冒牌天神（2003）

Did you feel bad letting Leo DiCaprio drown
你把利奥纳多留在冰水里
while you were safe floating on the door?
而自己就趴在大门上是不是很过瘾?
Could you have taken turns?
你不想换他上去?
Or were you too afraid to freeze your big fat ass off?
还是你的大胖屁♥股♥被冻住了?
I guess that’s how life is.
这就是命
Some people are drenched, freezing on a stupid boat with a stupid hat,
有些人在冷得要命的船上等死 还要戴着这种帽子
while others are in a news studio, sucking up the glory.
而另外一些人就舒舒服服 得呆在录影厂里领功
Oh, well. No big deal.
哦 不错哦 伙计
The owner of the Maid Of The Mist. Let’s have a talk with him.
那是”雾之少女”号♥的主人 我们跟他谈一谈
Come on in here, Bill. No, let’s have a talk.
来这边 比尔 别别别 我们来谈谈
What are you doing?
你在干什么?
You’ve been running the Maid Of The Mist for 23 years.
你已经拥有”雾之少女”号♥23年了 你说
Why do you think I didn’t get anchor?
为什么我不能成为主持人呢?
I don’t want any problems. Is it my hair?
我不知道怎么回事 因为我的发型不好看吗?
Are my teeth not white enough? Or, like the great falls,
还是我的牙不够白? 还是我的命就像
is the bedrock of my life eroding beneath me?
大瀑布下的石头
Eroding!
你一生都得被我踩
Eroding!
你一生都得被我踩
Cut the feed. Go to black. I’m on it.
取消直播
I’m Bruce Nolan, for Eyewitness News. Back to you, fuckers!
这里是布鲁斯·诺兰直击新闻 交给你们 他妈的!
Oh, boy. Oh, my God.
我的天
That is perfect.
太棒了!
That is the motivation that I needed!
这才是我需要的激励
Right there! Thank you!
就这样! 谢谢
Thank you, WKBW.
谢谢 WKBW!
Wimpy… Kitty Baby Whiners!
软弱无能的基蒂宝贝悲诉者!
That’s what that stands for!
就是代表这个意思
I’ll see you on Channel 5.
我要跳去5频道
Where they do the real news!
他们才是真正报道新闻的
Do I look blind to you?
我看起来很盲目吗?
Let’s go, man. Come on.
我们走吧 快点
What are you doing?
你们在干什么?
Come on. Leave the poor guy alone!
不要搞这可怜的人
You OK, man?
你没事吧?
Yeah, you better keep walking.
你们有种就别走
What’d you say, ese ? Run, man!
什么? 你说什么? 快逃阿!
Run!
快跑
Oh, God!
上帝!
OK, I didn’t mean it!
好了好了 我不是认真的
I was just kidding! Hey, you forgot your things.
开玩笑的 嘿 你忘记拿东西了
Say something now!
看你还敢多嘴 还敢再说
B-E-A…
泼…伊…傲… 漂
..utiful.
漂亮
That’s what I get…
这就是报应
That’s what I get for trying to help someone.
我帮人的报应
Don’t look at me, Walter.
不要望着我 沃尔特
Oh, no!
噢 不!
That’s my payment, I guess.
我想这就是我的报应了
That is my reward.
我应得的
Just? Just get a clue!
人生就是? 就是寻寻觅觅!
Thank God you’re all right.
感谢上帝 你没事
God, yeah. Let’s thank God.
上帝… 我们要感谢上帝吗?
For his blessings are raining down upon me.
感谢他的祝福降临在我身上.
Wait! That’s not rain! Bruce, please don’t do that.
不过 这不是雨嘛? 别这样 布鲁斯
Everything happens for a reason.
凡事看开点…
That I don’t need. That is a clich? That is not helpful.
这种陈词滥调对我没用 我不需要
“A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.”
＂二鸟在林不如一鸟在手”!
I have no bird! No bush! God has taken my bird and my bush.
我没有鸟! 也没有林!
I see. So God is picking on you?
上帝把我的鸟从我的林里拿走了
No! He’s ignoring me completely.
噢… 我明白了… 你是说上帝是故意找你的碴? 是不是?
He’s busy giving Evan everything he wants.
他在忙着满足埃文!
Great, Sam. But you missed your target. I’m over here!
你太棒了 萨姆… 但你搞错目标了 我在这里!
Don’t get mad at the dog. It’s not his fault.
又不是狗的错 干嘛冲他发火!
It’s God’s fault. He gave him the wrong co-ordinates.
对 是上帝的错 他把一切都搞乱套了
Enough! Will you stop being such a martyr?
够了 说的好像你被人谋杀了一样
I am not being a martyr! I’m a victim!
我不是被人谋杀 我是个牺牲品!
God is a mean kid with a magnifying glass, and I’m the ant.
上帝是个坏小孩 他坐在那里 手上拿着放大镜
He could fix my life if he wanted,
他只要5分种就能改变我的命运 如果他高兴的话
but he’d rather burn off my feelers and watch me squirm.
可他却放任那个家伙对我为所欲为!
Sweetheart, I know you’re mad.
我知道你很生气
What Evan did was slimy and wrong.
我完全明白埃文对你做的一切都是错的
This day could have been so much worse. I’m just glad you’re OK.
但我真的很高兴你今天能平安无事
OK? News flash! I’m not OK.
平安无事? “新闻简讯”呢? 我有事!
I’m not OK with a mediocre job!
我讨厌我做的那些平庸的事情!
Or a mediocre apartment!
我讨厌我住的这间平庸的公♥寓♥!
I’m not OK with a mediocre life!
我讨厌我过的这种平庸的生活!
Is that what you think we have? A mediocre life?
我们在一起 也是平庸的生活?
Don’t make this about you.
别把这件事情扯到你身上
About me? How could I make this about me?
什么… 怎么可能扯到我身上?
It’s about you. It’s always about you.
这是你的事情 永远都是你的事情
Perfect.
太好了! 太好了!
I’ll have the worst day of my life with
今天是我一生中最糟的一天
a side order of guilt, please!
请不要再让我有罪恶感了 行吗?
OK, God. You want me to talk to you?
好罢… 上帝 你要和我说话吗?
Then talk back. Tell me what’s going on.
那就回答我 告诉我这是怎么了
What should I do? Give me a signal.
我该怎么办? 给我个信♥号♥♥吧
I need your guidance, Lord. Please, send me a sign.
你指引过什么人吗? 给我指示吧!
Oh, what’s this joker doing now?
噢 现在又在耍什么把戏?
OK. All right. I’ll try it your way.
好… 好吧… 我就试试你的方式
All right. Lord… I need a miracle.
好的… 主啊… 我需要奇迹
I’m desperate.
我很绝望…
I need your help, Lord.
我需要你的帮助 主啊
Please, reach into my life…
求你了… 进入我的生活…
What the…? Where are you?
你在那儿啊?
Got you!
我靠…
Fine!
好了
The gloves are off, pal!
手链已经脱掉了!
Come on! Let me see a little wrath!
来吧 谴责我吧!
Smite me, O mighty smiter!
毁灭我吧! 噢… 你不是很厉害的吗?
You’re the one who should be fired!
你才是该被炒鱿鱼的人!
The only one around here not doing his job is you!
你才是从来不做事的人! 是你!
Answer me!
回答我啊!
Sorry. Don’t know you.
不好意思… 我不认识你
Wouldn’t call you if I did.
认识你的话… 我就会回电♥话♥了
Oh, God!
不要 上帝 不要
Hello, 555 01 23.
你好… 555-0123
Oh, no! Sam, this has got to stop!
天啊 不要! 停止吧!
Get it straight. That’s the house. This is the bathroom.
好了 我们直说吧 那是房♥子 这是厕所
House, bathroom. Bathroom, house.
房♥子… 厕所… 厕所… 房♥子
What’s the point?
真是对狗弹琴…
Denied that promotion? Is life unfair?
“升职被拒了吗?” “生活是不是很不公平?”
Is someone less talented than you reaping the benefits?
“比你差的人却抢走了本该属于你的一切?”
Is your name Bruce?
“你的名字是布鲁斯吗?”
Then do we have the job for you!
“那么我们有份工作要给你”
We’re located at 77256 23rd Street.
“我们在第23大街77256号♥”
So come on down -or we’ll just keep beeping you.
“快来吧 不然我们会一直呼你的!”
“Omni Presents.”
“全能的现在”
Oh, yeah. The glass is half-full.
…玻璃半关着
Come on! Look! What is that?
天啊! 看看吧! 那是什么! 那是什么!
Thank you again.
天呐… 谢谢… 再次感谢
What the…?
这…
You’re looking for room 7.
你要去7号♥房♥
Yeah, I figured. Want me to even those up for you?
是的 我想是 你这样没事吗?
How do I get to room 7? That’d be on the 7th floor.
7号♥房♥怎么走? 在7楼
Stairs are over there. I’ll take the elevator.
楼梯在那边 好 我坐电梯
Out of order. The stairs were my second choice.
电梯坏了 但其实我也蛮喜欢走楼梯的 它是我的第二选择
Do you mind giving me a hand with this floor?
你能帮我清洁这一层吗?
What? That’s good.
什么? …不错
Are you serious?
你说真的?
I’m kind of busy. Rain check.
我有点忙 留着我下次做吧