冒牌天神（2003）

Since you’re through with these, I’ll keep them.
既然你不要它 我就先帮你保管
Might come in handy some day.
说不定某天会回到你手上的
See you around, kid.
回见 小子
Where are you going? I’m… taking a vacation.
你要去哪儿? 我… 去度假
God doesn’t take vacations.
上帝不是不度假的吗?
Does he? Do… ye?
现在可以? 以前也可以?
Did you ever hear of the Dark Ages?
你听说过暗之世纪吗?
I’m covered. You can clear everything up in five minutes if you want.
而且 我有你顶着 如果你高兴的话 5分钟就可以搞定啊
Right?
对不?
And he saw that it was good.
这种感觉就是爽啊
B-E-A-utiful!
泼…伊…傲… 漂亮!
Check it out.
看啊! 看啊!
Look, it’s the hero.
看 这不是英雄兄吗
Whassup, homie? Yo, brethren, what up with thee?
你还好吗? 诸位兄弟们 真是不走运啊
Blessings on your alley. Want another can of whup ass?
祝福降临到你们这条巷子里了 你又活得不耐烦了吗?
You didn’t get enough? He wants some more!
你还没爽够吗 英雄先生? 他真的没爽够!
Surely, I say unto you dudes, I do not wish to fight.
听好了 小子们 我并不想打架
So as soon as you apologize and make a reckoning of your transgressions,
如果你们立即道歉 并且从此改邪归正
I shall absolve you and continue along the path of righteousness.
我就宽恕你们 大家各走各的路
What are you talking about?
你在说什么啊?
You talk kind of funny.
你真的很有意思 不过我也真的不知道
I don’t know if you lost it up here or what.
你的脑袋里是不是少了点什么?
You want me and the homies to apologize? Cool.
你要我们道歉是吗? 没问题
We’ll apologize the day a monkey comes out of my butt. How about that?
哪天我屁♥股♥里要是钻出只猴子来 我们就向你道歉 好吗?
What a coincidence! Because that’s today.
实在是太巧了! 因为那就是… 今天!
Did that monkey just come out your crack?
刚刚是不是有只猴子从你屁♥眼♥里钻出来?
This is some voodoo shit!
巫术! 魔鬼啊! 逃命啊!
You guys leaving?
怎么就走啦?
Don’t forget your parting gifts!
我还有礼物要送给你们哦
Hey, little anal-dwelling butt monkey.
屁♥股♥里蹦出来的的小猴子
Time for you to go home.
你该回去了 小朋友
I am Bruce Almighty.
我就是全能的布鲁斯!
My will be done!
心想事成!
What if God was one of us
如果上帝就在我们之中
Just a slob like one of us
只是我们之中的一条懒汉
Just a stranger on a bus
只是公车上的一个陌生人
Trying to make his way
正在归家…
Home
归家的路上
My God. Call me Bruce.
上帝啊 你可以称呼我为布鲁斯
What happened to you? You seem so…
你怎么了 这么这么…
happy.
…开心?
Why shouldn’t I be? On a night like this.
我有什么理由不开心呢? 在这样的夜晚里…
Those are amazing. What are these?
好漂亮! 这是什么花?
A new breed. A cross-pollination between tulips and daisies.
这是新品种 由郁金香和雏菊杂交而成
I call them todayzees.
我称之为郁金菊
OK.
好吧
Honey, these flowers are beautiful.
亲爱的 这些花真是太漂亮了
But last night… Last night, I was only human.
昨晚… 昨晚我还是个凡夫俗子
Barry, help me out.
贝里 帮帮忙
Honey? Hi.
嗨 亲爱的
I’ve never seen the moon that big. Yeah.
我从没见过这么大的月亮! 是啊
We really shouldn’t waste it.
我们可不能虚度了这迷人的月夜
Bedroom?
在卧室做?
Five minutes.
等我五分钟!
Let there be light.
烛光!
I’ll be out in a minute!
还有一分钟!
Don’t rush.
别急…
Sometimes anticipation can heighten the…
有时候慢慢来反而会更有…
pleasure!
快♥感♥!
Oh, God.
哦 上帝啊
It’s a funny thing about pleasure.
快♥感♥难以言表…
It can be quite… pleasurable!
它可以变成… 超快♥感♥!
Oh, my God.
噢 上帝啊
Pleasuring, pleasurable.
快♥感♥快♥感♥ 快♥感♥快♥感♥…
Oh, good God!
快♥感♥快♥感♥…
In international news:
现在报告国际新闻
Japanese relief workers are staging an effort to rescue hundreds of people
日本救护人员正在抢救
stranded by a freak tidal wave that hit Kitamoto City.
被北本市的奇怪潮汐搁浅的数百名游客…
Scientists say the tsunami may have been caused
科学家说这种现象可能是
by what they are describing as unusual lunar activity.
由他们所说的”反常的月球运动”造成的…
More on this as it develops.
“进一步情况有待了解”
Please bless my mommy, my daddy, and especially my little sister.
“请保佑我的妈妈 爸爸 还有我的妹妹…”
Please help me, Lord. Please get me through this one.
“请帮帮我 主啊 请帮我度过这难关…”
Thank you for everything else in my life. Amen.
“感谢您赐予我生命中的这一切 阿门”
Good boy.
好孩子
Forget something?
忘了什么吗?
Good boy! There are girls in the house.
乖狗… 家里有女生的哦
Morning. Good morning.
早 早上好
I made you grilled cheese. My favi.
我给你做了芝士三文治 噢 我的最爱!
Honey, last night was… Heavenly. I know.
昨晚我… 像上天堂? 我知道 我知道
I mean, I woke up and I felt like my boobs were bigger.
我是说…今天早上我一觉醒来 发现…好像…我的咪♥咪♥变大了
Do they look bigger to you? What?
你觉得呢? 是不是大了? 什么?
No.
噢…
Bigger? Oh, come on!
变大了吗? 没有吧… 拜托! 看看它们啊!
Look at them.
看嘛…
Please. They are definitely bigger.
绝对是变大了
I mean, look. They feel huge to me.
简直是硕大无比 对我而言
I have to go.
瞧 我得出门了
But this has been the breast bek…
这早餐真好…
Thank you.
谢谢
Where are you going? To get my job back.
你要去哪儿? 去把我的工作抢回来
Yeah, yeah, I am great
我真行 我真好
Good grief! Is that what I’m driving?
好啊! 这就是我的车?
Nice car, man.
好漂亮的车! 伙计!
Yeah, it gets me from A to B.
是的 这才能衬托我的身份
Darn. All this horsepower and no room to gallop!
天呀 这儿有这么多车 没有路来飞驰?
Hi-yo, Silver. Away!
银驹! 冲啊!
I wouldn’t want to be a fugitive
我肯定不想成为被汉克追捕的逃犯
with Hank, Buffalo’s number one police dog, on the job.
水牛镇警方的首席警犬正在演习
Phil Sidleman at the police canine training center,
这是菲莉·西蒙 正在警♥察♥的训练中心为你报道
Channel 5 News.
这是第五频道新闻节目
And cut it.
可以停了
Look what the cat coughed up!
瞧瞧这是谁呀
Channel 7, right? You’re the guy that went crazy.
是第7频道的 对吗? 是那个发疯的家伙
I had a bad moment. What are you doing here?
我那段时间很背运 你来这里干什么?
Looking for a story. No story here.
来找新闻 这里没有新闻
This pond is all fished out. Pretty standard stuff, anyway.
这池塘的鱼都钓完了 一流的素材
My instinct tells me there’s something more.
我不知道 我的直觉告诉我还有事发生
Well, go with that. It served you well in the past, right?
那就继续坚持吧 以前你的直觉也不错吧?
Hank found something!
嘿 汉克发现了些东西
We got a body!
我们找到了具尸体!
Shit. Get the camera! Now!
去拿摄像机! 立刻!
It’s locked! The keys are inside! I guess every dog has his day.
锁住了! 钥匙在里面! 我想这就是风水轮流转
Kid, you want to make $1 0? Sure.
小子 想赚10块钱吗? 当然
Know how to use one of these? Duh.
你会用这个吧? 不会
Seems to be in tune. Let’s do this.
看来没有走调 我们来吧
The body of Jimmy Hoffa was uncovered in a field today
吉米·霍夫曼的尸体今天在纽约市水牛镇
outside a canine training center in Buffalo, New York.
附近的训练中心的一处草坪被发现
Bruce Nolan was first on the scene. Thank you, Jane.
布鲁斯·诺兰是第一个赶到现场的人 谢谢 简
As you can see, the body is being carefully exhumed
大家可以见到就在我身后 该尸体正被仔细地挖掘出来
for transportation to a facility where DNA can confirm the identity.
然后会被送到法医处进行DNA鉴定 以确定身份
That, however, merely a formality at this point,
不过 这一切只不过是手续而已
as the body was found with
因为在尸体旁奇迹般的发现了
a birth certificate and dental records.
与案件相关的文件和死者的牙医记录
I’d call that a red-letter day for any canine unit.
我想今天是适宜掘尸的吉日
But was that enough for Hank? No, siree.
不过这对汉克来说还不算什么
Moments later, he busted a local news camera crew
因为发现尸体之后不久 它还发现一辆本地媒体的采访车上
with 220 pounds of marijuana.
装有100公斤的大♥麻♥
I never saw it before! I swear!
我没有见过这东西! 我发誓!
I’m Bruce Nolan…
这里是布鲁斯·诺兰