离婚不分手（2012）

– How’s Celeste? – Who?
-西莱斯特 -她挺好的
– Celeste. – She’s all right.
我开始调♥教♥她
I’m kind of fine-tuning her
吸大♥麻♥的本事了 不过她没事
cannabis levels right now, but she’s Okay.
她不抽大♥麻♥
She doesn’t smoke weed.
她现在抽了 她爱死那玩意了
She does now. She loves that shit.
去你的史诺普·道格
Fucking Snoop Dogg.
接生毛巾 吸乳器 尿布收集桶
Birthing towel, breast pump, Diaper Genie?
该死
Fuck.
我真要当爹了
I’m seriously having a baby.
你会是个好爸爸的 哥们
You’ll do great, man.
斯基尔茨 那哥们是谁
Hey, Skillz. Who’s your buddy?
我不认识他 我以为是你们的朋友
I don’t know that guy. I thought he was your friend.
-和我不是一伙的 -是吗
– Not with me. – Really?
我不认识
I don’t know him.
我等了得有21个小时
I waited like 21 hours,
他们当中的三个都泡在我尿里了
three of them soaked in my own pee.
-天啊 -但我最终拍到了卡扎菲
– Oh, my God. – But I finally got the shot of Gaddafi.
天啊 我见过这张
My God, I’ve totally seen this one.
-你见过 -是的
– You’ve seen it? -Yeah.
-我特别喜欢 太棒了 -谢谢
– I’m such a big fan. That’s so cool. – Thank you.
我觉得他在笑
I feel like he’s kind of smiling.
他是在笑
He is. I mean,
我想是顺着裤腿往下流的尿让他乐了
I think the piss stain running down my jeans made him laugh.
说实话 我都湿透了
Seriously, I was soaked.
全世界都会欣赏你的才华
The world will think you’re brilliant.
但只有我了解它
I’ll be the only one who knows.
怎么了
What?
-已经过了预约的八点半了 -不会吧
– We missed our reservation for 8:30. – Oh, no.
你觉得我是应该打电♥话♥问问还能不能过去
You want me to call down, see if they can still take us?
还是干脆直接这样
Should I just, like…?
我们9:00或9:15再过去可以吗
You guys still take us for like 9:00, 9:15?
-不会有人…-成吗
– I don’t think anybody… – Is that cool?
-不行吗 -可以啊
– I can’t do that? – You can.
我只是觉得没人能听到
I just don’t think anybody will hear you.
我其实无所谓啦
You know what? I actually would be cool.
直接让他们送到房♥间里算了
Let’s just get room service.
-送到房♥间 -对
-Room service? – Yeah.
好啊 送到房♥间也可以
Okay. I could do room service.
-太好了 -好主意 我喜欢
– Cool. – That sounds good. I like that.
真高兴咱俩合得 很高兴见到你
I’m so happy this worked out. It’s so nice to meet you.
亲爱的 你是世界上最可爱的家伙
Baby, you’re the sweetest thing I know
你的温度 你的柔情
Your warmth and kindness
已经很久没有过这种感觉了
Can’t remember the last time I felt like this.
是啊
Yes.
每当谈起你的风度翩翩
Talking about the way you carry yourself
我发现 你就是我的唯一
That makes me know I don’t need nobody else
-你在干嘛 – 你觉得我在干嘛
– What are you doing? – What do you think I’m doing?
不要不要 别这样 本来都好好的
No, no, no. Don’t do that. Things were going so well.
-我想让你看我 -我不想看
– I want you to watch me. – There’s no watching.
-马上就好了 -不要 我不想看
– I’m almost there. – Where? Don’t. No. I can’t.
马上就好了
Almost there.
马上 马上
Yeah, come on. That’s it.
要高♥潮♥了
Move. Yeah, it’s coming.
要♥射♥了♥ 要♥射♥了♥
Here it comes. Here it comes.
能见到你真是太好了
Hey. So I’m glad we can meet up.
我选的地方叫素食储备站
There’s this place by me, Vegan Vittles
在艾莉希安路
on Elysian Way.
找不到的话打给我
Call me if you get lost.
素食储备站是什么鬼地方
What the fuck is a vegan vittle?
让她明天过来一趟
Just tell her to be here tomorrow.
不好意思 稍等
Hey. Sorry, one second.
发完这个邮件就好了
Just have to send this e-mail.
好了 你好
There. Hi.
-你好 在忙什么 -好多事
– Hi. What’s up? – Ugh. A lot.
-我要一杯咖啡 -我们有巴拉圭冬青茶
– Can I get some coffee, please? – We have yerba maté.
-那绿茶呢 -我们有无咖♥啡♥因♥绿茶
– Green tea? – We have decaf green tea.
-那我还是来杯水吧 -好的 您呢
– I’ll just get some water. – Okay. Anything for you?
-我要一份素食杂锦 -好的
– I’d like the veganchilada, please. – Sure.
-配上腰果芝士酱 -好的
– Cashew-cheese sauce on the side. – Yeah.
我想看一下你们的海草类菜单
I’d like to take a look at your seaweed menu.
好的 给您
Yeah. There you go.
我就不用了 谢谢
No, I’m good, thanks.
太棒了 波罗的海草
Awesome. Baltic kelp.
-是的 -要一份 谢谢
– Yep. – I’ll have that. Thank you.
你气色不错
You look good.
谢谢 你也是
Thanks. You look good too.
我最近一直在练普拉提
I’ve been doing a lot of Pilates.
-是吗 -对 维罗妮卡是个舞蹈演员
– Really? – Yeah. Veronica’s actually a dancer.
她家有各种器材
She has all this equipment at her house,
所以我最近一直在练
so I’ve just been getting into it.
我知道这一切都很奇怪
Well, I know all this has been really weird.
是你这么觉得而已
It’s only weird if you think it’s weird.
好吧
Okay.
在离婚协议书上你那一方还没有签字
There’s apparently a holdup on the divorce papers on your end,
因为维罗妮卡不是美国居民 所以…
and Veronica’s actually not a citizen, so…
-什么 那她是哪的人 -比利时
– What? Where’s she from? – Belgium.
比利时 真是优雅
Oh. Belgium. Elegant.
-什么 -没什么
– What? – Nothing.
情况是我们需要结婚
Point is, we need to get married,
为此麻烦你真是不好意思
and I’m really sorry to bug you,
但我真的需要你在那张纸上签字
but I really need you to sign those papers.
听着 杰西
Okay, Jesse.
我的工作很忙
Well, I’ve been busy with work,
因为我靠工作过日子
because some of us work for a living
所以很抱歉我没有时间
so I’m sorry I haven’t had time
来帮助你步入全新的生活
to focus on helping you get on with your new life.
我知道 对不起
I know. I’m sorry.
你凭什么认为自己能当爸爸
What makes you think you’re suitable to be a dad, even?
我们都没讨论过生孩子的事
We never talked about kids.
因为你对生孩子还有顾虑
You had reservations about kids.
我是对和你生孩子有顾虑
I had reservations about kids with you.
很好 我也是
Yeah, well, ditto.
我觉得维罗妮卡一定会是位出色的母亲
I think Veronica’s gonna be an amazing mother.
真是恶劣
Low blow.
我会在协议书上签字的
I’ll sign the papers.
你真是莫名其妙 这个地方也莫名其妙
You’re ridiculous. This place is ridiculous.
去他妈的腰果素食海藻
Fucking cashew-vegan-kelp bullshit.
杰西居然是个狗♥日♥的♥素食者
Jesse’s a fucking vegan?
是啊 一个正在开展览的素食者
Yeah, a vegan whose work is being shown.
在高古轩[著名画廊]开展览
At the Gagosian.
在高古轩 搞什么
At the Gagosian? What?
有谁知道他的那些艺术啊
How does anybody even know about his art?
我不想知道 我什么也不想知道
You know what? I don’t wanna know anything.
天啊 他竟然出名了
My God, he’s on fire right now.
和我分手真是他做出的最正确的决定
Breaking up with me was the best thing he ever did.
-我也和自己分手算了 -别这样
– I should break up with me. – Oh, stop.
别人的成功并不意味着你的失败
Somebody else’s success does not mean your demise.
杰西是个例外
Except for Jesse’s.
-你们这又是扮成谁啊 -比伯
– What are you guys dressed as again? – Bieber.
-他刚刚剪了板寸 -什么 妈的
– He just got a buzz cut. – What? Fuck!
-闭嘴 -什么时候
– Shut up. – When?
两小时以前吧 佩雷斯[八卦网站]上说的
Like two hours ago. It was on Perez.
-该死的 -他的发型就是一切
– Goddamn it. – His hair was everything.
他真的很有才华
He’s really talented.
为什么要在夏天办化妆派对 热死人
What’s with the costume parties in the middle of the summer? Hot.
我他妈的要喝水
I need to fucking drink.
-厨房♥里在玩汽车炸♥弹♥游戏 -好的
– Car bombs in the fucking kitchen. – Yes.
-别去 -我要去参加 我要去
– No. – Yes, I’m doing that. Yes.
你等会儿行吗
You wanna wait a little bit?
我说”汽车” 你说”炸♥弹♥”