拼贴幸福（2012）

Asshole.
你说 除非你打定主意要和那人一起过
I mean, why the hell are you with a person
否则住在一起有意义吗
unless you plan to stay with that person, you know?
我走了
Fucking out of here!
去死吧懦夫 混♥蛋♥
Fucking coward. Asshole.
你和麦克分手了吗
Are you and Mike splitting up?
睡你的觉去
Go to bed.
还有他对我说的话
And the things he said to me…
-你知道他叫我什么吗 -什么
-You know what he called me? -What?
-该死的疯婆子 -是吗
-Obsessive fucking bitch. -Mm.
去你的
Fuck you!
你知道吗 阿奇 我筋疲力尽了
I’m just so worn out with it, Archie, you know?
我建议 我们可以控告他
Well, we could sue him, I suppose.
-控告他什么 -我不知道
-Yeah, for what? -I don’t know.
婚前责任玩忽职守罪
Dereliction of premarital duty.
很有趣 控告他太混♥蛋♥了怎么样
Very funny. How about just for being a dick?
-同样适用 -懒到家的混♥蛋♥
-Yeah, we could get him for that. -A lazy dick.
他只顾自己的自♥由♥ 快活
He values his freedom too much, his comforts.
大部分男人都这个德性 所以需要激励
Well, most men do. That’s why we need that push.
我已经激励得够久了
I’ve been pushing long enough.
4年了 你知道吗 我都35了
Four years. I’m 35 years old, you know?
-真的吗 -去他的 我不能再等了
-Really? -Fuck off. I can’t wait any more
我不能
I just can’t.
-那杯是我的酒吗 -不是
– Is that my wine? -No.
你来干什么
What are you doing here?
只是过来看看
Just thought I’d knock about.
杰德不在
Jed isn’t here.
她很生气 她哭了
So angry. And she was crying and…
-我觉得她真的很爱他 -是吗
-I think she really loved him. -Yeah?
我觉得她想结婚 或者想买♥♥栋房♥子
I think she wanted them to get married. Or buy a house.
-或者想生个宝宝 -是的
-Or have a baby maybe. -Right.
-如果是我就会嫁给他 -是吗
-I would have married him. -Yeah?
快过来
Come on!
狄龙
Dillon!
真是太酷了 就好像
This is really cool. It’s like…
请进
Come in.
-你可真是个酷妹 -谢谢
-You’re a really cool girl. -Thanks.
对于女同性恋而言
For a lesbian.
你想来点妙脆角吗
Do you want a Nik Nak?
不 谢谢
No, thanks.
想吃的东西不能吃一定很痛苦吧
Must be a pain not being able to eat what you want.
你想当我的女朋友吗
Do you want to be my girlfriend?
好啊
Okay.
我能亲你一下吗
Can I have a kiss?
太快了吧
M… Maybe later.
好吧 不过等一会
All right,
我的嘴里就都是妙脆角的味了
but later my mouth’s gonna be all Nik-y Nak-y.
好吧 但是不准舌吻
All right. But not a splasher.
-舌什么 -不准用舌头打转
-A what? -No swirly tongues.
好的
Okay.
看 你的耳朵多漂亮 说过不是很疼
Look, you’ve got pretty ears. It doesn’t hurt that much.
-快下来 很疼啊 -别乱动
– Get off. It hurts. -Stop it.
把胳膊放下来
Get your arms out.
-这里 鼻子上也夹一个 -不要
-There, one up your nose. -No, no.
听着 如果你再晃胳膊
Look, if you keep moving your arms,
鼻子上穿的孔可就不漂亮了
I can’t give you a lovely nose piercing.
-下来 -你看上去漂亮极了
-Get off. -You look so pretty.
我来给你修个眉
Give me your eyebrow.
我们开始了
There we go.
好了 孩子们 快 上♥床♥睡觉了
All right, guys. Come on, bed.
可是我们的书还没有看完呢
But we’re doing our books.
上♥床♥睡觉
Bed.
爸爸
Dad.
快点 乖乖听话 明天可是个大日子
Come on, do as you’re told. Big day tomorrow.
晚安 爸爸
Night, Dad.
-晚安 心肝 -晚安
-Good night, love. -Good night.
很迷人
Very attractive.
好了 好的
Yeah, all right, yeah. Good, yeah.
我的抱抱呢
Hey, where’s mine?
晚安 卡茜亚
Night, Kasia.
真有意思
Very funny.
别忘了刷牙
And don’t forget teeth!
你想喝一杯吗
You want a drink?
如果你穿运动鞋 他们会重重踩你的脚
And if you’re wearing trainers, they’ll stomp on them. Bang !
如果你留了长发
And if your hair’s too long,
他们会从背后抓你的头发
what they’ll do is they’ll grab it from behind.
-好了 别说了 -他们会开始
-All right. Stop! -And they’ll just start…
你要对这些有所了解 斯康克
You need to know about this stuff, Skunk.
有了准备 才能更好地应对
The better prepared you are, the better you’ll do.
所以 他们会从背后抓住你的头发
So, what they do is they grab your hair from behind
然后用剪刀把头发剪掉
and they just start snipping away with a pair of scissors.
-所以你选好时机 -是的
-So you pick your moment. -Yeah.
给她们定好规矩
And you let them know the arrangement.
好 什么意思
Yeah… What?
-做交易 -明白了
-The deal. -Right.
这样她们才会认清现状
And then they know where they stand.
-是的 -让她们
-Yeah. -Which is…
-无路可逃 -绝对无路可逃
-Nowhere. -Absolutely fucking nowhere.
-后来还真是好笑 -是的
-It’s funnier later on. -Okay.
瑞秋怎么样了
What about Rachel?
她怎么了
What about her?
如果她现在走进来
If she walked in right now,
你会带她回家吗
would you take her back?
你开什么玩笑
You must be joking.
-就不为孩子着想吗 -为什么
-Not even for the kids? -Why?
又让孩子们整天提心吊胆
So they could live in fear of her walking out again
她什么时候又会不辞而别 不 谢谢
whenever she felt like it? No, thank you very much.
他们甚至都不知道
They wouldn’t even know
她是谁
who she was.
可怜的阿奇
Poor Archie.
可怜的卡茜亚
Poor Kasia.
我要去睡觉了
I’m off to bed.
好的
All right, then.
-晚安 -晚安
-Good night. -Good night.
如果你愿意的话可以跟我上楼
You can follow me up if you want.
爸爸
Dad?
爸爸
Dad !
你为什么不睡在床上
Why aren’t you in bed?
杰德说我的头会被人冲下马桶
Jed said I was gonna get my head flushed down the toilet.
-被谁 -被学校里的人
-By who? -In school.
-你相信他的话 -他们还打你的肚子
-And you believed him? -And punched in the stomach.
是的 我相信他 他说这是
Yeah, I believe him. He said it’s…
他说这是老规矩
He said it’s tradition.
我和你一样大时他们也对我说了同样的话
I was told the very same thing when I was your age.
-这才是老规矩 -什么意思
-That’s the tradition. -What is?
让新生充满畏惧之心
Putting the fear of God into the first years.
事实上都是子虚乌有的事
Nothing’s gonna happen to you.
来吧 起来吧
Come on, then. Up you get.
-晚安 -晚安
-Night. -Good night.
爸爸 我睡着之前你能躺在身边陪我吗
Dad, will you lie next to me till I go to sleep?
爸爸
Dad!
老天 麦克
My God, Mike!
在学校要叫我基尔南先生
It’s Mr Kiernan in school,
-斯康克 -好的
– Skunk. – Oh.
-而不是麦克 -好的
-Not Mike. -Oh, right.
既然如此 你可以叫我坎宁安小姐
Well, in that case you can call me Miss Cunningham.
很公平
Fair enough.
好了 各位 我是基尔南先生
Okay, everyone. My name is Mr Kiernan.
坎宁安小姐
Uh, Miss Cunningham.
是的 基尔南先生
Yes, Mr Kiernan?
卡茜亚过得还好吗