, then I’m perfectly happy.
我只想确定你在做你想做的事
I just want to make sure that you’re doing what you want to do.
你不能随波逐流
You can’t just go with everything.
我不是跟着玛雅去巴塞罗那
I’m not just going with Maya to Barcelona.
我真的想去 那很重要 我…
I really want to go. It’d be a huge deal. I–
巴塞罗那是我一直想去的地方
Barcelona is, like, the place that I’ve always wanted to go.
好吧 我觉得奇怪的是你从来没提过…
Okay. Well, I think it’s really weird that you never mentioned it–
我…停下 妈妈 停下 -你从没告诉过我任何关于巴塞…
I– Stop. Mom, stop! -You never told me anything about Barcel–
停下 我不想… -我想帮你 我只是想要帮助你
Just stop. I don’t want– -I want to help. I’m just trying to help.
我不想要你的帮助 停下 -好吧
I don’t want your help. Stop! -Okay.
（雅各布）
天啊 等一下 就两秒钟 各位
Oh, my gosh. Hold on. Two seconds, everybody.
谁把这个撞倒了？
Who knocked this over?
好了 我们需要插上电
Here we go. We need to plug in.
你也要跳舞
You dance as well.
去跳舞 你得去跳舞
Go dance. You got to go dance.
这首歌♥之后我们就来祝谢和祝酒吧
Let’s do the Motzi and toasts after this song.
天啊 你吓了我一跳 -那个瓶子是什么？
God, you scared me so bad. -What’s that bottle?
我的水瓶？
My water bottle?
上面写着“伏特加”的瓶子？
The one with “vodka” written on it?
不…这是个玩笑
Uh-huh. No… it’s a joke.
有次我跟我的朋友们开玩笑时写上去的
I was just, like, joking with my friends one time, and I put it on there.
这样别人就不会喝了
And it’s, like, so people won’t drink it.
好吧 但今晚我不想让你喝酒
Okay, but I don’t want you drinking tonight.
我不会的 很抱歉
I won’t. S– I’m sorry.
各位 你们的舞跳得太好了
Everybody, you did an amazing job dancing.
现在到说祝谢和开德祷告词 以及祝酒词的时间了
And now it is time for the Motzi and the Kiddush and the toasts.
现在我把麦克风给你
Now I will pass it off to you.
阿门
Amen
祝福你
Mazel tov.
好呀 杰基 加油…
Okay. Go, Jakey!
好的各位 下首歌♥是斯坦伯格拉比点的
All right, everybody. Next song is a request from Rabbi Steinberg.
名叫《湿湿小可爱》
It’s called “WAP.”
斯坦伯格拉比 我只是开个玩笑 那是个玩笑
I’m just kidding, Rabbi Steinberg. That was a joke.