恰恰丝滑（2022）

（乔丹）
我所看见的就是他们… -妈妈…
All I can see is they’re flicking– -Mom, Mom.
嘿 宝贝 -我们能去走廊上谈谈吗？
Hey, honey. -Can we talk in the hall?
好呀
Yeah.
等我一下
Just one sec.
等等 怎么了？怎么回事？你没事吧？
Wait, what? What is it? Is everything okay?
妈妈 我恋爱了
I’m in love, Mom.
不会吧 是谁？
Shut up. Who?
贝拉 -谁？
Bella. -Who?
领舞的女孩
The girl leading the dances.
我知道她年龄大 可是我觉得她也爱上我了
I know she’s old, but I think she’s in love with me too.
好吧
Okay.
宝贝 你确定吗？ -确定
Are we sure, babe? -Yes.
好吧
Okay.
非常确定？
Sure, sure?
是的 -好吧
Yes. -Okay.
我马上回来 -你要去哪？
I’ll be right back. -Where are you going?
我到车上找你 -你要去哪？
I’ll meet you in the car. -Where you going?
你去车上吧 拜托了
Just go to the car, please.
安德鲁 超级巨星 -嗨
Andrew! Superstar! -Hi.
我们俩今晚跳得大汗淋漓 是吧？
You and I worked up a sweat tonight, huh?
是啊 大概吧
Yeah, I guess we did.
你觉得我还能再见到你吗？
Do you think I will ever see you again?
也许约会一次？
Maybe for a date?
我知道我年龄还小 不过也许我们可以 是这样…
I know I’m young, but maybe we can, like, look–
我是说…
I mean–
也许我们可以…
Maybe we can just, like–
我很抱歉 我很紧张
I’m sorry, I’m really nervous.
我从来没有这么受宠若惊过
Well, this is the most flattered I’ve ever felt.
可是…
But…
我年龄很大
I’m old.
我需要用它 -我需要
I actually need that. -I need it.
你搞什么鬼？
The hell you doing?
我的宝贝伤心欲绝
My baby’s heartbroken.
（十年后）
（伏特加）
你打算做什么？
What are you gonna do?
吻你
Kiss you.
毕业以后
After college.
回答我的问题
Answer my question.
我回答了 我毕业后要吻你
I did. I’m going to kiss you after college
因为我已经决定跟你去巴塞罗那
because I’ve decided I’m going to Barcelona with you.
这不好笑
That’s not funny.
你酩酊大醉了
You’re super drunk.
不 我没醉
No, I’m not.
好吧
Okay.
告诉我你打算做什么
Just tell me what you’re gonna do.
我已经告诉你我打算做什么了
I’ve told you what I’m gonna do.
我打算回家
I’m gonna go home,
我打算去一家特别好的非营利组织工作
and I’m gonna find a really great nonprofit to work at.
你想在玉米热狗上加辣肉酱吗？
So, you just want, like, chili on the corn dog?
（肉♥棒♥快餐）
你想拿它蘸着吃 还是想放在玉米热狗上吃？
Do you want it, like, as a dipping sauce, or do you really want it on the corn dog?
嘿 玛雅 我是安德鲁
Hey, Maya. This is Andrew.
你好 玛雅 我是安德鲁
Hello, Maya. This is Andrew.
我现在在肉♥棒♥快餐 闷得要死
I’m at Meat Sticks right now, bored out of my mind,
我在想你 我希望你在巴塞罗那过得愉快
and I’m thinking of you, and I hope you’re having a nice time in Barcelona.
你问你哥哥今晚的事了吗？
Did you ask your brother about tonight?
没有 我忘了
No, I forgot.
问我什么？
Ask me what?
带我去参加一个成人礼派对
To take me to a bat mitzvah party.
派对在哪啊 小坏蛋？
Well, where is it, little punk?
在恩格尔伍德的活动场地办的
Space Events in Englewood.
谢谢 小坏蛋
Thank you, little punk.
是凯西的女儿 菲比 梅西的妹妹
It’s Cath’s daughter, Pheeb. Macy’s sister.
凯西现在正讨厌我 所以我不会去
Cath hates me right now, so I’m not gonna go.
不过我送了礼金
But I sent money.
梅西回来了吗？
Is Macy in town?
是 我在仪式上看见她了
Yeah. I saw her at the service.
我告诉她你在这里 你应该去
I told her you were here. You should go.
她会很高兴
She’d be thrilled.
这会让你没面子吗？
Would that cramp your style?
不会 -不会
No. -No.
你暗恋菲比吗？
Do you have a crush on Phoebe?
没有
No.
如果她长得有一点点像梅西 你就是在说谎
If she looks anything like Macy, you’re a fucking liar.
注意语言 小伙子 -没事 格雷格 我已经12岁了
Language, buddy. -It’s fine, Greg. I’m 12.
他没暗恋谁 他有女朋友
He doesn’t have crushes. He has a girlfriend.
不可能
Shut the hell up.
你有女朋友？
You have a girlfriend?
女朋友和青春期？青春期和女朋友？
Girlfriend and puberty? Puberty and a girlfriend?
是的 -玛格丽特
Yes. -Margaret.
玛…
Mar–
滚蛋 那… -不 不可以 安德鲁
Fuck off. That is like– -No, uh-uh. No, Andrew.
我们不是在杜兰大学的宿舍 好吗？
We’re not in a Tulane dormitory right now, okay?
是 你说得对 抱歉 我们在一个60岁单身汉的家里
Yes, you’re right. Sorry. We’re in a 60-year-old’s bachelor pad.
不可以说脏话
No cursing.
我只是开个玩笑
I’m just kidding.
玩笑而已
Kidding.
我妈妈把它重新装♥修♥得很漂亮
My mom did a great job redecorating.
没错
Yeah. She sure did.
凯西为什么讨厌你？
Why does Cath hate you?
上星期我发了脾气
I had a moment last week.
你妈妈当时…
Your mother had a…
躁狂症发作了
manic episode.
格雷格 我觉得你在世上的目的 就是让人不舒服
Greg, I feel like your purpose on Earth is to make things weird.
你这样觉得？
Do you?
是的
Yeah.
好的 让我瞧瞧你
All right. Let me take a look at you.
看起来很帅
Looking sharp.
等等 转过身 让我看看
Wait. Turn around. Let me see something.
打屁♥股♥
Spank.
我真不敢相信你擅闯我妹妹的成人礼
I can’t believe you’re crashing my little sister’s bat mitzvah.
我知道 我连仪式都没参加
I know. I didn’t even go to the service.
我来是因为我妈妈不来了
I’m here ’cause my mom’s skipping,
大卫时刻得有家人陪着
and David needs a family member with him at all times.
不是这样的 -我在开玩笑
That’s not true. -I’m just kidding.
你妈妈没事吧？
Is your mom okay?
是的 我并没听说发生了什么
Yes. Yeah. I didn’t really hear what happened.
是 我也没听说
Yeah, neither did I.
我想她应该没事
I think she’s okay.
“凯西没事吧？”是更重要的问题
“Is Cath okay?” is the more important question.
凯西很好
Cath is great.
她喜欢你妈妈 其实她喜欢所有的妈妈
She loves your mom. She loves every mom, really.
除了一个疯子 她以前在纽瓦克当代课老师
Except this one crazy one that used to sub at Newark.
显然 她在餐厅卫生间 跟夏尔布瓦先生发生了关系
And apparently, she fucked Mr. Charlebois in the cafeteria bathroom.
我们的校长夏尔布瓦先生？
Mr. Charlebois our principal?
我忘了你在这里 该死 我总是忘记我周围都是小孩
I forgot you were here. Fuck. I keep forgetting I’m around children.
菲比的无伤大雅游戏主题搞得很不错嘛
Pheeb starting off strong with the innocuous games theme.
其实本来应该是“与菲比同游海底”
You know, it was going to be “Under the Sea with Pheeb,”
可是她不得不在最后一刻改了
but she had to call a last-minute audible
因为她那可恶的朋友 吉吉罗斯曼痴迷《小美人鱼》
’cause her bitch friend, Gigi Rothman, is obsessed with Little Mermaid,
强迫她改了主题
and she forced her to change it.
真是恶人 -恶人
What a bitch. -Bitch.
恶人 -是啊
Bitch. -Yeah.
你现在有工作还是…
Do you have a job now or…
我们不可以在成人礼派对上谈论工作
We’re not allowed to talk about jobs at the bat mitzvah party, actually.
好吧 所以你要么没工作 要么工作很烂
Okay. So you either don’t have a job or you have a bad job.
我的工作很烂 对 -我就说吧？
I have a bad job. Yeah. -Yeah, see?
是那个疯妈妈
It’s the crazy mom.
那就是我刚才说的那个妈妈
That’s the mom I was just talking about.
我看见的是一个高中生 和她漂亮的法国保姆
I am looking at a high schooler with her stunning French au pair.