兔子和公牛（2009）

兔子和公牛
一段时间以来
For some time now,
史蒂芬·特布尔的生活一直井井有条
Stephen Turnbull has been a man of routine.
每天洗澡用27分钟
Every day he showers for 27 minutes…
刷牙4分钟
..brushes for four..
漱口8分钟
…gargles for eight…
用牙线剔牙7分钟
..and flosses for seven.
然后把牙线装订收好
He then files the floss…
收集尿液
…stacks his urine…
并记录Ph值
..and notes its Ph.
接着把贴身的东西都洗个遍
Next he washes everything that has so far touched his body,
做完一本200页的填字游戏书
completes a 200-page book of bumper crosswords
看上8集
and watches eight episodes of
雷·米尔斯极限生存节目录像
Ray Mears’ Extreme Survival on video tape.
记住 一定要带降落伞
Remember, you should always carry a parachute.
随即 午饭时间
Then it’s time for lunch.
每天史蒂芬的食物一成不变
Every day Stephen eats the same meal
一盒冷干素食烤面
a freeze-dried vegetarian lasagne,
密封保存 能够长♥期♥保鲜
hermetically sealed for maximum life expectancy.
今天 有点不同
But today something is different.
他精心策划的日程安排里有个小插曲
Today there is a break in his carefully-orchestrated routine.
今天 史蒂芬要做件
Today Stephen will attempt to do
一年未曾染指的事情
something he hasn’t done for over a year.
今天
Today…
史蒂芬要试着出门
Stephen will try to leave the house.
喂 伙计 欢迎致电蟹船长
Ahoy there, matey, and welcome to Captain Crab.
为您畅游七大洋
He sails the seven seas so you don’t have to,
给您带来最新鲜的
bringing you the freshest produce which
丰富多样的海产品
will have you hooked, line and sinker.
起锚远航前 报上你的大名 水手
Before we hoist anchor, tell me your name, sailor.
-史蒂芬·特布尔 -来自何方
– Stephen Turnbull. – And where do you hail from?
莱姆斯通路15B
15B Limestone road,
伦敦 国王路口
King’s cross, London,
N1号♥路9公里处
N1 9km.
要订鱼吗 比如大西洋鳕 比目鱼 黑线鳕
Would you like to order fish. Such as cod, sole, haddock,
大♥比♥目鱼 鲭鱼 鲶鱼 磷虾
halibut, mackerel, catfish, krill…
不用
No.
要订甲壳类海鲜吗
Would you like to order crustacean
比如螃蟹 龙虾 对虾 扇贝
such as crab, lobster, prawn, scallop…
不
No.
要订素食套餐吗
Would you like to order the vegetarian option?
是的
Yes.
明智的选择 水手
Great choice, shipmate.
今天的素食套餐有
Today’s vegetarian option is…
蔬菜杂烩
mixed vegetables.
听起来不错
Mm, sounds delicious!
船长最喜欢
There’s nothing that the captain likes more
饱餐一盘美味的
than to chow down on a hearty plate of…
蔬菜杂烩
mixed vegetables.
我的私房♥最爱
My personal favourite!
完成订购 只需要说 “我要吃”
Now to complete the order, just say, “feed me.”
什么
What?
说”我要吃” 说”我要吃”
Say, “feed me.” Say, “feed me.”
说”我要吃” 说”我要吃” 说”我要吃”
Say, “feed me.” Say, “feed me.” Say, “feed me.”
我要吃
Feed me.
有求必应 水手
We surely will, shipmate.
放松 您的大餐已经出航了
Now relax, your order is sailing your way.
蔬菜杂烩
海鲜窝棚
欢迎光临蟹船长
Welcome to Captain Crab, sir.
请坐
Please take a seat.
去年此时
伙计
Oh, hey dude.
你看上去棒极了 她会爱上你的
Mm, you look gorgeous. She’s gonna love you.
就是这里吗
This is it?
什么
What?
你说帮我在世界级的
You told me you’d booked me a table
海鲜餐厅里订了个位子
in a world-class seafood restaurant.
-然后呢 -这地方逊毙了
– And? – This place is a dump.
你胡说些什么啊
What the fuck are you talking about?
这里棒极了 我一直都在这儿吃
This place is incredible. I eat here all the time.
这一天我等了3年了 邦尼
I’ve been waiting for this day for three years, Bunny.
我可不会在蟹船长里向米兰妮示爱
I’m hardly going to tell Melanie I love her in a Captain Crab.
别这样
Hey, come on.
我给你留了这里最好的位子 伙计
I’ve saved you the best table in the house, buddy.
把灯熄了 雷
Hit the lights, Ray.
听着 你准备好了 你酷极了
Now, listen to me. You’re ready, all right? You’re gorgeous.
她从图书馆借的书你随身带了三年
You’ve carried this girl’s library books for three years.
为了吸引她你竟然还考了个博士
You’ve even got a PHD to impress her, for god’s sake.
要是这样你俩还成不了的话
If this piece of chicken don’t wanna work your joint after that,
我就割蛋谢罪
I’ll cut off my right nut.
谢谢
Thank you.
操她妈的 伙计
Fuck her, dude.
她把我当朋友
The “friend zone”.
已经3年了
Well, it was three years.
我的书上说 要是饭店打烊前
In my book, if you haven’t had snogsies
你们还没接吻 就没戏了
by closing time it’s game over.
或许还能挽回
Maybe there’s a way back.
友谊之路是没法挽回的 伙计
No way back from the friend zone, dude.
她根本没发现你是雄性动物
She doesn’t see you as a sexual being.
-可我确实是 -我知道
– But I am one. – Mm, I know.
我觉得你很酷
I think you’re gorgeous.
很多女孩都这么想 不过 她们不在英国
So do loads of girls, just…not in Britain.
所以我们才要离开这里
That’s why we need to hit the road, man.
找个国家 我们可以在那里
Find ourselves a country we can finally do something about
纵情欢愉
those walloping great space hoppers
发泄发泄你内在的欲望
you’ve got clanging around in your pants.
我已经一年没碰过女人了
I’m having a year off sex.
还想再忍♥一年吗
Another one?
伙计 你得给自己放个假
Come on, man, give yourself a break.
去度假吧
Let’s go on holiday.
我以为你破产了
I thought you were broke.
马上就不再是那样了
All that’s about to change.
3点40分在里彭的比赛你押谁了
Who have you got in the 3:40 at Ripon?
“潮技”
Future Proof.
要压””亚兰崛起””
Atlantis rising.
-你疯了吧 -那匹马稳赢的
– Are you mentally ill? – That horse is a shoe-in.
不可能 赔率50比1是有道理的
I know that horse. It’s 50-1 for a reason.
-这回又是海德伯格理论吗 -不是
– Is this the Heindberg theory again? – No.
长得最凶悍的
Because there’s no way the jockey with the
骑手不可能总是赢
most aggressive face always wins.
我知道 之前每次你都说中了
I know. All right, you were right about that.
我同意你说的 谢谢
I’ve accepted that now, thank you.
不过这是个确凿的小道消息
But this is a bona fide tip.
马苏达说他肯定会赢的
Masouda reckons he’s a dead cert.
马苏达是谁
Who’s Masouda?
记得我曾经去过也门吗
Remember when I was in the Yemen?
她是一个超级性感的也门女马夫
Masouda’s this really sexy stable girl out there.
她说他训练的时候很有爆发力
And she says in training he’s dynamite.
他们一直压着他的速度来让赔率上涨
They’ve been slow running him just to get the odds up.
这场比赛他要来真格的了
And this is the race they’re gonna let that donkey fly.
-这样不违法吗 -绝对违法 伙计
– Isn’t that illegal? – Massively illegal, dude.
我们可能都要坐牢 这正是关键所在
We’ll probably go to jail. That’s the point.
想想吧 50比1的赔率 赌上50块
Think about it. 50 quid at 50-1 .
就是整整两千五
That’s two-and-a-half grand.
足够你我这样的两个人
Easily enough for a little jaunt round
在欧洲游览个遍了
Europe for a couple of fellas like us.
好吧 那就赌整整50块
All right, yeah. 50 quid on the nose.
这才对
That’s my boy.
最后一注 里彭3点40场次的最后一注
Last bets, please. Last bets for the 3:40 at Ripon.
你什么时候去的也门
When were you in the Yemen?
去年夏天
Last summer.